“We would die for you Noctis!!! Even… If that meant dying during the first battle.. oops.”
Randomly wanted to draw @zenshousewife, @motherish, and me wearing Gladio, Prompto’s, and Ignis’ clothes while saying we’d protect Noctis lmaoo Noctis isn’t super tall, but considering all our heights, we’d probably be pretty tiny standing next to him…
ok so this is about eddie kasprak and ocd. i said i’d do this and it’s definitely a mess but it’s important to me, though i don’t talk about this stuff v often or usually write things like this but. hope it feels true to some of you idk idk (and uuuh warning for some gore-like description? talk of sickness in relation to sexuality?? all those fun intrusive thoughts things) (and @eddierichietozier you wanted to be tagged 💖)
so eddie is brought up thinking he’s sick, being told he’s sick, and a lot of his intrusive thoughts get caught on that, some inherent wrongness inside him. and even when he finds out his illness isn’t real, he kind of thinks he knows the Truth, and that is that he’s rotting inside
he uses his inhaler for a long time even after finding out it doesn’t do anything, because it’s so much a part of feeling safe for him, a touchstone, and he imagines he can feel it burning up all the bad parts of him, running through his blood, cleaning him out
he always feels like if he ever described his intrusive thoughts to anyone they’d never speak to him again, feels like he’s filling up with it and he’ll overflow soon and spill everything and all his friends will disappear
he has routines he imagines stop this happening. his inhaler and the zip on his fanny pack and the laces on his shoes (he ties them three times because the third knot is the safest)
waking up to check the time over and over every night, to count how many hours/minutes/seconds he still has left to sleep before he needs to get up for school. not being able to sleep again if it feels wrong, waking up again and counting waking up again and counting waking up again
listening to single songs over and over again, not being able to stop until he hits a number that feels true, getting distracted and forgetting his count, stopping the tape, taking it out of the player, flipping it over in his hands like that resets it, putting it back in, starting again
making spaces he has complete control over, his bedroom and the way it looks, not necessarily tidy, but exactly how it should be, so that coming back to it after being outside all day is a relief. his locker at school, it looks kind of chaotic to other people but it makes total sense to him
getting confused about whether his sexuality is real, whether he really likes boys or that’s just a part of the mess in his head because he thinks about sex a lot, but in an awful way, in a terrible awful sick-making way, and he knows those things aren’t what he wants, so maybe being gay is the same
getting older, not using his inhaler anymore really, but not throwing it away, keeping it in a shoe box with a bunch of other things his mother told him he needed, bottles of pills he can’t throw away either, prescriptions he keeps getting filled even though he doesn’t use the pills anymore, just keeps the full bottles
kissing richie and then feeling intensely guilty about it and then avoiding him because what if it’s all fake, what if he’s just stringing him along because he’s confused about what’s real
being obsessed in general about the idea that there is some true thing, above everything else, some real answer that he’ll get to if he does certain things. he gets his inhaler out of his shoe box thinking that if he uses it before he kisses richie again he’ll be cleared of all the bad shit and only the truth will be left
so he does this, he goes over to richie’s and he uses his inhaler and richie is like ‘wow flashback eds your mum spinning you some bullshit again?’ and eddie is like ‘be quiet, kiss me’ and richie is glad to of course and then eddie sort of hums v intensely and is like ‘ok im pretty sure i really truly wanna kiss you’ and richie is like ‘well… i should hope so ???’
feeling like he can’t breathe when he steps off the curb because every single time he thinks about walking into traffic. he wonders how fast a car would have to be going to kill a person, what kind of injuries he might get if it wasn’t going fast enough, the way it would look if he wasn’t killed, spread across the road but still breathing, no one noticing
refusing to jaywalk because of this, getting lowkey hysterical one day when richie innocently tries to get him to cross the road w him at a point where there isn’t a pedestrian crossing, being unable to articulate why when richie is confused by it, like ‘but you ride your bike on the road all the time?’ eddie just saying over and over again “it’s different i can’t i can’t i can’t’, tapping a count across the back of his knuckles with his other hand, tugging at three pieces of his hair three times
richie calming him down, letting him do his counts before he holds his hand, going with him back to his house, sitting with him on his bed, listening to the frantic fall-over way eddie tries to explain himself, it’s not that i think it’s really going to happen but what if it does? what if it happens and i hurt someone, i hurt you, and i knew the way to stop it the whole time but i didn’t do it and richie is like ‘we already saved the world eds an it was all of us not just you lemme help’
the others doing research for him, ben and mike and stan in the library going through the dsm and whatever other books they can find. bev and richie and bill roaming around town going to psychologists and psychiatrists and collecting pamphlets and shit. richie getting super intense about it, even talking to eddie’s mother about getting him a new doctor, not letting her fuck him around again
eddie getting diagnosed and prescribed meds but getting really weird about it because it’s sort of confirmation that he’s sick, sort of confirmation that he was right all along about being all fucked up inside. his mother put him on medication too. richie helping him with this because richie is on meds for adhd and obviously that’s not the same thing but it helps eddie to trust his new doctor
eddie and stan going on whole tirades because people tease stan about being ocd because he’s meticulous, clean, and that’s not what that means asshole come here so i can explain some shit to you stan get the folder
richie being like ‘ok i got a new ritual for you, kiss me three times’ an eddie like ‘i’ll kick your ass three times get out of my house’ kissing him way more than three times anyway because kissing richie is easy and he knows it has nothing to do with having ocd or thinking terrible things sometimes or the way his rituals seem arbitrary to other people but feel comfortable to him
richie wanting him to flush all the pills he’s hoarded and eddie being like ‘tf no im taking them back to the pharmacy they’ll be useful for someone else’ keeping his inhaler though, not using it, just keeping it
just. fuck. my boy eddie. figuring out ways he can exist that are comfortable, that are smooth and clear and easy and make him feel less like he’s flying apart at the seams.
OK, so I have been playing toruabu for well over a year now, and have been using Horikawa since the very beginning, when it was just Mutsu, Atsu, and Hori in my citadel. Having him for that long made me realize; he is not the pure little angel people tend to make him out to be. He is loyal, hardworking, and supportive, dont get me wrong. However, one must look into his past and fate to fully realize why he is acting this way in the anime.
Horikawa was present at Hijikata’s death at the Battle of Hakodate, where a bullet shattered his lower back while riding on horseback.
Hijikata entrusted most of his remaining belongings to his 16 year old page. Including his death poem, a photograph of himself, (Which would have been insanely valuable, photographs were treated like portraits, so it would be like inheriting the Mona Lisa) some important documents, and two swords. Little is known about what happened to Ichimura after Hijikata’s death, and all we know about Horikawa is that the sword was confiscated after WWII and is probably at the bottom of the ocean.
Now, back to the chase:
Horikawa Kunihiro is not perfect, or innocent. The reason he works so hard is because he realized that the only thing he has in his new human form is Izuminokami. Horikawa felt like he failed as a weapon, being with his master at the time of his death, and then sitting around in a box before getting tossed into the ocean by the U.S. Army. He feels like because he messed up once, he can’t do it again. He wants to take the burden off of everyone else’s shoulders, thinking he is the only one to deserve it. Horikawa wants to make himself suffer because he can’t stand to see others suffer. Especially when they are close to him.
Now, how does this play into the events in episode 10?
Horikawa obviously has thought long and hard about what it would be like to see Hijikata. Horikawa knows how and when he dies, and was literally at his side through all the suffering. Horikawa watched Hijikata suffer as his nation metaphorically back stabbed him, but Hijikata went into a losing battle, to his DEATH, because he believed it would be honorable to stay loyal to the version of his nation he wanted to protect. Horikawa carries that loyalty on, putting up with Izuminokami’s shit all the time. (Sorry Izumi fans, but he can be a huge dick to Hori and it bothers the hell out of me sometimes)
Izuminokami is kind if Horikawa’s ideal, his charge, but Izumi said some things he shouldn’t have, and throughout the series, seems to respect Horikawa less and less as a person. We can watch Horikawa get sidelined throughout the show. This slight abandonment is exactly what Horikawa has been trying to avoid, his deepest fear. The fear of rejection.
How will this shape the story:
Well I’m a bit of of an emotional Masochist, and I’m a slut for good/unusual story paths, so I want to see Horikawa descend. Will he become like the retrograde army? Will he mess everything up in a future mission because he was being ‘selfish’? If he does 'go dark’, will he retain the same form? WILL HE BECOME LIKE AN ENEMY WAKIZASHI??? How will the others handle this?? Will they redeem him???
My personal ideal plot would be Horikawa slowly goes darker, morphing into a partial enemy Wakizashi, but he still retains recognizeable parts. (The torso thing on the top of the creatures) Therefore, the Second unit knows its him, and freaks the hell out. (HUGE BONUS POINTS IF HE CHANGES/STARTS GROWING EXTRA LIMBS AND STUFF WHILE HE IS STILL WITH THE SECOND UNIT) Cue final battle, and everyone is occupied by enemies. Horikawa dissapared for a while so the second unit is not openly worried about him. Kanesada is searching for stuff in the battlefield (allies, Konnosuke, enemies, historical figure, etc.) Ends up in a secluded area, and Bam. There he is. A nearly full transformed/dark Horikawa. Kane is horrified, and Hori attacks. While fighting Kane, Hori is explaining why he chose to leave the second unit and shift. The primary reason? “Because no matter how many times is saved you, or Kuninaga, or Tonbokiri, or even your precious Yoshiyuki, you never cared. Do you know why I even spared the effort to do that?! Because I wanted to be loyal! I WANTED to protect you! And what do you do… You dont care. You NEVER cared. Then I realized… Maybe I should fight for my OWN beliefs. Not the beliefs of my Master, dead or alive. Aruji made a terrible mistake, giving us souls. So go on, Izuminokami Kanesada, fight for your master. They never care in the end.” Kane is startled by a gunshot, and Hori slumps onto the ground. Mutsu is standing behind the dying wakizashi, crying, hand still clutching the smoking gun. Horikawa is dead, back shattered by the bullet on the 'back’ of the wakizashi creature. Kanesan is dragged by Mutsu away from the corpse, and towards the room where the Final boss is supposed to be. The Boss is long dead, and the room is spotless. Except for some writing on the back wall, reading “Regardless if it is a losing battle, I will fight for my freedom”. Every member knows its Horikawa. Even in death, after reverting to the 'dark side’, he still helped them. He always would.
OK anyway here’s my mess of shit haha fuck I hate myself please take this message me if you want to yell about the intense shit this show could do.
oh! and tsukki + akiteru hc's :) because they are so good
akiteru was probably one of those kids who was sorta lowkey pissed and resistant toward the prospect of having a sibling right up until the first time he got to hold newborn baby kei and look at his little face and touch his little hand, and immediately after it’s ride or die for this wrinkly potato, you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not, i’m ur brother mentor friend for LIFE.
he’s 10000% serious about this shit too, he gets intense and profound Anxiety over the new baby, even more so than his mom: “is that okay to eat?? are you SURE. but what if he suffocates in the bassinet though??? he doesn’t have enough blankets.”
he just loves??? kei??? so much????
he’s frequently wracked by that specific kind of dread young children often get, where it grows super out of control quickly because he has no prior experience or information to diffuse his emotions with, so he’d camp by kei’s crib to make absolutely sure nothing would happen and if it did he would BE there to stop it!!!! … somehow!!!! (he never got very far into contingency planning)
in the morning their mom would find him curled up on the floor, and kei would already be awake, peeking through the crib bars, watching over akiteru right back.
kei was a super quiet baby, so akiteru would make grotesque faces at him until he laughed. (hilariously, his laughter is ‘shatter your eardrums’ loud). akiteru is the only one that can do this – if anyone else tries kei will just stare at them,
their dad is gone on business a lot, so from infancy akiteru is the one source of all knowledge and Cool Things in kei’s life; his opinion is law, his every word a nugget of pure wisdom.
once akiteru called a book he was reading for school asinine, and after that kei called everything asinine for weeks, even things that weren’t asinine, (ESPECIALLY things that weren’t asinine) because he had no context for this word other than akiteru used it and that means its awesome and applicable to all things.
the six-year age gap might have made it difficult for them to relate to each other had akiteru not been basically a ball of pure sunshine and love and kei not been a little info-feedback-validation sponge.
akiteru is the reason kei got into dinosaurs in the first place; they went to a museum of natural history with mum and some of her friends+kids, and kei was in a cranky mood the entire time because there was too much going on and too many people, so akiteru took him on a tour of the “bone hall” and entertained him with random facts: (”Did you know the apatosaurus could break the sound barrier with its tail?”)
from then on it’s dinosaurs everything; dinosaurs on every surface, in every food shape, an army of plastic dinosaurs constantly underfoot, a veritable minefield of paleontology. akiteru gets kei this complicated stegosaurus skeleton model puzzle thing for his 7th birthday and kei solves it so many times that he can assemble it in under 2 minutes after only a couple weeks.
he still has that puzzle somewhere, under his bed probably. he can’t bear to throw it out, even though he’s outgrown it.
So apparently, all I needed was more fluff. Sith Babe fluff for everybody!
K, but imagine trying to cheer Kylo up after an iritating day. Both of you are laying on the bed in his room.
„Can you belive it? That fucking twat said to me: the force ridiculous, that’s why it’s strong with you!” the hiss of the last sentence almost pierces your eradrums. Kylo always gets intense while complaining about shit Hux says.
„Chill, baby” you smile, „Fucker is just jealous, tht’s all.”
„Should’ve choke him to death, instead of just bruising his neck, for that” your boyfirend’s eyes darken at this thought.
„Daaaw” you grab his chick looking him straight in the eye. „Aren’t you the deadliest drama queen at this side of the force?” Kylo frowns, pouns lips and turns on his back with resentment. Refuses to say anything, just stares at the ceiling, angrily. „Come on” you sneak your hand under his shirt and curl fingers, ticlking gently. He snorts but tries to remain serious, so the frown doen’s leave his face.
„Stop it.” Kylo’s voice is demanding although you can hear that he’s about to break. One little movement of your hand makes him giggle. „Oh, you are about to get sorry” he gasps between laughter attacks, as you continue on tickling.
The young man reaches his arm for you in a threatening move, implying that he wants to touch your belly. The high squeek escapes your mouth when trying to stop him. This battle is not just. You end up pinned to the mattress with Kylo’s one hand. His eyes sparkle with satisfaction of the victory and incoming vengance. „Now, the punishment” he brushes the fingrers of his free hand against your soft skin, while slowly rolling up your shirt.
Trying to free yourself from his grip doesn’t result with anything more than having him smiling at you. „No!” your scream comes out way louder than intended, but you can’t help it.
Your boyfriend bursts out with filthy laughter. „Shhhh” he silences you with a kiss. „Alright, I am not tickling you. For now” his lips push against yours again.
I just love the dancetale au. I was thinking that this would be the scene before facing Flowey’s ultimate form. He’s ridiculing Frisk, and mocking them, and just before shit is about to get intense, Frisk would drop down slowly getting ready to dance, and still offering mercy.
(Haha went and looked at Princess Tutu again, Was thinking of Rue’s dance when she was captured. ;3;)
i hate when someone puts something on 4 u both to watch and then they fall asleep and shit gets about 10 levels more intense immediately and youre left scared or crying and alone in it. its like going on a hike with a partner and suddenly they vanish and scary orchestral music starts playing from the trees AND U DONT EVEN LIKE HIKING WHY IS THE EARTH HUMMING AND WHO IS THAT SILHOUETTE IN THE DISTANCE. FUCK THIS NATURE TRAIL
Okay i really have a question that i think can be answered easily but since i think you're SPN's #1 fan i'd figure why the hell not. Alrighty so my question is how the freaking frick does their relationship stand so well when both of them literally have done such heinous things to each other. Hell, i wouldn't forgive half the things they did.
haha…I am one of the biggest fans of supernatural ever, I mean I will try to answer your questions as best as I can but it is strictly opinion…I ask myself the same thing because I mean I have literally watched some of the episodes thousands of times, even the ones that ruin me and I keep doing it over and over…it is like an addiction
I think (and I am not talking like sexual otp and shit here so don’t get on me everyone…) they have always been more than brothers or best friends, they truly are soul mates. Their love runs deeper than any two people ever because no one has been through the literal Hell they have.
Ever since Dean was 4 and Sam was only six months Dean made it his life mission to always put this brother’s life before his own, and as he was carrying him out of the burning house it was the beginning of an eternal bond that no one, not even angels, demons or God himself would ever come between. No one will ever really understand it either because it is so complex and runs so deep
They have their differences but they compliment each other, Dean is the hot tempered, immature quick to act wild crazy one, and Sam grounds him, makes him stop and think and gives him something to focus all of that rage into because without Sam, Dean would have been long gone down a dark road of self destruction…and Sam is the calm one that needs Dean to keep life interesting and they have done some shit to each other I really cannot get into right now because I will talk for years about it, trust me I could write libraries full of books on the feels those two make me feel and… when you grow up with someone and they are all you have, like they never had a real home the only thing constant in their lives besides each other being a car, they could not even rely on their own father but they always had each other…and I am totally ignoring all of that crap where they broke each other and did things they will forever regret…
Jfc I don’t know how they do it, but they both know deep down even if they try, they will never be able to live without each other, they complete each other and even though sometimes they bring out the worst in one another, most of the times they bring out the best, It has always been the world against the two of them, and they are the only people they can really trust, even when trust has been broken they know they did it for selfish reasons because they cannot go on if they do not have the other, and alright well you get what I’m saying right?
Sorry I get a little intense about this shit sometimes but really Im not sorry lol if I didn’t have this fic I am dying to finish I would have gone on even more <3 I would like to note that Jared and Jensen make me feel things I have never felt before, and cry so damn much when I am so not a crier they are amazingly talented