shit on a plate

10

sends out a mass text to everyone:

wassup wassup? iono if yall hungry or if yall even up, but i woke up with a strong ass appetite. i got to cookin and noticed i was cookin enough to feed a whole ass village and shit. so if yall hungry, yall can slide through and fix yall a plate and chill. ion mind. it can be a lil day kickback and shit. i know it aint really breakfast time but that dont be stoppin me from eatin breakfast food throughout the day. 

im in kendall hall. dorm room 143. the door gon be unlocked.

  • french toast
  • pancakes
  • waffles
  • all kinds of omelettes 
  • hash browns
  • sausage & turkey sausage
  • bacon & turkey bacon
  • fruit
  • acai bowls
  • and i got water, orange juice and apple juice

slide through if yall hungry

The Most “Moon” Things My Friends Have Ever Said

Thought this would be pretty fun & silly lol

Aries moon: I want to stop playing. Not because I’m losing, but because this game is fucking dumb”.

Taurus moon: I’m just looking to get wine-mom drunk tonight.”

Gemini moon: “Sometimes I stay up really late and enter random chat rooms for fun. They tell me their fetishes and everything…”

Cancer moon: “I feel like I really care about everyone but no one cares about me.”

Leo moon: “I skipped class because they don’t deserve my presence.”

Virgo moon: “Yeah, it’s that modern art shit that’s just a potato chip crumb on a plate. Genius.”

Libra moon: “There’s no hot people at this party, what’s the point?”

Scorpio moon: “Crime shows bore me, I always know who did it within like 5 minutes.”

Sagittarius moon: “I dropped 2 tabs of acid yesterday and became the best artist of all time.”

Capricorn moon: “Fuck you, I could beat Gordon Ramsay in a cook-off any day.”

Aquarius moon: “The state of our country right now…no actually, the state of our WORLD right now terrifies me.”

Pisces moon: “I don’t care that it’s just a game, you can’t leave those dogs in such small cages like that!”

-Admin L

Niggas swear they “Gucci” and on this “Fuck bitches get money” wave after a break up until it’s been two months and you go to creep on her snap and she posts a picture of a delicious ass meal,Plate all full and shit…but all you can focus on is the Brolic ass,Tatted the fuck up Arm of her new nigga she “accidentally” caught in the picture. Shit tragic.

There's this Thing that y'all don't seem to get.

Gryffindors don’t give a shit about rules. The most hardline of them don’t even care about people. They care about justice. Right or wrong, black or white, there are no shades of grey. If it’s just, it’s always just; if it’s unjust, it’s always wrong. Hermione’s ruthlessness makes her a Gryffindor. She is absolutely sure that she is on the side of justice in everything that she does, and it’s such a Gryffindor trait.

Because Slytherins are ruthless, but they care about rules. Their own rules, usually, but rules nonetheless. They will impose parameters and limitations on themselves just so they have a framework to operate within. If doing something means violating their own internal code, then they’re not gonna do it. Even fucking Voldemort is like that. He broke every single fucking rule the Wizarding World ever put in place, but damn if he’d break his own.

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Show Me a Dwarf Thief, & I'll Show You a Dead Dwarf

(I play a rogue, and my party was exploring an ancient dwarven fortress from the days when demons flooded the world. So, every other door and every other wall had a trap. Between me and the dwarf skald, we spot most of the traps without a problem. With a few exceptions, such as this narrow hallway:)

Skald: Hey [Rogue], watch that square. It’s a pressure plate.

DM: In fact, what tips you off is in the engravings on the wall, there’s a dwarf pointing it out as if it was a funny prank.

Rogue: Oh, that’s rude. Alright, you can stay outside with the rest, I’m gonna check the rest of the hallway, and jump over the square.

(I make an acrobatics check to make a 10 ft. jump.)

DM: You make it over the pressure plate no problem, and are feeling pretty good about it until you hear the *click* of the floor beneath you. The hallway begins filling with water, and the doors lock behind you.

Rogue: Oh fuck you, dwarf architects.

(Thankfully, the strong party members kept the door open until I could escape. This continues until after we’ve fought scores of undead, beaten two haunts, and disabled a number of door and wall traps. We’ve seen a scorpion tail-shaped poison trap in a vault door, a gunpowder room door rigged to explode, a wall designed to spray acid a la The Mummy, and a chapel built to drop bombs from the ceiling that was left on by the priest before he died. We’re clearing out the last two rooms…)

Skald: [Rogue], another pressure plate.

Rogue: …Alright. I’m going to disable this pressure plate, and then examine IN GREAT DETAIL, the square directly behind it.

DM: Alright, you disable the plate by removing the hydrogen bags connected to them. These would have been opened into the hallway and ignited if you stepped on the plate.

Rogue: Holy shit, dwarves do not fuck around. What about the plate behind it? I examined that as much as possible!

DM: You pry the tile up with your knife, and you hear a *click*–

Rogue (Panicking): NO! EVERYBODY OUT!

DM: –But when you look underneath the plate, it’s clear that the floor tile is designed to make a *click*-ing sound when being manipulated with, say, by a rogue searching for traps. On the underside, the tile reads in dwarven, “Ya think we’d use the same trick twice?”

Rogue: … [Skald], I-I… I mean no disrespect to your race or your culture, but for rogues, dwarves are just… the absolute worst people ever.

Skald: I understand. I admire their craftsmanship and ingenuity, but there’s a reason there are no dwarf thieves.

DM: Okay, to the rest of the party, around the corner, you hear [Rogue] crying.

Rogue: *sobs*!

4

like i aint make these bitches rock pink hair at some point

self indulgent doodles of briar in some nicki looks lmao, click through for references

My darling @blacktofade‘s birthday was, uh, two months ago, so here I am, ten years late with her birthday present. ILU BB!! If this lil au seems like it should be a full-length fic, that’s because it desperately tried to be, and I had to keep chopping at it to keep it under control, like some kind of rouge hedge on meth. (Now on AO3!)

In the hours after the fight, Stiles drives and drives and drives. At first it’s late, and then it’s so late that it’s early, but he keeps on driving, fueled by anger, mostly in silence, though somewhere around the middle of Pennsylvania he thaws enough to put on some music. He stops at a rest stop just past the Ohio border to get a breakfast sandwich, and as he sits at a dirty table and eats, he thinks: shit.

Doubt begins creeping into his thoughts; maybe he’d been too hasty. Maybe he should have given Jay a chance to explain - but no, no, fuck that. He’d always made it really fucking clear that if their relationship ever got to the point where cheating seemed like a good option, he’d rather just be broken up with and yet look what fucking happened. Stiles scoffs scornfully, chucking the wrapper to his sandwich in a nearby trash can. Two and a half years down the drain.

Refreshed by a new wave of anger, Stiles heads back to his car and gets back on the highway. He manages to wrangle his phone from his pocket and, ignoring the multiple text and missed call notifications, he calls his dad, who picks up with a sigh.

“You know what time it is?” his dad asks, and Stiles looks at his dash guiltily. He’s been so worked up that he forgot about the time difference - or the fact that even on the east coast, it’s early, the sun barely above the horizon.

“Sorry,” Stiles says with a wince. “I’ll call back later.”

“It’s fine,” Dad says with another sigh. “I just got home from an overnight shift. Everything all right? You’re not usually up before ten.”

Stiles opens his mouth and then closes his mouth, startled by the raw ache in his eyes.

“Stiles?” his dad presses, somehow gentle and sharp at the same time; Stiles is worrying him.

“I’m - ” Stiles clears his throat, tapping his fingers against the wheel. “Um. How would you feel about me moving home for a while?”

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Things I love about Kesh
  • she made an emergency repair kit for Drack
  • she checked in to make sure he had it on the Tempest
  • that “static”
  • the fact that she apparently used to cling to Drack’s plates screaming
  • the fact that she doesn’t take shit from anyone
  • her dedication to getting shit done
  • that she protects her crew from everything (creeps, bureaucracy, you name it)
  • “don’t give the pathfinder too much trouble” to Drack
  • the fact that she fell in love with a Krogan botanist
  • who Drack “hates” (lies - Drack likes him because he makes Kesh happy)
  • Number Eight

okay so i was having thoughts this morning about how i believe that obi-wan was probably t h e best master for anakin under the circumstances (and a few others) and how as much as i hate predestination, if you accept anakin as (one of?) the chosen one(s), then he is fated to bring about the fall of the Jedi - cos you can’t have balance when the lightside outnumbers the darkside by as much as it does. and i started thinking about how what if the universes where obi-wan is his master greatly delays him fucking off to the darkside and bringing about the end of the Order? well, he was all of 23 when that happened, which means in other universes, where obi-wan is not his master, he probably abandons the order much younger than that.

okay, so - an au where.

an au where qui-gon lives. despite reasons why it probably wouldn’t happen, he becomes anakin’s master, obi-wan fucks off to do Knight Things and Grow As His Own Person. anakin has his canonical crisis of faith and great realization that being a jedi is difficult and not actually all that he thought it was going to be. he fucks off from the order - say around the age of fifteen?

qui-gon, despite everything, goes off to hunt him. despite this “betrayal”. after all, anakin is the chosen one, right? so he even goes so far as to call in obi-wan to help him find anakin. meanwhile, anakin is employing every last trick in the book to remain out of reach. he won’t go back - he won’t. he can do more good out there in the galaxy, instead of tied down by the (hostile, tbh) jedi order.

it just so happens that obi-wan finds him. rather than try to arrest him or anything (leaving the order is not a ‘take into custody’ offense, as obi-wan well knows) and actually talks to anakin about the reasons why he’s fucked off. he finds the reasons understandable. besides, becoming a jedi is not being conscripted. anakin has the right to leave if he feels like it. obi-wan tells him that it’s fucking dangerous for a half-trained force sensitive out there in the wild galaxy, but when anakin doesn’t change his mind (because he’s hella stubborn tbh) obi-wan is just like “welp” and lets him go. he tells qui-gon he never found anakin, but that it’s really unreasonable to hunt the kid down for fucking off. it’s another thing that qui-gon and obi-wan don’t see eye-to-eye with.

so that’s that, right? they’ll never see the chosen one again.

but wait, there’s more. So of course the Sith find anakin. he must bring balance to the force. Dooku and Sidious play bad cop/good cop until anakin is firmly under Sidious’ thumb. (presumably, Qui-gon would have found nine hundred different ways to keep anakin away from palpatine, who might even have been the one to plant the idea of running off into anakin’s head on the few times when he was allowed to speak with the kid). anakin goes corrupt, as you do when siths are fucking with your head, and the story proceeds.

here it is, the fall of the jedi order, and order 66.

ymmv what happens to qui-gon. does he live through even this? or is he shot down protecting obi-wan? in either case, obi-wan survives as he tends to, trying to regroup with the rest of the surviving Jedi. of course, you have this wretched sith lord, Darth Vader, hunting them all down. his skill with a blade is unparalleled. no jedi who has faced him has survived.

when he finds them, obi-wan stays back, sacrificing himself to save the others. and yet, to his surprise, darth vader does not kill him. darth vader himself does not understand entirely why, only that once when he was very young, a jedi heard him out and let him go.

he does not let obi-wan go, but neither does his blade fall.

Keith and Shiro Discover the Secrets of the Universe

(alternatively, how sheith could happen, especially despite the ‘brother’ line)

so after finishing aristotle & dante discover the secrets of the universe, i found myself thinking hardcore about sheith (of course) and basically, i feel like the way ari processes his feelings throughout the book is a feasible way keith might fall in love with shiro. and thus, i decided to make a little post about all the soft and tender feelings of how i could see sheith falling in love. ❤️

(very very minor spoilers of a&ddtsotu ahead. mostly just a mention / the vibes from the book are sprinkled throughout)

imagine this:

  • keith does see shiro as a brother for most of the time he’s known him because shiro’s the closest thing to a family he’s ever known. so from the beginning, when they get closer, keith’s just like “perhaps this is what family feels like :)” – at first.
  • because keith has his family background mystery hanging over him and possible abandonment from his father (kind of like ari’s brother situation from the book), those things occupy a lot of space in his life and take precedence, and since they’ve occupied that space for so long, he doesn’t intentionally make a lot of room for processing other big things/feelings. wondering about his family is a cloud that’s constantly over him.
  • at some point he meets shiro, and of course, as they build trust/closeness, he’s attached to him. they’re attached to each other.
  • meanwhile, shiro starts falling for him, especially because he admires so much in keith.
  • i can just imagine shiro telling keith a similar line from the book “you’re not afraid of anything” and that being one of the reasons he likes this boy so much
  • but he doesn’t tell keith how he really feels at all because he knows that (1) keith is way more preoccupied with his family origins, so he doesn’t want to put that burden on him, and (2) keith sees shiro as the only family he knows, and he wouldn’t want to ruin that for keith or make it weird because he would have no one else to fall back on. he’d rather just be a supportive friend first and foremost.
  • so he falls for keith quietly and sweeps it under the rug like he always does with any emotions that may be harmful to someone else
  • even before he leaves for kerberos, he wants to tell him so badly, but just doesn’t. they hug instead and he hopes to see him soon.
  • then, when he’s back from kerberos, a little later than planned and a little worse for wear, shiro has seen SHIT™. so now shiro also has way too much on his plate that needs to take precedence over any personal feelings/desires.
  • they go through the rest of s1 and beginning of s2 this way.
  • then comes that moment when keith says “you’re like a brother to me.” it makes sense, it’s not even new. shiro is pained but he understands. he’s known this forever now. he gets the BOM off his back and runs to him anyways when red starts attacking.
  • but, now that keith has shed some light on his family history, there’s less stuff in the way of his feelings, except maybe his own uncertainty / possible denial
  • so when shiro disappears this time, he has a bit more space in his heart to give these uncertain feelings the proper thought and examination
  • also, maybe he even has a convo with hunk, who’s just like “dude. have you seen the way you look at him? i’m surprised you didn’t know? i thought it was obvious” or something
  • in shiro’s absence, keith figures it out. he’s got the basics of his family history out of the way, he’s made some friends other than shiro who have become family to him, the definition of family has already changed and is continuing to change for him
  • with all this reexamination, it makes sense now. he’s loved shiro this whole time but because of a mix of not understanding it fully and being afraid of the idea of ACTUALLY being in love with shiro, hadn’t come to fully accept it until now.
  • THEN, when they reunite, he finally tells shiro, “you used to say i’m not afraid of anything. but i am afraid of something. you.” because he had no idea how to handle the idea that he might’ve been in love with shiro this entire time
  • shiro just chuckles and says, “about time,” and cupping his hand around the back of keith’s head, pulls him in for a kiss

also i’m going to fic this if it’s the last thing i do

Hello darlings 😘

Since I’m broke as a joke and still kinda in the broomcloset I improvised and made a tiny little maypole for my undercover windowsill altar.
Made out of a pencil stuck in a ball of dough (with some herbs and intent in it), ribbons I cut from clothes, dandelions and random bits I found in the garden. After beltane I will bury the doughball in the garden as an offering.

I figured this would be an excellent crafty idea for spoonies because this took about 10 minutes to make, 15 if you count in rummaging through my garden to nab some dandelions and leafy shit. My adhd brain just kind of vomited out this idea and I rolled with it in a flurry of chaos and incoherence.

Here’s how to make it:

- Mix some flour and water until it’s dough-y. Channel some intent into that muck.
- Add some herbs to it. Whatever you have. I added basil for abundance, rosemary for well, everything 😂 Some thyme since spirits tend to dig that shit, rosepetals for love, a pinch of seasalt for protection (not too much since I want to bury the ball later) and some majoram to tie stuff together in a gentle and loving way.
- Smack doughball on plate.
- Stick leafy shit in it. Some flowers if you have them. I went for dandelions since that’s the only thing that grows in my garden atm.
- Tie ribbons around a pencil. I attached a cluster of tiny pineconethingies on top because I thought it looked nice.
- Stick pencil in dough.
Done.
That’s it. Easy peasy lemon squeasy.
Now go forth and make it yourself!

Happy Beltane and brightest blessings to you all! ❤

Sometimes Cas just talks.

Dean thinks it might be a side-affect of Falling–that after losing the hugeness of a Grace, there’s too much experience and knowledge to keep it all bottled up.

Well, that, and humans generally like to tell stories.

So Dean listens. And in the early hours of the morning, when he closes his eyes after a roll in the hay, Castiel paints the night sky of the Sahara desert across his eyelids, speaking lowly of the cold and heat and the people who live there. 

Cas talks about Spain, and Paris, and Pangaea. About Australia before it was Australia. About Chile. Lebanon. Malawi.

“What’s your favorite place?” Dean asks one night.

Cas says, “Iceland.”

It’s not what Dean is expecting.

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