shit my roommate says

  • Roommate:Given that Hannibal's a doctor, he probably knows how to stab Will without him dying.
  • Me:Yeah, I think he probably calculated precisely how to stab him without actually killing him.
  • Roommate:So it's less "Die, evil ex who I never want to see again" and more a lover's spat.

I should start a blog called “Shit my 60 year old roommate says.”

She’s a grand lady of Soviet Union times. Here’s a sampler:

“No one here takes baths. It’s no wonder everyone in this country is psychotic.”  -on sucky bathtubs and American shower culture and the fact that baths make everything better.

“I was walking along and I see this lady, my age. She has this really nice, expensive coat on, and then I see her hat with kitty ears and eyes and whiskers! What kind of country is this? Back home they’d have taken her to an institution!” -on American lack of shit about dress codes.

“It’s strange. Back home [Belarus] I was a vice-president of a company, I had a nice apartment, an expensive car, and plenty of money. And I was so depressed, I was just waiting to die. Now, I wash floors for living and I’m happier than I’ve ever been, I’m making plans for the future like I’m going to live forever. It’s so strange.”

I was listening, I just was also surfing the internet
  • Alan:You know how you make Batman/Superman interesting?
  • Me:hm?
  • Alan:Make Batman Lex Luthor.
  • Me:Mm.
  • Alan:Super-rich socialite who loses EVERYTHING
  • Alan:in this case, HIS CITY
  • Alan:and blames it all on ONE DUDE
  • Alan:and builds a power suit to go and fight the tERRIFYING ALIEN GOD who came down and decided this is how he does things.
  • Me:mm.
  • Alan:I'M SO SMART
  • Me:mm.
  • Alan:RAE
  • Alan:RAE WHY AM I SO SMART
  • Me:eh, I dunno
  • Alan:WHY IS HOLLYWOOD SO STUPID
  • Me:yeah... I dunno
  • Alan:WHY AM I NOT RULING HOLLYWOOD WITH
  • Alan:I DUNNO
  • Alan:A KNITTED MITTEN
  • Me:*stares into space contemplating a hot sub!Loki Frostiron PWP I might write*
  • Roommate:You look like you're having deep thoughts.
  • Me:Oh, um, yes, I was just thinking about the epic novel about dragons I'm going to write this fall.
  • Roommate:Cool.
On Magic in America
  • Me:*reading Harry Potter head canons aloud*
  • KC:
  • KC:I thought of the real reason America wanted to be free.
  • KC:For the Declaration of Independence.
  • KC:Hogwarts is a British Only wizarding school.
  • KC:And the Founding Fathers thought that was BULLSHIT.
  • Me:HAH.
  • Me:George Washington was a wizard.
  • Me:I bet Thomas Jefferson was a pureblood.
  • Me:And Benjamin Franklin was a muggleborn.