shit kicked out of us

ebonyheartnet  asked:

Muder dad, I have a not so little brother who likes murder strut (and run after small jet-powered children) in 6" heels, but he will not teach me his secrets. 😢 I am a sad bean, because I fall flat on my face if I try anything that's over 3" that isn't a wedge. How did you learn not to face plant?

practice and nazi science, my friend. i don’t recommend the nazi science route though. bad call. 

when you walk in heels, it’s tempting to put your whole foot down at once like you do with flats–or like you would with wedges. there’s a bit of a gentle roll to it, and if you have a single continuous sole, that’s okay.  but actually with heels you want to hit heel first, then toe–you should hear that two-stage click sound as the front and back of your foot impact separately. also, you want to keep your weight really poised; your spine straight but not stiff, and your weight more on your toe than your heel; your heel is going to be wobblier. think of something pulling upwards from the top of your head and between your shoulderblades.  if you can, do heeled boots–weakness in the ankle is what gets people a lot of the time, and even short boots will be more stable. 

if you want that hip sway, walk on a line like you’re on a balance beam. lions do this–they place their paws all along the same axis. stepping into the same centerline will push your hips side to side as you walk. it is indeed very murder-strut-y. 

when you run in heels, you run on tiptoe–your actual heel pretty much never contacts the ground. same with walking on grass–it’s exhausting, but you literally balance on just the balls of your feet so your stiletto doesn’t puncture the ground.  when you kick in heels, you kick stiletto first–otherwise whats even the point of wearing knife shoes. 

beauty is pain. and pain is heels. 

source: drunken shenanigans. so many drunken shenanigans. tony got science involved, and pepper provided expertise. steve is weirdly good at the can-can in heels, just for the record. 

you can’t know this many badass ladies who fight in heels and not have drunken conversations on how exactly they pull it off. they are a source of wonder and mystery, and the drunkvengers are determined to someday discover the secrets of heelfighting.

I love the autistic Max headcanon more than I realised. And a headcanon is that if ANY teacher was disrespectful of David’s requests of what to do for Max and Max’s personal space and shit, you bet your fucking ass that David will come marching to that school and let them fucking HAVE it. He doesn’t tolerate any sort of discipline that negatively affects his son’s autism.

Please correct or call me out about any incorrect information about autism. I want this to be a diverse blog. 

things to consider: 

  •  andrew minyard in a turtleneck and long trenchcoat with windswept hair and a glare to finish the Look 
  •  andrew minyard in a tank top and skinny jeans tattoos on display and steel toed boots he can and will use to kick the shit out of you 
  •  andrew minyard in a suit black shirt black jacket red tie that screams danger and quiet arrogance 
  •  andrew minyard in soft worn out joggers and neils foxes jersey covered in cat hair and spilt hot chocolate with fluffy socks
  • neil josten stealthily photographing all of these dumb outfits and keeping them in a file on his phone labelled ‘ “198% josten” ‘

I haven’t been able to play FNV in quite awhile cause I had broke my mouse like an idiot(it’s hard playing it with a laptop touchpad). I’ll get one soon so I can play again!

But I remember in my game I ran into a game breaking glitch where I couldn’t continue for the NCR so Bette ends up going with Yes Man. 

Now story wise to explain this, I did two DLCs so far mid game. OWB and Dead Money. I was just starting Lonesome Road. But I would like to think upon dealing with OWB and even though Bette got her brain back, the whole situation still messes with her. She’d probably stop doing things for the NCR and in general. Get too carried away drinking and whatnot. 

I’m not sure what would possibly get her out of that yet though. But she would go to her next best option to work with Yes Man. She knows the stuff she did wasn’t great and it’s her fault for not keeping up with the NCR. But after all she did for them no matter what and not being allowed anymore left a bad taste in her mouth. 

Faggot, on top of your weekly fag tax, we decided we’re going to beat the shit out of you today, because why the fuck not.  If you don’t want us to beat your queer ass, that’ll be another $50 each.  

That’s right, cunt, pay up.  Now that we’ve drained your fag cash, time to fuck you up, fag.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t want us to kick the shit out of you.  We’re gonna do it anyway.  Stupid faggot.

my brother, my brother, and me / starter sentences. (pt. II)

feel free to change pronouns as needed!   /   pt. i

  • ‘ scholars can’t prove that jesus was not from boston. ‘
  • ‘ but no – he was actually in a feminist punk band. ‘
  • ‘ you know what? that’s a new, good, adult rule: don’t go to parties unless they have fucking guest towels. ‘
  • ‘ my age is actually defined by the fact that if i did that, i would die. ‘
  • ‘ i actually would say, in this circumstance, poop in your hand plus me not being you equals very, very funny. ‘
  • ‘ sexy garfield is compromised. i repeat, sexy garfield is compromised. ‘
  • ‘ it’s like alec baldwin said in that movie: a - always, b - be, d - dipping. dip, i’m out. ‘
  • ‘ now, i did learn a lot while i was in that bear pussy… ‘
  • ‘ chunk pump makes me think of like, the old-timey way that pioneers used to get cream corn up out of the ground. ‘
  • ‘ drop to one knee, kiss her hand. make sure you’re wearing a fedora and make sure you’re within eyesight of me so i can come kick the shit out of you. ‘
  • ‘ people used to say that man couldn’t fly, and that earth was flat. and look what columbus did? he flew. ‘
  • ‘ there’s a wild variance in quality of garlic bread. you really don’t know what you’re gonna get. ‘
  • ‘ fast-food restaurants are, by definition, a gun that shoots burgers at you. ‘
  • ‘ i’ve got in my cubicle a harry houdini bobble-head, a superman bust, and… a donkey figurine, from shrek, that talks. ‘
  • ’ can you cook and eat the beans from a beanbag chair? ’
  • ’ we’re gonna share this together, baby. you, me, and the lice. ’
  • ’ nothing that you do on the internet matters, especially not on facebook. ’
  • ’ have you ever tried to carry a dead kid? ’
  • ’ here’s some other shit that has no significance. ’
  • ’ here’s a quick lesson in urban legend. urban legend - kid was sticking his head out a window, a car was passing with, like, a dog sticking their head out of the window, the kid knocked the dog’s head off. that’s an urban legend. ’
  • ’ it’s about to get stranger and stranger, just buckle up. ’
  • ’ ghosts have to hang out where they die. like, forever. ’
  • ’ that is the worst urban legend i have ever heard. ’
  • ’ i do believe that everybody who asks a yahoo answer question is beyond help, um, from anybody. ’
  • ’ i know that when i’m trying to stop impressing women, the first thing i do is talk about dungeons and dragons. ’
  • ’ have you guys ever tried to drink warm milk? it’s foul. ’
  • ’ my body knows that when i’m asleep, i’m basically dead for like 8 hours. and that’s not only terrifying but wasteful. there’s a lot of things i could be doing with my dead time. ’
  • ’ abba? not so good about returning our phone calls. ’
  • ’ can you find my scorpion’s genitals for me? ’
  • ’ i just wanna be a dune buggy. they’re awesome. ’
  • ’ i’d be a hearse that used to be a hearse but then somebody turned it into a pizza wagon. ’
  • ’ we just broke through the crust into the creepy, creepy mantle of this question. ’
  • ’ like, when i’m in the shower hangin’ brain, i can barely observe my own thing without getting a little sick. ’
  • ’ there’s a lot of christmas-themed names for your testicles, now that i think about it. ’
  • ’ you gotta flip it on him. make him think that you’re gonna step on his balls, and then maybe like, step on his butthole. ’
  • ’ if i was a homosexual i would totally want a granddad boyfriend. ’
  • ’ you know how human beings only use 20% of their dicks? ’
  • ’ bradley cooper uses 100% of his 5 dicks. ’
  • ’ here’s a fun idea, do some drinking. ’
  • ’ i’m not so sure you know what gay means. ’
  • ’ as angry as i was about this guy, there is a much more unpleasant gentleman whose fetish is a little boy stuck in a chocolate tube. ’
  • ’ to ride a horse is to borrow the entire billy joel discography. ’
  • ’ my butt’s a vagina? ’

Hey, here’s a fucking concept: Let trans men fucking talk. Stop telling us that we don’t have it as bad and excluding us from queer spaces/letting us have any input for that reason.

I fucking guarantee you that the only ones of us who have male privilege like you claim are the ones who pass really well and/or live in stealth. The moment they find out we are trans guys they will immediately see us as women. I’m still seen as a woman, not a man.

Stop saying we are misogynists when we talk about this shit or any other problems we face. It’s getting annoying because, being raised as a girl, I could talk about my problems and have someone listen and now, as a trans guy, people still aren’t listening. At best I get ignored and at worst I get angry comments.

We are real men, yes. But people don’t see us that way. We also still are trans. We still experience transphobia and other shit because of that. People still creepily obsess over the fact some of us have tits and vaginas. We can’t even talk about anything involving reproductive rights because, apparently, we signed away that when we “wanted to become men.”

People assume we are fucking butch lesbians or some shit. TERFs and radfems make us hate ourselves and prey on that to “detransition” us and recruit us as one of them. They still say nasty shit about us too, alongside seeing us as women or gender traitors still, and don’t you DARE forget that.

We make posts talking about how all the positivity for women and hatred for men makes us feel like shit and, for some people like me, makes it hard for us to accept that we’re trans guys. At best we are met with “where did I say I was talking about trans boys?” (By saying men, you fucking egg.) and at worst it’s “why do you hate women so much?” (And you know DAMN well that’s not what we meant.)

I masqueraded as nonbinary for almost a year because of that shit. I was miserable. I didn’t tell anyone really about the dysphoria because I didn’t want them to hate me. I still hate myself for transitioning because of some of the shit I hear on here and the shit my family says to me. You act like we have it so fucking good when we go through a lot of the same shit.

There’s posts by some trans women and nonbinary people basically throwing us under the goddamn bus and saying how awful and worthless we are and no one bats an eyelash. And I think we shouldn’t throw any of us under the bus but, you know for a fact that if a trans guy made posts like that he would be witch hunted and if you don’t believe me then think about truscum. (No offence but I don’t support how they go about things but I don’t wanna get in to that discourse.)

You act like we have nothing bad happen to us irl when I get death stares from people in my town, misgendered and laughed at when I tell them to use he/him and I can’t say shit cause I would have gotten fired if I tried to defend myself, and I was even kicked out of a restaurant after a woman said she “chooses who she serves.” (She kept misgendering me and I corrected her and she did it again and when I corrected her again she said she “couldn’t tell!!!”)

You act like our friends and family don’t misgender us or say hurtful shit to us or kick us out ever. (“I’ll always see you as my daughter.” “You’ll always be (deadname) to me.” “But you’re not, like, a REAL guy.” “It’s pretty obvious you’re transgender, Alex.” in response to being outed by my friends mother.)

People always go on about trans men contributing nothing to the trans community and that’s because you won’t let us talk. I’m so tired of people talking about trans people and only meaning trans women. People don’t even know we exist for the most part! Sure, we are starting to be more popular I guess but I can’t turn on the TV and see shit about trans men actors. Even bottom surgery is farther ahead for trans women than trans men!

If you won’t let me talk then I will damn sure start screaming so I am heard because, to be honest, it’s getting ridiculous. And I’m tired of it. Sure, we have things that are better for us than others but so does EVERYONE!!! And everyone has aspects that are WORSE!

I love the chess game with Cullen because

If you play fair, HE lets you win, if you “let him win,” he lets you THINK you let him win, and if you cheat, he beats you and TELLS you he knows you cheated.

Prompts For Ya’ll
  1. “You don’t take the tea bag out!” “Yes, you do!” 
  2. “You’re such a prick” 
  3. “Can I hold your hand?” 
  4. “I have tickets to a concert, wanna come?” 
  5. “Come sit on my lap” 
  6. “I remember you told me they were your favourite… So I bought a few for you” 
  7. “Just breathe… In… And out” 
  8. “You’re my best friend” 
  9. “I missed you” 
  10. “I look like shit.” “Shut up, you look amazing.” 
  11. “Can I stay the night?” 
  12. “It’s you… It’s always been you” 
  13. “I can’t sleep” 
  14. “Sing to me, please?” 
  15. “Don’t go in there!” “Why?” “There’s a spider!” 
  16. “Don’t say anything” 
  17. “Say that again” 
  18. “You’re my everything” 
  19. “Please, stay with me” 
  20. “Wake up” 
  21. “You should have told me the second you found out” 
  22. “This isn’t goodbye” 
  23. “I’ll always be here for you” 
  24. “It’s what friends are for” 
  25. “The world’s too loud…” 
  26. “I don’t want to be ‘just friends’, y’know” 
  27. “I promise” 
  28. “It’s gorgeous” 
  29. “I’m here” 
  30. “Fuck right off” 
  31. “Let’s go get the shit kicked out of us by love” 
  32. “Don’t” 
  33. “You fucked up” 
  34. “I’m going for a drive, care to join?” 
  35. “Sorry, it’s just… You’re so beautiful it hurts” 
  36. “I got nothing to lose” 
  37. “I’m done” 
  38. “No one else can see” 
  39. “I fucking hate that song” 
  40. “Don’t take your eyes off of me” 
  41. “I have a cunning plan” 
  42. “Did I get the right ones?” 
  43. “I don’t want to lose you, not now, not ever” 
  44. “Family is much more than blood” 
  45. “I’m not afraid” 

Deerics Fucking Pissed

honestly all the shit going on with those parents of that daddyofive channel is kinda horrifying because?? that’s exactly what my abusive mother did holy shit!!! she would always paint herself as the victim, as the one with the children who were bratty and out of control, even tho she was the one playing me and my sister off against each other (sort of like how those parents do with their kids. Interesting…) she was crying over how she didn’t want to lose us then kicking the shit out of me behind closed doors. seeing this same kind of thing happen and be broadcast to an audience of fans who see nothing wrong with it is sickening.

You know how you can just look at someone and tell they’re a douchebag, and when people doubt your judgement, he acts like a huge douchebag and you just tell everyone, ‘told ya so’?

Like seriously, fuck this guy. People like him deserve to be cut in half. Oh, would you look at that; Ya know, that gives me an idea!

me playing breath of the wild, a beautiful peaceful game about exploration and communing with nature, where you never ever have to do the main quest and still can’t get bored: INTENSE ANXIETY

me playing majora’s mask, arguably the creepiest zelda game, which is all about the apocalypse and the inevitability of death, the personification of which hangs over you, creeping closer every waking minute: aaah how relaxing

anonymous asked:

Friend, we have been doing kahoot a lot in my class. I would like it if you could request me a name too do. Nothing super bad just to get a few chuckles and for me not to get kicked out. Any suggestions?

Kahool is the shit, here are some names I’ve used:

Vladimir Putin
Kim Jung Un
A rare Pepe
A person
The anime club

All of these are kinda funny/cringy but not too edgy