shit i would send to you

anonymous asked:

no real lesbian would ever fuck a man. not once, not ever, for any reason whatsoever. you having been with men automatically makes you bisexual so for gods sake stop lying to people, saying youre a lesbian wont make it the truth. the penis you had inside you speaks for itself. youre being a huge lesbophobe.

Are you the same weirdo who messages me every once in a while, usually not too long after I’ve reblogged or posted something positive about goldstars, or am I lucky enough to have more than one weirdo who sends me shit like this (which I usually ignore)? I’m not sure why you’re so convinced that I’ve been with men. I haven’t, but thanks for thinking of me! Now, it’s a nice Saturday - go do something better with your time!

headcanon: when chirrut and baze were organising their wedding chirrut refused to send out invitations because, and i quote “ the Force will let guests know where to go” and so baze got all the invites done and sent out and it was the wedding of the century and chirrut would not shut up about how the force had ordained it to be perfect until baze said i sent out the kriffing invites not the Force and chirrut just smiled his shit-eating smile and stroked baze’s face and said the force told me you would and baze hates this motherfucker so much he wants to spent the rest of his life telling him what a shit he is

Santa's Got The Goods

me: *sits on santa’s lap*

santa: what would you like for christmas this year?

me: a pork cutlet bowl.

santa: … i got you, fam.

*CHRISTMAS DAY*

me: *see’s abnormally large box from santa*
hM i wonder what this could be ¿

me: *opens box to find yuri katsuki*

me: Wow SanTa YoU hOokEd mE uP wiTh thE GooD ShiT This YeaR tHanks My doOd.

9

Negan in Every Episode» The Cell
See that guy? He hustles. I like hustle. But believe it or not, things weren’t always cool between us. See, D here. He worked for points, him and his super hot wife and her super hot sister. But, see, sis. She needed meds. And that shit is hard to scavenge, so it cost more. Sis fell behind on points, so I asked her to marry me. Told her I would take care of her in sickness and in health, blah blah blah, because I am a stand-up guy. She tells me that she’s gonna think about it. Next thing you know, I’m dealing with an orange situation. Dwighty boy here stole all the medication and took off with his super hot wife and my super hot maybe soon-to-be fiancée. So I had to send my guys after him. Because I can’t let something like that stand. There are rules. Cost me an arm and a leg going after him. And you know what. Dwighty boy? He still got away. But here’s the thing. D. He saw the light. He manned up. He came back. He asked for my forgiveness. I like that. Made me take notice. But Lucille. Well you know how she is. She is a stickler for the rules. So, Dwight he begged me not to kill Sherry, which I thought was kind of cute, so I was just gonna kill him. But then Sherry says that she will marry me if I let Dwight live, which, if you think about it, that’s a pretty screwed-up deal, ‘cause I was gonna marry her sister until she wound up dead, but Sherry is super hot. Anyways, it was a start. But it wasn’t enough. So Dwight he got the iron. And then I married his super hot wife. Ex-wife. And then after all that, he still got on board. And now look at him. Pow! One of my top guys. And we are totally cool. The point being, I think you can be that guy. I think you are ready to be that guy.

80,000 Followers

Holy shit! I CANNOT believe how many followers this blog has! 

I’d like to thank all of you beautiful people who submit, reblog, and send so many wonderful messages! I had no idea that this blog would be such a big hit, and it makes me so happy to know how much joy and laughter this blog has brought!! 

i’m disappointed in this fandom.

these are my honest feelings as a sherlock fan, a johnlock supporter, and a member of this fandom. 

i kinda thought the we were better than this, honestly. i thought we were stronger than this. i thought we were the type of fans that support, understand, and appreciate the series for what it is and whatever it becomes.

obviously not

look. regardless of what you thought of the finale, the show ended how the creators wanted it to. they followed through on what THEY thought would be right for the characters. even if you disagree, i expected you all to have a shred of decency or respect for mark and steven. 

instead, what do y’all do? harass them and their fellow producers on twitter, shit talk the finale, and basically destroy the culmination of what they’ve been working for all this time. sherlock is, was, THEIR show. and instead of sending the series off feeling thankful and appreciating what we’ve been given, so many of you are ready to be terrible human beings and start a shit show over a ‘dissatisfactory ending’. 

my GOD, is it so hard to accept the fact that the show didnt end how you wanted it to? is it that mind-numblingly difficult for you people to understand that this show wasn’t, and never was, ours?

 it was made for us - it was GIVEN to us by the producers, directors, actors, and every other person responsible. we were lucky to have been able to be a part of this series and take part in it’s story. we were blessed to have been given an amazing piece of art such as BBC’s sherlock. 

so please, pack up your shit and leave if you’re going to continue to tear the finale to shreds and blame steven and mark. because you’re not a real fan, and you never have been.

anonymous asked:

It seems that when people have actual problems you suddenly forget all about 'magic' and just tell them to seek real practical solutions

Because this isn’t Harry Potter and it’d be stupid not to.

Magic doesn’t solve all your problems.  A job spell doesn’t mean anything if you never send out resumes.  All the wards in the world don’t replace a lock on the front door.  A friendship spell is going to have a hard time manifesting if you never leave the house.  A protection amulet isn’t a brick wall that’s going to stop someone coming at you with a knife.  All the prayer circles in the world don’t do anything for communities ravaged by natural disaster.  We live in a world that is both physical and metaphysical, so why would a solution be only one or the other?

People interpret magic differently.  I see it as often tilting probabilities: a job spell would nudge an employer’s attention to your resume, a ward will make intruders feel that maybe they don’t need to rob you after all.  You don’t chant for a while and then sit back and expect the universe to do everything else for you, and in cases where someone is being abused or has health conditions – which is usually when we bring out the mundane advice over the magical on this blog – hell yes you do everything you possibly can. 

Sure, there are exceptions: a friend might recommend you for a job without you ever stepping foot outside the door, for example.  But there’s a reason every experienced magical practitioner I know or whose texts I’ve read emphasize that a) magic alone doesn’t solve everything, and b) you’ve got to do the physical work, too.  As a professional spirit worker once explained to me, her wight protected her on magical and spiritual planes, not physical, because that part was her job.

A witch – in my opinion – should be, above all other things, practical, and the work doesn’t end when the candle burns out.

- mountain hound

The way magick works for me is in shifting probabilities. You can increase or decrease the probability of something happen but working with small probabilities it’s extremely hard for it to matter. It’s like adding a teaspoon of water to a lake and complaining that you don’t notice a difference. Mundane things help shift the probabilities even more in my favour. Without the mundane helping it along a lot of times your magick won’t add up to shit.

Sparrow

before asking | faq+tags | resource blog

help!!

calling witches of all sorts! what are y'all’s remedies for colds/flus/sickneses? im coming down with something, and I really can’t afford to miss any school this week since I have a bunch of tests and shit. it would be super appreciated if any of you guys could send me your remedies or even just some good vibes! thank you!
💛✨💛✨

Being Draco's Girlfriend Involves...
  • Him being nice to me and only me
  • Walking around holding hands.
  • Quick kisses before classes.
  • Make out sessions when we can’t sleep.
  • Hugging each other all the time.
  • Sitting together in front of the Black Lake.
  • Taking baths together in the Monitor’s Bathroom.
  • I’m able to make him laugh.
  • Pansy trying to annoy me, but Draco sending her away.
  • “I love you. Always have, always will.”
  • Snape doesn’t sending us to detention when he catch us making out in the class room.
  • Comforting him after his father got in jail.
  • Everyone supports our relationship because they think I make Draco a better person.
  • Sitting on his lap and reading together.
  • Winning a silver ring as dating birthday gift.
  • Winning jewelry in general.
  • Him leaving open mouthed kisses on my shoulders and neck when we’re laying in bed.
  • Draco protecting me from everything and anything.
  • Fighting because his jealous of Harry or because I’m jealous of Pansy.
  • “I’m sorry for what I said.” “Me too. I hate when we argue.” “Come here, let me hug you.”
  • Tickle fight when no one is watching.
  • Him staring at me during class and then later needing help to study.
  • Passionate kisses when any of us is sad.
  • Being his happy memory to conjure a patronus.
  • Being called the Prince and Princess of Slytherin.
  • Breaking up with him when I find out he has became a Death Eater.
  • Narcissa and Lucius loving me.
  • Draco staying by my side in the Hogwarts Battle.
  • Passionate sex.
  • LOTS of teasing.
  • Giving him a lap dance as his birthday present.
  • Talking about our future.
  • “Can you imagine how our kids will look like?” “As their mother, I hope.”
  • Sneaking out our dorms to sleep together in the Common Room.
  • Me getting to sleep upon his chest, with his arms around me.
  • Him coming to be with me and my mother in Christmas.
  • She actually loving him because he offers his self to help with everything.
  • He calling me love, angel and princess.
  • Almost dying when Umbridge forbidden girls and boys to be close, and hiding to be able to kiss.
  • He being all bossy when he became a monitor, and taking advantage of that.
  • “What are you doing out of your dorm this late, Miss?” “I’m just reading Draco.” “That’s no excuse. I think I need to punish you for breaking the school rules, you know.”
  • He loving me more than anything and making sure I know that.
  • Me loving him more than anything and making sure he knows that.
  • Going to the astronomy tower at night to see the stars and date.
  • Draco scaring the hell out of any boy that looks to much at me.
  • Stopping him from being mean to the younger kids.
  • “Would you like someone to act like that with me?” “No.” “Then you better stop.”
  • Him asking me to marry him after Voldemort got killed.
  • “I know we’re young, but we’re not getting married, just engaged.” “Draco let me answer!" 
  • Kissing him when he shuts up and whispering "Yes” in to his ear.

I know posts like this are already making the rounds, but just in case someone needs it again, here are tips if you want to message Stefan Karl but are nervous:

1. Try to keep it a reasonable length. He gets tons of messages! He loves to hear from fans, but remember that this started out as support for him. Be polite, respect his time, and send him a message that you yourself would like to receive. 

2. Keep it appropriate. Honestly, guys, as someone with kinks, for the LOVE OF GOD, I AM BEGGING YOU, STOP COMMENTING WITH WEIRD SHIT ON HIS INSTAGRAM AND MAGNUS SCHEVING’S INSTAGRAM. I hate adding this but Safe, Sane, and Consensual means you shouldn’t even jokingly direct comments like that towards another person. Treat these men as you would want to see any human being being treated. If you wouldn’t send the message to a woman or nonbinary person, don’t send it to Stefan or Magnus. 

3. If he doesn’t reply, that’s okay! He still cares about you! He has a family, a greenhouse, and his own health to take care of. Having nice things said to him makes him very happy and he’s said that having so much support makes him a very rich man. Message him out of the kindness of your heart. If you feel like you need to ask him for support, offer him something in the message as well in the way of support. 

5. You’re not bothering him with a question about Lazytown, his career, or something about art! I’ve messaged him just to show him the art I made before! He has NOT always responded to me, so remember also that, to be fair, you can’t monopolize the time he spends on fans. 

6. He’s a kind, easy going dude with a great sense of humor. If you want to ask him a question, ask him directly. Don’t use his family members as a way to indirectly ask something to or about him.

7. I’m still very confused about how Icelandic names work, but one time I called him Mr. Karl which I’m pretty sure is really wrong and I think in Icelandic you actually refer to people as their first name? I’m not sure but he responded that time anyway. 

8. Robbie Rotten is magic. 

What if Oikawa and Iwaizumi started dating because of a small misunderstanding?

Like….in college one of the boys goes overseas to study for a while and they kinda lose contact because of the different timezones and just super packed schedules.

It’s a few months before they finally get some time to text and catch up with what’s been going on in each other’s lives.

They talk like no time has passed and everything is normal between them.

“You in a serious relationship yet, Shittykawa?” Iwaizumi would teasingly ask.

“No; the person I like is too far away :(” would be Oikawa’s response; hoping he’s being vague enough that Iwaizumi wouldn’t know he’s the one Oikawa meant. Then he quickly sends, “You?” afterwards to try to shift the conversation.

“Shit, well, okay. I’ll be back in a few weeks, and if you’re willing to work things out then so am I.” Iwaizumi’s response makes Okiawa practically choke on air because holy shit is he serious??? How the hell did he even know Oikawa was talking about him???

Oikawa immediately calls Iwaizumi and is like; “Are we on the same page here??? What did your text mean???”

“Exactly what I said. I’ll be back in Japan in a few weeks and if you want to be in a relationship with me then we can make this work.” Iwaizumi sort of grumbles, clearly embarrassed but Oikawa could still hear the happiness in his voice.

After the call ends Oikawa is on could nine for the rest of the day and nothing can bring him down.

He later finds out that everything happened the way it did because Iwaizumi misunderstood. When Oikawa had sent the message saying, “You?” Iwaizumi had thought it was Oikawa’s way of cautiously confessing.

They’re both embarrassed by the misunderstanding but are happy that things worked out the way they did.

First Kiss: Yuta

MASTERLIST

Anon: First kiss with yuta and first make out session with taeiiiiiil 😊

Okay so I’m changing to do bullet points instead of a scenario! There are way too many members and I cant think of like 17 different ways to have a first kiss lol I mean I haven’t even had my first kiss so I’m just making this shit up lmaooooo 

If you do want a scenario though, please send it in and I will do it, otherwise I’ll just do them bullet-ed like this! Sorry again!

this is such a beautiful gif oh my fucking lord i feel like yuta is slowly pulling me back into his lane ohno

Originally posted by taetohan

  • Would be with someone he’s known for a short while
  • Like a  month
  • I don’t see him as a type to slowly fall in love with someone
  • Like he wouldn’t fall in love with his best friend
  • When he meets someone, he’d know if he likes you romantically or not
  • Just like love at first sight
  • He’d also treat them like a GF or BF too
  • Always complimenting them
  • Teasing them
  • Playing with their hair
  • Or linking arms with them
  • Okay so what actually happens?
  • You’re at the dorms
  • Just you and Yuta because the rest of the boys are rehearsing
  • But lately Yuta’s been working way too hard, overworking himself to the max
  • Up until the point, where he fainted whilst dancing
  • Ofc none of the boys knew what to do
  • SM advised Yuta to go back to the dorms to rest and refused to let any of other boys go with him
  • So they called up you, knowing you were close to him
  • Your heart shattered when you turned up at the dorms
  • When he opened the door, he was like a different person
  • His skin was a ghostly white colour
  • His hair was also disheveled and messy
  • His lips were dry and pale
  • Head dropped and a crooked back
  • It looked like he was going to fall down and faint once again
  • You quickly wrapped your arms around him, pulling him back into his bed
  • Yuta had been sick a couple of times whilst yo were there
  • You weren’t disgusted by it like any other person
  • You really felt sorry for him, you just wanted him to be happy again
  • You cooked for him
  • Even cleaned the dorms whilst he was sleeping
  • Just because you had nothing to do
  • And also because you knew the boys and Yuta work so hard and you wanted to make life easier for them
  • You brought loads of snacks for him too
  • Like cupcakes, and coca cola, and crisps, and chocolate
  • All of which he ate before he had a nap
  • When he woke up, it was like nothing was wrong in the first place
  • He showered and sorted himself
  • Whilst you went out and bought him take out
  • His heart fluttered when he saw how you cleaned for him
  • “She’s an angel”
  • When you returned, he looked awesome
  • back to his usual, cocky self
  • Smirking for some peculiar reason too
  • He was very handsy too
  • When he were eating, he made sure to sit veryyyy close to you so your thighs were touching
  • You were nervous as hell, but didn’t show it
  • You were used to him being like that
  • He put an arm around you too when you were just chatting
  • VEry very casual for now lol
  • When you started to get up to tidy up, he’d cling onto your arm like a koala bear
  • “Noooooooo, Y/N” he’d whine
  • “Yuta, what the hell? Get off, you idiot” you giggled
  • For like a minute you were trying to get away whilst he was pulling you back
  • Eventually, he pulled you back so hard you fell back onto the sofa, lying on your back
  • Yuta leaned over you, his face so close to yours that his hair fell into your face
  • You reached forward, tucking the hair back, running your fingers through his hair, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach
  • Yuta looked at you, smiling lightly, his eyes full of adoration for you
  • For some reason, you were suddenly filled with confidence
  • Leaning up to peck him on the lips
  • You had no idea why you did that
  • But you did
  • I mean you liked him and this was the perfect place to do it and if you had a sudden surge of confidence, wouldn’t you too?
  • He looked at you stunned
  • SLightly touching his lips with his hand as his other arm propped him up above you
  • He smiled again, not all peeved that you were the one who kissed him first
  • Pressing his lips against yours again briefly, he pulls back to look at you 
  • Just to see your reaction
  • You reacted in the same way as he did
  • Eyes slightly wide and touching your lips in surprise
  • He leaned back in again, moving his lips slowly against yours
  • His lips were warm and smooth
  • He probably smelt fantastic too like hello this is yuta who is never not perfect
  • Wasn’t too much kissing
  • Probably both smiling way too much
  • A lot f pecks afterwards
  • Basically, not really kissing literally
  • Yuta would ask you out there and then
  • Very bluntly too lol
  • “Date? Tomorrow?” between pecks
  • So yes
  • I would like it if someone kissed me like this tbh
  • Whoever dates him, however he kisses, they are lucky man

First Kiss Series:

  • Doyoung
  • WinWin
  • Taeil
  • Johnny
  • Yuta
  • Taeyong 
  • Ten (coming soon!)
  • Jaehyun (coming soon!)
  • Chenle (coming soon!)
  • Mark (coming soon!)
  • Haechan (coming soon!)
  • Jeno (coming soon!)
  • Jaemin (coming soon!)
  • Jisung (coming soon!)
  • Renjun (coming soon!)
  • Kun (coming soon!)
  • Hansol (coming soon!)

Please request more members!

cyanoscarlet  asked:

Victor and Yuuri as the Parents from Hell (TM) who will tag-team roast all of their kid's suitors alive? (Idek Yuuri, but Victor would so be this. Omiai? What omiai??)

Oh they totally would but honestly, I headcanon that Yurio is the shittiest 15 y/o boy who messages other skaters “send nudes” cause lets be real, boys going through puberty are the absolute worst. I can just imagine him texting Otabek (cause he’s like his only real friend) and trying to flirt but, like, everyone just sees him as a smol child. So like, once Otabae catches on he’s like, “Yuuri, can you please give your son the talk cause he’s annoying the shit out of us.”
~Mod Star

[Vampire/Creature AU] When You’re Half Cat and You Like to Tease Them Sexually (BTS)

Requested by a lovely anon <3

*Don’t own the gif/s yo*

Author: Taebaby

NAMJOON: He’d act like he hated it, but he’d love it anytime your soft tail grazed his boner. He’d walk behind you any opportunity he got just for the chance of it happening (and it was a very high chance because you loved doing that shit too)

YOONGI: I think he might get a bit irritated because the only real way to tease you back was with biting and he knew he couldn’t because neither of you knew how well your body would react (being a different species and all) but I think he’d make due with yanking your tail instead

HOSEOK:  It would send shivers down his back anytime your tail passed under his chin when you walked by. He wouldn’t be as rough as Yoongi, but he definitely would love giving your tail a tug and watching how it makes you back arch

SEOKJIN: He’d see it as a challenge. You wanna brush his boner with your tail? He’ll have a little nibble on your ears. You wanna scrape your claws down his back? He’ll tie up your hands honey

JIMIN: Hi-key into it. He knew how much pleasure your tail can give you and he’d take full advantage of it. He wouldn’t mind you teasing him, but he’d make sure to tag you back for it later

TAEHYUNG: We all know Tae’s a freak, so this would be heaven to him. He’d like to play with tail and ears anytime he could, even in public when you were trying to keep them hidden. He’d rub his hand up and down your back, knowing that you hid your tail under the back of your shirt, and savor watching you nearly orgasm in public

JUNGKOOK: He’d be a tail yanker, no doubt. Especially if you started it, pushing your tail up his shirt and tickling his abs and chest. He might even like pulling your fuzzy ears ;)

boyfriend! namjoon

thank you so much for the request @ithaalia! so excited about this one cos i’m namjoon biased XD - Hana


  • namjoon would actually treat you like a princess
  • communication was key in your relationship
  • he always went out of his way to ask about you and how you were feeling
  • this is really cheesy, but he’d always send you poems over text just to convey his feelings
  • they would be super deep and thoughtful and meaning all the time
  • you know what i mean
  • he’d talk about how beautiful you are to everyone he knew
  • “you know my girlfriend y/n yeah?”
  • the two of you could not dance for shit
  • and you were always the two dorks dancing at parties
  • back hugs all the time
  • okay namjoon would be an amazing kisser too
  • and idk i feel like he’d actually be so caring and sweet in bed too just always making sure you were comfortable 
  • he’d love your body no matter what
  • when he gets too busy he still makes sure that he at least texts you good morning and good night and to always asks about your day
  • he’d like to show you off to all his friends
  • always calls you “baby” 
  • especially when he teases you or if he’s whining to you about something
  • he’s a family guy and you would visit his family as often as you could, getting really close to them
  • the two of you would be fashion king/queen together
  • kim daily pics
  • your instagram feed would look bomb.com because of him
  • always gives you his jacket when it’s cold
  • he always holds your hand when out in public
  • your fav namjoon is when he wakes up in the morning
  • and his bed head is actually so adorable
  • and his eyes are poofy and his voice is so fckn deep and croaky
  • wraps his hand around the back of your neck during makeout sessions
  • “namjoon?”
  • “yeah?”
  • “nothing i just love looking into your eyes”
  • shy smiles whenever you compliment him
  • literally gets super shy whenever you say anything nice about him
  • “i fucking love your hair”
  • “i love your smile let me kiss it”
  • “can i hug you?” “you just did” “i wanna do it again though”
  • always comes to you for an opinion between which two outfits to wear
  • you’re sometimes his personal stylist tbh
  • he gets so shy though if you’re there when he changes his clothes
  • “look away”
  • “namjoon i’m your girlfriend
  • “i’m almost naked okay and you’re just staring at me it’s weird”
  • “oh my god it’s not like i haven’t seen it before”
  • you threaten to take off his clothes for him if he doesn’t stop being so stupid
  • which leads to you chasing him around the bedroom, jumping on top of the bed, and wrestling in a mess of blankets and pillows
  • “yah!! leave me alone you pervert!!”
  • giggling a lot when this happens
  • watching movies while you lay on top of him
  • you never end up finishing the movie though because of your super long makeout sessions ;)

Originally posted by btsreactionsandgifs

‘Love Actually’ sentence meme

Send one to my muse for their reaction

  • “It seems to me that love is everywhere.”
  • “We need Kate, and we need Leo. And we need them now. Come on.”
  • “We’ve been given our parts in the nativity play and I’m the lobster!”
  • “Tell me, if you were in my position, what would you do?”
  • “Let’s go get the shit kicked out of us by love.”
  • “The SAS are absolutely charming. Ruthless trained killers are just a phone call away.”
  • “It’s the saddest part of my day, leaving you.”
  • “Basically, you’re fucked, aren’t you?”
  • “Don’t buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!”
  • “I’m very busy and important. How can I help you?”
  • “General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that.”
  • “Invite him out for a drink and then, after about twenty minutes, casually drop into the conversation the fact that you’d like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies.”
  • “Ask me anything you like, I’ll tell you the truth.”
  • “Who do you have to screw around here to get a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit?”
  • “No one’s ever gonna shag you if you cry all the time.”
  • “I did have an awful premonition that I was going to fuck up on the first day.”
  • “Well, the truth is… actually… I’m in love.”
  • “Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole.”
  • “I’ll just be hanging around the mistletoe, hoping to be kissed.”
  • “Um, why don’t you come upstairs in about ten seconds?”
  • “This is SO much more than a bag…”
  • “What else are you gonna do? Dip it in yogurt? Cover it with chocolate buttons?”
  • “We’ve never got friendly. But I just wanted to say, I hope that can change. I’m nice. I really am. Apart from my terrible taste in pie…”
  • “I love you even when you’re sick and look disgusting.”
  • “You’re a lonely, ugly asshole. You must accept it.”
  • “If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”