Tips on getting shit done a few days before the exam
Count the number of days left till the exam.
Count the number of topics you need to learn/revise before the exam.
Divide the number of topics by the number of days (you may reserve one or two days for the final revision). This is the amount of work you have to do per day.
Schedule your tasks every day from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed. Try to calculate as realistically as possible the amount of time you would need for each task (I like using Sectograph app for that).
Reserve 1-3 extra hours at the end of every day because you’re not gonna fit everything into the timetable anyway. Believe me.
Don’t forget to schedule some time for rest as well. Once more, be realistic.
Alternate your tasks throughout the day as much as possible. Don’t study the same subject or topic longer than a few hours.
Don’t forget to leave some time for meals, showering, social media and maybe even a film or two.
So here is a bunch of AU’s that I’ve collected over…. a long time. Enjoy
I broke your nose in a mosh pit, sorry
I hit you with my car and was the only one to visit you in the hospital, this is sort of awkward, are you okay?
You’re getting chased by the police and you just jumped in my car and yelled drive, wtf man
You just punched me in the face while gesturing wildly to a friend, your friend can’t stop laughing and im too shocked to respond to your apologies
You laughed in a restaurant, but your laugh is really weird and I thought you were choking so I’m awkwardly humping you while attempting to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre and why isn’t this working, you’re just choking harder now this is aweful
We met on a Sunday morning, both doing our walk of shame
I get really sick on roller-coasters and you are sitting in front of me, im so sorry
You’re the bastard who keeps parking in front of my house and you just caught me drawing a dick on your window with a permanent marker… ugh, oops.
I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold another fucking shirt and just leave it, I’m going to fucking shove it down your throat
You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friends place and I should call the cops by my cat likes you so????
You’re my new dealer and you just friended me on Facebook and idk how to react to that
You saw me reading the same book you are and now we are arguing about the motives of the antagonist
This is a five-hour-long plane ride, we’re sitting together and you’re deathly afraid of flying.
I got into a cab to find someone already inside
You thought I was your friend/sister
Holy shit, im in the wrong car.
I was walking by a roller coaster and your shoe flew off and hit me in the head and now I’m on the floor trying not to fall unconscious.
It’s 2am and I’m drunk and I need some salt for my fries and I know your awake so OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR
You fell asleep on me in the subway and I should probably wake you up and its my stop next stop but it’s okay, I can always just catch the subway back…
I know nothing about camping and all my friends left me at the site. Please, help me, I think I just heard a bear
This has been a shitty week and you just grabbed the last box of my favourite comfort food from the shelf, do you really want to fight me rn?
We met in a movie theatre and now you’re clinging to me because your terrified and I’m okay with that because it means I get your popcorn.
You had a party and I got really drunk and stole your microwave, so now I’m at your place and your super hungover so here, I made breakfast?
The guy living below me has a really loud alarm clock that always wakes me up at the crack of dawn
I went to investigate a scream and found my neighbour standing on a chair to avoid a rat/mouse/cricket (etc.)
My neighbour has a really squeaky bed and my bedroom is below theirs
You keep stealing my doormat and HAH, I’ve got you this time thief!
The apartment above me has left their tap on or something and water is leaking through my ceiling
My neighbour’s sibling got the wrong house number and barged into my apartment on accident.
My roommate keeps stealing my coffee so now I make extra
You’re my new neighbour and wow man, you have some really weird habits.
You’re my neighbour and you are stealing my wifi to watch porn and can you not?
You locked yourself outside of your apartment and there’s a storm rolling in and I pity you so please come into my apartment I’ll make you hot chocolate?
I heard you singing at 3 am and joined in and now you’re at my door and wtf mate I think your drunk but your voice is really nice so?
I just set the fire alarm in our building off again… sorry. I know its like the fourth time this week…
You keep mowing your lawn when I’m trying to sleep and seriously FUCK YOU
My new neighbour is really hot and wow I didn’t even like women until now? And now she is in the garden planting flowers in her bikini wow… im in too deep
It’s 3 am and you’re blasting off classic rock at full volume and your music taste might be awesome but soME PEOPLE are trying to sLEEP
We’ve never met but we shower at the same time and our showers are on opposite sides of the same apartment wall so sometimes we start duets?
I’m out walking and my dog started chasing your dog.
My cat/dog ran away and you just found it but refuse to accept the reward.
We are neighbours and your cat got my cat pregnant… so, wanna raise this little kitty family?
My pet tarantula/snake (etc) escaped and I forgot to warn the guy below me who is terrified of snakes/spiders
I need you to pet sit my pet for a while and I forgot to mention it’s a snake, the mice are in the freezer. Thanks, bye
My cat really hates you cat and that’s the third time this week I’ve had to pry them apart.
My cat keeps breaking into your apartment and it ate all your plants… dinner to make up for it?
My cat sneaked out on the balcony and into your open window and he has this habit of destroying furniture and pissing everywhere so I followed him inside and you cam home earlier than I expected and found me in the middle of your living room and honestly I’m not a burglar
Your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and sorry not sorry I love this dog
You were walking your dog when you found me passed out on a park bench and thank you for waking me up and buying coffee instead of stealing my wallet
I’m on a bus and wow, you’re singing really loudly and everyone is giving you weird looks, hey bud, tone it down, also great choice in music
You play Double Bass/Cello and I play 1st chair Violin and we keep making eye contact and damn your super cute.
You play in an orchestra and I love these songs so much, plus you’re really cute. Shit man, you’ll never notice me in the huge crowd…
Music is kinda illegal and my friend just died and apparently he wrote music and wow I want to know what it sounds like and to play it at his funeral but I don’t know how to. You’re a well-known music dealer, do you happen to understand these notes? Can you help me?
I tried to act cool at this concert and I thought I was leaning on a wall but apparently it was a speaker and now it’s on the ground in pieces and everyone’s glaring at me… sorry?
I’m a wizard and I just accidently apparated into your house. Oops.
I died over 2000 years ago and you’ve been dead for like 2 hours, man, damn it now I have to explain this shit to you. Great.
I’m immortal and you’re mortal and I don’t know how to explain this to you and soon enough you’re going to realise that I’m not aging… shiiittt
You’re a greek god and I’m the roman counterpart.
I’m a ghost and your alive and I think I’m in love with you…. Fuck.
You’re a faun and I’m a Satry
I’m half demon and people often judge me based on my looks, but your blind and wow you actually like me?
I’m a time traveller and I went back in time and wow I think I’m in love with you, fuck this isn’t good, I just faked being George Washington… wait what? George Washington doesn’t exist here? Shit… I actually am George Washington.
I’m a writer and your my character and wtf how the heck did you just literally climb out of my first draft?
I’m a werewolf but I don’t want to tell you because my wolf form might be that really small chihuahua you keep mentioning you see when I go out…
I’m an android and you’re a human and wow what is that warmth I feel when I see you?
I’m a homesick telepath and you’re the poor soul who is receiving all these emotions, sorry
Somehow I’m in your body and you’re in mine and shit man being this close to the ground is fucked up.
I’m a genie an d you rubbed my lamp so congrats you get three wishes but you can’t seem to think of shit and why the fuck do I have to be stuck with you? Hurry up and think of some wishes okay?
I was an awful angel and as punishment I have to be your guardian angel and wow your super cute and nice but I still hate you
You keep having strange dreams that turn out to be us in a past life and you’re determined to fine me again but in this life I’m already dead.
We live in the year 3090, you’re a scientist and I’m your assistant. Unfortunately and experiment goes wrong and I die. Now you’re trying to put my brain into a robot but its not the same
I’m a vampire and I have a moment of weakness, you’re nearby and lets just say it doesn’t end well
I’m a dragon and you’re a really hot prince, that’s right, they locked up the wrong royalty.
You’re a pirate and I’m a siren and woah… are you asexual? That’s so cool, hey wait, don’t go I just want to talk
Your mirror is a doorway into my dimension and I can see everything….
Listen I am genetically modified and you WILL let me hide in your house
Ok, so I panicked and kissed this human so he wouldn’t drown. And I know you don’t want me to keep him, and we can’t let him leave if he knows about us mere people so what do you want to do?
I just got partnered with you in dance class and I can’t dance for shit
You’re my science lab partner and how the fuck did you just explode that beaker?
I’m an art student and you just found my sketchbook and you’re going through it. Shit man can you give that back, I don’t care how good you think they are just don’t turn that page…
You’re the school dork and I’m the school jock and fuck you can see where this is going
We are the only two kids who ride this school bus, maybe we should carpool?
I thought you were my roomies new boyfriend so I invited you in but your actually the RA of the dorm and now you think I want to have sex with you
I accidently flooded the laundry room and you really need to do laundry
You’re sitting in my seat in this lecture and who even are you? I’ve never seen you before… wait what, stop checking me out!
We argued so much during a class discussion that we both got kicked out and we’re still arguing outside the class
You left your USB in the library computer and I had to go through your files to figure out who you are and in the end I read the entirety of this book you’re working on and wow you’re really good?
I’m a traditional painter who has to take a basic Photoshop class, you’re a graphic design major sitting next to me and getting sucked into helping me out because Im so shitty at this
My pottery bowl exploded in the kiln and I feel like a failure, you found me crying about it in the hallway and are now trying to comfort me and your sweater is really soft wow sorry
You and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and fuck it I’m trying to study over her so fuck you I’m going to put an end to this game by winning
We are both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts we’ve received from student and you’ve won for the past three years
Romeo and Juliet of the math and English departments
I want to get along with you roomie… but I like star wars… and you like star trek… this isn’t going to work.
I usually talk to my friends through morse code in class but… apparently you know morse too… and now you know I think your butt is cute
I got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and now I’m being adopted by someone who is really hot OH FUCKING NO
Near Death Experiences
Wow I was just in a fatal accident and who the hell are you? What is this I’m I dying? Wait no, I don’t want this, how do I get out of it? A deal you say, I’ll take it.
You’re an executioner and I’m about to be executed but you can’t seem to run the guillotine, wait what, why are we running away, man you’re my favourite executioner
Our plane/boat crashed and now it’s just us on this island.
I just took a super dangerous job and your trying to talk me out of it, but we really need the money
It’s the middle of a war and I’m on a ship that you’re ship just torpedoed. Now I’m a prisoner and wow why can’t I feel my legs. I’m not cooperating until I can feel them again. What the fuck do you mean I’m paralysed?
I’m addicted to ____ (drugs/alcohol etc) and you found me in an alleyway due to after effects of my addiction (beat up, overdose etc) and decide to take me in.
I sold my soul to bring you back to life and I don’t have long left please make this time count
Mistaken and Secret Identities
I’m a thief/hacker/murder and you’ve found out my identity and have been bugging me for days to take you on as your partner
I’m a superhero and you want to be like me but in doing so become a supervillain, what do you mean you don’t understand why I’m punching you?
I’m a superhero, you’re a supervillain, but we don’t know each other’s identities and we are actually best friends
I’m runaway royalty and you’re a commoner, fuck I’m so screwed I need your help, I’ll explain later
You think I’m a celebrity and you’re talking too much for me to explain I am defintely not… that dude. What was his name again?
You’re a superhero and I’m your best friend and what the fuck man? Why the hell didn’t you tell me? If you had maybe I would be fucking caught with this stupid ass monologue-ing villain
I have a very cute neighbour and very thin walls and one day I call you and err… your moans are very synchronised with my neighbour's…
I’m a superhero and you’re a supervillain and I saw you visiting kids at the children’s hospital and letting them act like they defeated you and now it’s really hard to punch you in the face
Your my mailman and I can’t help but notice that you linger at my door slightly longer than you need to ever since you saw me that one time. Do you want to come inside?
I’m a private detective and your my client and fuck man you’re in some deep shit
You’re a protester and I’m a police officer. Seriously can you please calm down a little bit, this is my job not my beliefs.
I’m a make-up artist/hair stylist and I you’re an actor/model and are you flirting or???
You’re a celebrity and sorry mate, I have to take pictures to pay rent, I know its invasive seriously, sorry
You’re a store clerk and fuck, is that my ex? Can I please hide behind this counter?
You’re a lifeguard at my kid’s swimming competition and I fell in the pool with all my clothes on and you awkwardly tried to save me even though I didn’t need it.
You work at a pet store and I came in to look at tarantulas but somehow we lost the biggest one and its loose somewhere in the store and it really doesn’t help that you’re terrified of spiders
I’m a firefighter and you started a fire in your kitchen but you’re still flirting with me even though you’re not wearing pants and I’m carrying you down a ladder. Stop complimenting my muscles for fucks sake
We work at the same company and I kind of had a crush on you until I noticed that you’re the asshole stealing my lunch from the office fridge.
I’m a firefighter and you live near the station I work at and we talk/flirt with each other a lot. One day me and my team get called to put out a fire and it’s your home ablaze. You don’t make it.
I work at a fruit store and you come in almost every day and rearrange stuff on the shelves and then leave. Today you made the apples spell ‘call me’
It’s 2am and I was just trying to get home but I left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and I drove into a pole - stop laughing! You’re a cop, aren’t you supposed to be helping?
You’re drunk and want my name tattooed on your ass.
You always bring your dates to the restaurant I wait at and now you’re here alone… you okay mate?
It’s snowing and I usually walk to work but that’s not happening, hey roomie, can you please drive me? Yes I know its 4am
I accidently gave all my winter clothes to charity over the summer and not its not so much summer, but I’m broke and hey… could you give me your old winter clothes… maybe?
I love the cold, but I promised to visit you for a good 4 months and wow, why did I do this? There isn’t snow here?
I don’t know you, but you just threw a snowball at my face, mate, its on.
I don’t know who the hell you are, but my roommate has someone over and It’s really cold outside…. Can I come in? Or like, have a blanket, or even a towel?
I knew you in high school and I ran into you at a renaissance fair wearing full knight regalia
I met you once when I was 12, we started a pen-pal relationship across the world and haven’t stopped even though we are a lot older now.
You were my best friend when we were younger but your family moved to the other side of the world, and we haven’t talked in years. But now your back and wow how did you recognise me when I can’t even remember your name?
I hired you to be my date for a wedding but your super cute, maybe we cannot fake-date?
I’m fake dating you to have someone to vent to on family gatherings while also pissing off my conservative uncle that I never liked and wow… have your eyes always been this nice?
We’re both cosplayers and we somehow always manage to meet each other at cons dressed as a popular ship and people always want photos of us in compromising positions and so we always end up fake-dating the entire day but you’re actually really hot and I’m head over heels for you
My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex, quick make out with me, I’ll pay you.
I’m blind and wow your voice is absolutely beautiful can you just keep talking? Forever? Please?
My younger sibling is besties with your sibling and even though we hate each other I guess we’ve got to start hanging out a little
We are both at a grocery store at am and you offered to arm wrestle me for the last box of cereal, its on!
You’re sleeping on my best friend’s couch while your house is being renovated and you have really weird habits like attempting to sing opera in the shower and you keep eating all my Nutigrain
We bump into each other every Friday at the supermarket to buy the same ice-cream and maybe we should eat it together?
Our parents are dating and thank god I’m not the only one pissed off about this
I went to museum to get some inspiration and then I saw you staring at one of the paintings in awe and wow you just noticed me drawing you and this is awkward
I decide to take a shortcut home that involves crawling through a really tight hole in a fence and I end up getting stuck and you just happened to pass by and now you’re laughing at me
I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because I could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly
We are trapped in a bank during a robbery
Your country is trying to take over mine and I might be a little attracted to you and stop this it’s really hard to retaliate okay?
I was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me
2. Carry an extra lighter (even if you don’t smoke)
3. Get something new where you go to eat often, not just your usual.
4. Make a budget for yourself
5. But don’t forget to give yourself some play money and always round up on how much things cost so you have money left over
6. If you’re texting someone, but nervous to send it, just click the fucking send button. You typed that shit out for a reason.
7. Stay out late. Wake up early. You’ll be glad you had all of your day.
8. If something makes you laugh until your sides hurt, write it down in the notes in your phone, you’ll want to remember that later.
9. When you’re talking to someone, and you suddenly think of something you want to say, put up a finger and wait for them to finish talking. It’ll help you remember what you wanted to say, but you won’t interrupt them.
10. Go to plenty of concerts. Especially outdoor ones. Get drunk with your friends, but not sloppy drunk. Just drunk enough to scream your favorite songs and dance without feeling embarrassed.
11. Even though the best present is someone’s presence, it’s still always nice giving or receiving an actual gift.
12. Always keep a change of clothes in your car. Including a pair of shoes. You never know.
13. Keep at least $20 cash on you at all times. Gas is usually cheaper when you pay with cash, and not everywhere you go to eat splits checks.
14. It’s okay to be sad, but try not to forget about what makes you happy.
15. Coupons are always fantastic.
16. If you think something is cute, fucking wear it. Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks. You’ll look great, I promise.
17. Sex stores are fun, even if you just want a good laugh.
18. Plan out your days off with your friends, that way you aren’t stuck around asking the “I don’t know what do you wanna do”
19. Don’t forget to remind your friends how much they mean to you.
20. If someone gives you a compliment, smile and say thank you. They wouldn’t say it, if they didn’t mean it.
21. Drink plenty of water. Not only does it keep you hydrated, but clears your skin.
22. I know you might want to be tan, but is it really worth being burnt and exposing yourself to all that skin cancer bull shit? No. Use at least SPF 15. It’s not that hard and you’ll still tan. So stop being a brat.
23. You’re allowed to be happy. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
24. Aim to be better, not bitter.
25. Some days are better than others.
26. You can never over pack. Pack what you want. You’ll be glad you have options to choose from.
27. Take those extra hours at work. It’ll be worth it when you see your paycheck.
28. Clean your fucking room and make your bed you slob. It’ll look so much nicer and you’ll feel better you did it.
29. If you have to, make the first move. It’s scary, but someone has to do it.
30. Take plenty of pictures. Of the sunset, your food, your friends, your dog, selfies. Everything. That way, later when you scroll through your camera roll, you’ll remember everything about that day, good or bad.
Genji: Very quiet and respectful, never eats your food. But he never sleeps, so that can get awkward. Sometimes he does his ninja training in the living room at like 3am. When you go down to yell at him he has mysteriously vanished…
McCree: Super friendly, super messy. He will always invite you into his room to watch this cool video he found on YouTube that you’ve certainly already seen, but he just found it. He thinks the fridge is more of a communal zone. You can take his food, and he can take your’s. He prefers to cook meals to share though, not that he’s any good at cooking. Is often hungover in the mornings.
Pharah: Isn’t home a lot. She’s very focused on her career. Her interactions with you are very formal at first, kinda stiff and awkward. It will either stay that way forever, or one night of drinking and video games will break the ice and give you a million inside jokes.
Reaper: Just the worst roommate ever. The second he’s done with something, he drops it on the ground. Beer bottles? Check. Towel? Yep. Laundry? You once found a pair of his boxers in the refrigerator for fucks sake Reyes, why is this here? NEXT TO MY MILK! He always claims he was the last one who did dishes. He never does dishes.
Soldier 76: The weird roommate you met through Craigslist who seems quiet and reserved at first, but once he gets going on his conspiracy theories and how THE SYSTEM IS BROKEN he will never shut up. Constantly plays CoD on the couch. Never seems to go to work, but always pays rent on time. Does the chores with military precision.
Tracer: Lives outside of time, quite literally. So be prepared to remind her of appointments, when rent is due, that it is not in fact the weekend so could she stop playing Just Dance so loud past eleven? It’s frustrating, but she’s so much fun to be around you forgive her. She is on first name basis with all the bartenders in the neighborhood, and drinking with her is always an epic adventure.
Bastion: You bought this old thing on eBay. They said it was non-functional, but it immediately sprang to life in your apartment. It spends all its time out on the balcony, where a flock of birds have made it their home. Every once in a while you wake up in the middle of the night to find it crouched in the corner of your room in turret mode. Then you realize someone was being loud outside and it got scared.
Hanzo: There are two Hanzos. Calm, collected, brooding Hanzo, and I’LL TELL YOU WHEN I’VE HAD ENOUGH SAKEsshdhshjkfk Hanzo. Hanzo is normally very organized, his room his spartan and he made a chore schedule that he treats like it is law. But about two times a week he gets shit faced on expensive sake, cries about his brother, tries to fight a house plant (claiming it knows nothing of honor when he falls on his ass), and ends the evening on the balcony, pegging passersby with perfect precision with YOUR HOTDOGS THAT HE STOLE FROM THE FRIDGE, HANZO COME INSIDE.
Junkrat: Just, an absolute disaster. Your apartment has become a junkyard. Scraps of machines all of the place. And it smells terrible because he’s constantly mixing weird chemicals in the bathtub. You’ve started showering at the gym, and are terrified when you have to pee. You’ve had three minor fires in the place since he moved in, and you’re pretty sure he’s a criminal. You’d call the cops, but his… boyfriend? You’re not sure. His giant man partner keeps coming around and staring at you silently and you’re just trying to stay alive, okay?
Mei: Is terribly sweet and friendly, but messy and forgetful. You can’t get mad at her, because she always apologizes profusely when she forgets to do the dishes or take out the trash or that this is her week to buy toilet paper. She’s often wrapped up in her work, and loves to go on exuberant explanations of the science involved that you don’t even half understand. But you smile and nod along. She’s just so excited, you can’t interrupt her. Her bedroom is cluttered with items she collected from her travels and adventures, mixed with scientific equipment and climbing gear. She always wants you to come on nature hikes. They are beautiful but exhausting. That girl has boundless energy. The only time she gets mad is if you try to throw away a recyclable.
Torbjörn: He is constantly making noise, hammering, laughing like a maniac, riveting??? WTF is he doing in his room???? He’s very cranky and opinionated (do not bring up Omnics, trust me), but after a few beers he has some of the most amazing stores you’ve ever heard. He keeps his mess to his room and only forgets to do his chores every once in a while. But food in the fridge is going to disappear and he’ll get very defensive when you ask him about it. Also, long golden beard hairs! EVERYWHERE! in the bathroom! Clean out the drain when you’re done!
Widowmaker: The most intimidating person you’ve ever lived with. Hell, ever met. She will walk around in nothing but a towel, but it’s actually kind of terrifying? Like she’s daring you to say something to her??? You’re pretty sure she’s killed at least two people in the neighborhood. No one can prove it. You feel like she’s constantly watching you in your room… you’ve looked for cameras and found nothing. She leaves for days at a time, and then suddenly appears silently in the middle of the apartment. You didn’t hear the front door open????? WTF IS HAPPENING???? She leaves all the chores to you, will pretend she only speaks French if she’s not in the mood to talk to you. You’re pretty sure you’re going to be found dead in the bathtub and there will be no records of your roommate…
D.Va: Almost never does chores, acts like she did you a favor when she finally washes a single dish. Is constantly live streaming from the couch. You haven’t been able to watch TV since she moved in. She invites you to play games just to utterly destroy your ass at them. She got sponsored by Doritos and Mountain Dew so now the apartment is full of that crap. She acts like that’s her contribution to groceries because she saw you eat a chip. You thought she hated you until someone on her stream called you a loser and she tore them a new asshole. Is this what having a sister is like???
Reinhardt: Snores like a freight train is rumbling through the apartment. You can hear it through the walls. Through your earplugs. Nothing helps. He is incredibly helpful and friendly though. Always does his chores, does a few of your’s if you don’t stop him. Loves to cook dinner, but will always make the weirdest German fusion food. Any nice thing you do for him gets the most enthusiastic thanks that it makes you want to do nice things for him all the time.
Roadhog: You’ve seen some shit, man. Shit you can never tell anyone. Mostly because it would damage Roadhog’s bad ass reputation, and you will not make him angry. His room is full of plushies. He sleeps on them in a big pile. He spends all day playing Animal Crossing and he helps paint your nails. His weirdo boyfriend? You don’t know, small manic man partner comes over sometimes, but you managed to get them to not set off any explosions in the house(by claiming to protect the plushies). When Roadhog first showed up, you were terrified. But he’s turned out to be a really sweet guy. When you’re not on his shit list. You will do anything not to get on the shit list… A UPS driver damaged his limited edition Rainbow Sparkle Bear, and you heard the screams……..
Winston: Spends all his time in his room on his computer. He’s nice enough when he comes out, but that’s usually only for more peanut butter. He’s kind of shy and awkward around you at first, but one day you ask about the glory days of Overwatch, and you get a story hour of epic proportions. After that he is your buddy. Tracer comes by sometimes, always bringing a fresh batch of bananas. Winston tries to act insulted, but you always catch him eating them later. He forgets to do his chores, a lot. He always promises he’ll get around to them. After this experiment is finished… It never gets done.
Zarya: Your living room is now a gym. She moved in a professional looking weight set and bench. “This is just for casual,” she tells you. She constantly makes “helpful” remarks about your physique. She thinks if you just did some deadlifts, your legs would be much stronger. Much more solid. You are like noodle. She tries to train you on the weight set in the living room. She proves that she can benchpress you, and then gives you some fifty pound weights “For a warm up”. May god have mercy on your soul.
Lúcio: Just the nicest roommate ever. He will sit on the couch with you until 3 am talking through your problems. He baked you a cake on your birthday. Is it your day to do chores? He saw you weren’t feeling well, so he just did them this morning. Don’t worry about it, fam, I got you. He only asks you for things on behalf of others. Will you help him organize a fundraiser for the local kid’s soccer organization? Come to a protest to improve the working conditions in factories? Could you maybe drop off this extra portion of dinner to the old lady next door on your way out? Say hi to her cats for him. The only thing that can be annoying is he can get lost in his music and forget that it’s super late. But when that wakes you up, you usually just go and sit down in his room and watch him work on his latest tracks.
Mercy: You really won’t see her that often. She is an incredibly overworked doctor. She is a very kind and patient person, but you can tell she is constantly bone tired. You don’t even ask her to do chores, you just do them all yourself. She barely ever uses dishes or makes a mess anyway. She leaves you little cakes she bought at the bodega as a thank you every now and then. Most of your communication is through post it notes, as you are often on completely different schedules. She seems nice, but you don’t really know her.
Symmetra: Everything has to be just so. She doesn’t even let you do chores, she doesn’t trust that you did them right. She will say the bathroom is filthy when it looks sparkling to you. She is constantly creating little robots to do work for her, so you don’t feel too bad letting her clean? She is incredibly sheltered, and can get hostile when you challenge her world view. But at the same time, you can tell she’s lonely and hurting. With small gestures here and there, maybe you can become friends.
Zenyatta: Just, the chillest bro you have ever met. He floats around the apartment and doesn’t eat anything so he doesn’t cause messes. He still helps with the chores, because it is more balanced that way. When you go through a break up he will listen and give you advice that honestly makes you feel better. He invites you to mediate, and makes it sound like a really great activity. His pupil, Genji, is always coming around. Zenyatta is so happy to see him. Neither of them eat, but Genji makes you ramen sometimes and its SO GOOD. They are both cinnamon rolls, and your life is better for knowing them. Occasionally Zenyatta knocks something over as he floats by, but that’s about the only drawback.
Then it’s quiet again, but as always this luxury doesn’t last more than a few minutes, because they’ve taken to a highway and there’s a long stretch of road ahead of them, and Harry starts talking again, “So are we g'na ignore how you were drooling over me?”
Y/N scoffs, affronted by the accusation that was 100% corrected, “Was not drooling over you, jesus, get your head out of your ass.” She grumps at him, “Not everyone on this planet gets wet at the sight of your biceps.”
She wishes it was ruffling him, but she can tell it isn’t. He merely grins sneakily and leans back into his seat, “Yeah, what ever you say, Pet.”
Y/N and Harry don’t really mesh well, until they do
Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Oral (Both Receiving), Public Sex, Unprotected Sex, Protected Sex, Jeep Sex
Notes: Guess what guys! This was a request! I absolutely loved this idea. This was so fun to write. And I couldn’t wait to get it out. So I will probably be regretting life at work seeing as it is 3:30 in the morning right now. BUT THIS WAS SO WORTH THE 13 HOURS OF WRITING. I hope my lil nonnie (though I DO know who requested this, I will not divulge) loves this ❤️
Request: can you do a stiles smut
where the reader is possessed by a powerful goddess or the reader is a demigod
and she can regain her powers/stay in control by having sex with someone? and
that stiles is her anchor? TYSM ❤️
life has gone to shit in the past few weeks and so i decided to start waking up early and taking charge of my life. it’s going ok so far. i am a night owl, though, soooo listen to me my tips work y’all
getting ur sleep hours
okok so iK that this is not always possible n u stay up late doing crap for school or smthing BUT
waking up early becomes so much better and easier and calmer when u get ur hours ok
find out how many hours u need (varies from person to person; me it’s 8 hours which kills me bc so much frigggging time)
depending on what time u want to wake up at, calculate it backwards and this new hour is ur hour that u absolutely cannot stay up past*
(* unless u absolutely absolutely have to. i understand that sometimes u just have too much stuff to do and u gta get it done. so in that case u would have to go to sleep as early as u can - meaning after ur deadline has passed, u focus focus focus n don’t do shenanigans.)
the idea here is u want a routine ok bc ur body likes routines ur brain likes routines and eventually it’ll wake up naturally at the time
this can either go both ways, whatever works 4 u:
make it RLLY RLLY shrilly n hella annoying that u hate it and u go and turn it off
warning: this can backfire bc u just turn it off and don’t actually wake up
or u make it like soft and happy and pretty
warning: similarly this can backfire bc u r still sleepy bc soft and happy and pretty
either way!!!!!!!DO NOT HIT THE SNOOZE
u made the promise to urself to wake up early, honour it. don’t be a shitty person who can’t keep their word. (look @ me guilting u)
some ppl like their alarms far but i don’t have enough self control for that lol like my alarm is my phone n getting out of bed b4 sleep to put my phone across the room eh
ur awake. now what?
ur probably still sleepy af bc ur a sleep-deprived person who would ideally be sleeping but u persevere my friend
ok first thing u do is get out of bed bc the bed is ur enemy and it distracts u ok it sucks!!!!!!!!!
couple things to stay awake:
in the winter especially i blast light in my face 2 tell my brain “yooo it’s like the day now can u wake the hell up” and then serotonin comes in and it’s like “yooo ty”
wash my face w/cooold (diduthinkiwasgnasaycool) water bc that wakes u up !!! if u’ve ever been woken up w/water!!! yes it works !!!
some ppl r like exercise but be warned: this only works if ur body is somewhat used 2 exercise like mine is not and so exercising in the morning just makes me tired tbh
stimulate ur mind ya ok some ppl r against electronics in the morning but idk watching a funny vid or smthing cheers me up a lot (laughing!!! important)
bc we r humans driven by desires i make like a nice breakfast that i like w/like fruits and like good things and it makes me feeling nice n it’s usually rlly tasty
things i like to eat: berry smoothies, burrito wraps, congee, dates lol i’m obsessed w/dates rn
sometimes i also plan my outfit n i’m like yooooooo i look so good and it gets me feeling rl nice
i also have a short impromptu dance party bc like i can afford it w/the time i have now like i don’t listen to music that much anymore :( but now i have a special time to dedicate to music and dance and it’s gr8
pls persevere; habits r not made overnight n u will miss some days n it will be totally ok
sunrises r nice to actually see and it’s x108908394 easier in the winter bc later sunrise time soooo js
my best friend just texted me “can we nap together tmrw” and that pretty much sums us up idk why that’s relevant but s.o. to him !!!
i rlly want a burrito rn
ur a superstar u can do it also wtf is sleep who needs that???
1. if ancient swordsmen say that a blade is just an extension of your arm, then poetry and the arts are just an extension of your heart and soul put into verse and a painting.
2. rather than wait for someone to fall in love with you, fall in love with yourself. easier said than done, i know. but hear me out. don’t love the way your hair looks? get a new hairstyle. do you feel like a failure? then fail, fail, fail and fail some more. each time, there’s a chance that you’ll succeed. i think that’s worth every ounce of sweat. don’t love your body size? maybe you’re too thin because it’s depicted as beautiful by supermodels, eat some more. your brain needs nutrition. when you see yourself, you’re more than just your body. you are your thoughts. feed your brain and you’ll feel loads better. maybe you’re too large and depression has got you lethargic again. i once sat around in a house for a year straight. i did nothing except for writing sad, sad poetry. you wanna know something? once you get your head out of the past, once you realize that mistakes are there for you to change, once you’re aware that they’re really not coming back– it’s going to be much easier to move on. and yeah, it’s still going to hurt, but you must hurt your way forwards not backwards. have you been high lately? heavily sedated to numb the pain? drank a beer too much and now you’re regretting it? was the joint laced? are your lips poisoned from people you shouldn’t be kissing? that’s your second pack today, right? baby, bad habits will destroy you, but it’s also a part of the process. if you try, try and try again. one day, you’ll slip up and it’ll all make sense. it’s going to feel alright even if you’re a little sore. don’t wait for someone to love you, the best contender is already looking at you while you’re dreaming. when you’re awake and brushing your teeth. when you’re listening to your favorite song. when you’re singing in the shower. when you’re dancing with your shadow while the lonely moon is out. when you’re doing that extra rep while no one’s looking. when you’re running that extra mile just for shits and giggles. when you smile some day because the quote was right. time does heal all wounds.
3. if a rose has a natural defense mechanism, then you must guard yourself from your own negative frequencies. tune into who you want to be. we are what we feel. we are what we think. we are exactly as we want to be. want to be happy? repeat after me: i’ll try again tomorrow and if tomorrow doesn’t work, i’ll try the next day, next week, next month. one day, i’ll get it right. make a pinky promise to yourself. love yourself for your mistakes, love yourself for your flaws, love yourself for your changes, love yourself for your youth, and love yourself back into the universe. the stars are watching.
4. write love letters. lots of it. seal each one in an envelope and randomly date them for the future. when the day arrives. open it. a blast from the past, these little bits of love. it used to be you. revel into yourself. you’re cool. you’re angry. you’re kind. you’re sweet. you’re chill af. you’re hot. you’re gorgeous. you’re beautiful. you’re funny. you’re boring. you’re relaxed. you’re stressed. you’re ugly. you’re too thin. you’re too fat. there must be balance in life. for every bad thing in the letter, add two good things. for every good feeling, kiss yourself goodnight twice. no one’s going to love you like how you will. and if they somehow manage to pull it off, it’s still important to be nice to yourself. you’re human after all. unless you’re an alien, in which case, welcome to earth.
5. did you know that it takes 10,000 hours to master a skill? if you study and apply yourself for about 3.91389432 hours every day, within a year’s time– you’re going to be profound and breathtakingly amazing as fuck.
6. smile. always smile. fake it all the way through. cry. crying is good for you. laugh. loudly laugh at cheesy things because it’s the little details that count.
7. keep a journal and realize that these days– our consciousness being so closely tied to technology… we’re missing something. life’s too short and it’s not stopping for anyone. take a deep breath. inhale. exhale. write it down. you don’t have to be a writer to record your current emotions.
8. if you can’t seem to accomplish any of the above, just know this one thing. i love you. rinse and repeat. it’s a new day. it’s another night. you fall asleep. you wake up. how many days will you live in routine? take the scenic route home from work. running late? laugh about it. the art of letting go is hard to master, but once you’ve achieved even a split second of severing ties with misery. darling, you’ve made it.
9. i’m proud of you. i’m proud of you. i’m proud of you. i typed it three times so that you’d see it three times. if you’re a visual learner, 🌹, that emoji is you. it’s time to bloom. 🌊, this emoji is your soul. it’s time to crash. it’s time to be gentle to yourself. 🔥, this is that one time your friends got too drunk and forgot to put the fire out. embrace the burning sensation of your memories, even if it rattles your bones and intends to fuck up your day. you are loved in the most beautiful way. repeat after me: i am proud of myself for waking up everyday. you can do this. i know you can.
10. you’ve made it this far, why stop now?
11. you always knew that the rain is wet and fire is hot, so you must also know that if your heart is beating and you’re still as lost as ever that it won’t always be like this. you’ve come a long way, regardless if you see it or not. you’ve been through so much for yourself, with yourself, and by yourself. who’s going to love you if you don’t?
Thank you everyone for helping me reach the 300 followers milestone! As a gift, I’d like to present you with some of my tips :)
Recently, I met a group of very motivational people, and they gave me tips on how I could manage my time better. I obviously took notes and thanked them so much because it definitely helped me out a lot.
Note: These tips won’t apply to all people as it is mostly focused on junior students (I’m a junior, so it might not be as helpful for the students in uni/college??)
It is a common thing for all students to have struggles with organising their time (especially me– why am I giving tips; wtf??), so I present to you: how to sort out your time!!
What I’m going to cover:
Finding time to do work
How you can beat procrastination
Assignments + Exams
Be prepared, because this is an immense post. *Looks down* Yeah, it seems like I’m about to jump down a cliff made of tips.
Marinette woke slowly, the soft rumble reeling her out of a pleasant dream and the unmistakable vibration of her pillow steadily grounding her in reality. But even when she blinked open her eyes it still took a moment to place the sound. At first she thought it was her phone.
But then she remembered what had been happening before she fell asleep.
Root beer floats on the balcony. Video games until well past two in the morning. Giggling at a comic book on her bed untilㅡ
no, that was definitely the last thing she remembered. As if in response to this, she became aware of a glossy page plastered to her cheek. Sitting up, she peeled the comic book off and tossed it aside, afraid to look behind her at the other side of her bed. Because if he’d simply left, then what was that suspiciously purr-like sound? Man, they’d fallen asleep on accident again, hadn’t they?
In the darkness Marinette peeked over her shoulder at him, then immediately sqeaked in terror when she saw his bare arm and wrenched her pillow up to press it over her eyes.
He isn’t transformed. Oh my god, he detransformed in his sleep!
Summary: The world is black and white to everyone. At least, until they reach 18, and realise who their soulmate is or meet them for the first time - and then colour will burst into their life, one shade at a time. You’ve been desperate to graduate high school and move away, but you can’t run from fate. - ft. big brother Yixing Scenario: Soulmate!au Word Count: 5,977
Okay so hockey is like, rife with superstitions and
Each player has their own pre-game rituals, which are
honestly on par with religious sacraments.
You do not fuck with a man’s
pre-game ritual. Also, the inability to
practice one’s pre-game ritual is deeply emotionally destabilizing. Like, we’re talking serious repercussions
here. If a player is unable to complete their
sacred ritual, there will be hell to pay.
Just as famous as Crosby’s famous pre-game plate of spaghetti,
or Jack Zimmerman’s pre-game PB&J, is Snowy’s pre-game application of eyeliner. It is not only essential to his game play; it
is essential to the current alignment of our space-time continuum.
Which brings us to Snowy, currently in the throes of an
emotional breakdown, in seat 15C on the Falc’s bus, clutching desperately to
his last remaining tube of La Nuit, Nior
de Nior eyeliner as though it were the cooling body of his only son.
Very professional revenge for unprofessional behavior.
As humans often do, I became tired one day at work. I decided to use one of my 15 minute paid breaks to take a nap at my desk. One of my coworkers, who I have not only never wronged but never really had a conversation with prior to this, posted incredibly unflattering photos of me sleeping on Facebook all captioned by him with insults to my character and appearance. So, I got to wake up to a bunch of comments from people I’ve never met about how I’m a lazy, special-snowflake, millennial who looks like she used to be a man. That was super fun. What was even more fun was the fact that he’s firmly planted in the Good Ol’ Boys Club, which makes him bulletproof. The manager agreed that it wasn’t professional, but the poor man was suddenly and inexplicably stripped of his ability to do anything about it by those jerks in corporate.
I decided to do my poor manager a favor and take the responsibility off his hands. I sent all the screenshots I took to HR. They can’t fire my jerk coworker, but there are fates worse than firing. He is now currently becoming more and more annoyed by the mandatory harassment training he has to do. I can see him watching it at his desk, making annoyed comments to anyone who walks by and generally looking like he wants to shoot himself. I’m having a very good day today.
The kicker to all of this? I’ve been keeping track of all the 2 and 3-hour paid lunches that Mister Champion of the Company takes. To loosely quote the same man in his hilarious Facebook tirades against me, “How dare someone steal company time like this. What’s wrong with people?” I’ll be sending all of that to HR, plus some recordings of his racist/sexist tirades, when I leave in a week or two. I have interviews lined up, all for better paying jobs with lesser commutes.
Sayonara, shitty company, you gave me the experience and the resume boost to ditch you like the sack of crap you are.