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RIP  John Dunsworth

How Tales of the Abyss saved my life

Hey!! I kinda just wanted to talk about my favorite video game of all time and what it has done or me.


My freshman year of highschool I hated myself. I was alone; I had no one. I also really hated my body. I was uncomfortable with it and the way I looked. I had no idea why though. I felt this way for months. When my birthday came around in November, my mom bought me a 3ds. She also allowed me to get on game with it and I chose an interesting looking game called, “Tales of the Abyss”. When I got home I started playing it and my first impression of the game was that I absolutely hated the protagonist. Luke fon Fabre was an ignorant, spoiled child and I hated him. I thought about returning the game but for some strange reason I just kept playing it. During this time I was dealing with major identity issues. I had no idea who I was or why I felt this way in the first place. This is when I really started using the internet more. I remember going on to tumblr and reading about gender identity and what it means to be trans. After reading about it I knew that I was trans, but I was in denial. Growing up in a Christian household taught me that it was a sin to be gay or trans; so that’s what I believed. I had such a hard time because I knew that I was trans but I didn’t want to be. I prayed every night that these feelings would go away and I constantly told myself, “you are a girl.” I also thought about killing myself so many times. As I was playing through Tota at the time I started to connect with the game. I had gotten to the part where Luke accidentally destroys Akzeriuth. The party was so angry at Luke and I just remember thinking, “why are they mad at him. It’s not his fault.” That was the first time I defended Luke. I hated him up to this point, but then I started to realize that I am a lot like Luke. I’m selfish, rude and ignorant. During this time Luke also finds out the he is a replica of the “original” Luke. Not only did he just kill thousands of people but he also discovered that he is not the person he thought he was. Luke started to feel lost and upset. Following Akzeriuth came a scene in the game that changed my whole life. Luke goes to Tear and tell her that he wants to change. Luke then proceeds to cut his long hair and says, “With this, I say goodbye…to who I have been.” I was really shocked by Luke’s actions and words. Never have I seen a character so willing to change themselves after seeing how awful of a person they were. Throughout the rest of the game, Luke contemplates his identity. He also says many times throughout the game that he is useless and would be better off dead. During all this I realized how much I connected with Luke. We both were struggling to find our identities and in a sense we were also alone. It’s not till later in the game that the party finally forgives Luke and show kindness and empathy towards him. With the support of his friends, Luke finally was able to accept himself as his own being and he became more confident. When the end of the game came around I was so upset. I cried my eyes out for hours. It was amazing to watch Luke struggle and grow as a character. I had never seen that in any other game before. Once I finished the game I told myself that I want to be able to do what Luke did. I decided that I wanted to live; I didn’t want to die. I was also able to accept myself. I was trans and I was okay with it thanks to Luke. I also appreciated the other characters for forgiving Luke and being there for him in the end. Even though I didn’t have anyone by my side during all this, I felt like I characters in the game were cheering me on. Tales of the Abyss saved my life and I will never forget that.

do you ever think about how vast the oceans are and the fact that weve only studied maybe 5% of them and how much stuff weve already discovered vs how much is left to discover and the fact that 95% is a lot of space and there could be things that are very very big and very very horrifying lurking in the depths like

Lookie he’s a grumpy old admiral now. I mean, yeah, he has every right to be given all of the shit I’m going to put him through for Stellar Abyss.

I’m a terrible person

(Okay he’s 57 so he’s not that old)