ship this so bad!!!

Honestly, I’m all for Alec being happy but what about Magnus? He’s not a prop you know? He isn’t there for the sole purpose of making Alec feel better, he has valid emotions and valid feelings and the man IS ALLOWED TO BE PISSED OFF WHEN HE HAS BEEN HURT!!!! HE IS ALLOWED TO FEEL!!!!! HE IS ALLOWED TO LASH OUT!!! (within reason of course)

Night on the town, part 14

Pairing: Leonard McCoy x Reader

Word Count: 2328

Warning: Angst, language

Part 13

“I think we should resign from Starfleet and go back home.”

You had to have him repeat what he said because you were sure that you did not hear him correctly the first time.  “Leonard, you can’t be serious.  This is our home.”

He let out a long breath standing from the bed, pacing back and forth.  “No this is a ship where we have had so many bad things happen. Lives lost, yours was almost included in that.  We could have lost Analynn in there too if you hadn’t been so damn brilliant.”

The little girl in your arms stirred as she finished nursing before falling asleep after a full belly. Setting her gently into the bassinet before you pulled Leonard out into the living room.  “What is going on in your mind, love?  This doesn’t sound like you talking at all.”

“Oh trust me, darlin’ it is. I have hardly had anytime with you and the baby since she has been born.  Hell, I see Jim more than I see either of you.  This is not what I want our lives to be.  We should be happy and watching our daughter and Joanna grow up.”

“So you aren’t happy here anymore?”  That question stopped him in his tracks.  His hair was sticking straight up from his raking his fingers through it.  

“Yes… No… I don’t know. I feel like I am going crazy here. I feel like every moment of every day I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Like… I was able to save you and have my baby girl, but what am I going to lose because of that?”  It scared you to see Leonard like this.  This was not the man you fell in love with.  The anxiety permeated every fiber of his being.  You walked over to him, pulling him into a tight embrace.

“We aren’t going to lose anything.  I am here, Analynn is here, and Joanna is safe with her mother.”  His arms wrapped tighter around you.

“For how long?  [Y/N] I can’t keep doing this.  I want to be on solid ground.  Have a job that I know I will see you at the end of my day.  I don’t even care where.  We can be close to your grandfather if you want.  Just think about it, please?”  Resting your hand on his cheek, you leaned up to kiss him gently.  

“Give me time to process everything.  It’s a huge decision, Leonard.”

“I know darling.  I’m just saying think about it.  Even if we don’t resign but transfer back to Earth or York Town.”  You signed with a nod of your head.  

“I need to take a walk. Try to go back to sleep before the baby wakes up again.  I know you need it.”  Leonard kissed your forehead before walking out.  There was no way you were going to be sleeping after that.  Everything he said running through your mind.  You knew he was exhausted but this was far more than that.

He did not bring it up again for the next few days.  However, during that time you watched him closely.  You did not like what you saw.  Leonard was running on coffee and a couple hours of sleep daily.  He was snapping at people more so than he used to, the worry lines on his forehead became more prominent.  It was difficult to get him to slow down or smile anymore. When the realization hit you that he had fallen into a depression, your heart broke.  This was the man you promised to love for the rest of your life and do whatever you could to make him happy.  At this very moment, he was not happy.  There was nothing on this ship that could make him happy.  Not you, not Analynn and it killed you.

Jim found you in the mess hall the next day.  You had the baby sleeping on your shoulder as you pushed your food around on your plate. Distracted in your own mind that you did not hear him call your name until he sat down in front of you. “[Y/N]?  You okay?”

“Oh Jim… sorry I am…”

“Distracted?”  A faint smile and a nod was his answer.  

“What’s going on? Between you and Bones, neither one of you are acting like yourselves.  It my little goddaughter there keeping you from sleeping?”  Another tired smile as you shook your head.

“Leonard wants to leave Starfleet, Jim.  He is so miserable right now and I hurts me to see it.”  The bite of food that Jim had stuffed into his mouth choked him for a moment before his spit it back onto the plate.

“Leave Starfleet? What the hell is he thinking? No.  There is no damn way any of you are leaving the Enterprise.”  Analynn squirmed on your shoulder at the noise level before you repositioned her in your arms.

“Jim what can I do? Leonard is… he isn’t himself.  I can’t ask him to stay here when he hates it. If the positions were reversed, we would already be on earth.  He is that type of man and husband.  He would do anything to make us happy.  I need to be that wife for him.”  The look on Jim’s face was pure panic.

“Let me talk to him. Maybe I can talk some sense into him. This is your home.  This is all of our home and it would not be home without you. Just let me talk to him, okay? Before you make any decisions.” There was a lump growing in your throat that was holding back the sobs that were trying to break through. Nodding was the only thing you could do as the tears filled your eyes.

Jim left you sitting there alone with that sweet girl in your arms.  He was a man who could talk Death into letting him stay a while longer. Nevertheless, there was no way he was going to change Leonard’s heart and mind.  Sitting there for a while longer you watched your daughter sleep contently.  She was too young, that when you left she would never remember living among the stars or the whole ship of people who loved her.  The ache in your heart that had been there since hearing of Leonard’s desire to leave grew twice the size.  

Until you came aboard the Enterprise, you never realized how much you loved space.  Exploration and traveling, meeting different species. How could you not.  Though, as much as you loved it, your love for Leonard was greater.  If he wanted to go planet side then that is what you would do.  It just did not mean you had to like it.

Jim found Leonard in sickbay, of course, at his desk going through the many reports from the day. He was on his third coffee in the hour as it had been around thirty-six hours since he last slept.

“Bones, you look like hell man.  When did you take a break last?  Or sleep?” Leonard grunted his response, not in any mood to deal with people.  “That long? You have to get some rest.”

“Don’t think I don’t know that.  But everyone on this damn ship has a death wish.  Do you know how many ridiculous injuries I have treated today?”  Jim took a seat, folding his arms over his chest.

“Ten?”

“Ten would have been a great day.  No, twenty-three.  Twenty-three various injuries from different parts of the ship.  On top of those who were sick and those already here.  I just got done reattaching three fingers on Ensign Garrish after an accident in Engineering.  This should not happen on a daily basis, Jim.  But it does.”  Jim let him vent for a few more minutes before Leonard finally calmed enough to stop talking and take a real breath.

“You are leaving aren’t you?”  Leonard was not surprised that you had said something to Jim.  It actually made it easier on him.  Now he would not have to sit Jim down and explain it all.

“I can’t keep doing this, anymore.  I feel like this ship and Starfleet has sucked out every last piece of me there was. I almost lost my wife on this fucking ship.  I could have lost my baby girl too.  I only get to see Joanna twice a year.  I don’t see how I can continue.  It has gotten to the point that I almost don’t even want to be a doctor anymore. I hate this feeling.”  The ranting turned into something else now.  He got up from the desk pacing around the room, as Jim watched and piece of hope he may have had faded into dust.

“I feel like I want to jump out of one of the airlocks one minute and the next I can’t lift my head off the pillow.  I haven’t seen my wife and daughter in two days.  I’m either here or asleep.   More often here.  Jim… I don’t know what to do anymore.”  Leonard’s body started to shake and he could not stop it.  

“Bones… you have to calm down.  Get yourself together.  We will figure this out.”  Leonard slumped down on the floor against the far wall unable to stop the shaking.  Jim was at his side in a moment, calling for M’Benga.

“Captain?  What is wrong?”

“I don’t know.  Bones is having a breakdown or something.” M’Benga helped bring Leonard to one of the exam rooms as Leonard shook and cried.  After the examination and administration of sedatives, it was discovered it has been closer to forty-eight hours since Leonard had last slept.  He was dehydrated and exhausted, both leading to the breakdown of sorts.  M’Benga was going to keep him sedated for at least twelve hours, to let his mind and body recharge.

As you stood over him watching him slumber, your own tears streamed down your cheeks.  You would start looking for new housing accommodations back on Earth.  Tomorrow when Leonard was awake and feeling better, you both would submit your resignations.  Jim knew it was necessary now after watching his best friend slip into the temporary madness.  It hurt him to watch but there was no denying it.  Leonard needed the change of pace and scenery for the health of his mind and heart.  He should have known after all these years it would catch up with him.

Your quarters felt empty without Leonard there that night.  As much as you wanted to stay in sickbay with him, Analynn needed your attention as well.  Jim stayed with him so you did not have to worry as much.  There was no doubt Jim would call you if something happened. Your only hope was that your husband was finally getting some of the rest he needed.  Sending word to your grandfather that you would possibly be home soon was one of the first things you did that night.  There were no details given but you asked him if he knew of any homes close that might be for sale.  Obviously, it was late on Earth but you knew he would respond in the morning.

Sleep eluded you for most of the night.  Your worry and Analynn going through a grow spurt, wanting to nurse every couple of hours made for a very long night.  Sometime in the late morning, you were fast asleep with the baby curled up next to you.  Jim used his code to enter your quarters after trying several times over the comm to contact you.  He hated to have to wake you, but you told him to.

“[Y/N]… Bones is awake.”  Rubbing your arm gently you slowly regained consciousness. It took a moment to remember what had gone on the day before.

“Oh… Okay.  Is he all right?”  As you sat up, you pulled the baby into your arms, praying she would stay asleep.

“Yeah he looks better than he did last night.  He is asking for you.  Want me to watch the little munchkin while you go see him?”  A warm smile appeared on your face.

“If you would.  I hope that she sleeps a little while longer. We both had a long night last night.”  Handing her over took a moment as you both tried to avoid jostling her too much.  Within a few minutes, you were dressed and off to sickbay.  Jim was right, Leonard looked much better than he had in a while.  

“[Y/N], darlin’ I am so sorry…”  You had to stop him from going further.  

“You have nothing to be sorry for.  You were worn out and stressed, it is a wonder it did not happen sooner.”  His loud sigh filled the quiet room as he leaned back against the biobed.

“I feel like I failed you and our family.  I just… I wanted to be able to do everything.  I can’t do it.”  Kissing his forehead you made him scoot over in the bed, as you crawled up next to him, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Leonard we are a team and we need to do things as a team.  No one person can keep the weight of life on their shoulders alone.  At some point it will all crumbled under the strain.  Let me help.  When M’Benga gives you clearance to leave here… I want us both to submit our resignations.  Grandpa is looking for places for us to live.  We can go back to Earth and make a plan for the future.”

Leonard’s shock could not be missed as he stiffened up beside you.  “[Y/N] you don’t mean it.”

Your short quiet laugh was his response.  “I can’t allow my husband, the love of my life and the father to my beautiful daughter to be miserable because of where I enjoy being.  If you don’t want to be here then we will find a place to make us all happy, together.  I promise we will figure this all out.”  

(To be continued with part 15)

tags: @feelmyroarrrr  @bolontiku  @aquabrie   @malindacath  @almondbuttercup  @supernaturallymarvellous   @imaginativefanatic  @newhappiness430 @hellhoundsandunicorns  @martinawalker  @pinkamour1588  @infinite-exist-ence   @thesummer-rain  @swiggityswagness @arcticbubby   @ellywritesfics  @yuki-sorano @dudahmautner  @lauuerodz  @captainfbffangirl99  @the-the-sound-of-the-bees-blog @illusionsoflaura  @bxbyblossom  @ryverpenrad

I’m deep in clone Shiro theory rn, but I want him to be happy and loved if he is real. Shiro never thinks about his family so maybe he doesn’t have one..a family can be 1 original and 50 clones ok. also @ilovelocust had a cute idea of Keith giving Shiro clone a pep talk and I couldn’t not use it

  • Me at 11 in the night: LONG LIVE PRODUCTIVITY! Tomorrow, I will write, draw, study, do those diys I've always wanted to try, bake, play football, make edits and CONQUER THE GALAXY!
  • Me the next morning: *reads fanfiction all day*

Straight people are so ready to erase bisexuals when it comes to keeping their precious straight characters straight, but the moment it comes to shipping a lesbian character with a man she has no interest in they’re suddenly bisexual ally #1

when you’re in a really tiny fandom/ship a really rare pairing and have already read the entire ao3 tag multiple times so you have to start looking for fics on other websites with lower standards of quality: 

8

“I’m really not interested in superstition, or being some muttering wise woman cheating people with boiled nettles and entrails.
I want to heal people. I want to learn.”

Patience yields focus.
10

Alec Appreciation Weeks ♡ Week 2
   ➸ Favourite Malec Moment(s)

Voltron Season 3 is such a treat!!! ❤️❤️❤️

*****SPOILER*****

“How many times are you gonna have to save me before this is over. ”

“As many times as it takes.”

PEOPLE SHEITH IS ON FIRE ON VOLTRON SEASON 3 OMG
(Well, very few on screen time but the relationship is just. rock. solid.)