shifts in gender norms

So. I was dead tired this morning from two twelve hour shifts in a row, and in my head i was grumbling about gender norms and conformity and all that jazz. i was on my way to get my morning caffiene, i was in my pajamas, and an old lady looked at me and said “what on earth are you wearing!” and my stupid brain immediately responded with “clothes are a social structure”
Of course I stopped, felt terrible and apologized to the poor lady. Haha

The Only Thing I Love More Than Accepting People For Who They Are Is Telling Them What To Wear When They're In My Presence

Ask Amy, 2 September 2014:

DEAR AMY: I’m very accepting of same-sex marriage, and my wife’s sister is married to another woman. But this woman is very masculine in appearance, and intentionally so–as she seems not at all bothered when waiters at restaurants address her as “sir.” She has short, straight hair, uses no makeup, walks and dresses like a man, and doesn’t even own a skirt. She is so “butch” that I’m uncomfortable being seen with her. Is it asking too much for a woman –any woman– to at least display some feminine traits when with friends or relatives in public? – Right … or Judgmental?

Dear Right … or Judgmental?,

Look, I know you–a super-accommodating champion of LGBTQ rights who doesn’t actively oppose gay marriage and so is therefore the pinnacle of human tolerance and an authority on the subject of being the most accepting dude of all time–don’t want to play the gender police, but if you don’t ensure that whatever you imagine people’s genitalia looks like directly correlates to whatever you imagine their gender identity to be, who will?

All you’re asking is for the ability to dictate to another adult human being that they wear clothes they don’t want to wear, and affect mannerisms they don’t want to affect, in order to ensure you don’t feel weird in front of the server at Olive Garden.

With that in mind, I want to get straight to the crux of the question in your signature: are you right to demand that other people adhere to socially mandated outward signifiers of gender identity in your presence?

ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY! Man God created delicate lady helpers to complement and serve Man People like you, the extremely important boss of everyone. The whole entire population of planet earth anxiously awaits your ruling on how they should act and dress in your presence, lest a pair of slacks singularly usher in the end of everything you have ever known or held dear. After all, what if someone thinks your sister-in-law is a man, and then they saw you hanging out with your sister-in-law, thinking she was a man that you were hanging out with????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

When people defy gender norms in public, as if they have any right to a self-determined gender presentation or the wardrobe of their choosing, those who suffer most are the dudes they’re related to by marriage, because logically, flowers rainbows ballet unicorns dresses TOOLS BRICKS TRUCKS PANTS, clearly.

Oh sure, butch-presenting women, femme-presenting men, trans, queer and other gender non-conforming folks are frequently sexually harassed, assaulted and/or shamed both by other members of the public and by the police, politicians and elected officials who have ostensibly been tasked with advocating for and protecting them, but the real victim here is yoooOoooOoooOOOoooUUUuuUUUUuuu, a man-man whose manly manitude is wholly predicated on the sartorial subjugation of other adult humans according to culturally, geographically and temporally variable gender norms that have shifted, and continue to shift, significantly over tens of thousands of years of human history.

Have your wife craft a bedazzled menu of approved “feminine” traits from which your sister-in-law can choose (you wouldn’t do this, naturally, because DIRTBIKES BUD LIGHT FOOTBALL BUKOWSKI), and inform her that you won’t be seen in public with her unless she starts playing pretty princess for you. The situation should quickly resolve itself.