[Hi! SOOOO~~ AAHHH, here is the first official part to MY DESIRES. I was thinking about changing it to something else than MY DESIRES but.. i don’t know yet. I might (MIGHT.. not official) Enjoy~~ Let me know so I can improve~~Dee]
Smelling the air of Korea again, it brings a lot of memories. Summer is officially here and that means travel. Areum and Jenny are both sitting with me, side by side. We are waiting for our luggages. They told us to leave first because.. Some celebrity? But yeah, I didn’t even see any.
What the– Gaww.. Why are girls so noisy and pitchy when they scream? Stop screaming. Jenny is chasing Areum.. Play? While I– Oo~ Our luggage! “JEN!” I hollered to her. She scoops up Areum and brought her over.
“What’s up with girls and screams?”
I just shrugged. Who cares. Our luggage are here. I grabbed the two luggage and we headed towards the noisy exit. Areum was saying something and with these noise, I can’t understand a thing she is saying. Areum is three now.. And wow.. She’s three now.
I looked up in the direction that Jen pointed and saw I black car, “IDOLS!” she said. I scrunched up my brows and watched it drive past. Some girls were running in our direction. I waved my hand for a cab and finally.. Finally out of this noisy airport.
Jen sat in the front with the driver. He’s a middle aged man. He’s conversing with her about America because she told him that we’re from America and that we’re here to visit. Areum is sitting next to me in her booster seat that we brought along, but she knocked out already. OH! I had a weird dream… Well, it wasn’t weird… It was like.. Unexpected, SURPRISE! In your face Kind-of-dream. I dreamt of Kyungsoo.. I dreamt that he met his baby girl and I panicked. I tried to run but he kept stopping us asking for answers and who she was. I-
I looked up at her and hummed to her.
“You okay?” I nodded and she turned back continuing her conversation with the driver. I looked to my baby girl and she is so sweaty.. I wiped her sweat from her fringe that are glued to her forehead and she moved a bit, sorry honey buns.. Her pouty lips. Too adorable. And her cheeks, ugk, to die for.
Areum woke up halfway to Auntie Annie’s new condo. It’s in the city now, nice. But it’s a more quieter side of the city… so the same kind of area when we last visited. Areum was talking so much with the uncle and laughing. He said that it was a good thing that I taught her Korean because Korean Americans now and other Asians are starting to lose their native tongue.. Like me. BUT HEY! I. Got. This.
We got off and he gave Areum some of the candy he had near his front seat and we thanked him before he left. It was early morning around 7AM. She’s probab–
We held onto our luggages and Annie– “You’re here!! She’s–” she stops and covers her lips. Jen and I both giggled at her. Annie’s reaction was priceless. She chose not to believe me when I told her I have a child now. Areum held my hand and tugged on my pant.
“She’s so cute.” coming closer towards her, “Hi.. I’m- What am I? Grandma?” I laughed and nodded, “Yes.”
“Come to grandma.”
She shook her head. I pat her back, “It’s okay. It’s only grandma. We’re going to stay with her for the summer. Introduce yourself.” She walked up a bit with her large sad eyes and bowed a bit, “Hello.. I’m Areum.” Her voice-super shaky.
“Awh, don’t cry.”
And she did. She turned around to me and she pouted tears on the verge of spilling. I hugged her and wiped away her fallen tears, “Don’t cry. Grandma just wants to know your name.” She nods and I stroke her short hair, “Shall we go in?”
Annie gave us our individual rooms. Her apartment.. condo .. what ever it is, is HUGE. It’s like a whole– I can’t even explain. Where did she get the money? She has 3 bedrooms and two baths, so, Jen had one. Baby and I shared one.
We set all of our things in the room and unpacked. Areum was looking around the room with a lollipop in her hand and wiping it, “Mommy,” I looked up at her and she wiped the extra goo off her lips, “Come here baby.” I motioned for her to come. She smiled and ran over, “It’s stuck to my hair.” she brushed her hair out of her face. I grabbed some napkins and wiped her lips.
“When..” she brushed her hair behind her ears, what in– “When. when is daddy coming?”
Daddy? I – dad?? Like her dad? My dad? Who told her anything about dad being here? I just gave her a dumbfounded look.
“Grandma said daddy is here.” she whispers. Damn it.. Mooooom~ I just smiled, “Dad’s still very busy okay?”
“I want to see daddy.”
Why is my child so emotional today? I.. Why all of a sudden? I kissed her cheeks, “Oh sweetie.” she’s going to cry and it’s just not going to end well today. Don’t do this.. Not today. I hugged her and sat her in my lap, “Daddy is still very busy. Daddy.. Dad will come when he isn’t busy, ok?” she nods and plants her face in my chest. I brushed my fingers through her short locks, “Want to go out today? With mommy?” Her large eyes looked up and met mine. It’s kind of red and nodded, “Yes.” I smiled and kissed her head, “Let’s go then.” pulling her up with me.
Jenny was tired so she slept and Annie.. Lady went out. Areum and I are going to the cafe to grab some drinks. She’s wearing her cute sundress. It’s a sky blue but a little bit lighter with white rimming the bottom of her dress. AND it has a bow on her stomach. It’s not too short or too long. I’m wearing a white tee and blue denim jeans with a jean jacket and a cap. She’s wearing a hat too since the sun is really.. It’s just hot.
I bought her some orange juice and a caramel iced coffee and headed for a nearby park for her to play at. She swung my hand back and forth, back and forth.. Like her dad. The resemblance is no joke. I think I’ve said it before right? That they are the same?… I believe so, “How is it so far?”
She nods, “It’s good.”
“Aren’t you tired?”
“No. Mommy is here so I’m not tired.”
You sweet talker. I smiled and nodded along. Nice. We walked about two blocks… with her in my arms as I carried her. She got tired.. I’m Super tired. And my drink that will fall and spill, “Mommy is so pretty.” she pats my face. I smiled, “Is that why you’re so pretty?” I asked her. She nods and thumbs up, “Yes.” I planted a soft kiss against her cheek, “You’re so sweet.”.. I think we.. where are we? There’s some girls here, but they look like tourists with their cameras hanging around their necks. Yea, Tourists. They were taking photos of this building and some guys coming out and entering a van in front of it. Now, that area is empty but that car. SHADE! I quickly walked towards the shade, thank goodness. I was going to pass out.
I placed her down and she drank her juice then pointed at the building in front of us, “What is that?”
“A building..” I chuckled a bit.
“I know.” she brushed her fringe and twirled. SUUURE You do little girl. I just chuckled and shook my head. She sung and sung her little butt off to some nursery rhymes and korean songs then idol songs. It was so cute. I shouldn’t have showed her any korean songs. It’s so funny. Her little butt was wiggling cutely. I laughed then checked my phone. Some updates on instagram. I recorded her on snapchat and posted it. She’s so silly. She wanted me to take photos of her, so I did. I showed her too because she wanted to look at them. So photogenic. She went back and did some peace signs and kisses. She twirled and twirled then stopped and suddenly bowed in the direction of the building– OH.. they’re looking, “Areum, let’s go honey.” she nods at me then bowed again at the men in caps. They waved at her.
She skipped over and grabbed my hand, “Let’s go mommy. I’m.. tired.” I pulled her up and carried her again since I was done with my drink and she laid her head against my shoulder, “Mommy.”
I hummed a yes, “Is daddy here yet?” I continued walked back the direction that we came from and the car early past us, “Hm.. no. He said not now.” I feel so guilty lying to her. He doesn’t even know about her existence. The car suddenly stops and the door opened. Hm? They probably forgot something or the—
Baekhyun… I looked at him then her. She looked up and pointed at him, “He was the one waving.” I looked at her him and he came closer, “is that you?”
“Baekhyun oppa..” I said and bowed. Great not what I planned at all. He came running as I placed her on the floor. His arms engulfed me and he told me how much he misses me and I smiled, “Thanks.”
“Who’s this?” he squatted. She walks up towards him and looked at me. I stared at her too, “Hello, I’m Kang Areum..” she bowed. He had a large.. HUGE smile and patted the top of her head, “You’re so cute. How old are you?”
She held up two fingers, “Three.” We both chuckled at her clumsy mistake. He took her hand and helped her, “Three. That’s two earlier” He looked up at me then stood up, “Where’s her mommy?” I scrunched my brows, what is he talking about? I’m right here– Oh.. I looked around us–
“Mommy,” she held onto my jacket.
“MOMMY?” out of surprise. His face says it all for Byun Baekhyun. I nodded, “Surprise?”
“Since when?” crossing his arms.
“It’s a long story?” shrugged a bit with a chuckle.
“Baekhyun, we have to go!” his manager shouted. He said ok and patted her head, “Give me your number so I can contact you.” I stood shocked, “My N-number?”
He hummed a yea and I nodded, “Okay..”
We exchanged numbers and he was saying how the boys are going to flip. I held onto his arm, “Don’t tell them about her… just yet.” He scrunched his brows, “Why not?”
“Just.. I’m not really ready…– just say it’s a surprise but just don’t mention my child.. Just yet?” He nods, “I’ll contact you.” he said before he walked back towards the car. What a meeting. I looked back at the building with Areum being fussy now, I didn’t know they got a different building.. Hmm.. interesting.
“Let’s go honey.” carrying her again.
I hollered a taxi and got us to the nearest food.. Restaurants because my child is hungry and ooh… AHH! It was a really quiet place with not much people. We both hopped off the taxi and went in. The auntie who works there took us to a table and handed us the menus before leaving. I don’t really care if it is extravagant or whatnot at least.. You know.. It’s food. Areum can do a lot of greasy food.. Her poo will.. You know, diarrhea.
I sat her down across from me and ordered her some kimbap with some of the glass noodle dish. I’m a bad mother I know.. First time mother. But don’t worry, I ordered her soup that isn’t spicy. And for me, I ordered kimchi jjigae with rice for both of us.
“She’s so pretty.” the auntie complimented her. We both thanked her. Areum did her little bow and threw in her honorifics and it continued from there, saying that she is well mannered and super pretty. I couldn’t thank her enough for the compliments before she left to tend some other people who sat two tables away.
“Mommy,” she began again with her hair. What is up with her and her hair? “Hm?” I answered, she batted her eyes and I gave her a crooked smile, “Do I look pretty like how the grandma said?” Where did she learn to bat her eyeballs at me? And why is she leaning across the table like that with her eyes all big? I chuckled and nodded, “Mhm, Areum is the prettiest in the world.” I pinched her cheeks. She smiled a warm smile with her heart shaped lips… the same smile as her daddy’s. Hmph.. guilty. I feel guilty. Her dad is somewhere here but I’m.. I’m keeping her from knowing it. She’s going to hate me so much.
“Thank you” As the auntie placed our food on the table. I grabbed some food for Areum and she began to munch on them and saying how it was delicious as I began to dig into mine. She loved the glass noodles the most. She hardly touch the kimbap. I made her eat some because.. There is NO WAY I can finish it by myself after this meal, “I want ice cream.” as she ate her food. She just stared at her plate. I nodded, “After you eat.” She smiles and nods. The people who came in after.. I swear, they keep staring at us. I can see it from the corner of my eye.
We were stuffed.. Like a turkey on Thanksgiving Day. I asked for a box so I can take it with us because her kimbap.. And her noodles. I wiped her lips with a napkin and turned towards the other table who is basically watching us. Who– Chan–
“Chanyeol?” I whispered. Baby girl looked over too.
“Hana?” I laughed hearing his voice. That super deep voice, “Chanyeol?” He smiled and walked over with a hug. I hugged him too and–
“Mommy,” I looked at her– oh yeah, “That’s my daughter.” I told him. He looked at us and –
“Since when? Why didn’t you tell me?” he chuckles.
“Yeeeaa.. Long story.”
“How old are you?” he squatted down to her eye level. She smiled, “Three,” with her two fingers again. We laughed and he helped her with her fingers. “Where’s her dad?” they both looked at me. I forgot how my face suddenly hardened– “Mommy says daddy is still singing.”
Seeing someone else pop in from the door– was my dream.. Some sort of foreshadowing th– “KYUNGSOO!” the other guy from the table screamed. He bowed to them and— OH NO. My heart just dropped. Kyungsoo..