shes a cactus

ITS NEW YORK BABY ALWAYS JACKED UP (hey!) HOLLAND TUNNEL FOR A NOSE ITS ALWAYS BACKED UP (sniiiif) WHEN SHES ALONE SHE GOES HOME TO A CACTUS (oh!) IN A BLACK DRESS, SHES SUCH AN ACTRESS, SHES DRIVING ME CRAZY

she worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettES hard liquor mixed with a bit of intelleCT and all the boys they were sayin they were into iT such a pretty face on a pretty neck she’s driving me CRAAAAAZYYYYY but i’m into it ahh but i’m into it ahh i’m kind of into it it’s getting CRAAAAAAZYYYYY i think i’m losing it hey! i think i’m losing it oh i think she said I’M HAVING YOUR BABAAAYYYY IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESSSS I’M HAVING YOUR BABAAYYYY IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS hO it’s none of your it’s none of your I’M HAVING YOUR BABAAAAYYY HEEEY! IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS HO! I’M HAVING YOUR BABAAAAAY HEEY! ho! IT’S NONE OF YOUR IT’S NONE OF YOUR oooWWWWWW it’s new york baby always jacked up hEY holland tunnel for a nose it’s always backed up [SNIFF] when she’s alone she goes home to a cactUS oH?! in a black dreSS she’s such an actreSS [SNIIIIFFF] driving me cRAAAZYYYYYY but i’m into it ahh but i’m into it ahh i’m kind of into it it’s getting CRAAAAAYYYYY i think i’m losing it i think i’m losing it oh i think she said I’M HAVING YOUR BABAAAYYYY HEEEY! IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESSSS HO! I’M HAVING YOUR BABAAYYYY HEEYY! IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS hO! it’s none of your oH! it’s none of your I’M HAVING YOUR BABAAAAYYY HEY!!! IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS OHH! I’M HAVING YOUR BABAAAAAY HEY! AA! AA! IT’S NONE OF YOUR oW! IT’S NONE OF YOUR hO! OWWWWWWWWWWW HEY HEY HEY HEY HEYY HEY oWWWW LALAla she sits beside me like a silhouette hard candy dripping on me ‘til my feet are wet and now she’s all over me it’s like i paid for it cha-ching! it’s like i paid for it i’m gonna pay for this oaH it’s none of yoUR iT’S NONE OF YOUR I’M HAVING YOUR BABAAAYYYY HEEEY! IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS I’M HAVING YOUR BABAAYYYY HEYYY! IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS it’s none of your it’s none of your I’M HAVING YOUR BABAAAAYYY hey! IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS I’M HAVING YOUR BABAAAAAAAAAAAY IT’S NONE OF YOUR IT’S NONE OF YOUR HEY!

THE WAY HE SINGS “WHEN SHE’S ALONE SHE GOES HOME TO A CACTUS AND SHE WEARS A BLACK DRESS AND SHE IS AN ACTRESS” ALL IN LIKE ONE BREATH

I dunno man, i felt like Zion would look pretty cute with Ram’s ears?? but at the same time, i think i might try and find a more creative way to show her ramlyness, because i don’t want all the variations in Canyon Jive’s races to just be that they all have different animal ears you know??? maybe hooves or slant eyes??? 

(also rip me, trying to color a sketch from a phone picture) 

Kiwi Analysis

So, on Friday, me & @captiveharts read the lyrics of this song almost at the same time, and then when we started discussing them, we realized we both had thought the same thing. Yes, we do think it’s a song about stunting, and we do think it’s about a stunt in particular. Not b*bygate, though, but H*ylor (that is probably the stunt lol). And Harry saying this song started as a joke at the Breakfast Show with Nick, made us think this probably started as a “you know, i really need to get this off my chest” thing: it started as a joke meaning that he probably wanted to make fun of her and of her habit of writing about her exes. It was probably just “a bit of a banter,” & then at some point, they must have gone like “you know, this could be good,” & turned into a proper song.
But with no further delay, let’s start our analysis.

●     “She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes
Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect.

○     The first line can be a metaphor of how TS started from the bottom as a Miss Nothing & then turned into a pop princess/America’s sweetheart™,

○     The second line can be about how business-woman-alike she always acts. Everyone always says – even if she enjoys acting like a naive little girl – she’s actually really smart (& she knows it).

●     “And all the boys, they were saying they were into it,

○     where “all the boys” are obviously all the men TS stunted with

    ■     many of whom are surrounded by gay rumours,

    ■     reenacting every single rom-com cliché (no, Tom Hiddleston, I haven’t forgiven you yet for going around with that hideous I <3 TS tank top)

    ■     “Into it” can also be interpreted as a way of accepting a deal, & getting along with it.

●     “Such a pretty face, on a pretty neck.

○     Does this one really need an explanation?

●     “It’s New York, baby, always jacked up,
Whole tunnels, foreign noises always backed up.

○     Well, NYC plays a big role both in TS’ personal life, and for the whole length of that mess that was H*ylor.

○     The lines Harry & his co-authors wrote seem in fact to mock a bit TS’s Welcome to New York (Walkin’ through a crowd, the village is aglow / Kaleidoscope of a loud, heartbeats under coats)

○     Harry and Taylor are papped several times together in NYC:

   ■     The first time they were spotted together was in Central Park

   ■     Taylor went to 1D’s after party after their concert at the MSG,

   ■     They were both papped again in NYC while leaving their hotels

   ■     They were seen together at the Jingle Ball’s backstage

   ■     And of course there’s the whole super yikes NYE ball drop thing.

●     “When she’s alone, she goes home to a cactus,

○     This is probably the most “obscure” line in the whole song, but we thought it could mean that she’s basically going home alone, finding nothing but a plant in her empty house. TS likes surrounding herself with people – her “squad”, her countless boyfriends – but at the end of the day, these are mostly stunts. We don’t know which relationships she has are actually real (*cough* Karlie i know you’re real *cough*), but most of them are probably just for the sake of the press and the media.

●     “In a black dress, she’s such an actress,

○     TS is actually known for wearing a lot of black dresses/outfits 

○     She referred to herself as “the girl in the dress” in Dear John (The girl in the dress cried the whole way home and The girl in the dress wrote you a song).

○     About the actress thing, well:

   ■     TS is literally an actress as well since she played a couple of roles in some movies (Valentine’s Day, The Giver, etc),

   ■     she’s an actress metaphorically because of all of her stunts & the girl next door image she’s built for herself.

○     But with this line, Harry also seems to mock an old TS’s song, Better Than Revenge, where on her turn, she was mocking a girl who had “stolen her boyfriend from her” (She’s not a saint & she’s not what you think / she’s an actress, oh oh / she’s better known for the things that she does / on the mattress, oh oh).

●     “Driving me crazy, but I’m into it, but I’m into it, I’m kinda into it,
It’s getting crazy, I think I’m losing it, I think I’m losing it.

○     Okay, first of all, crazy. Harry repeats it twice in each chorus, & he stresses it when he sings it.

○     Crazy is definitely a word that comes up to everybody’s mind when they think of TS:

   ■     because of the psycho girlfriend image that has been build up around her public persona (there are loads of parodies on Youtube, media have often talked about it)

   ■     and eventually, she has – very smartly – referenced it herself in Shake It Off and especially Blank Space (and in fact she acts like a psychopath in the Blank Space music video, mocking the idea that the GP & the media have of her).

○     But “crazy” is a term she often uses in her own songs as well,

   ■     Picture To Burn (Tell you friends I’m obsessive & crazy, that’s fine, I’ll tell mine that you’re gay),

   ■     I’m Only Me When I’m With You (You drive me crazy half of the time), etc

   ■     She uses it in the initial monologue in the I Knew You Were Trouble music video,

   ■     and she has a whole song called Crazier.

○     The whole “into it” escalation, on the other hand, seems like a young Harry trying to convince himself that this stunt won’t be this bad:

   ■     his managers were probably telling him how a good idea this would be, how his popularity would increase, he must have told himself that he would have survived this, that he’d have managed to appear into her,

   ■     only to realize that no, he wouldnt have been able to do this cause the whole stunt was getting insane, and that H*ylor was the worst thing ever (for both him & Louis), and that’s why he then proceeds to sing “I think I’m losing it”.

●     “I think she said ‘I’m having your baby, it’s not of your business’”.

○     Of course, this is a metaphor. this girl mentioned in this song sounds extremely bossy, and lowkey psycho, and that’s a great description for TS (her public persona, at least).

○     This is TS saying: “I want all the promo I can get, and I don’t care if you hate it. We signed a deal, so now shut your mouth cause I’m getting what I want.” She’s stubborn, she doesn’t think about him anymore, she just wants to help herself and, indeed, she has done that even way after the end of H*ylor, publicly shading Harry, and implying that great part of 1989 (& not only) was written about Harry (and by the way, there have also been rumours, back during H*ylor, that TS was indeed pregnant of Harry).

○    Harry might have also take inspiration from another stunt (*cough cough* b*abygate *cough cough*) for this particular line

●     “She sits beside me like a silhouette,
Hard candy dripping on me till my feet are wet
.”

○     These are the infamous lines that made people accusing Harry of encouraging pedophily (yikes). First of all, we definitely don’t think Harry was aware of the metaphorical meaning of “hard candy” (I had no idea either), and we actually think that “hard candy” is just the name of a drink, a very girly one btw, that for sure would fit TS’s sweetheart image, and of course it’d make sense since Harry sings that “it’s dripping on him till his feet are wet.” (And btw, there’s also a scene in the Blank Space mv where Taylor eats a hard candy & the camera focuses on her face).

●     “And now she’s all over me,

○     Well, she was quite literally all over him during H*ylor

○     and she made sure to stay all over him with all the songs she implied were about him.

●     “It’s like I paid for it, it’s like I paid for it, I’m gonna pay for it.

○     Harry here might refer initially to the whole stunt thing: their relationship is nothing but a fauxmance, it’s literally hiring someone to play his beard.

○     And then, he refers to when the realization of what was going on sank in: he was gonna pay the consequences for this stunt for a long, long time (in fact, he still is since media still ask him about her).

In conclusion, this song seems to us Harry’s reply at all the songs she implied were about him, at all the very obvious attempts of shading him she’s done through the years. But this song, this is not a Style 2.0, it’s not even another Perfect. This is extremely subtle, and one can get the reference only reading carefully into the lyrics. It’s Harry’s way to get back at her, but in a classy way (unlike hers), and by mocking Better Than Revenge, he’s basically saying: “Take this, Taylor. There is nothing I do better than revenge.”

how am i meant to just…….. go on…….. after the late late show last night………. i don;t even remember my own name anymore,,,,,, my brain is just a constant loop of harry’s dimpled grin and giggles, “in a cool way”, the haunting “OOHHHHHHS” in sweet creature, harry in that gold shirt and the netted shirt and vest, harry dancing to hey yaaaaaaaaa, “i can’t quit you” “i don’t want you to”, “i need to have a chat with my wife” “i need to have a chat with your wife”, harry pouring a water bottle in his eye (not once but twice), “I’M REALLY UPSET”, “WHY AM I ALWAYS JULIA ROBERTS”, “i’m just a girl…. [smile before back to character] standing in front of a boy…. [tries to hold in a giggle before back into character]…. asking him to love her”, the way he says “in the car”, “they’re on the door dying and then she asks him to draw her like a french girl? [giggles] they’re not on the door!”, “jack…… i want you to draw me like one you french girls” [seductive look over the shoulder before breaking out into giggles], harry and james imitating me in the car listening to kiwi complete with pulling over to the side of the room so i can rock out properly with air drums and oWW ALLA AH JHSSHJGSS and hand claps and head bangs and slamming on the roof of my car, HARRY’S GREEN SUIT, the crazy hand motions, “I’M HAVING YOUR BABAAAAY IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!”, the HAND ON THE POPPED HIP WITH THE “IT’S NEW YORK BABY ALWAYS JACKED UP”, the breathless “when she’s alone she goes home to a caCTUS and she wears a black dress she is an actress”, “I THINK I’M LOSING IT!!!!!”, the return of stage hoe harry’s signature dance moves, “OWWWW!”, “she sits beside me like a silhouette hard candy drippin on me til my feet are wet now she’s all over me [hand on the hip] it’s like i paid for it it’s like i paid for… [raw emotion] i’m gonna pay for this”, harry droPPING TO HIS KNEES AND SCREAMING