Dear Ex-Best Friend, There are times I miss you. Because I remember the times you were actually nice, and not a bitch to people for no good reason, and when we used to be on great terms… Then there are time I see your name, and I want to
Break the heel of your shoe to see you go tumbling down three flights of stairs
Shave off your eyebrows in your sleep
Do a drive-by egging
Hire any male I know to do a drive-by pissing
Slip you something awful in your drink
Find something terrible about you that turns everyone you know against you
Buy a metal baseball bat, paint “KARMA” on it, and swing it at your face.