shepard,

Shakarian headcanon

In me2 just after you recruit him, Garrus talks about his facial scars and how some women might find it attractive. At this point in the game, paragon or not, shep still has her scars from the lazarus project. No other squadmate comments on shep’s new scars (excluding miranda at the very start and chakwas as she is a doctor). What if, when Garrus brings up facial scars being attractive, he’s trying to subtly comment on her scars?! Because he doesn’t make the comment for broshep

stormehwithcaissa  asked:

Same anon as before, BMOL- just gonna point out real fast that this 'abomination' saved your sorry asses from a vengeful Lucifer- AND Michael. And believe me, no matter how prepared you are against a couple, you are not prepared against all of Heaven's armies. And the archangels.

“Oh, spare me,” Shepard snaps, “The only thing the Winchesters save the world from is each other.  And have you seen Heaven’s so-called armies?”

“A bunch of plucked chickens who can’t even fly,” Ms Watt scoffs.

“And what archangels are we supposed to fear exactly?” Shepard asks with a laugh.  “Last I checked, Raphael was dead and Michael was trapped in the Cage.  The ArchJoke is probably so far away by now that by the time he comes limping back, the Earth’s sun would have burnt out already.  And Lucifer?  I doubt he gives two shits about what we say about his vessel considering Sam threw his ass back into the Cage.”

The guard outside their cell snickers, catching the humans’ attention.

“Something funny over there, halo?” Ms Watt calls angrily.

“Yeah,” the guard says, walking over to them.  “Your information’s a little outdated there, human.”

“Well, why don’t you enlighten us then,” she challenges.

“Gabriel wasn’t the only archangel brought back by our Father,” the angel says with a grin, “And as you pointed out, we haven’t been able to fly.  So, who do you think brought you here?”

“What?”  Ms Watt sits up, the first trace of fear finally showing in her eyes.

“You heard me–God returned Michael and Raphael to us.  And rest assured, Gabriel has already made it back safely.”  The angel’s smile slips away and his eyes blaze with righteous anger.  “You should count yourselves lucky he survived unscathed.  Or maybe unlucky.  You not only harmed a fledgling–you took him from the Archangel of Justice, and our most creative brother.  What is it you humans say?  Oh, yes,” the angel leans closer to the bars, “Your fates are sealed.”

Chuck looks up from his book and thinks for a moment before answering.

“I’d sneeze on them.  And when they suddenly wake up in Purgatory, they’d find themselves naked with only pool noodles as weapons.”

“Really, Brother?  You’d sneeze on them?” Amara asks in a bewildered tone.

“Snot is gross.”  Chuck shrugs and returns to his research.

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