littlewatty  asked:

Dunno if you've done it - but Garrus' reaction to Shep being missing after the destruction of Sovereign at the end of ME1, before she shows up again.

[Nothing can convince me that these two weren’t always secretly into each other. Decided to keep this short, but hopefully sweet.] 

Shepard was missing, and Garrus couldn’t articulate why this made part of chest ache, bands of worry squeezing tighter than they had any right to.

 Sovereign’s destruction had carved a wide swathe of destruction across the Citadel, leaving the Council’s chambers as a wreck, unrecognizable for the soaring, vaulted space it had once been. Lurching to his feet, Garrus dusted himself off. Everything was a mess of pain, but it wasn’t any worse than taking a rocket to the face, and a few extra scars weren’t going to change things. There were dozens of small, bleeding cuts dotting his body, even through his armor, through his carapace, but he had more important things to worry about. Where the hell was Shepard?

 She should have been just right there, right in that area where light met shadow, but instead there was just a steel beam, a pillar that looked devastatingly heavy and metallic. “Shepard!”

 Shit, where was she? This was just concern for a friend; he didn’t have time for this confusing rush of emotions. Turians weren’t good at emotions, and Garrus was much like every other member of his species in that regard. He cared because Shepard was his leader, someone he had grown to trust. It wasn’t anything more than that.

 And then movement from by the pillar, something crawling out from underneath it. Shepard, standing atop the rubble. All she needed was a fan to blow her hair and she would have looked like something straight out of an Alliance recruitment poster. Join the Alliance. See the stars. Become the hero you were always meant to be. He didn’t like that feeling still lurking in his chest, something queasy but at least relieved, something that gave a funny lurch he refused to consider more deeply.

 “Shepard.” If his voice wavered a little bit, did she notice? If, when he clapped her on the shoulder, did she pay attention to how he held his hand there for a moment longer than was necessary, squeezing it? She felt… whole, okay. Just as scratched up as he looked, but damn if he didn’t like every scar on her face.

 “Worried about me, Garrus?” Voice cocky- that was the Shepard he knew best.

 “Not even a little bit,” he shot back.

 “Liar.” She threw her arms around him, surprising them, a bear hug, and he could have sworn that she leaned into it more than she had to.

 Damn it, Vakarian. You’re a mess.

A little Shore Leave

Shepard and her crew had spent about three days on Feros in total and after that mission ended it was time for some shore leave. Shepard didn’t think this was the time for such a thing- but Adam’s down in the drive core insisted. After she thought about it, a checkup wouldn’t hurt anyone. Plus, it was Jokers birthday that weekend.

She really could use a few days break after the non-stop missions they’d had. The stress of it all weighing down on her a bit. She always had insomnia, but this was something else. Shepard found herself laying in bed every night staring at her ceiling. The minutes blurred into hours and night after night she grew more restless. After every mission she had new bruises and scars. Each one telling it’s own story. And the difficulty to find peace in her bed crept further away. She really did need a break, her body needed the break.

When the Normandy arrived at the Citadel a few days later the crew started to disperse and Shepard had no idea what to do with herself. How could she relax knowing what was coming? After all that she had seen so far? All of her thoughts had been on the mission. Reapers, Saren and the geth… sometimes during those sleepless nights she even found herself thinking about Garrus…

Shepard stood on the docking bay outside of the Normandy saluting, waving and hugging off her crew members for the weekend. Garrus waited by the elevator watching her. He could see how each crew member had a different relationship with Shepard, and they were all personalized and unique. Shepard knew everyone on that ship. She knew their service history, details about their families… their hopes, dreams and fears. But it wasn’t just that she felt obligated to know them, Shepard was genuinely interested in them all. Garrus remembered her saying that knowing her crew made her stronger. It gave her something to fight for.

She really is incredible. Beautiful.

Wait a minute. Incredible? Beautiful? He couldn’t remember the last time he had referred to anyone with such high regard. Garrus never really had time for relationships and it’s not like he had a thing for humans… He had heard about the fetishes but he never found one attractive. Well, not until Shepard.

Garrus thought about how protective he was of her, all those long nights learning each other. The way she smiled at him. That smile that was only his…It didn’t matter what sleep deprived thoughts he was having in that moment only one thing really mattered: she was human, and he was turian.

Even if it wasn’t weird for the obvious reasons he could think of multiple other reasons it couldn’t happen. She was his superior. His boss. His Commander. Maybe that should have been higher up the list of problems in his fantasy… Whatever he was feeling was nothing, a momentary lapse. Shepard was his best friend. He cared for her deeply and in those couple months she had been a better friend to him than anyone he had ever known.

He thought about how Shepard had kept her word and helped him track down Dr. Saleon. Once he saw the doctor he’d been tracking all reason went out the window: he wanted blood. She had seen the look in his eyes, ordering him to stand down. Garrus respected her too much to disobey a direct order, so reluctantly he complied. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew she was right.

Killing Dr. Saleon would solve nothing. It wouldn’t bring those people back. I wouldn’t undo all the time Garrus spent tracking him. But if they took him in they could get some information; about the hostages, what he had been up to… anything. They didn’t know what the doctor had been doing, or if he had been harvesting organs again somewhere else. Had he got himself into a bigger mess they didn’t know about under his new allies Dr. Heart? Garrus knew he would be more useful to them alive. It didn’t end up mattering in the end though, Dr. Saleon refused to go into custody and ended up dying anyway.

What was the point of this… he had ended up dead like he had wanted. Why couldn’t he have just killed him at the start before he had a chance to try and run again? He would never forget what Shepard said in response,

Garrus… You can’t predict how people will act. But you can control how you’ll respond. In the end… that’s all that really matters.’  Shepard had been right. Again.

Working with her really had been eye opening for Garrus. Shepard had seen the path he was headed down before he even did… A path not that different from Saren’s actually. In that moments Garrus watched her, he realized what this had all been about. It had been about saving him. Shepard didn’t care about Dr. Saleon. She cared about him. She had been trying to stop him from turning into someone he would hate.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you, Shepard.’ Garrus had told her that day. He didn’t realize how true that was until now. Until he noticed the way the lights above her illuminated her hair and emerald eyes. Until he noticed how beautiful every little dot was on her nose and cheeks. How beautiful she really was.  

On the docking bay Shepard noticed him watching her. She glanced over and held up one delicate finger, that smile trickled her lips and she mouthed ‘One minute.’  He nodded back at her, mandibles lose against his face. That’s when he noticed Joker standing next to him. How long had he been there…

Joker stood fairly straight but you could see caution in his eyes. You sorta had to live your life cautiously with a disease like the one Joker had. Garrus didn’t know much about the pilot, but he respected him and enjoyed exchanging a good joke or two from time to time. Joker looked from Shepard and then back to Garrus. He had a certain look in his eyes, one that made Garrus feel strange. In the awkwardness of the moment Garrus shifted his wait uncomfortably. The smallest smile slipped the corner of Jokers mouth, but he quickly cleared his throat and coughed into his fist.

“Garrus.” Joker let out still holding back his smile, that look still behind his eyes. He turned and walked away joining Liara, Tali and Presley in the elevator down.

Shepard had finally finished her temporary goodbyes and walked straight up to Garrus.

“So, a turian on shore leave… You come here often?” Shepard smiled and nudged him as they waited for their ride down to C-Sec having just missed the last one.

“Oh yeah… I come here often. Good place to blow off steam. Scenery’s not bad either…” Garrus looked at her for a second then nudged over his shoulder to the Normandy slyly. His voice cooed his usual soft hum mandibles flaring playfully.

Why was everything so much easier when she was with Garrus? She felt like she could handle anything if he was with her. No matter how big or small the mission she could do it if he were by her side. Shepard felt the guilt of taking a break in the middle of all this lift, like a weight off her shoulders. Garrus and Shepard spent the afternoon finding new models, talking about guns and trying different foods on the Citadel. They couldn’t share anything but it was nice to just pretend to be normal for a few hours. They deserved this, didn’t they?

The three day weekend came and went faster than they hoped, and before they knew it they only had one more night before it was back to hunting rogue Spectres and saving the galaxy. So naturally, it was time to party, it was a great excuse to celebrate Joker’s birthday.

The crew met at Flux Night club in the Wards for drinks and one last hurrah before they had to see this mission through. Garrus found himself recalling a conversation he’d had with Shepard when they first met-

This mission won’t be easy. There will be casualties. I won’t insult you by pretending you don’t understand what that means.’ He knew what she had meant then, but it had a new meaning for him now. Was this really it… would this be the last break they’d get. Would they all make it after they found Saren? Would Shepard make it?

Of course she would. She’s Shepard.

Garrus stood at the bar with Joker who wore some kind of paper cone on his head, Tali and one of the Alliance crew members he didn’t know… Alan maybe? He found himself glancing at the door every few minutes. Shepard wasn’t there yet, and he wondered what she had been up to. Garrus hadn’t seen her since the night before and found the anticipation of waiting building. He took a drink of his Dextro Heat Sink, a drink he enjoyed for the obvious play on words. Honestly, it didn’t taste that great.

Scanning the room again for her red hair, for her scent. When he felt a touch on the shoulder he smiled. When he turned however, he wasn’t greeted by Shepard but a female turian. He should have known, he couldn’t smell Shepard anywhere. The female in front of him had softer features than his own and she had deep purple markings down her nose and mouth with two small dashes under either eye on her cheekbones. She was very pretty by turian standards.

“Can I buy you another one of those?” The turian asked sweetly pointing to his drink. Her flanging was soft and smooth. Garrus looked at his almost empty glass and back at the turian.

“Sure, but only if I can buy you one first.” Garrus said back. He had always been charming and good with words, he knew this. If this was his last night on the Citadel he may as well have a little fun right? When she smiled he took this as a yes and asked what she was drinking.

Shepard finally had made her way into Flux. She was running late of course after picking up a brand new Spectre requisition sniper riffle for Garrus. She was nervous for some reason; she didn’t usually give gifts, and this was REALLY expensive. But she had more credits than she knew what to do with, and he really needed a new gun. She felt the pounding of the techno echo through her chest and her palms started to sweat.

What the fuck, you’re Commander Shepard. Keep it together

She scanned the room for her crew, but mostly she as looking for Garrus. When she saw him though, she wished she hadn’t.

Several minutes passed and Garrus took another look around the room. He saw Shepard standing near the entrance of the club looking at them. She had no expression. No indication of what she was thinking or feeling. She just stood there, watching the two of them. Shepard hadn’t moved an inch since she entered Flux a few minutes before. She was too far away and there were far too many people in the club to get a proper read from his visor.

In the minutes before he noticed her though, she had been watching them. The way they interacted. They stood close, and she could tell by the lightness of the turians face that she meant business. She couldn’t tell how Garrus was reacting, but a smile from the female let her know he probably meant business too…

He did mention blowing off steam didn’t he…

Lost in thought she hadn’t realize he had seen her gaze. Shepard felt her stomach drop and she immediately felt sick. She threw him a quick smile, not the real one he was used to… Then turned to joined Liara at a table where she sat with Kaidan.

Garrus noticed the smile Shepard had given him as he watched her walk away. He didn’t know where she had gone, but he instantly felt strange. This wasn’t normal. Why would she give him that look? He found himself staring at the spot his Commander stood moments before. That’s when he noticed the female looking up at him expectantly feeling her arm on his elbow.

“So… I’m Nayla… How about that drink?” She asked again sweetly.

How long had been been off in his own mind? How long had be been standing there silently with this stranger… staring at the empty spot Shepard had been. Garrus forced a smile, trying to relax his mandibles he nodded. In a slow turn, he ordered them both another round. Even with a pretty distraction he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

Shepard did her best to push the feeling she had in her stomach to the side. She sat with her back to the bar as not to be tempted to watch Garrus and his date. What did she care if he was finding himself a nice lady to shack up with anyway… She didn’t know why, but all of a sudden she really needed to get drunk. Really drunk. Like, ‘I just stopped 10,000 batarian’s from taking over Elysium’ drunk or maybe ‘I have feelings for my uninterested turian squamate’ drunk…

Of course, Kaidan was eager to cater to Shepard and took the absence of Garrus as a sign that he could. Finally Garrus wasn’t with her, so he could have some alone time. Well… Sorta, Liara was with them. Kaidan didn’t mind Liara though, but it was hard not to notice how awkward she was. Having spent most her time alone working on dig sites really did a number on Liara’s social skills. Surprisingly, despite Shepard having indirectly killed her mother, Liara seemed to be just as infatuated with the Commander as everyone else was.

“Can I get you anything to drink, Shepard?” Kaidan asked a little louder, having realized she couldn’t hear his soft voice over the booming of the music and patrons.

“Yes. Whiskey. Double.” She said. “Can you order me a couple?”

“You sure you want to be getting drunk the day before we head back out, Commander?” Kaidan joked standing.

“That’s exactly why I want to be getting drunk. Plus it’s Joker’s birthday… that’s why we’re even here remember? Buy him one while you’re at it.” Shepard smiled as he walked to the bar. “So, Liara. How are you enjoying yourself?” She tried desperately to distract herself from what she had seen. But no matter what she couldn’t stop thinking about it…What had she even seen though? Nothing. Not really.

Garrus was just standing there talking to a girl. As he should be. He is allowed to talk to females of his OWN species. Why do you even care? He deserves a break… to have fun, or be able to ‘blow off steam’ like everyone else. What is it to you?

When she couldn’t think of anything satisfying to tell herself, she decided it was time to suck it up. Shepard was just being protective because they were such good friends. Yeah, that was it…

When Kaidan returned with an armful of drinks for the 3 of them, she saw Joker lift his new drink in a distant cheer. Shepard returned the gesture downing her whiskey. Biting back the alcohol taste that stung her throat and burned her nose, she reached for the second one and knocked it back. Licking her lips she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, setting the empty glass in front of her. Shepard had seen Kaidan and Liara notice her but didn’t react. The two of them exchanged a look and then began drinking as well.

“Do… you want me to get you another one, Shepard?” Kaidan asked when he saw her staring into the empty glasses she had just lined up evenly.

“I got this one. Are you guys ready? I’m buying. I plan on getting Joker very wasted tonight.” The look they sent her indicated they weren’t ready. How could they be? She was the one trying to drink her feelings away, not them.

“Hopefully not too wasted, we do need him functional.” Kaidan laughed taking a sip trying to catch up.

Kaidan just returned no more than 3 minutes before with their drinks. They nodded anyway, what are they gonna deny the Commander the right to buy them all a round? Plus they at least had 10 minutes with the lines that were at the bar. After another minute Shepard turned and walked up to order them another round of drinks. She could already feel the warmth swimming through her belly and tickling her mind. Shepard walked to the opposite end from Garrus when she approached. He hadn’t noticed her yet, thankfully. She ordered another two whiskey doubles, a beer for Kaidan and a honey mead for Liara. She tried buying Joker another but was told to get in line- everyone’s goal was to get the birthday boy wasted. While she waited for their drinks she couldn’t stop herself from watching Garrus interact with the female turian.

She watched him shift his weight effortlessly, running his taloned hand down his fringe and neck in a elegant stretch. He had a confidence about him; one she always admired. Shepard had noticed in the past the looks he’d gotten- she was aware just how attractive he was to most women, no matter the species. She noticed he way the turian leaned into him and the lightness of her mandibles when she spoke. Shepard wondered what Garrus’ face had looked like… Did he look as happy as that female did?

What do you care?

Realizing the bartender has been speaking to her. When she came back to reality she paid the Volus, grabbed their drinks and began retreating.

Garrus could smell her though and turned just as she did- narrowly missing her eyes. He watched her crimson hair bounce away from the bar as she disappear into the bodies of the club goers.

As the night went on, Shepard drank more. It was safe to say that she was very drunk. She was really drunk. Actually, they had lost count of how many drinks she had over the course of the night. That many double whiskeys could even take the great Commander Shepard down. She sat at the table with Liara and Kaidan, the two of them also fairly drunk at this point in attempts to keep up. Kaidan had been non stop flirting with Shepard and given the circumstances she even flirted back. Hell, Liara even tried in her awkward way.

“I would LOVE to have you in a lab to study, Shepard… You are just so incredible… No.. wait… tha-that’s not what I meant to say… I just meant, with all of your Prothean knowledge due to your contact with the beacon, and the cipher- Oh! Just imagine everything we could learn from each other! Oh… oh no… I am just making this worse aren’t I… I must to apologize…” Liara was rambling taking anxious swigs of her mead.

Shepard didn’t mind though, the rambling was rather adorable honestly and proved a great distraction. They talked and laughed about anything they could that didn’t have to do with Saren, the geth or the Reapers. As the night progressed Shepard even considered taking one of them back to her room with her…

But like all night’s this one was coming to an end. Shepard watched as her crew trickled out one by one making their way back to the Normandy. Both Liara and Kaidan still sat drinking with her. She wondered if they both secretly hoped they’d be the one to go home with her that night… Who would she chose?

Tough choice really. One is obsessed with you because of your connection to the Prothean beacon and the other is obsessed with you because you saved them from the Prothean beacon…

Probably best not to go home with either of them now that she thought about it.

It was getting close to 0200 hours when Garrus finally walked up to their table. Shepard noticed him approaching in her peripheral — he was alone. She swallowed down the rest of her drink, biting her lip shifting in her seat. In that moment she realized she really had been drinking a lot.

Garrus placed a warm taloned hand on her shoulder leaning down besides her. She looked sideways at him still holding her empty glass, her leg shaking restlessly. He didn’t say anything, but held his mandibles close to his face staring into her eyes. With her free hand she pulled it to her mouth and began lightly biting her nail; a nervous habit she hadn’t done in years. Shepard felt his sharp blue gaze still looking at her. She felt a warmth from him run through her. Was this the alcohol or Garrus? No one at the table spoke and Garrus noticed her breath quicken and her heartbeat rising on his visor.

“How nice of you to join us, Garrus.” Shepard smiled, it was almost right…

“Shepard…” He purred so softly that the others at the table couldn’t hear him.

Garrus reached his free hand out placing it over hers and the empty glass, holding them both in place. Kaidan and Liara had been watching them, but neither of them said anything. Desperately trying to eavesdrop. With the hand that rest on her shoulder he slid it closer to her face, brushing the side of her pink cheek with his thumb then tucking her hair behind an ear. It was ever so slight, Kaidan or Liara would for sure have missed it if they hadn’t been searching for it. Shepard swallowed and continued looking at the hand still holding hers around the empty glass.

“Come on. Lets get you out of this dump.” Garrus stood, sliding the empty glass from her delicate fingers; setting it on the table amongst the others.

She still sat looking at it. Everything felt light and somehow in slow motion. He reached a hand out in front of her and after a second she took it. Kaidan and Liara watched not saying a word as they turned and walked out of club. Once out of Flux Shepard remembered the female and spoke before she could stop herself.

“So… Mr. Vakarian…You seemed to be enjoying the ‘scenery’ inside. What happened to your new friend?”

“Spirits. Is that jealousy I hear, Commander Shepard?” Garrus joked looking at her.

“In your dreams, big guy.” She said back giggling and swaying with each step.

With each drunken step she felt herself forgetting about the girl he had been talking to. She was forgetting that this may be her last time on the Citadel. Oddly, all she could think about was how damn bright the Citadel was. Garrus had always rambled on about how it was never dark in there… But there was something about being in fluorescents that late when you were this hammered that made every task just so much harder.

Shepard tried walking upright, she really did. But every so often she would lose her balance and trip. They couldn’t help but laugh. Garrus had been drinking pretty heavily as well that night, but no where near the amount she had been. When her ‘feet stopped working’ Shepard fell down a small flight of stairs. How someone could be so graceful on the battlefield but so clumsy in the real world was beyond Garrus. She sat there at the bottom in a hysterical fit of laugher. Garrus was reminded again of just how beautiful she was, and seeing her there sobered him up just a bit. If she hadn’t been hurt Garrus would have been laughing with her honestly. It was pretty funny how she acted when she had been drinking. He had seen it a few times before on the Normandy, but she had never been THIS drunk.

He knelt down slipping a long arm under her, pulling her close to him. She stood with one arm around his neck, his right arm holding her tightly around the chest at her ribcage. The way his hand felt there… She couldn’t think about that now. They walked slowly side by side, as she limped in unison with his strides; making sure not to put pressure on her hurt ankle. It honestly didn’t even hurt her hardly- a mild sprain at best, but she was having fun pretending that it did.

Their walk was long and peaceful and Garrus could smell her skin. By the time they stood outside the Normandy on the docking bay he had been engulfed in her. It was more intoxicating than anything he drank that night. Her scent was better than anything he had ever smelled. Shepard’s skin was softer than anything he had touched. Before he knew what he was doing, he found himself close to her neck, taking a deep breath of lavender into his lungs. His mouth and nose lowered closer to her neck almost touching her with them. Garrus released his breath besides her ear, running his nose through her hair, tracing her hairline; she felt a wave run through her.

Shepard pushed into him more, turning to face him. She had an urgency about the way she leaned her head into his his cowl, closer to his face. Garrus could feel her shudder in his arms. Taking her free hand she placed it on his neck holding herself close to his mouth letting out a soft sigh. He reached down sliding his hand up her back, pulling her into him. His fingers braided through her hair. She let out a quiet gasp at his touch and he leaned into her neck pulling her even closer. Their faces were almost touching, breath hot and fast.

“Garrus…” Shepard said breathlessly as he felt something primal shift in him.

The way she had said his name made him burn for her, letting a small growl escape his lips. He had lost his composure. As if a switch was flipped they both were sent into a frenzy. She lifted a leg and was met with his hand pulling it onto his hip- pulling her onto him.

Simultaneously he lightly pulled her hair revealing her neck to him as he turned pushing her into the wall. Sliding his taloned hand from her knee to her thigh he helped her other leg wrap around him. Leaning his face into her neck, kissing it, running a blue tongue across it tasting her. Shepard let out a airy moan at his touch. The way he touched her with determination and strength was different than anything she had experienced. His lips were harder than a humans, but they felt amazing trailing her collarbone and shoulders. Garrus didn’t know where his behavior came from, he was just reacting to her. It was instinctual. He somehow just knew how to touch her.

Garrus grabbed her hand sliding it up the wall holding it in place as he moved his face to hers again. They looked at each other for a moment and then she kissed him hard. She never imagined that feeling him like this would feel so right, but it did. With each embrace she could feel the growling in his chest growing, his desire and control slipping. She ached for him.

Shepard lightly caressed his tongue with her own, tasting him. Garrus slid a hand down her arm, down the side of her body ending at her hips. He pulled her into him more as they continued frantically kissing and pushing into each other as if they could never be close enough.

As fast as it started it was over. They heard the elevator arriving and quickly realized where they were. They had been on the docking bay outside of the Normandy almost… almost… could they even? This can’t be normal… He lightly slid her down to the ground careful not to release her completely. Garrus couldn’t bare not feeling her after that. Everything was going to be different now… He felt it.  

“Well, look at you two being creepy and stuff in a dark corner.” Joker let out walking past them with Tali towards the airlock. Tali had been mumbling at a volume they couldn’t understand, clearly she also had a bit too much to drink. Joker looked back at the two standing there in silence. “You guys coming or what?”

Helping Shepard over to the Normandy and when Joker noticed her foot he signed. “Really, Commander? You can’t go a few days without getting yourself hurt?”

“You sure you wanna mess with me? You’re basically made of glass, Joker. I could probably break your bones just by looking at you.” Shepard laughed as the decontamination process started.

Shepard was trying hard not to think about what had just happened. She looked up at Garrus shyly, her eyes were soft and heavy. He smiled down at her holding her tightly enjoying her warmth.

“Wow, you really are drunk aren’t you, Commander?” Joker asked when he saw how hard it was for her to walk straight even with Garrus leading her. “Here I was thinking the mighty Commander Shepard was unstoppable, a god among men— and women… Only to be taken out by a few drinks and a flight of stairs.”

The look she gave him let him know he was done and he put his arms up defensively.

“Alright, alright, I’m going. Sleep tight you two.” Joker said giving Garrus that same look from a few days ago. With a lazy salute he retreated to the cockpit.

Upon entering the doctor took one look at the Commander and Garrus and crossed her arms. The look she gave them was like they were a couple of kids that had just been caught sneaking out. Shepard covered her mouth and attempted to stand up straight. She was holding back a laugh. Shepard knew how obvious it had been that they were wasted but she didn’t want to show it if possible. Somehow though she only seemed to make herself look more guilty.

Shepard let out a long sigh shaking her head. “Doesn’t anyone sleep on this damn ship?”

“You. Med bay. Now, Commander.” Chakwas said with a small smile pointing to the stairs. “Garrus, I’ll need you to accompany us if you would.” Chakwas lead them down the stairs into the Normandy’s Med Bay.

He carefully sat her down on one of the beds. Shepard tucked a hair behind her ear, flinching when the doctor rotated her ankle checking the damage. A minor sprain like they suspected, nothing serious but she’d need to be careful on it for a couple days. FTL was fast, but she should have the time she needed.

“See? I told you. Not that bad. I just missed a few stairs, honestly I’ve had much worse. Remember that time I fell off a 2 story building?” Shepard reached an arm out placing it on Chakwas’ shoulder giving it a light shake.

She had her ankle wrapped for some extra support and Chakwas left Garrus in charge of escorting the Commander back to her quarters. As they approached the door it slid open allowing them to walk in. He walked her over to the bed where she laid down. Seeing her laying reminded him of that time back on Therum. Her hair spread around her like wildfire. She gave him a big pure smile reaching her arm out for him to take. Garrus stood there a moment looking down at his Commanding officer wondering if this was a good idea… Should he be there? They both had been drinking and Shepard seemed really vulnerable.

“Shepard… I…” He stated as he ran a hand over his fringe and down her neck the way she loved.

Shepard sat up at looked up at him. She grabbed a taloned hand in hers pulling him down to her level. Garrus kneeled in front of her looking at his feet. She moved her arm up slowly resting it on the side of his face softly.

“Hey. It’s okay. We don’t…” She stopped, biting her lip. The room was spinning slightly around him.

“I…  don’t want you to think you have to do this. I may be your Commanding Officer but I’m not gonna make you sleep with me.” Shepard let out a laugh removing her hand anxiously. “I’ve been drinking, you’ve been drinking… it’s been a long couple months…” She set her hands in her lap.

“It’s not that, Shepard. I just don’t know if this is the time for… whatever this is.” His voice was soft but his words still stung her and she felt an ache in her chest.

She looked down at her hands laying there limply in her lap. She began to wonder if she had gone too far. In a drunken stupor did she ruin her only true friendship? She never should have drank so much… She never should have kissed him. He probably didn’t even feel the same way about her… And was only reacting the way any man would in that situation. Shepard knew this was a bad idea, knew the possibilities… but that didn’t stop the way she was feeling about him. The way she had been feeling about him.

“I understand. You’re right.” Shepard said clearing her throat. “I don’t know what I was thinking… I’m sorry, Garrus.” She began to feel a little embarrassed and for a moment she wished none of this had happened.

“Jane… That’s not what I meant.” Reaching out a long taloned hand he pulled her chin to face him again.

Leaning closer to her, there was only a few inches between them now. He could see how fast her heart had been beating on his visor, how her body heat was rising. This had been one of the only times he had called her by her first name. She was surprised and in that moment she sobered up a bit. There was something jarring about hearing him purr her name like that. It scared her. It excited her.

He leaned forward resting his forehead against hers.

“Shepard. I… we can’t do this.” Garrus’ voice was soft.

“Why not?” Shep asked lightly closing her eyes.

“It’s just not the time, Shepard…”

She knew he was right. Getting involved further would complicate things. She could hardly believe she wanted him so badly. Being the person to always put duty first, and feelings second. But now, she wanted to say to hell with the rules. They had acted on their impulses and she couldn’t help but think that they already had taken things too far. She knew he was right though. If they did this they couldn’t go back. They already were dangerously close to the point of no return.

She nodded and leaning into him. They sat on the floor of her cabin propped against her bed. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. The silence surrounded them and for the first time in months she fell asleep with ease. For the first time in months she didn’t dream of the beacon.

Ps IM A NOOB SORRY IF AM BAD I TRY ;.; I’m used to writing editorial stuff so this was a fun challenge.

  • me: what a nice night
  • brain: shepard didn't ask for any of this. she wasn't prophesied. she didn't even wake up one day and go "well. time to save the galaxy." she was shoved and strongarmed into her fate. she wasn't even allowed to DIE in peace. she could have walked away at any time, but she accepted these backbreaking responsibilities and gave every bit of herself for people that didn't even value her beyond a tool for survival—
  • me: well! time to drink myself to sleep