shellentell

On April 1, 1991, a babe was born. Since that day, that babe has grown up to become an idol that not a single girl should look up to. And during this upcoming weekend, we celebrate the gift of life (and possibly death as well) that some crazy god, goddess, or satan has brought to the Earth 21 years ago. We will also be celebrating the gift of alcohol and all things awesome. Everyday someone is celebrating their 21st birthday. And everday Shelley is also celebrating someone else's 21st birthday. But it is not everday that Shelley is celebrating her own 21st birthday.

What she has in store for the weekend, NYC doesn’t know yet. But after the weekend, ShelleNTell will be sure to shelle ‘n tell you all about it, that is, if the madness from the next three days does not result in an apocolypse.

For the time being, let us be reminded of the celebrant’s previous birthday rages.

 

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When Shelley turned 19, her one request was that she and her friends see The Last Song together with Miley Cyrus. So, the girls took her to the theater so they could watch 2010’s comedy of the year. Some girls cried, Shelley laughed and scoffed.

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On their way back from the movie, Shelley went to pick up some cranberry juice so her and her friends could have some drinks back at their apartment. When she got back, she had smiling penises welcoming her into her living room. The girls had surprised Shelley with a penis themed birthday party. As she walked in, she was crowned with a penis headband and handed a drink with a penis straw. That night she got so drunk that she started showing affection and finally gave her best friend since the 6th grade, Amy, the hug that she deserves. It just took some time, alcohol, and a penis party to open up Shelley’s heart.

On her 20th birthday, Shelley and her friends planned to rage at Rubulad but April Fools! - her friends got too drunk and too stupid to find the warehouse to make it there and spent most of the time on the subway to and from Brooklyn. Despite the disappointment, Shelley still had some fun. Before leaving, Shelley was given a very special birthday gift, some MDMA for an exciting night. And although she couldn’t get funky at Rubulad, she was still able to have some fun on the subway even though the night was a total fail and she was surrounded by hateful people.

The next day, Shelley was promised a better night to celebrate her birthday. She and her closest friends hit up Greenhouse for old time’s sake and Shelley’s attachment to traditions. It was a simple yet drunk night but it definitely made up for the previous night.

This year Shelley will have a new reign on her life while it takes a turn onto a path with even more bars, clubs, and warehouses. Wishing you the best of drunk this year, Shelley!

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Friday night Shelley was once again spotted at The Gutter snaggin’ some free drinks at the open bar. She and her girls got there at around 12:30 am and went straight for the bar. With their drink snatching skills, they were able to grab at least 15 drinks before the open bar ended half an hour later. Shelley, Eleni, Liz, and Liza designated a spot at one of the tables to sip on their drinks and chit chat. A few men stopped by to say hello and try to win their hearts but it didn’t take long for Shelley to insult their pitiful bullshit.

Loser #1: One loser tried to convince the girls he went to Princeton University, but Blair immediately criticized his Ramapo degenerate appearance. Apparently, Sir Lies-A-Lot whores around at Slutgers and had no clue what county Princeton was even in. Sorry, babe, but girls like Shelley don’t go for ivy league posers.

Loser #2: Tanmoy was his name and faking straight was his game. He was a well-groomed macho man that came over to the Shelley and immediately started hitting on her by saying, “You’re pretty and I’m awesome.” He started throwing compliments at her like commenting on how much he loved her thrifty ring. He’s apparently a fashion designer at Saks 5th Ave and was totally diggin’ her style. He gave one of the girls his number and facebook and from the looks of his profile picture and musical interests (Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Kelly Clarkson, AVRIL LAVIGNE?!?!?) he definitely was not Shelley’s type. See ya later, gaytor.

Loser #3: Soon after, Shelley was approached by another man who was a complete meathead. He tried very hard to woo her. He was so fucking clingy that every time Shelley tried to leave and stand around her girls he would come back over and try again. He even tried to use the line, “You try and act like a bitch but I know you’re actually a really sweet girl.” Read the blog, Beef Brains. Shelley’s a total bitch. To get him to leave her alone, Shelley built up the courage to press her lips against Meathead’s in order to give him the satisfaction he wanted so she could finally leave. It’s a hard thing for a vegetarian to do. But sometimes you need to give in to get out.

After finishing their drinks, the girls headed over to Bar 9 to meet up with some friends. They danced around for a while then headed back home after a successful night of being total betches.