sheila-franklin

  • Sheila: Typical Berger! Running away from an argument you know nothing about.
  • Berger: I know all about the war.
  • Sheila: Really? Point to Vietnam.
  • Berger: Why do you keep a globe on you?
  • Sheila: In case I get lost. I'll give you a hint, it's not the country shaped like a boot.
  • Berger: That's Vietnam
  • Sheila: That's China.
  • Berger: You're China!
  • Sheila: ... That's an outrageous accusation.
So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, “What about the strain on our resources?” Well it’s like when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. ‘cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin’. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.
—  Sheila
  • Berger: I think, for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean, it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
  • Claude: Yeah, and — and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that — that... that's not... why we bought the ticket.
  • Berger: You see, the problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again. Y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically, just trying to stay awake.
  • Sheila: Yeah, well, word of advice: bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
  • Woof: Are we still talking about sex?
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Megan Reinking (u/s Sheila) - Easy to Be Hard - Hair