she's...actually screaming

anonymous asked:

Our store is "24 hours" but between 3-330am our registers are shut down for end of day report. I can't check anyone out during that time. This past night that I worked a woman walked in the door, because we're still open they just can't buy anything, at 3:03. She actually screamed and started stomping her feet and throwing her hands in the air like a child when I informed her the registers were down til 3:30 and it was only 3:03

It’s Valentine’s Day, Tiamat and I are coming home from a romantic dinner, filled with deep, introspective discussion about he direction of our lives and where we want to go. And screaming. A lot of screaming. She’s just a passionate person.

Anyway, we think tonight’s gonna be our first night. We would have done things sooner, but she can’t see humans as anything but horrifying eldritch abominations that she wants to eradicate from existence. Seriously, when we first met she called me a “tumor on the ass of life itself.” Well, all she actually did was scream. But I could tell. I could tell. Love just works that way.

So, I light some candles. Get the mood going, turn the lights down, you know. Things go the usual way.

Now, it’s about this time, about two seconds before everything goes to hell, that I’m struck with a thought. Tiamat always keeps her legs pretty tightly together, you know, unless she’s in her horrifying dragon-thing phase.

“Tia, honey, are you sure this is… safe?” I ask.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.” She responds, softly. Well, as soft as a bloodcurdling scream that transcends mortal capabilities can get, anyway. It’s the thought that counts.

Now, assured, I gently spread her legs open. And I’m immediately washed away by unspeakably horrific, tar-black primordial ooze.

“YOU SAID YOU WERE CLEAN!” I felt bad for raising my voice, usually we try and keep things civil, but I hope you can understand where I’m coming from, here. I was pinned to my door by ever-growing puddle of ooze. It was mildly unpleasant, to be honest. This was a pretty big betrayal.


I didn’t really catch anything after that, because, you see, that ooze kinda does things to life.  You know, suddenly you’re as black as the ooze itself, you grow random eyes and limbs, can’t comprehend anything that used to be rational, the usual. 

The ooze did kind of spread all over the planet. That sucked a bit. Ended humanity, the whole nine yards. 

The moral of this story is, you should always wear a condom when you’re going to have sex with horrors that existed before life did. Sometimes your partner might feel too self-conscious to share their medical problems in that situation, especially in the heat of the moment. Protect yourself until you can be entirely sure.

Be safe, kids.

anonymous asked:

My friend who isn't even a larrie just said "sorry james, i love you, but i wish it was louis singing that duet with harry instead of you" I actually screamed! She is converting haha

our forces are only growing stronger

I’m not ready for you to leave me - chikariko (fic)

ChikaRiko - Yokai/Fantasy AU: 1145 words-ish (read more)

@hazardtomyhealth@hitomishiga, I love being irresponsible!! hope u guys love pain

gore tw, no death I promise.. sort of….

Riko’s never quite met someone as selfless as Chika.

For all the centuries she’s lived, Riko has always thought of humans as selfish, hunting down and murdering other species of monsters in cruel hunting parties for their own gain. For such a short lifespan, they have made sure the world is wary of them, their sheer numbers posing a threat to any creatures living in their vicinity.

They were strangely fixated on the concept of immortality, believing in things such as Philosopher’s Stones, trying different elixirs, even with no knowledge of the celestial world. They fought amongst each other to get ahead of the rest, and if that wasn’t an indication of their ruthlessness and greed, Riko didn’t know what was.

So why, just why, was Chika so selfless?

Just when Riko didn’t want her to be?

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This one time #6

I’m going to give you a little more background about my restaurant. It rhymes with B&W. We are known very well around the province I live in for an amazing breakfast choice.

In the particular store I work at breakfast on Saturdays and Sundays are absolutely batshit crazy. I mean CRAAAAZY.

Most of the workers are used to it. We joke and complain but we handle it like we always do.

Jk, we actually usually do fuck all. The teamwork at my store (if on a scale of 1-10) is a -178.

So most mornings is a mess of the kitchen screaming at the front staff, and vice versa.

This particular morning, I was working. Which is weird because I’m always on nights. So I was greeted that morning with screaming and yelling and a lot of coffee. Not really a great start.

So this one customer came in, and all he asked for was his English muffins to be well done. Extra toasted. That’s it.

It sounds so easy right.

So I went and asked the kitchen to toast them twice, so that they would be well done. Now. I did not raise my voice. I was calm, I was actually happy.

My manager. The boss. The lady who was supposed to make sure that every customer left happy… told me no.

Actually she screamed. She screamed and said “I can’t toast it twice. We are busy. I can’t toast it. Give the customer a refund.”

Here’s my problem with that. THIS IS A FUCKING RESTURANT. It is OUR JOBS to serve customers food. My boss just told me to essentially tell that customer “Too bad, get out, we can’t feed you today. Here take back your money and go to another resturant.”

This gave me such bad anxiety that I almost had a panic attack. Because I can’t tell my boss, “just friggin toast the bun, it takes less than a minute you lazy hag.”

So I went to the customer, and apologized more than six times in once sentence.

That’s when my other manager saw this and was like “no.” We’ll toast it. And then I explained what happened. This manager took it in the kitchen. And then there was a row. In which the entire store can hear them SCREAMING at each other.

But in less than two minutes the man received his breakfast.

Now… I wanted to ask the manager “was that so hard?!” But I didn’t wanna lose my job. FML

Bubblegum horror

(Sorry I’m not very good with titles) okay so I work at a store where are return policy is 30 days with a receipt, or if you don’t have the receipt you need an ID and you just get store credit for the price the item Is currently if it had been marked down. So with that in mind let me tell you about one of the worst customers I have ever had.
So one day I was working on the return counter and up walks this old lady who is covered head to toe, from her glasses chain to her toenails, in pink. Everything was pink, her nails, her swade outfit. Her glasses. It was all a Dolores Umbridge pink nightmare.
So this lady wants to return two pairs of sandles. I said “alright can I see your receipt?” She said she didn’t have it. So I was like “okay can I see your ID please?” She then got upset and said it was in her wallet. I thought that was strange but I told her that it was fine, I could wait while she got it out. She then said something about how her wallet was a mess, and that she could just give me the number. I said “no ma'am I need to see the actual ID, it’s company policy.” She got more flustered, but did pull out her wallet and began to half ass search through it to find her ID. After about two minutes she just looks at me and says “I’m just going to give you the number I don’t want these people behind me to wait long” she gestured to the line of literally one other person. But by this point I was just ready for her to go so I agreed. She gave me a number that to this day I don’t know if it was hers or not.
So I scan the sandles she brought in, they were both originally $12 or something like that, but where being rung up at .99 apiece(these sandles were at least 4 months old). Now the lady is mad, she asks if I can give her the original price, I tell her no and explain the company policy to her. She’s getting madder, and demands to speak to a supervisor, the entire time swearing under her breath and calling me names. Luckily my supervisor was on the register next to mine, and I asked him(basically for aperience reasons only)if I could give her the full price of the shoes. He just said a flat no, with no explanation and turned back to what he was doing.
Now the lady was angry, like really angry, she screamed at me to get the manager or she would get me fired. The manager, who was near by came over quickly and explained to her why she couldn’t get the original price on the shoes, and then walked away, leaving me with this pink screaming wrinkly harpy. So this lady has been told by everyone at the store level that she cannot get the price she wanted on the shoes, so what does this bitch do? She grabs a sandle and started to bang it on my counter, screaming awful slurs and profanity at the top of her lungs. I was in a state of shock and indifference at this point that I just let her carry on for a minute.
When she finally took a breath I told her that she would be getting $2in store credit and could I please have the sandle she was holding. She got red in the face again and said (actual quote here, because it will be burned in my memory for life) “You know what f*** you and f*** this store. I’m just gonna keep the sandles and re-gift them. What do ya think about that???” She actually paused and waited for an answer. I just said, “that’s nice and to have a nice day.” She then stormed off into the store to shop, or something, but she was finally away from my counter so I didn’t care. But the kicker was about 15 minutes after that ordeal, as she was leaving she found my manager and apologized to her. Not me the girl she scream and actually said slurs to. But my boss, who was there for two minutes.

tickles-cupcake  asked:

AAAAH MAID DRAGON!! Do you have any fave characters and maybe some tickly headcanons for them already? ✩

hmmm i think my favorite would have to be elma! she’s such a cutie. but i also really like fafnir! i like lucoa too… i like every character tbh :’) for now i’ll just do those three and i’ll try to cough up some kobatohru later :0 hcs under the cut!

Originally posted by medusalily

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Kiss Me (Please)


K+ rating, pre-movie au, hurt/comfort and romantic fluff

FFN | AO3 | original prompt

Metro Man tries to explain to Roxanne that her flirting with Megamind has more of an effect that she realizes. But Roxanne is certain that he has to be wrong. Megamind would have to care about her for it to matter, wouldn’t he?

“You need to stop flirting with him,” Wayne says.

Roxanne, in the middle of recounting the story of her latest kidnapping, puts down the coffee mug she was using to gesture.

“Come again?” she asks, arching her eyebrows. “Need to stop flirting with who?”

Wayne looks supremely uncomfortable.

“With Megamind,” he says, lowering his voice and darting a glance around the cafe, as if worried they’ll be overheard.

Roxanne’s heart seems to stop for a moment in her chest.

“Wh—I do not flirt with Megamind,” she says, and forces an incredulous laugh. “That’s ridiculous.”

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obeydontstray  asked:

Give me number one pleeeeease! And maybe a number two!

  1. Character A is startled when Character B takes them to a boathouse at the beginning of the night.

“This isn’t the trailer,” Joyce Byers commented as Jim Hopper waved his hand towards the little ramp leading up to a very old, very brown, very unseaworthy-appearing houseboat. 

“I’m renting it, come on.” He tugged on her hand to pull her flush against him. Lust trickled past her uncertainty as she felt his erection press insistently against her stomach. 

It didn’t, however, trickle past her stubborn curiosity. 

“But why?”

Jim groaned. He had been longing for this very moment for much longer than he had realized. The realization had been fully actualized when she screamed that SHE was going to be the one to go looking for Will in that other place. What a woman. Here, they were finally taking that leap forward, or at the very least, enjoying a night in each other’s company, and he had a sneaking suspicion that it was all going to take a backseat to her objections towards the setting.

“I wanted to try something different? My life has been stagnant since coming back here. I wanted to…” He scrunched up his face in thought, trying to remember that poem she had really liked when they were in High School. The one she kept trying to read to him when she had been a brainy slip of a thing. “Disturb the universe. Like that Prufrock guy.”

He could tell by the soft, astonished look in her eyes that he had finally managed to say the right thing in front of her. A miracle. She was the one woman he could never seem to charm, because she knew exactly who he was - had known since they were in the first grade when she helped him hide the fact that he had an ‘accident’ on the playground during kickball.

“You remember,” she murmured. Suddenly, her hands were on his shoulders, a steadying maneuver as she stood on her tiptoes and pressed her soft, hot mouth against his. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted, walking her towards the little ramp. Finally, finally, finally.

“Wait!” she gasped when they were kissing against the wall, in the shabby little sitting room off of the entrance.


“I would feel more comfortable if I were wearing a life jacket.”

(I will write #2 later today)

hciwa  asked:

13. What about your muse makes you sad? [ TALK ANGST TO ME BANANA ]


     If I say everything, would that be cheating? CRIES

     Ok real talk though like… there are honestly like several things about her that make me sad. T_T The first one would be the fact that she loved Gérard. People might disagree with me on this but I remember seeing that if Widowmaker is revived by Mercy she’ll actually scream out his name. She visited his grave in the comic. SHE WAS HAPPY IN HER WEDDING PHOTO. SHE STOPPED DANCING FOR HIM. SHE TELLS ANA THAT SHE KNOWS NOTHING WHEN SHE SAYS GERARD WAS A FOOL FOR MARRYING HER. EVERYONE CAN FIGHT ME ON THIS BECAUSE AMELIE LACROIX LOVED GERARD AND SHE WAS FORCED TO KILL HIM AGAINST HER WILL. (P.S, I have a headcanon regarding this topic that I’ll toss out eventually too ;3)

     The second is up to interpretation, given that this is just how I’ve come to understand her and how I’ve gotten comfortable with her portrayal… but whenever she tries to recall emotions, or the way something felt (like if she’s remembering a happy memory, or one that made her sad) and the emptiness that follows just… murders me. She was taken from a life that was her own, she was happy, she had a loving husband and knew many people in Overwatch that she considered her family, and to be suddenly ripped from that and subjected to torture just because she happened to be the ‘weak link’ of it all. She can’t remember how these feelings felt, and it puts a weight on her chest– makes it harder for her to breathe because she’s trying to remember something she can’t experience anymore.

      Since she can’t feel any emotion anymore, she’ll get frustrated because she knows she’s not supposed to have emotions. She’s not supposed to experience love, or joy, or sadness– she was changed to be a weapon and she has to carry out her duty. If she shows ANY hint of weakness, Talon will dispose of her, or they’ll subject her to additional treatments. This is why she carries herself so proudly and looks down at everyone else, because only the weak need emotions.

The Legend of the Sun and the Moon (Complete)

[Read from the Beginning on AO3]

Pairings: Sheith, Hance, some minor badwrong Shendak
Characters: Shiro, Keith, Hunk, Lance, Pidge, Allura, Sendak, Haggar, Zarkon, Coran
Rating: E (Explicit- please watch the tags)
Chapters: 25/25
Word Count: 165,670

This has been incredible! I can’t believe this story is over, it’s been a huge project that’s taken up months of work and inspired a whole world that we’ve fallen in love with. It’s been so amazing to get to create a fantasy universe from its history, cultures, and mythology, that gets away from the Eurocentric fantasy setting and (hopefully) stays true to the canon show and the characters. Thank you to the readers and to the artists who’ve worked with us! Here’s a round up post for everything related to the Legend of the Sun and the Moon.

If you’re looking for some epic fantasy adventure Sheith and Hance across a fiction Asia with lots of love, angst, and heartache, then here you go! Not to mention a health dose of evil Shiro, mutual pining, arranged marriages, and amnesia. 

If you enjoyed the story, please leave us kudos or nice comments, we honestly live for those. There’s nothing more incredible for a fic writer than to know someone actually liked their story. :) And stay tuned for our next (much shorter, ahaha) Sheith project that starts in a few days. No rest for a Sheith shipper.

Wonderful Art! 

We can’t thank you enough. Please leave lots of love for all these amazing artists, it’s been a privilege to work with you.

Kingdom Gifsets

Drive! (2)

Chapter 2

Author: Zoe

(A/N: The next installment in my new series! I’m super glad you guys support my writing enough that you want me to continue! It really means so much to me!)

Biker AU: Poe Dameron x Reader

Chapter List

Warning: Swearing

Plot Summary: Poe returns you to your friends, and makes sure that you arrive in one piece. Confirming your date, he drives off. That, however, does not protect you from the incessant teasing that your friends give you on the long drive back home.

Originally posted by wild-punk

“Y/N!” Poe parked his Harley by your car as you hopped off the bike to greet your friends for a long-awaited reunion.

“Oh my god, you’re okay!” Finn engulfed you in one of his bear hugs, almost squeezing the life out of you before Rey pulled you into her arms.

“I was so worried! I thought you got arrested or shot or something!” You relaxed, clutching onto your friends as Poe smiled softly.

“Well, I would have been. Not without his help, of course.” You turned to Poe, giving him a heartfelt grin as he bit his lip.

“You’re a good man, Poe. You basically rescued Y/N, so you don’t even have to pay me back from helping you get out of prison.” Finn half-joked, still grateful for his help.

Poe pulled out the kickstand, getting off of his Harley and shoving his hands into his leather jacket’s pockets. “Nah, it was nothing. She was in a crazy situation, I just wanted to help.”

“Well… actually she screamed at me to drive, so I did.” He confessed, as you pried Rey off, chuckling.

“Either way, I owe him my livelihood.” You strided over to the biker as he grinned cockily, as the four of you stood in a circle, telling the stories of how you each escaped the police.

“So, Rey jumped into the car and sped away, the police running behind us while I’m hanging out of the passenger seat…” 

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HEADCANON: Holtzmann is actually pretty concerned with safety when it comes to the team testing out her machinery. She only makes it look like they are all pretty unstable because she herself loves the feeling of adrenaline so she makes all her fellow teammates have the same level of adrenaline when they are testing out her weapons but she is the only one who knows that they are all in fact pretty safe.

Facts behind this head-canon:

  • Holtzmann is in fact an adrenaline junky since she was always pretty excited when she was busting ghosts and all the remarks she makes about her work being unstable.
  • Holtzmann made it pretty obvious that her machinery was extremely dangerous and still in experimental stage before the ghostbusters (specially Erin) were about to test said machinery BUT when she lead the team to the “table of treats” she actually screamed for Erin not to touch one of the weapons.
  • So, she always made them nervous about testing out the machinery but every time they did the equipment worked fine. The one time it could have gone wrong, Holtzmann stopped Erin from touching it.


Holtz is a bit careless when it comes to her safety but she is really careful when it comes to her teammates.

drabble: sweet dreams

Billdip, Parent AU, adult!Dipper, human!Bill. Excuse any formatting efforts; written on mobile. : )

Relatively unique origins and handful of racial attributes aside, Torrey Cipher-Pines was a normal infant, with all that entailed.

Being half-dream demon didn’t exclude the two month old from being a bundle of tears, poop, and other gross human things that Bill still wasn’t used to. He cringed every time she spit up on him, shrank back from the utterly horrid task of changing diapers (easily handled through magical means but he could only get away with it when Dipper wasn’t around), and once her other parent had returned from an errand to find both his spouse and their child freaking out at the same time over Torrey having emptied the contents of a souur stomach in Bill’s lap.

The experience had driven the demon back to floating around in his original form for a day and a half.

In the end, a sort of agreement arose between Dipper and himself; the former took care of most of the yuck when they both were around, and the latter dealt with her when she woke up in the middle of the night demanding attention.

This worked for Bill anyway, given that he required far less sleep and spent part of the predawn hours attending to his own business - settling down hadn’t put an end to what Dipper referred to as ‘creepy demon stuff’. Having to check on Torrey was no big deal; she generally only wanted to be picked up and cuddled for awhile before drifting back off to sleep.

And if she happened to need a diaper change what Dipper didn’t know couldn’t hurt Bill, now could it?

Tonight Torrey appeared to be legitimately upset, eyes squeezed shut, fists balled up and chubby legs kicking while she actually screamed.

“Chill out, babe,” Bill cooed in a ridiculously sappy tone reserved for Torrey alone. She didn’t care about his reputation or even acknowledge the shadowy bits of himself simmering beneath the human veneer that Dipper simply accepted as a necessary part of the whole. To the tiny infant he now levitated into his arms he was simply 'Dad’. It was a nice break, honestly.

She normally calmed down the moment someone picked her up, but this time she continued to wail; her face was visibly flushed despite her tan complexion. To anyone else the source of her discomfort might not have been as obvious, but to Bill it stood out clearly as the chime of a bell.

One of the aforementioned racial traits was an increased sensitivity when it came to dreams; the demon suspected that she might have picked up some of his memories as well. Most babies didn’t actually experience nightmares for some time - Dipper had told him that at some point. But from time to time the peaceful mass of colors and abstract images that comprised his daughter’s dreams were marred by formless cacophony and the bright gleam of fire, the electric blue of the flames that laced around his fingertips when he gave some poor sap what they wanted in exchange for something he wanted..

And yet those warm brown eyes that stared at him with more intelligence than an infant her age should have possessed they held no judgment. Maybe that would fade one day when she got older, but for now the rudimentary devotion was always wonderful to behold.

“No bad dreams on my watch, kid. I got this.” What kind of self-respecting dream demon would let his own tiny flesh creature have nightmares? Those were for other people.

Manipulating the formless dreams of a baby was a bit of a contradiction in that it required less effort overall, but that effort was more precise and complicated. Torrey didn’t dream in discernible images, not yet. There were sometimes clusters of color that resembled his face or Dipper’s face, sounds that were clearly their voices. Her dreams resembled a soft, sweet symphony - now tainted with dark threads woven into the music and distorting it.

Torrey stilled in his arms and grew quiet, eyes slipping shut as he worked - plucking the intruding threads, shading over the dark patches with pastel splotches that were rapidly absorbed into the mass. Some were considerably harder to grasp, but he kept at it with a dedication retained for Dipper and Torrey. Finally he tugged the last thread free, and the symphony resumed, now with a note that he recognized as gratitude.

The baby opened her eyes slowly, blonde eyelashes wet with tears. Instead of resuming her distressed crying, she made a couple of nonsensical babbling noises…and smiled for the very first time, a genuine one.

Bill grinned proudly, holding Torrey close; she sighed happily and relaxed, continuing to murmur to herself. 

He filed the image of their daughter’s first smile away so he could slip it into Dipper’s dreams later that night.