she's-a-beaut

I’m watching Steve Irwin for old times sake and I can’t help thinking of that alien trope and what they would think of us. I mean I’ve seen posts where the human pets like random aliens like they would puppies but crocodiles are fucking deadly. Like it takes multiple people to hold one down so no one gets mauled in a move.

So I’m just picturing a Steve Irwin but for deadly space animals.

“Crickey, ain’t she a beaut?” said human Steve.

“That zarlidon can literally bite your head off.” I respond.

“Nah, you just gotta give it some respect and know both of your limits.” 

The human was strangely cheery in the face of a beast that inspired nightmares for millennia. There was no trace of “cute” as the humans put it. No fur or softness to it that inspired the need to pet or cuddle. In the face of such creatures even the bularusions of Helian IX were adorable.

No, these creatures were the most feared non-sentient creatures in the galaxy. Perfectly designed to kill in its natural habitat with the ability to adapt quickly in new surroundings. Sleek and powerful, once introduced to the area these creatures easily penetrated into civilizations and wrecked havoc. Unstoppable by any one individual, or even a hundred. There are ruins of civilizations that point their end to such creatures. Even today, with civilizations advanced enough to create technology to fight back, people feared them.

“Literally, they have destroyed civilizations.” I deadpanned. 

“I mean I didn’t say she didn’t have a nasty bite but that’s no reason not to protect her. ” Steve had gone from cheery to serious.

And the way she said “It’s ya girl, Marco!” like it was the most natural thing in the world is another thing

You can NOT tell me she hasn’t done this before

You can pry my trans girl Marco occasionally sending out videos to her supporters and always starting with the intro “It’s ya girl, Marco!” from my cold, dead hands