Anon: Alrighty so, I made friends with this one person months back and to be honest, I’ve adored having her being my friend because we always had a good conversation and had so much in common. We’d voice call and everything with how close we’ve become and could act as silly/random as we wanted to the other. And if I’m being honest, she’s my only friend since I don’t talk to anyone on the regular except for her.
Though a few months into our friendship, I saw how she’d do this thing where she’d ignore me for days and come back like nothing happened, her only excuse being “Oh, I wasn’t paying attention/didn’t notice” Though she’d be online and talking to other people. While it hurt a little that she started doing that, I didn’t make a fuss about it or even mind. I then noticed how she’d always try and get me to draw her stuff but when it came to me, she didn’t do the same, but would make other friends art and such. I also noticed she would do this thing of “Senpai/popular artist noticed me! Imma try and befriend them!”.. which rubs me the wrong way a little, since I’m semi-popular in my own art community..like she’s collecting popular artist friends or something? Still never said anything though.
Recently, her and another close friend fell out and that’s when I noticed she was talking to me more and even asking advice from me/venting to me. I helped the best way I could and all was okay, till she stated she was working things out with that friend again and the ignoring became much more often towards me. And what gets me is, this friend fell out with her because she (other friend) started becoming more friendly with others and wasn’t talking to (my friend) her. But since that friend fell out with those others, she’s talking to her more often again… So my friend is kinda doing the same to me? I would try and talk to her about it and tell her how I fell, but whenever I did (or would try and vent about some other random thing), she’d ignore me for awhile and then come back at me in a conversation as if to ignore my attempts to talk to her or vent. I mean, I listen to her problems, try and help when I can, but when it came to me, she avoided it.. I then learned she doesn’t like when people try and vent/come to her about issues in their life cause she can’t handle it, but fully expects people to listen to hers. Yes, she said that to.
Now to the bigger issue, not to long ago, she tried to show me a YT video dealing with a kind of art I wasn’t interest in learning. She kept pushing me to watch it even though I told her that, looking at the title, I wouldn’t be interested, but she kept on until I at least skimmed through it. When I told her I still wasn’t interested in it and didn’t care to try something different with my art (she kept saying how she was helping me expand my art skills though I kept telling her I didn’t want to do that), she got mad and me and said how she was “salty” i wasn’t doing as she said. She then proceeded to say how she wanted time away from me because I stressed her out (yes, about not really watching the video and wanting to do different art) and now she’s ignoring me/not talking to me, though we are both online and are in the same servers (on discord) so she’s actively talking to others. It’s been about a week and still nothing from her. I kinda want to tell her how I felt about this and that it hurts me she’s acting this way over basically nothing, but I know she’d just ignore me cause “she doesn’t like listening to other peoples problems” even if it’s something like this. I’m torn between ending this friendship because it’s really making me depressed that she’s so quick to ignore me if I don’t do as she says, and trying to get through to her, cause I really don’t have any other friends and I’m a lonely bean.
Sorry for the massive text, I just wanted to give you a clear image of whats going on. Anywho, what would you do in this situation? What should I do? I’m really lost and just been depressed because of this to the point where I think such negative thoughts about myself and maybe it’s my fault? If you don’t really have anything to say on this, that’s fine, I just feel like I needed to talk to someone about this.
I want to disclaim that this is my personal opinion and I am not an expert on friendship and relationships. These are just what I think you should do, you can do whatever you want with my views.
Friends, mostly over the internet needs some space and won’t respond for a few days, even if they are online. That’s natural because people have their own lives, but the rest of your story, makes me think that your friend is using you for your art skills if she’s forcing you to draw in a certain style or just asking you to draw for her in general.
This feels like a one sided friendship where she only befriended you for her own personal gain.
Answer this question. Really think about it. Does she make you happy? Do you feel good about yourself after talking to her?
If yes, then talk to her again, but be firm. Tell her how she’s making you feel and tell her what you just told me. Also if she doesn’t listen to your rants/feelings, then tell her not to message you about hers. Give her a choice, to change the nature about the friendship so it can be more fulfilling for both of you. But you can’t put all the “blame” on her, you have to be willing to put up the work too. Ask her how you can make the relationship better as well and change your habits too, because with problems, it’s both parties responsibility to solve it. Remember, don’t change yourself, change how the friendship works. If you find yourself changing an aspect of your personality that makes you happy, then don’t bother with this friend anymore. But if she asks you to work on a bad habit or quality like procrastinating, being late, being insensitive, then you should listen to her.
If you answered no to that question, then that’s a sign of a toxic relationship. You should still talk to her though, because people are often unaware of being toxic and it make give you guys another chance, but if her behavoir continues, then I don’t think the friendship is good for you.
You might be feeling lonely if you do break if off, but if the relationship is that bad, then it’ll save you from getting even more hurt and open up more opportunities for new and better relationships. I’m sorry this happened to you and I hope things work out for you. In the meantime, take care of yourself, make sure you’re getting enough water and take nice hot showers or long baths. If you need to rant again, I’m here. :)