she's 61

Dad left him there for a lesson, ya know? Not because he wanted Dean to stay there forever or that he was careless but the kid had to learn. He couldn’t keep sneaking out at night, hanging out with those kids that were nothing but trouble, drinking and getting into trouble.

Usually Dad would bail him out, either that or wave around that fake badge that he had to get Dean out. He would scold Dean, get onto him for being stupid like that, that he wouldn’t always be there to bail Dean out when he got into trouble and Dean would apologize, keep his head ducked and say that he wouldn’t sneak out again. and John believed it right up until the moment that he got yet again another call late into the night from the sheriff saying that his son was in county lock up.

So John was going to leave him there for the night. Let him sleep on that hard cot, surrounded by the drunks and the homeless and let him learn his lesson. He had said that he wouldn’t always be there for him and it was about time that he start to realize that.

And he explained that to Sam. when Sam asked why he wasn’t going to get Dean, John explained that Dean was going to be spending the night there because he needed to learn, Sam starting crying.

John’s never been good at the touchy-feely crap. When Sam was a baby and he started crying, he tried to comfort the child, brush his hair back from his face, pat his back, anything to stop the crying. Dean would watch from the other side of the room, eyes narrowed as he watched Dad try to quiet down Sammy and after a while Dean would walk over and take the small child in his arms and Sam would almost immediately quiet down. John would ask what Dean did and Dean would just shrug because he didn’t really know and eventually Dean took over the job of quieting down Sam.

It hurt John. It hurt him a lot being that his oldest was the one that could calm down his baby brother and nothing that he did seemed to work but that’s just how it was. It was always Sam and Dean, them together forever.

But Sam started crying and John knew that it was because he wanted his brother but Dean needed to learn.

Sam blinked through teary eyes and nodded his head, saying that he understood why Dean needed to stay there but he didn’t stop crying.

Sam went to bed that night, with tears still in his eyes and he curled up underneath the blankets on Dean’s side of the bed, burying his head in Dean’s pillow and John watched as Sam’s small body shook with sobs.

When Sam had finally fallen into a restless sleep, John grabbed the keys to the Impala and drove down to county lock up, apologizing for his son.

“Don’t do this again to your brother.” John said simply as they got in the car.

And Dean looked at his father, eyes wide with guilt as he swallowed thickly and nodded and this time John believed him.

When they got back to the motel, the sound of the door opening pulled Sam from his sleep and he blinked through the darkness only to see the form of his big brother standing there in the doorway. He restrained himself from jumping up and wrapping his brother in a hug but the moment that Dad laid down and Dean slipped into bed, Sam wrapped his arms around Dean and held him as close as he possibly could, threatening to never let him go.

61/365 | based of this headcanon x )

She read chapter 61 :D
  • Me: *walks downstairs for food after getting up very late in the day* (It's reading week don't judge me)
  • Mum: *speed walks up to me* THEY KISSED!!!
  • Me: Jesus H, Mama, I just woke up, gimme some warning.
  • Mum: They kissed in the middle of a forest fire! It was so angsty but so sweet!
  • Me: Yes, Mama, it was. It's amazing. Glad you like it.
  • Mum: It's a very good book. I'll admit that you were right.
  • Me: Thank you :)
  • Mum: Don't get used to it.
buzzfeed.com
If You've Said 80/100 Of These Things, You're Definitely Australian
"Yeah, nah, gonna chuck a sickie and do a Macca's run."
By Jenna Guillaume

People from Not Australia, please entertain me by looking at this and informing me how much of it makes no sense whatsoever to you.

“I live with the mindset that I’m married to photographs. I got divorced 20 years ago. It was my first love, whom I met in high school. That person was always studying; even after marrying me, she taught seniors in high school as a tutor. I guess that’s why she didn’t live with a person like me and left. After she left for the U.S. to study, I raised two children on my own. While I felt that family was important, she was someone who thought much bigger. She always said things like, ‘Graduating college, earning money and giving back the scholarship I got, and going on a trip around the world is my dream.’ She went away like that, and I heard that she graduated college at 61.”

“저는 사진하고 결혼했다는 마음으로 살아요. 20년 전에 이혼을 했어요. 고등학생때 처음 만난 첫사랑이었어요. 그사람 참 공부벌레였지. 나랑 결혼하고 나서도 가정교사로 고3 아이들을 가르칠 정도였으니까. 그래서 나 같은 사람이랑 안 살고 떠났나 봐요. 그 사람 미국 가서 공부하겠다고 떠난 뒤로 자식 둘을 혼자 키웠어요. 저는 가정이 중요했지만 그 여자는 무대가 넓은 사람이었던 거지. 늘 ‘대학 나오는 것, 돈 벌어서 장학금 환불하는 것, 세계일주가 꿈’이라고 했었어요. 그렇게 가서는 육십 하나에 대학을 졸업했다고 하더라고.”

October 21, 2017

Fair warning, I’m slightly drunk while writing this. It’s Carrie Fisher’s birthday. She would have been 61. I love and miss you Space Mom. I went to Concord Mills today to get Christmas presents for my friends. While at the Books-A-Million, I found Carrie’s book, “Postcards from the Edge,” and even Debbie Reynold’s book, “Make ‘Em Laugh.” I’m so happy! I’ve been looking for “Postcards from the Edge,” for months and I finally found it, and on Carrie’s birthday no less! I feel like she’s watching over me. 

I have one of her other books, “The Princess Diarist,” that I bought just a few days after she passed away. I had decided to wait until her birthday to read it. That’s how I found myself in the bathtub with the book, a large stuffed-crust cheese pizza, and 1\4 a bottle of vodka tonight. It’s been a good time. 

I miss her so much and it hurts every day that she’s gone but I know that she’s still here with us. Here in our hearts and minds. She’s still here in her books and movies and interviews. She’s here with us forever. She is with us in every middle finger. In every weird hairdo. In every white dress. She’s in every French bulldog and every can of Coca-Cola. She’s in every sparkle. In every star and galaxy. She’s in Alderaan, and always remember: Alderaan is out there somewhere.

denied | jungkook

Originally posted by beatriceindre

member: jungkook

genre: me don’t know yet

POV (point of view): jungkook pov until the end, then reader pov

- summary: She liked him and he didn’t like her. He was everything she wanted and she was everything he didn’t ask for. He was the only person she had eyes for and she didn’t even exist in his mind. However, this wasn’t the beginning for the two

note: this is my first story so lol show some love. dis is for my peeps, you know who you are. Also this is just the starter for the series, there will be real writing later on


Keep reading

700 Celebration (4/100)

Request: Anonymous:  “ hey ho! i have a request for the lovely flower @aubzylynn with 15, 40, 51, 61 Tony (wow that sounds like a phone number or something). i trust your mad writing skills, so thank you in advance!”

15: “What happened to your shirt?”

40: “I sense shenanigans, and I want in.”

51: “Nobody knows… Except Wanda. She knows everything.”

61: “I’m pretty sure this many candles counts as a fire hazard.”

Originally posted by mrsthlgif

You and Tony hadn’t had much time together recently, and it was beginning to weigh on you both. It wasn’t really anyone’s fault. Tony was spending the majority of his days and a good portion of his nights in the conference room with Steve trying to hammer out a new and improved version of the Accords that was more agreeable to everyone involved. You did what you could to support the process, glad everyone was together again and trying to make compromises and alleviate the suffering the rift had caused.

You weren’t allowed in the proceedings themselves, but you did what you could to make it easier for them: frequent coffee trips and occasionally forcing them to take a breather. For the most part though, you kept yourself busy with your own work and a few personal projects to keep your morale up. The most you saw of Tony these days beyond the brief intermissions in the Accords meetings were the four hours he spent passed out in bed next to you before dragging himself up and back to work.

This morning, things were going a little differently.

Keep reading

A Tale of Two Squad Leaders

SNK Readthrough: Volume 15 Part 15

Hange reunites with Levi to share the news that the mission was a success. The monarchy has been overthrown, the Survey Corps is cleared of all charges, and what’s more, she has a lead on the location of Eren and Historia. 

Levi is incredulous. He asks her, “How in the world? What did you do to them?”

Hold that thought while we back up a few days to when the MPs arrived to arrest Erwin for the murder of Dimo Reeves. As he’s rushing out the door, Hange looks to him for directions. He tells her, “Levi can decide for himself. You too, Hange. Do what you think is best.”

With the situation so fluid and unpredictable, he leaves it to Hange and Levi to handle matters as they see fit. 

Save the Survey Corps. Save Eren. Save the World.

Levi’s plan is to storm an MP Brigade, guns blazing and search the base for leads. When that proves fruitless he takes a hostage and intends to torture him until he talks. 

Overwhelming strength and brute force are Levi’s weapons of choice. It’s all he knows and this time it accomplishes absolutely nothing.

Granted, Hange used a little brute force of her own. She dangled Flegel off a wall and threatened to break Peaure’s hands, but in the end she was able to unite them all—Flegel Reeves, Roy and Peaure of Berg Newspaper and the people of Trost all banded together under her direction. With Hange at the helm, common people overcame their feelings of terror and helpless and worked together to change the world. 

I wish I could insert dramatic music here to emphasis how incredible this all is. Instead, humor me while I spell out exactly what Hange was up against so we can marvel at her accomplishment.

First she had to persuade the cowardly Flegel to publicly declare that the MPs killed his father.  She needed the press to report the truth even though the government would kill them and their families. She needed the people of Trost to stand up to the MPs who oppressed them. Oh, and did I mention her wanted poster was all over town so she couldn’t be seen? All that, plus she had only a few days to make it happen.

In reply to Levi’s question, Hange took no credit for her success. She gave it all to the people who stood beside her.

When I contemplate “Future Commander Hange Zoe”, at times I feel some trepidation. I worry about how her humanity gets lost when she’s focused on science. But chapters like this fill me with confidence. 

What the Survey Corps needs is not someone who approaches problems with gun blazing. It needs someone who can unite and inspire. It needs Hange Zoe. 

(Inspired by this post by snapdreygon. Please read it because it’s incredible and also because I had to look through six months of posts to find it.)

anonymous asked:

Hello! I was watching gymnastics on YouTube and was reading the comments( which was a huge mistake) but someone said that vika and Aliya at their peak could def beat Simone at her peak. Is there any kind of truth in that statement?

Yes and no. At Vika’s peak she was capable of an AA program about as difficult as Simone’s and scored 61+ at 2010 YOG. Her vault was only slightly lower-scoring than Simone’s just because of how vaulting is scored - yes Simone’s vault is technically much better, but there just isn’t much scoring difference between exceptional Amanars and decent ones (even Aly Raisman came within a tenth of Simone in Rio!). Vika’s much better on bars and Simone’s much better on floor. The reason I said yes and no is because Simone is a lot stronger mentally, and whether or not their respective peaks are similar in terms of ability, Simone will win 9 times out of 10 because she performs better under pressure. So I wouldn’t say Vika at her peak could definitely beat Simone at her peak, but Vika at her peak could definitely give Simone some stiff competition to the point that a flub like her beam mishap at 2015 Worlds could have cost her the gold.

As for Aliya, we’ve never really seen her at her peak tbh. However, I did make a post a while back about just how dominant she was at 2010 worlds - she scored above 61 and made every single final and medaled in 3 (like Simone in 2013). To me it’s not unthinkable that Mustafina could have been on Simone’s level in the AA had she never gotten injured - she really was strong everywhere and she was still improving when she tore her ACL. So, again, I can’t say Mustafina definitely would have beaten Simone at their respective peaks, but I think 2010 Aliya was pretty similar to 2013 Simone so we’ll never know what exactly could have been if the knee injury never happened.

So I’ve been waiting for the situation to calm down before posting any more thoughts about chapter 13. The fandom just blew up with it and I really didn’t care to get involved like that. Now that everyone is slowly going back to their two months long slumber before next chapter comes out, I figured it would be a better time to adress the situation and voice MY opinion. I’m putting this under “keep reading” since it’s going to be a long rant. You have been warned.

Keep reading

Wanna know why I need feminism?

Sit down, I’m gonna tell you a story about Clara Schumann.

I’m assuming many of you have heard the name Schumann. Robert was a Romantic German pianist and is widely acknowledged as a great composer. He wanted to be the greatest pianist of all time, but because he was an idiot and used unconventional methods of strengthening and stretching his fingers, thus injuring himself and losing what talent he had, he turned to composing for the rest of his life. He married his piano teacher’s daughter, Clara, against her father’s will.

Clara Schumann was also a pianist and a composer. She had a 61 year long performance career that started at age 13 and was one of the first to ever play any Brahms music (kind of a big deal). She was one of the first to ever perform memorized repertoire (which all musicians should hate her for like really what’s wrong with music but i digress). It’s suggested that she’s the real reason Robert Schumann’s work is even popular today, as her performances promoted his work. She was arguably more talented than her husband, but was quoted, “I once believed that I possessed creative talent, but I have given up this idea; a woman must not desire to compose — there has never yet been one able to do it. Should I expect to be the one?”

I need feminism because one of the best pianists of all time is virtually ignored in an amateur musician’s knowledge. I need feminism because I lived 19 years without knowing about her. I need feminism because Clara had a much more successful career and yet her legacy is primarily “Robert Schumann’s husband.” I need feminism because when you google “Schumann” her name appears once. I need feminism so the Clara’s of today aren’t stifled by the patriarchy. 

Links to wiki pages: Clara  Robert

I’ve been trying to maintain a sense of normalcy these past couple of days. On September 30th, 2017, my grandfather passed away at the age of 90. He was actually born two months too early, and the doctor said he wouldn’t make it past three days. Grandpa really did beat the odds

He was many things in life: husband, father, grandfather, uncle, dentist, and probably many more. It’s a hard, hard blow for many people, including myself. And I simply can’t imagine what my grandmother is going through. She spent 61 years with that man, and knew him better than anybody.

This is the man who showed me who Buster Keaton was and introduced me to the fantasy-like world of Old Hollywood. Without his influence I would be a VERY different person. I most likely would have given up on my art. And I most certainly wouldn’t be on Tumblr.

I got to tell him this two weeks earlier at his 90th birthday party. He said “Well, you’re the one who took the ball and ran with it!” Well, um, Grandpa? You’re the one who gave me the ball. I always thought he was proud of that. That his granddaughter was a silent film buff. I just don’t think he realizes it was because of him, or how much it impacted me.

Grandpa had a wonderful sense of humor, and he always said you’re never to old for toilet jokes. He even liked to watch Spongebob, which a lot of us grandkids enjoyed.

All I can say is thank you to my Grandpa. Thank you for everything: the memories, the movies, and my beloved Buster. I’m also thankful for all of the friends and family that are here to support everyone who is effected by this blow as much as I am.

Now, we did expect this: his health was failing, and he couldn’t do much of anything. But just because you expect it, doesn’t mean you’re ready for it.

Dr. George William Richart III: September 16, 1927 ~ September 30, 2017. R.I.P.

(Graduation from dentil school, 1952)

(In front of his Florida home, 1930)

DRIVING WITH YOUR PERSIAN MOM / NAZANIN NOUR
rp sentence starters. change pronouns/text as needed!

1. ‘ oof, my hair. ’
2. ‘ mom, put your seatbelt on. ’
3. ‘ i don’t want to wear one, i don’t like it. ’
4. ‘ it will ruin my shirt and, we don’t have iron in the car. ’
5. ‘ what kind of thing is that? ’
6. ‘ hold on! don’t go yet! we have to kiss the quran. ’
7. ‘ mom, i don’t wanna kiss it. ’
8. ‘ take it, you have to. ’
9. ‘ you take it. ’
10. ‘ fine just give it to me. ’
11. ‘ one kiss, two kiss, three kiss. thank you! ’
12. ‘ ugh, i’m so hot! ’
13. ‘ can you turn the AC on a little bit? ’
14. ‘ yeah, turn it higher– higher! higher, lower. lower, higher. a little higher? lower! ’
15. ‘ no that’s too high. ’
16. ‘ actually, turn it off– turn it off. we open window. ’
17. ‘ you are seriously driving me crazy. ’
18. ‘ i said don’t go over bump like that! i’m putting my lipstick on! ’
19. ‘ be careful! ’
20. ‘ ugh, so hot. ’
21. ‘ look at this, i went to lord & taylor– brand new michael kors! ’
22. ‘ top designer, brand new! ’
23. ‘ they had twenty-five percent coupon, then they gave me ten dollar off, michael kors bag two-hundred! ’
24. ‘ everything is in it– are you hungry? ’
25. ‘ do you want food? ’
26. ‘ you want water? you don’t want water? ’
27. ‘ you want tea? ’
28. ‘ you want water? i have water. ’
29. ‘ you want my coffee? ’
30. ‘ you want banana? i have banana. ’
31. ‘ it’s in my michael kors bag. ’
32. ‘ organic chai, since you are so healthy. ’
33. ‘ i have red one! it’s cherry! ’
34. ‘ you want pistachio? ’
35. ‘ i’m not gonna get it in your car, calm down. ’
36. ‘ i brought you koresh! ’
37. ‘ banana, clementine, it’s good! vitamin, potassium. ’
38. ‘ eat! ’
39. ‘ eat the pistachio! it’s persian pistachio from iran! ’
40. ‘ oh, you’re not proud from iran?! ’
41. ‘ you want pistachio from california, organic. ’
42. ‘ be careful when you drive please. ’
43. ‘ no hormone– which is good because you have too many hormone already. ’
44. ‘ ya-ali. ’
45. ‘ eh! eh! slow down, stop! stop! it’s ___! ’
46. ‘ ___! ___! hello! ’
47. ‘ hi! how are you? how is your husband? ’
48. ‘ how is your son? how’s ___? ’
49. ‘ well she’s driving me somewhere, driving me crazy, i dunno– we’re never gonna get there. ’
50. ‘ how is school? are you having graduation party? ’
51. ‘ when is the party? ’
52. ‘ yeah we’re gonna come! everybody gonna come! ’
53. ‘ mom, i don’t want to go to the party. ’
54. ‘ yes you are going to come, you are going to come. ’
55. ‘ okay! i’ll be there. ’
56. ‘ of course she is going to come, she’ll be so happy to come! ’
57. ‘ okay, you look beautiful! ’
58. ‘ tell everybody hi! ’
59. ‘ tell everybody bye! kiss everybody! ’
60. ‘ did you see what she was wearing? ’
61. ‘ turn music on– can you put the music on for me please? ’
62. ‘ i dunno– something nice, something persian. ’
63. ‘ maybe– googoosh? can you put googoosh on the radio? why not? you can’t put googoosh? ’
64. ‘ what about andy? what about shahram shabpareh? shahram solati? sasy mankan? ’
65. ‘ what’s hip-hop? ’
66. ‘ you make me want to hip-hop out of the car. ’
67. ‘ what about a little googoosh– ’ *starts singing* 
68. ‘ SLOW! Slow. ’
69. ‘ STOP! ’
70. ‘ put your signal on. ’

Night

well hi it’s been awhile, hasn’t it! i hope my next fic won’t take this long to be posted….i don’t own anything and enjoy!! Also this is a reaction fic to 5x19
———————
Finally getting to leave the firehouse after being on shift for hours was like getting chains removed from her hands and feet and boulders taken off of her shoulders. Sylvie couldn’t remember the last time she was so distracted during work. Even when Antonio and her had broken up months prior, she had thrown herself into her calls for a distraction. She knew why this time was different, though.

How could you distract yourself with something that constantly reminded you of what you were trying to forget?

She had tried to be logical with herself, that the important thing was her and Gabby passed the retraining course and could put all of their focus back into their work. Plus, they got incredibly high scores! She should be proud of herself. She did so much studying—

She cringed at the thought. Studying. What Gabby had not done, zero effort. Every day she had paid no attention to the instructor and doodled away in her notebook. But still was able to pull off a perfect score. While Sylvie was the perfect, diligent student. She took notes, participated in class, and made flash cards for herself! When she wasn’t at the class or work, she was studying at home.

The fact that Gabby got a higher score than her wasn’t what was bothering her. She wasn’t the type who wanted to be the best of everything, she wanted to do the best that she could do.

Yes, she had gotten a 98 on the retraining exam. With a lot of studying. While Gabby pulled off a freaking one hundred percent without barely putting up a finger. What does that say about Sylvie’s own skills as a paramedic? She was the paramedic in charge of Ambulance 61, shouldn’t she had known all of the test answers like Gabby? What if one of those questions was a scenario in real life, would she have then froze and ultimately killed her patient?

Gabby had tried to talk to her about it, Sylvie could tell that she felt bad. Since it wasn’t her fault, it was Sylvie’s own insecurities that were the cause to this internal dilemma, but despite this she didn’t want to hear her apologies. It only made Sylvie feel more guilty for the emotions she was feeling.

Everyone else was heading to Molly’s for the fundraiser of the families and loved ones of the fallen members of squad 6. As she was in a down mood, she decided not to go, giving a lame excuse to Matt and shoved money into his hands. Thankfully he didn’t question her, but the concerned look on his face told her that he probably was going to ask Gabby about what happened.

At least she had a day off before she had to face Gabby again. Maybe then she would be in a different mindset, and it wouldn’t go as bad as she imagined it would be if they talked right now.

Her internal conversation with herself abruptly ended when she spotted Antonio’s car right next to her own. And the man himself was leaning against his, lifting his hand up to wave as Sylvie approached. Gabby must have said something to her brother.

“Hey, stranger.” She greeted him with a half hearted wave back. Instead of getting back into his car now that she had arrived, he waited until she was an arms length away before stepping forward to pull her into his arms.

Appreciating the love and support he was giving her through actions instead of words, she wrapped her own arms around his back, pushing her face into his leather clad chest. She wished that this, an embrace with her boyfriend, could be the solution to her current problems. Without the use of words and confrontation of feelings. It would be a lot simpler.

Antonio was the one that broke them apart, pressing his lips on the crown of her head before he stepped back and opened his car door. Sylvie walked to the other side, trying to maintain her composure, which she was doing remarkably well at.

Before he could say anything, she made sure to get the first words. “Can we not talk about it until we get to your apartment?” She asked, not wanting to get into a deep discussion in the car. “We can just pretend that you wanted to be a cute boyfriend and pick me up from work with no other intentions.” She offered, resting her head on his shoulder.

“I’m fine with being a cute boyfriend.” He agreed to her request, before asking a question after a moment of hesitation. “No talking, at all?”

Guilt filled her body. They had barely seen each other since she started her retraining course, with her spending all of her time at her own apartment. He probably not only came to pick her up because her current state of mind, but also because he had missed her.

“I would love to talk,” She made sure to let him know. As it was the truth, she wanted nothing more to hear about his day, how work was going and how Diego and Eva were. However, she realized she wasn’t in the place to be able to accurately listen and give him her full attention. That wouldn’t be fair. “But I don’t think I’m in the place for it, right now. That and listening.” She explained with a grimace.

Thankfully, he understood completely. “No problem,” He reassured her, lifting his hand off of the wheel for a brief moment to squeeze her thigh. “Being with you is enough. And when we get back to my place, don’t bother on asking about me. I’m sure you have today’s events to get off of your plate.”

Her heart warmed at his consideration. This was typical behavior of Antonio and she could hardly be surprised. He had a demanding job, two kids, and a ex wife who was filled with drama. Sylvie understood that due to him having other priorities, she couldn’t always be first.

She couldn’t resist looping one of her arms around his bicep, trying to show her appreciation without the use of words. They continued their car ride back to his apartment in peaceful silence.

“Sylvie.” She dimly heard the sound of her name being called, but she was still in the haze of unconsciousness rather than consciousness. When her name was called again, and her shoulder was gently prodded with, she realized where she was and what she was doing.

A yawn escaped her when she opened her mouth to speak. She honestly hadn’t realized how tired she was. “Sorry,” She apologized, shaking her head rapidly side to side as if her sleepiness would go away. “I guess my exhaustion snuck up on me.” She shrugged her shoulders, unbuckling her seatbelt and got out of the car.

“How late were you up studying last night?” He asked when he walked around his car and got to her side. Their hands came together to intertwine as they began walking towards his apartment building.

The small reminder of why she was upset caused her cheeks to flame red. And the fact that hit the bullseye. She was late up studying, running through her flash cards like she was an assembly line. “Late.” She gave him a vague answer, hurrying in in front of him when he held open the door for her.

Although she was slightly stung by the remembrance of today’s events, she couldn’t help but crack a tiny smile at the sound of Antonio’s scoff. “Love how much detail you put into your answer.” He sarcastically remarked, giving her an exasperated look as they waited for the elevator to arrive.

Sylvie’s lip quirked up again, but the negative emotions continued to churn in her stomach. She knew she would have to push through her tiredness and confide in Antonio tonight. She couldn’t let herself sleep on this, even if she fell asleep right away, she would be bound to have a restless night. Her thoughts and emotions needed to be let out into the world. Well, in this case, Antonio.

The elevator’s doors slid open. Thankfully, no one else was inside. She prided herself for being great at small talking with strangers, but she was certainly not in the mood for that type of interaction right now.

The ride up was silent. It was so quiet that if she wasn’t standing up, Sylvie was sure she would be sleeping by now. Her eyes focused on the flashing numbers, until they landed on the number 7 and a ding was heard, signaling that they had reached the floor they had requested.

“We can talk in the morning,” Antonio voiced aloud the thought she was tempting with minutes prior, digging in his pockets for his keys. Sylvie wondered why he didn’t grab them out when they were waiting in the elevator, but she kept this thought to herself. “You deserve some sleep, after all the hard work you put into that class, while still working full time.” He unlocked his apartment, letting her go in first so he could lock the door behind him.

The moment had arrived. She couldn’t ignore it for any longer. “I don’t want to sleep on these thoughts.” She disagreed with him, watching as surprise came across his face. Understanding quickly overtook to become the main emotion, as he silently moved forward to take her hand and lead her to the couch.

“Talk to me.” Antonio demanded gently, taking her hands into his lap, rubbing his thumb against the back of her hand.

The soft expression on his face, showing so much concern for her, made her feel slightly foolish. Yes, jealously was a natural human emotion, one she rarely felt. It was the instigator, as she was more bothered my herself than Gabby. When it comes to admitting jealously however, that was a difficult part, she realized. Ideally, you should be able to love yourself despite your apparent flaws.

“I got a 98 on my test.” She began slowly, not wanting to dive immediately in. It was better to dip her toes instead of getting herself uncomfortable right away. “Gabby got a perfect score. One hundred percent.”

“That’s great for the both of you.” He complimented both her and his sister, with a slight wariness. He knew there was more to the story. Despite for their short duration of their relationship, he was always extremely intuitive. If she was in a better mood, she would playfully complain about this, striking a joking jab on his age being the reason.

“Except for the fact that I spent every waking minute studying, while Gabby didn’t do anything.”

“That’s just Gabby—”

She couldn’t help but feel a twinge of frustration at him focusing on Gabby’s part in her internal dilemma. The problem was more with herself than her fellow paramedic, and since she had barely voiced her feelings since he picked her up she knew she couldn’t vocalize her displeasure. That would hardly help, and definitely wouldn’t be fair. “This isn’t about Gabby,” She interrupted him before he could explain his sister’s behavior, wanting him to not get anymore wrapped in his own reasonings why she was upset. The truth would get them through this conversation quickly. Which would mean going to bed sooner, a goal for both of them considering how demanding their jobs were. “It’s about me. And my capability at my job.”

Realization dawned in his eyes, which then turned to sadness. It made sense—her being upset over her own worth was much more depressing than typical jealously. His hands now cradled her face, leaving her empty hands to rest in his lap. “You are an amazing paramedic.” He stressed the word amazing, not breaking eye contact to show how serious he was. “Tests scores don’t define how you perform your job. Plus, I know you said this isn’t about Gabby, but I remember how in school she never had to study for anything. It always bothered me, but some people are just like that, you know?”

He was trying to help, which she appreciated. But what he was saying wasn’t having any affect on her, and so she felt obligated to point this out to him. “You two are in completely different occupations now though.” She rose her hands to gently touch his forearms, giving him the clue that she wanted to not have her face held for any longer. He got the hint, dropping his arms slowly. The moment they weren’t touching anymore, one of Sylvie’s hands reached forward to grasp his jean clad kneecap, both wanting to still feel his presence and let him know that she wasn’t upset with him. “And this isn’t really about Gabby and other people.” She added, wanting him to stop bringing her up. As the words left her mouth, she realized that by saying that, she wasn’t exactly saying the truth. If Gabby didn’t get the higher grade, she wouldn’t be fighting against her inner demons about if she was good enough or not. “Well, it sort of is.” She said with a shrug of her shoulders, not sure on where to go next. Words were just spilling out of her mouth, and she could only hope that her boyfriend was keeping up.

“Okay, okay. I get what you mean.” He thankfully took over, and to Sylvie’s relief, without asking a question. “What Gabby does isn’t always right,” He tried again, taking a different approach. She cringed when he yet again brought up Gabby, but stayed quiet to give him the benefit of the doubt. “Like remember that time she threw that woman’s phone? Yes, my sister is a great paramedic, but sometimes she lets her hot head get the best of her. I know that because I’m the same way.”

A snort found its way out of her nose at his remark. That couldn’t be more true about the Dawson siblings. Antonio’s lips curled up into a smile at the sight of her amusement, before continuing with his advice, encouraged by her positive reaction. “Besides the procedures and technical skills you have to learn, there is much more to your job than that. Which you already know.” He placed his hand on top of hers, rubbing his thumb against her skin. “You bring different qualities than Gabby, and she brings her own as well.”

“Like what?” She couldn’t help but ask, her mind beginning to see the logic of what he was saying. There was so many aspects to any job, especially one as unique and chaotic as hers. Despite slowly starting to agree with his words, her own curiosity got the best of her. She wanted to know what qualities he was thinking of, pushing down the thoughts that were telling her to be quiet.

“You’re patient, level headed. You bring a calming presence to your victims.” With each compliment Sylvie’s cheeks became darker, but at the same time her heart grew and grew as well. He was right. While Gabby certainly never showed any signs of being rude or uncaring to the injured, sometimes she has caught eyes going back to her for a sign of reassurance.

“Unfortunately not all paramedics can say that about themselves.” He pushed back a loose piece of hair behind her ear, waiting for her response. “Right?” He pressed when she didn’t answer right away.

She nodded back. “Right.” She echoed. Instead of vocalizing her appreciation, she leaned forward to press her lips lightly against his. “Thank you.” She murmured right against his lips, so close that when she spoke they ended up briefly touching. “You knew exactly what to say.”

“Happy to help.” A yawn escaped her lips before he could rejoin their mouths. That broke the short lasting romantic moment. They could have easily went back to kissing, but Antonio stood up, ignoring Sylvie’s protests. He held his hand out, which she took while she grumbled complaints.

“We could have had just five minutes..” She sighed in annoyance, but couldn’t help but smile when she hears him chuckle.

“And have you fall asleep on me? No thanks.” He nudged open his already cracked door, letting Sylvie go in first. When she saw the bed, she realized that he did make the right decision. She really was exhausted. Changing out of her clothes seemed like it would take too much effort.

After whipping off her jeans and shirt, she unhooked her bra and grabbed one of Antonio’s shirts out of his dresser. She had plenty of her own shirts available, she preferred to wear his when she was sleeping. Also she knew for a fact that he liked when she wore his clothes.

Antonio was still in the bathroom when she crawled into the bed and under the covers. Though her body was fighting against her, she didn’t want to fall asleep until he got out. But the next thing she knew, a pair of lips brushed against her forehead, which made her eyes shoot open with surprise. She had failed at keeping herself awake. Judging by how easily she had waken up though, she must have not been out for long.

“Mhm.” She let out a soft noise of content as his arms wrapped around her body. “Night.” She mumbled, too tired to turn around to face him. Exhaustion had really hit her unexpectedly hard.

He said the same word back to her, the last thing she heard before she finally succumbed to unconsciousness.

Elsa Martinelli  as wildlife photographer Dallas in a publicity still for Hatari (1962).  Elsa passed away on Jul 8, 2017 at the age of 82.  She had 61 acting credits in her career, from 1953 in her Italian homeland, to a 2004 appearance on an Italian tv series.

The Ask and the Answer (Chaos Walking Qs)

First Book  Second Book  Third Book

1. “You notice that he does not ask, Where am I?

2. Like he’s killing me after all, but with the cure instead of the punishment.

3. Without pain, it feels almost like I don’t have a body at all, almost like I’m a ghost, sitting in a chair, blinded and eternal. Like I’m dead already.

4. Cuz how do you know if yer alive if you don’t hurt?

5. It’s as blank as ever. It’s the empty, lifeless wall. I might as well be talking to a bottomless pit. I might as well /be/ the bottomless pit.

6. I am Todd Hewitt, I think. I am the son of Cillian Boyd and Ben Moore. My birthday is in fourteen days but I am a man.

7. I am Todd Hewitt and I am a man.

8. It’s still empty, still the quiet of a silent town, a town with no Noise, a town waiting for an army to come and conquer it. A town that didn’t even try to fight.

9. Sometimes the rumour of an army is just as effective as the army itself.

10. Maybe too much comfort was the problem.

11. I see Mr Tate and Mr Morgan and Mr O'Hare, men I grew up with, men I used to see every day being farmers, men who were just men till suddenly they became something else.

12. My wondrous son who I swear will see this world come good.

13. It’s like a loss, like great groupings of sorrow against the sound of the world.

14. And I see that more of their arms are crossed, more of their faces looking doubtful. More anger there than on the faces of the men.

15. “Not everything is black and white, Todd. In fact, almost nothing is.”

16. “You are enslaved by your idleness,” says the Mayor. “You are defeated by your complacency. You are doomed.”

17. “You have allowed yourselves to become so weak, so feeble in the face of the challenges of this world that in a single generation you have become a people who would surrender to a RUMOUR!”

18. It’s a big, no-kidding, death of a thing, shining in the sun.

19. And then someone calls, “Murderer!” from across the square. A single voice, carrying above the silence. It came from the women.

20. he brought me to the edge of death, he made me know that it would come–And then he put a bandage on me. And that’s when I did what he wanted.

21. “It will be difficult,” he continues. “I don’t pretend otherwise. But it will be rewarding.”

22. “faith with proof is no faith at all.”

23. “You go where the power is,” he says. “That’s how you stay alive.”

24. “We just have to get through it, Todd,” he says. “That’s all any if us has to do now. Just stay alive and get through it.”

25. Skin tells the story of a person, where they’ve been, what they’ve eaten, who they are.

26. “A little knowledge could be a large comfort.”

27. “Smart in your first sentence, courageous in your second. We may be friends yet.”

28. “Information is power.”

29. “I lost my parents,” I say and my voice husky. “And there’s no way I can get them back . And now I’ve lost him. And if there’s a chance, if there’s even a chance-”

30. “She’s always saying that being a leader is making the people you love hate you a little more each day.”

31. “What kind of mistake?” Her permanent frown gets bigger. “She saved a life.”

32. “Everything that happened to us is waiting to happen to them.”

33. “We are the choices we make, Viola,”

34. “I don’t think I like this version of peace very much.”

35. “You’ll learn that war only destroys. No one escapes from a war. No one. Not even the survivors you accept things that would appal you at any other time because life has temporarily lost all meaning.”

36. “War makes monsters of men.”

37. “A thing worth learning is worth learning well.”

38. “Of course I’m not ready,” Maddy says, with a terrified smile. “But I’m going.”

39. “A man is capable of thought. A crowd is not.”

40. I am Todd Hewitt and four days ago I was a man.

41. Getting thru ain’t enough. Staying alive ain’t enough if yer barely living.

42. Open, but already unseeing. I watched her fall.

43. “The Devil tells the best stories.”

44. “You have to crawl before you walk.” She takes a sip of her beer. “And then sometimes you go back to crawling.”

45. “A general would do anything to win a war,” he says. “That’s why it’s war.”

46. “Because an idea lives on after the death of a person.”

47. “I ain’t never leaving you, Todd Hewitt, not never again.”

48. “I have to try,” I say. “I have to do something.” I turn back to her, bag full. “That’s who I am.”

49. “Everyone here is someone’s daughter,” she says quietly. “Every soldier out there is someone’s son. The only crime, the only crime is to take a life. There is nothing else.”

50. “To live is to fight,” she snaps. “To preserve life is to fight everything that man stands for.”

51. She promised. And she left. She left me.

52. They treat me as if I’m a little dangerous. I’m slightly surprised to find I kind of like it.

53. You can see all of that if you look close. But it’s easier if you don’t.

54. “Well we have met the Answer, have we not?” He turns back to look at us, his eyes glinting. “It is time for then to meet the Ask.”

55. Better the devil you know.

56. I wonder why the only choice is twixt two devils, tho.

57. “It is only eternal vigilance that will lead us into the light. Let your neighbour know he is watched. Only then are we truly safe.”

58. I don’t share his excitement. But that’s cuz I don’t feel nothing much at all no more.

59. I am the Circle and the Circle is me.

60. The only thing she needs from me is assurance that I’m there, proof that I haven’t left the herd, and as long as that’s true, she’s happy and she calls me Todd…

61. Fine. It don’t matter. Nothing matters.

62. “Men are creatures of war. It’s only prudent to remember that.”

63. “If you don’t know, then there’s still a chance.”

64. “Knowing or not knowing doesn’t keep them alive.”

65. “You want to see it as simple good and evil, my girl,” she says. “The world doesn’t work that way. Never has, never will,”

66. “He needs to be overthrown, so I’m helping you do it. But when it’s done?” I’m so close I can feel her breath. “Are we going to overthrow you next?”

67. “Yer the only friend I got, pigpiss,” Davy finally says. “Ain’t that the biggest tragedy you ever heard?”

68. “Hey!” I sit up. “We do it fast and without fuss. There are lots of ways to make it worse and we don’t do that. If it’s gotta be done, then it’s best that it’s done by us.”

69. “You’re brave to try Mistress Coyle says. "Foolish, but brave.”

70. We are the choices we make. And /have/ to make. We aren’t anything else.

71. Don’t react, it reads. I’ve decided I’m coming with you. I’ll meet your cart in the woods. You want to find your family, I want to find mine, and neither of us should do it alone.

72. “It’s too late,” he says and his voice is so sad my own eyes start to wet. “I’ve been dead, Viola. I’ve been dead.”

73. “No,” he says, turning away. “No. It was easier when you weren’t here. It was easier when you couldn’t see-”

74. “I’ve done bad things, too,” I say. “I wish everything was different but it isn’t. There’s only now and her and you have to come with me if we have any chance if making this come out any good at all.”

75. “We can save the world,” I say, trying to smile. “You and me.”

76. “You have to learn how to work within the system for change.”

77. My Noise swells with pride. That’s my girl.

78. “I do owe her,” I say. “I owe her the look on her face when she sees me alive.”

79. “We just keep on having to save each other,” he says. “We ever gonna be even?”

80. “He’s just a man,” I say. “A man can be defeated.”

81. “It’s about ruddy time Haven became Haven again.”

82. “Are you sure about his?” he says. “No,” I say, “but I’m sure of Todd.”

83. “No, not the devil,” he says, smiling. “Much worse than that.”

84. “I have two maxims that I believe, dear girl,” the Mayor says, coming slowly towards us. “One, if you can control yourself, you can control others. Two, if you can control information, you can control others.”

85. “There’s always a choice.”

86. “But that makes you powerful, Todd Hewitt. In this world of numbness and information overload, the ability to feel, my boy, is a rare gift indeed.”

87. “The best liar is the one who believes her lie is true.”

88. “No,” he says. “You’ve been right all along, both of you. Never love something so much it can be used to control you.”

89. It’s that you need to love something that much so you can never be controlled.

90. I nod back. We understand each other. “You’d stop being Todd Hewitt,” I say. “And I ain’t losing you again.”

91. “Just cuz yer going there and I’m staying here,” I say. “It don’t mean we’re parting.”

92. “One, she creates chaos so it’s harder to fight her as an orderly enemy. And two, she obliterates the safety of those who won’t fight, creating the impression that she cannot be beaten so that everyone’s that much easier to rule when she’s done.”

93. “Never trust a politician, Todd. They have no sense of centre, so you can never believe them.”

94. “Things change but they stay the same.”