she says it like an invitation to a party

How each Overwatch character texts

Genji- laughs aloud at your response but leaves you on read if he has nothing to add. Doesn’t see an issue with this.

Doomfist- rarely and only when he’s got something important to say. Generally prefers to FaceTime. When he does text, it’s clear and to the point.

McCree- “I’m ur huckleberry 😘🤠 lol. Sent from my iPhone”

Pharah- Promptly and with perfect grammar. When she is sarcastic, people worry she is being serious and that they’ve angered her.

Reaper- if you had plans at 6:00 and you’re one minute late, instead of waiting a few minutes or texting you “ETA?” he just sends an angry selfie with the place you’re supposed to meet in the background and the Snapchat overlay reading “6:01” over it

Soldier: 76- still somehow has a phone plan where texts cost 15 cents apiece. Left you a voicemail that you definitely didn’t listen to. Gets mad when nobody listens to his voicemails. When someone suggests he get a phone plan with unlimited texting, he goes on a rant about how he doesn’t need it and people should just check their voicemails more often

Sombra: screenshots every conversation just in case. Half of her messages are screenshots of other messages. Nobody can reach her unless she wants to be reached because all of her messages always come from a different number.

Tracer- often sends one-word texts that require the recipient to call her for clarification. For example: “Beatles?? 😰”

Bastion- texts exclusively in emoji

Hanzo- similar to Genji but he just sends back “lol” as an acknowledgement that he has received and read the text, regardless of the appropriate tone.

Junkrat- phone is broken, has no one to text. If someone needs to contact him they do it through Roadhog.

Widowmaker- lurks in the Talon group text. Responds only when she has something to say. If she’s got a problem with you she’ll send you a vague but menacing “we need to talk” message and then switch off her phone for 14 hours so that by the time she follows up you’ve had several panic attacks and are willing to do whatever she says to avoid being in trouble. Do not be friends with Widowmaker.

Mei- double texts but is anxious about double texting. If you send her something that made you think of her she’ll respond along the lines of “awh!! cute!! 😊 thank you so much for sharing this!!”

Torbjörn- his last 30 texts are a back and forth with his wife. “On my way home. Do we need anything from the store?” “Nope.”

D.Va- sometimes gets distracted and forgets to text people back, but when she is texting, she hits “send” about 14 times before she finishes a complete thought. A series of texts from D.Va might start out “Okay” “So” “I’ve got to tell you” “did I mention what my dad said today?”

Orisa- you know that one person in the group chat who’s younger than everyone else? That’s Orisa

Reinhardt- all caps all the time. He will send you a meme followed by “HAHAHAHAHA” and then sign it “REINHARDT WILHELM”

Roadhog- sends menacing and unclear texts like “meet me in front of target in 30 minutes. we will leave without you.” which doesn’t really tell you whether he’s threatening to leave without you if you’re late or informing you that he will not be giving you a ride home from target and you should arrange your own transportation.

Winston- sends you links to 9-minute videos on YouTube

Zarya- sends context-free nonsense like “hey everyone settle a debate which finger would you choose to lose if you had to choose one finger?” and if people ask her “what the hell” she responds “))))”

Ana- sends Fareeha a cartoon where the little cartoon lady is rolling her eyes and saying “don’t even LOOK at me until I’ve had my morning coffee!!” and captions it “made me think of you!! xxx your mother Ana Amari”

Lucio- this is who D.Va was texting with earlier, and he’s very responsive to everyone’s stories. He also owns that Jackbox party game and regularly invites everyone to play. It’s always fun. A group chat with Lucio is always very active.

Mercy- incredibly passive aggressive. Refuses to engage in a text conversation unless the other person initiated it and therefore never really texts.

Symmetra- prefers texting to talking. Never makes a typo. Will respond to a text with “K.” and doesn’t always realize this comes across as “I am upset with you,” which was not her intent.

Zenyatta- this is the guy you text for advice or to vent. He’s 100% in your corner, he never takes the stranger’s side, and if you start out “ugh you’re not gonna believe what happened,” he’ll respond “👀”

I always get shit for using italics so much but you will take my excessive italics out of my cold dead hands because as far as I’m concerned each one of these is a completely different sentence:

  • “What the fuck are you doing here?” – this can be read a lot of different ways depending on context honestly. I mean it’s fine and there’s nothing wrong with it but two people could read it aloud in entirely different ways you know?
  • What the fuck are you doing here?” – someone was startled and originally was just going to say ‘what’ but then they recovered and turned it into a complete sentence
  • “What the fuck are you doing here?” – someone’s really elongating the ‘e’ on that 'the’ for emphasis, this person’s probably really obnoxious. although tbh they’re probably say it more like, “What. The fuck. Are you doing here?” wow what an asshole
  • “What the fuck are you doing here?” – this guy’s so pissed, this might be peter capaldi, i don’t know
  • “What the fuck are you doing here?” – this chick is at an exclusive party and her best friend just showed up without an invitation and at first she was just glad to see her but now she’s concerned
  • “What the fuck are you doing here?” – oh shit that bitch should have known better than to show her face here after what she pulled, it’s about to go down. actually that might have been her bestie right above this saying that right after someone said this.
  • “What the fuck are you doing here?” – not only has someone just shown up where they don’t belong but they’re doing something weird, they’re probably a secret teenage hero and all their friends think they’re on drugs
  • “What the fuck are you doing here?” – all the bars in all the world and you had to walk into mine, how did you even get here, you don’t even like bars, i didn’t tell anyone about this place i just filled a cave with some beer
About Allura’s Mom

Allura rarely talks about her mother, we only get like one mention of her in S1 and none in S2? Alfor on the other hand is constantly being mentioned by Allura in S1. She has a lot of memories with her father, a lot of happy ones and they come back when she loses the last piece of him she had. 

In every single one of these memories with her father, Allura is wearing her circlet. The only time she isn’t is when she’s a baby. Alfor, on the other hand, is never shown wearing a crown/circlet/anything denoting nobility. He always calls himself an alchemist, and says he is not a good leader? Coran refers to him only as a ‘leader’ and a king, neither of which means he inherited the throne. 

Allura’s mom though, she is also always seen wearing her circlet. 

Like I am serious, Allura’s mom was the Queen regnant and Alfor was her consort. Since he had a military background it could be that they married after he rose up in the ranks? Also Allura’s mom (Imma call her Fala) was invited to the dinner party above meanwhile none of the other spouses were. Granted, Zarkon wasn’t married yet and we don’t know about the others but it could show that she is the queen and since they are a group of leaders she was also invited. 

The biggest thing that helps prove it is that Allura and her mom wear the same circlet from when Allura is about 10 onward. Idk if its inherited or not but if the circlet Allura is wearing is her mother’s, then that could mean Fala died before the destruction of Altea, approx. when Allura was 10-13. 

me: *always eats at the same places and always orders the same food* *social behavior doesn’t come naturally to self* *has hyperempathy* *has trouble expressing feelings/matching facial expressions to emotions* *has awful body coordination/struggles w/ simple instructions regarding hands-on tasks* *gets upset w/ a minor change in routine*

me: *writes small scripts for ordinary social interactions to avoid anxiety* *stims/cannot keep still* *likes certain things so intensely that it frightens self/could talk abt those things all day* *is confused by how some ppl always know what to say or do most of the time* *has trouble making and keeping conversations*

me: *didn’t realize a friend was invinting me to her sister’s birthday party when she sent me a picture of the invitation bc she didn’t explicitly say so* *is naive/childlike* *easily distracted to the point of dissociation* *was teased during childhood for being too uptight/teacher’s pet* *emulates fictional characters/other people in terms of personality* *used to repeat words randomly as a child/still does that as a young adult, esp. words in other languages just bc “they sound pretty”*

me: *is baffled when ppl express interest in spending time with me* *has poor time management skills/ is a serial procrastinator* *deeply dislike certain textures/sounds/smells* *is photosensitive* *is considered weird by friends and family* *has unusual manneirisms*

me: ok so i may THINK that i am autistic but what if i only think that bc i want ATTEntiON???????

two rotten apples [m]

credit: x.

❛❛we’re next-door neighbors and have hated each other since middle school but now we’re going to the same university how can we avoid the other person like the plague so there isn’t a crime scene— what do you mean you promised my mom you would keep an eye on me???? you fucking planned this❜❜ AU

COUNT → 16.053

GENRE → smut | eventual angst

PAIRING → jungkook | reader

WARNINGS → dom and sub tones | spanking | hair pulling | praising | explicit language | female masturbation | graphic oral sex | penetration

LINKS → 1 | 2 | 3 | 4COMING SOON


There was always that one person at parties—that one person who hid in a bathtub somewhere so they didn’t have to contribute to society’s norms of choking on their own vomit and passing out cuddling a pink garden gnome.

Or maybe that was just you.

Then again, it wasn’t just any party you were hiding in a bathtub at—it wasn’t some rager that had frat boys downstairs chugging so much alcohol that their livers probably looked like fucking dried out asparagus—it was your high school graduation party. And maybe you’d attended only the lamest graduation parties in your eighteen years of life, but there was no alcohol here—only fruit punch. Yet, there you were, still hiding in a bathtub for some fucking reason with a piece of chocolate cake balanced in your lap.

You should probably reiterate that it was your party, which makes things worse since normally you don’t hide in a bathtub when you’re the guest of honor.

Normally—but this was not a normal circumstance.

Keep reading

The Signs as Harry Styles Lyrics

Aries - Choose your words ‘cause there’s no antidote for this curse. Oh, what’s it waiting for? Must this hurt you just before you go? // Ever Since New York

Taurus - I’m selfish, I know, but I don’t ever want to see you with him. I’m selfish, I know; I told you, but I know you never listen // Woman

Gemini - She’s gonna be an angel, just you wait and see when it turns out she’s a devil in between the sheets // Only Angel

Cancer - Tongue-tied like we’ve never known, telling those stories we already told 'cause we don’t say what we really mean // Two Ghosts

Leo - She’s got a book for every situation, gets into parties without invitations. How could you ever turn her down? // Carolina

Virgo - Comfortable silence is so overrated; why won’t you ever say what you want to say? // From the Dining Table

Libra - You can’t bribe the door on your way to the sky. You look pretty good down here, but you ain’t really good // Sign of the Times

Scorpio - She sits beside me like a silhouette, hard candy dripping on me 'til my feet are wet // Kiwi

Sagittarius - I walked the streets all day, running with the thieves ‘cause you left me in the hallway // Meet Me in the Hallway

Capricorn - We never learn, we’ve been here before? Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets? // Sign of the Times

Aquarius - She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes, hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect // Kiwi

Pisces - Running through the garden, oh, where nothing bothered us, but we’re still young. I always think about you and how we don’t speak enough // Sweet Creature

The History of the RFA

*I was gonna put a keep reading but decided against it. I stop where I did because the events go differently depending on the route you take. Should I do one for each route???*

*Inspired by “The History of the World, i guess” and “The History of Japan.” Just imagine that voice reading this or it’s not gonna be as good.*

Hi, hello there, here you are. 

You’re at an apartment. But whose apartment is it? We’ll get to that later.

Knock knock, here’s a blonde girl. Who is that?

She thinks “wow I really like photography, I’m gonna go to a gallery” So she goes to a gallery.
Then she meets this guy 

Yeah that guy.
But who is that guy?

He’s a photographer and he likes her hair. So he says “wow, I really like your hair, what’s your name?”

so Rika says “Oh thanks, I like yours too, it’s a weird shade of blue. My name is Rika”

and V says “Oh wow is that you’re real name? We’re Korean, that doesn’t sound like a very Korean name unless one of your parents is foreign or maybe they just wanted to name you something foreign, y’know?” 

and so Rika says 

and V doesn’t say anything else.

Oh look now they’re dating! They’re religious people who like church. One day they’re at church.
Oh hey who’s that cherry-headed kid over there scavenging for food? 
“Oh shit,” V says, “That looks like someone who could really use our help”
Then he says:

and then the little cherry kid said

Then he says “Oh but my name is Saeyoung”

“Yes,” V whispers under his breath, “Our first great act of kindness”
So V and Rika see this kid at the church all the time after mass and bring bread for him. Yay bread.
Turns out Saeyoung’s twin brother, whose name is Saeran, is the weaker one. 

Yeah that one.
His dad’s in some deep political shit and his mom’s blackmailing his dad because his dad won’t tell the people voting for him about the kids he has so the mom threatens to tell the world if he doesn’t give her money and all she does is spend that money on alcohol

“Wow that really sucks,” V says, and comes back a few weeks later with an offering. “Hey I have an idea. How about we take you and give you a new life. You and your computer skills can get you a rad job and then we’ll take care of your brother for you. The catch is that you have to abandon him and become a completely new person.”

“Woah,” Saeyoung says. “I can’t do that, are you crazy”

“No,” V says,

“No,” Saeyoung says.

“But you should,” V says, “It’s best for him.”

“Are you sure,” Saeyoung says.

“Totally,” V says. “You just met me. Trust me though, it’s gonna go smooth.”

So Saeyoung says yes and they take him in where he’s

, converted to catholic and given the cool name “Luciel”
It’s got something to do with not wanting to be a fallen angel but let’s forget about him right now.

A few years later. Surprise! V and Rika wanna start a group together. What are they gonna do in the group?

“But wait” says Rika

“What is it?” says V

“What are we gonna call this group?” 

They have to think of something clever. Something super smart but also obvious so everybody knows their intentions. So they decide to call it

“But wait,” Rika says again, “We can’t just do this by ourselves. We need more people. I have a cousin”

“I have a childhood friend who talks to only me because other people don’t understand our rich lifestyle,” says V

“Oh hold on,” says Rika, “there’s another guy who’s really good at acting and had a pretty shitty childhood, we gotta invite him too”

“That’s pretty dank,” says V, “And my friend that I mentioned previously has an assistant that he can invite.”

“Wait, what about that kid from earlier?” says V.

They hold parties and make money that they donate and everything’s fine. Let’s go forward a little.

Knock knock. 

Who is it now??

Rika’s been struck by mental illness that’s causing her to have delusions. Well this isn’t good.

“I’ll help,” says V
So he takes her to a therapist. But she doesn’t wanna go to the therapist so she stops going to that therapist. Not that she goes to another one. She doesn’t go to a therapist at all.

“I wanna make a cult,” Rika says, “it’ll be totally chill. like a paradise, let’s do it”

“Woah,” V says, “You can’t just make a cult”

“Hey, that’s bullshit,” Rika says, “You can’t tell me what to do”
Then she jabs him in the eyes. Well, we don’t know if she jabbed him in the eyes yet. What she did to his eyes is unclear for now.

Oh no, V’s vision is deteriorating slowly over time. Now Rika’s run off to start her cult.

“Shit,” V says, “I can’t tell the RFA about this, what the hell do I do? Oh wait, I know:”

Woah. Now everyone’s heartbroken and there’s a funeral held for her. In fact, everyone’s so heartbroken that they stop holding charity parties for like two years.
Also Rika’s cousin really hates V for some reason.

Fast forward.
Ding ding. You just got a text. 

Now you’re inside a stranger’s apartment. Surprise again! Your phone suddenly opens up a random chatroom with five people talking about random stuff in their life.

Hey but wait, who are you?

Now they think you’re a hacker and you have to explain what happened and how you ended up in the apartment. You don’t know who this “Rika” or who this “V” is that they keep mentioning but whatever it probably isn’t important.

So you tell them, and they realize you can’t leave because something’s clearly weird, right? So now they’re faced with a dilemma 

SKAM S04E09 Clip 4 - Your Faith Is Strong

SANA: This is me and Noora at a café.

MOM: Red lipstick?

SANA: She’s always wearing red lipstick.

MOM: Yeah? It suits her.

SANA: Yes, it suits her very well. And there she’s also wearing red lipstick.. This is at school..

MOM: She’s a very pretty girl.

SANA: She’s very pretty.

MOM: Yes.

SANA: And this is Chris!

MOM: She looks like lots of fun.

SANA: Yes, she’s very cool.

MOM: Why don’t you invite them here? Wow!

SANA: That’s a picture of Vilde and Eva.

[YOUSEF: Of course I want to hang out with you! What about Friday? I’m leaving on Saturday.]

[Yousef Acar accepted your friend request]

SANA: Aaaand… This is a picture of Noora.

MOM: What are those sunglasses?

SANA: It’s just this halloween party. Because we were.. We had dressed up and stuff.

MOM: Nice pictures!

SANA: I like Yousef. And.. He’s not a Muslim.

MOM: And now you’re going to hang out?

SANA: I know.. I know that Islam says I can’t marry him, but I just.. I don’t understand that because Yousef is a very good person.

MOM: You’re just seventeen years old. You’re not getting married yet.

SANA: No, but what about three years from now? If I still like Yousef - why can’t I marry him?

MOM: When you’re that young, you think crushes and love are the same thing. Crushes pass, but love and a marriage last for your whole life. It’s almost like a cooperation, where you give all the love inside of you to that cooperation. It’s also about having someone by your side your whole life, no matter what happens. And I think you’ll get a bit lonely in that relationship if you’re the only one who believes, because your faith is so strong. Because there are always times in your life where you doubt everything, even Allah and then.. I think it’s important that you have someone by your side who reminds you why you’re a Muslim and who understand what you believe in. Do you understand? It’ll be fine.

MOM [ON THE PHONE]: Hello.

[YOUSEF: Of course I want to hang out with you! What about Friday? I’m leaving on Saturday.]

[SANA: Oh are you leaving this Saturday? I can’t this week.

SANA: I hope you have the world’s best summer]

[CHRIS: Yo girls. What about test driving the van this Friday? I know it’s not Russ Time 2018 yet, but a little trip has to be fine?

VILDE: YEEEES!!!]

SANA AND ELIAS TALKED ABOUT YOUSEF. AND HE TOLD HER THAT LIKE, YEAH I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE HIM AND IT’S OKAY, HE’S A GREAT GUY. AND SANA WAS LIKE ‘BUT HE’S NOT MUSLIM’ AND ELIAS WAS ALL “YOUSEF IS THE MOST MUSLIM GUY I’VE MET. HE DOESN’T DRINK. HE HAS A GOOD HEART’ ETC. “BUT HE DOESN’T BELIEVE IN ALLAH’ ‘DOESN’T BELIEVE IN ALLAH…LISTEN WHAT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. GO AROUND AND SAY THAT YOU BELIEVE IN ALLAH, OR LIVE LIKE YOU BELIEVE IN ALLAH. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR ME IS FOR MY SISTER TO BE HAPPY” “BUT MOM DOESN’T SEE IT LIKE THAT” “MOM JUST CARES FOR YOU. AND SHE GREW UP IN A DIFFERENT TIME AND IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY”


AND THEN ELIAS IS ALL “I DON’T LIKE TO SEE YOU SAD BECAUSE IT MAKES ME SAD” “I’M NOT SAD”

AND THEN SANA INVITES ELIAS TO THE PARTY AND TELLS HIM TO BRING YOUSEF.

Some miscellaneous observations and Good Canon Facts about the FBI Family:

  • JJ was the first to refer to the team as a family, Garcia and Rossi are the two that use family words the most
  • Reid is a similar age to Steven (Gideon’s estranged son) and Sean (Hotch’s estranged kid brother), and if Rossi’s son had lived he’d have been about that age too. It’s obvious from their relationships with Reid that Gideon, Hotch and Rossi are all aware of this fact.
  • Rossi considers himself “more married to this team than [he] was to three ex-wives”
  • Morgan once jokingly referred to Hotch and Rossi as “mom and dad”
  • Hotch and Emily look like they could easily be siblings
  • Reid doesn’t look much like Hotch, but he could very easily be mistaken for a relative of Jack’s (eg. a cousin or much older brother)
  • JJ and Reid could probably pass for siblings too, although that’s more in terms of behaviour than looks
  • Jack calls Rossi ‘Uncle Dave’
  • JJ’s kids call Reid (who is also their godfather) ‘Uncle Spencer’
  • Garcia likes to specify that she is Henry and Michael’s fairy godmother, thank you very much
  • Blake once said that she likes to think that if her son Ethan had lived, he’d have been a lot like Reid
  • Blake’s dad (who had only just met them that week) invited the whole team around for a barbecue, saying that they couldn’t have a party without “the whole family”
  • Shortly after Morgan’s son was born, Rossi delightedly declared that it was time for him to meet his Uncle Dave
  • Morgan names his son Hank Spencer Morgan, after his dad and “the best little brother anybody could ever ask for”
  • Garcia refers to the team going out for a meal together as “family dinner”
Friends Part 1

Summary: You and Bucky are friends for a long time, but lately you start to develop romantic feelings for him. One day one of Tony’s parties everything changes but maybe not the way you wanted or expected.

Paring: Bucky x Reader

Words: 1947

Warnings: Fluffy and angst

Thank you @amrita31199 for beta this for me you are amazing 

credits to the gif owner

You never felt so inadequate in your life, when you left the house for one of Tony’s parties . You felt beautiful in your black strapless dress and high heels.  But as soon as you arrived at the party, you felt your heart being shattered.

You see Bucky with a beautiful blonde in his arms , when he sees you he comes in your direction kissing your cheek and pulling you to a hug “Don’t you look beautiful?” He says staring into your eyes, you smile at him with your best fake smile“Well I tried, apparently not as hard as your date.” You say sounding bitter even if that is the last thing you wanted to be or sound like.

Keep reading

Mom: I’m thinking that it would be alot easier for you if you were with people more like you

Sana: I can manage having Norwegian friends and be myself at the same time!

ok but can we talk about this for a second?? sana insisting she can be herself with norwegian non-muslim friends. but… we haven’t seen that? we’ve literally seen sana get misunderstood countless times and brushed over by her friends in the last four days alone. yes she can be herself in the sense that she’ll usually speak her mind but her being with those girls at the moment, no matter their history, is draining her right now and she is sacrificing her emotional wellbeing. sana’s mother telling her that it would be easier for her to be around people like her was so… sad tbh. sana’s mother must notice how out of place sana can feel, being invited to things/go to parties when its time for her to pray, her friends putting her in the position where she doesn’t want to say no for fear that she’ll just… lose them? it feels like sana’s reply is defensive and it makes me believe she’s not at that point yet where she can verbally tell the girls what they’re doing is shitty and im :/

sana loves those girls so damn much and listen, i dont doubt they love her too. but right now that’s not enough, right now they aren’t seeing what they’re doing and its impact on sana and that is going to blow up in everyone’s faces real soon.

SKAM S04E10 Clip 1 - Vilde

[CHRIS: I’m finished and right by your place, should I drop by so I can buy you some beer?

VILDE: Just wait downstairs and I’ll be right there

CHRIS: Okiedokie]

HÅKON: Hi.

VILDE: Hi!

HÅKON: My name is Håkon and I’m the new chairman of the apartment complex.

VILDE: Hi!

HÅKON: Hi. Is your mom home?

VILDE: No, unfortunately, she’s not. Can I help you with something?

HÅKON: Yes, I’m just saying hi to the neighbors and your mom hasn’t paid the fees, so I was just wondering if she has been notified?

VILDE: Oh! She probably just forgot! She works a lot, but I’ll tell her.

HÅKON: Yes. You can?

VILDE: Yes!

HÅKON: That’s it. Bye.

VILDE: Bye!

[SANA: Dear Vilde. I don’t think I’ve told you, but I just wanted to say that I admire you so much for being so strong. No matter what happens, you never give up, you keep on going. You’re the first person I would bring with me to war, and I love you so much. I’m inviting you to an Eid party at my place on Saturday. Eid is a holiday that marks the end of Ramadhan. Saturday is the last day of Ramadhan and I’d like to break the fast with all the people I love. Lots of food, a chill atmosphere and only good people. I’ll be so happy if you come. Sana]

VILDE: Mamma? I’m going out.

MOM: Who was it that buzzed?

VILDE: It was someone collecting signatures.

MOM: Oh, well then….

VILDE: Sorry, I lost track of time!

CHRIS: No worries.

VILDE: My mom and I got carried away chatting. Should we get out of here?

CHRIS: Yes!

VILDE: Hurry!

anonymous asked:

Just read through your masterlist and goodness gracious! the feels!! Awesome writing 👏🏻 Sooo how about an imagine, where RFA+V & Saeran come across MC somewhere without recognizing her? And maybe developing a lil crush on her? (Let's assume her avatar is a pony lol and she's can go out of the flat to live her life) Hope it's possible to do. Thank you so so much :)

This was so cute! We changed it up a little for Saeran, just because of the whole Mint Eye thing, but hope you like them!



General Scenario: The RFA party is planned much later than one week after MC joins. MC knows who the RFA are because of their profile pics, etc. But overthinks security reasons so doesn’t say anything.

Zen:

  • You got a side job in a grocery store since you were tired of being cooped up in the apartment
  • Also, you thought you could use the extra bucks since RFA wasn’t paying
  • Only you didn’t realize it was the store near Zen’s house
  • He’s buying a pack of cigs and you’re his cashier
  • “Aww, you wouldn’t want to smoke too much and ruin that voice of yours,” you say casually
  • He chuckles at the comment thinking you’re just a concerned fan and goes on his way
  • But for some reason your words stick with him…no, maybe it was your voice? Your face?
  • He bumps into you several times at the store
  • He even finds himself trying to get you as a cashier
  • You notice too…but you’re kind of enjoying it
  • A  few weeks later, he buys a candy bar just because he was having a rough day
  • And he realized it was an excuse because he just wanted to see you
  • He kind of accidentally admits in the process that you’re one of the only people who can make him shy
  • Lowkey realizes his crush on you then
  • Then the party rolls around
  • He sees you he thinks you’re one of the guests until you reveal yourself
  • He gets a little more bold in his advances after that

Yoosung:

  • You’re in the coffee club with him
  • You’re partnered up one week and you him to taste your coffee before the professor found the final batch
  • He really likes it but more than that you got really up in his face when you gave the mug to him
  • His heart does a little thing
  • He denies that he likes you at first when some of his friends ask why he keeps requesting to be partnered with you for group activities
  • He does come to terms with it after awhile
  • The admission makes him both bold and flustered
  • He tries to be more forward with you but he keeps messing up
  • He even texts you in the chatroom (but he doesn’t realize it’s you) and asks for advice
  • You’re blushing but you try your best to give him “advice” to woo you
  • You have to keep yourself from laughing because he always subtly messes it up oh no this is only making you like him more
  • Then all of a sudden, he stops coming to the club
  • Worried, you ask him subtly what happened with his crush
  • He says that he gave up because he didn’t think she was interested because he kept goofing up
  • You feel so horrible
  • When it gets to the party and he finally realizes who you are, saying that you like him is the first thing that flies out of your mouth

Jaehee:

  • She had been stressed with all the new projects at work
  • So she visits a coffee shop in town
  • You happen to be the new barista there at the same time she visits daily
  • It’s not a very busy time, so you two always end up talking a little
  • After some time, she just kind of blurts out her struggles and insecurities
  • You set some time aside from your shift to listen and give your advice
  • You already know her job situation, but you try to give some vague advice about her passions and following her dreams
  • In that moment, she knows she really admires you
  • She finds she’s stopping by more frequently and staying longer
  • One day, the cafe is about to close early but there’s no customers but her
  • You invite her behind the counter and ask if she wants to learn some things
  • She realizes she’s never had this much fun in her life…nor met someone like you
  • She starts crying right then and there, both from being touched and realizing her own unhappiness in her situation
  • You almost revealed yourself in this moment, because you just felt so bad and knew everything going on behind the scenes and wanted to give her a hug
  • Still you manage to comfort her without saying too much
  • When the party comes, she sees you there and she’s in shock
  • Uncharacteristically, she nearly tackles you in a hug
  • She didn’t expect that the two most supportive people in her life were the same person

Jumin:

  • Work had been stressful again, so what does he do? 
  • He goes to the newest pet store in town to hand pick some new toys for Elizabeth the 3rd
  • It also happens to be the pet store you work at
  • When you saw him enter the store, there was no mistaking it was none other than Han Jumin
  • So, you ask politely if he needs help
  • Jumin is kind of stunned at first when he sees you…and he doesn’t know why
  • He ignores the feeling and continues shopping with some of your suggestions
  • You’re actually pick out the best things for Elizabeth…also, he enjoys even the small talk
  • After a few more weeks, he finds that this attraction doesn’t go away
  • He keeps on visiting, trying to figure out his own feelings
  • His time is limited because how many cat toys can he buy
  • Meanwhile, you’re dying to let him know who you are, especially when things with his father get a bit rough in the background
  • You drop subtle hints of who you might be
  • It works, and he puts the pieces together
  • He stops by one day, not to buy anything, but to ask if you two can talk when your shift is over
  • You think it’s just casual, but next thing you know he’s confessing his feelings and asking if he can personally escort you to the next RFA party
  • Of course, you say some confessions of your own and agree

Seven:

  • He’s on another undercover mission which requires him to “work” at a restaurant as a server
  • You work there too, as it happens
  • You were so excited to see him there, so you just go up to him and start chatting him up
  • As it so happened, the background check he did on you was weeks ago…and with everything that happened at work, he sort of had forgotten what you looked like and where you worked
  • So, he just thinks you’re just a random co-worker who happens to be extra bold
  • But he finds you get his jokes, and even will play along when he does some stupid prank on the other serves
  • He realizes he’s forgetting this is a mission and he’s actually enjoying working with you
  • He catches himself glancing at you too often, staring too long, and wanting to be with you when work is over
  • When he realizes he might actually like you, he panics and finishes up his work as quickly as possible tsundere mode activated
  • One day, you’re told he quit, but you still talked to him in the chatroom so it was okay
  • But you couldn’t help but notice he was more mellow and seemed to beat himself up a lot
  • Turns out he was guilty, because being so open with you on the last mission could’ve put you in danger
  • The party drew closer and the security system gets hacked, etc.
  • When he runs over to protect you, he finally realizes who you are when he sees your face
  • This only makes the next few days at the apartment even worse
  • But of course, everything works out in the end, and you two even joke about it
  • “I can never forget a face like yours!”
  • “As I remember, Saeyoung, you did…”
  • “….It was one time.”

Saeran:

  • Just because he’s plotting the demise of the RFA doesn’t mean he doesn’t stop for some froyo
  • It was also your favorite ice cream place, so you visited often when things got stressful in the RFA
  • He recognized you immediately, but you still had never met him
  • He was really curious about how you acted on normal days, since he only ever knew by how much Seven seemed to hack more or less
  • He stayed in the back and watched as you did whatever you were doing
  • As time passed, he found your presence calming
  • He didn’t seem frazzled or worried or angry
  • Your presence became an addiction
  • He stopped by day and after day, getting a little disgruntled if you didn’t show
  • There were some points he even felt guilty for using someone like you for his plan
  • Then one day, he finds you plop yourself right in front of him
  • You had noticed he also seemed to visit every day, so you thought you two could get acquainted
  • For the first time in his life, he was stumbling over his words and what was this heat in his face?
  • He thought it was a one time thing, but you started doing it every day
  • You were actually talking to him, and he was finding out parts of you he couldn’t just see from a distance
  • He both loved it and hated it
  • The part of you he found so peacable was now tearing at his conscience, making him more aware of his deeds and his own brokenness
  • Finally, he just felt too guilty to face you again
  • So, he satisfied himself to just watching you from a distance once more from the CCTV

V:

  • You were the secretary for one of his new clients
  • He arrives at the place for a photoshoot one day, but your boss is running late
  • He dismisses it politely and just waits
  • He seems familiar to you, but you’re unsure of he’s the same V from the RFA so you say nothing
  • He takes the time to talk to you a little
  • He’s surprised at some of the statements you make which are sometimes very deep or introspective
  • He’s actually glad when the client asks for a long term contract
  • He arrives to work earlier, and he even brings you a coffee
  • Whenever he talks to you, he can’t stop smiling for the next few hours
  • He knows exactly what’s happening when his heart flutters after you call his name one morning
  • He’s very hesitant in proceeding, because he’s still recovering from the last relationship
  • But then he recognizes your voice at the party, and you explain who you are
  • He smiles and believes it’s a sign from God or something
  • So he asks you on a date after the party 

Check out our other headcanons~ Masterlist

Yuuri Katsuki is like the skating world’s Married Cousin™

Like, you always thought he was pretty cool and you still think that but he’s the oldest and he married well and now all anybody can talk about is Married Cousin Yuuri and you’re like Why can’t they ever talk about me, Straight B Student Cousin Kyle.

“Oh yeah, Viktor and I just bought a house,” says Married Cousin Yuuri, smiling and perfect as all of the trainwreck late-teen skaters simmer with jealousy in a corner.

“I used to be like you,” assures Married Cousin Yuuri, patting a young skater’s back as she has her fourth existential crisis of the day. “Before Viktor and I got married, I–”

Ugh.” The skater wedges her head between her knees. “UGH.”

Getting an invitation to Viktor and Yuuri’s post-season celebratory dinner party is like being told by your mom that you’re going to Married Cousin Yuuri’s house for Thanksgiving because he and His Husband Viktor want the whole family to be there for their First Thanksgiving In The New House.

The only difference is that instead of standing up halfway through the meal and announcing that they’re having a baby, Viktor starts the night by walking into the dining room with not one but two poodle puppies in his arms and says, “Meet our babies!”

“I want to die,” mutters Yuri Plisetsky, and the five under-eighteen skaters surrounding him grunt in agreement.

Jealous? (Peter Parker x Reader)

Requester: Anon

Request: “ Hi :) I just watched SM:HC and I have a request :) Reader is a friend of Peter & Ned and in love with Peter. At some point Peter makes a comment about reader’s not getting any affection from guys so at Liz’s party reader shows up with a mini black dress and everyone drools over her even Liz tries to be friends with her and jelous peter! <3 Pls pls pls :)

Boi: Peter Parker

Movie/ Book: Spiderman: Homecoming

Word Count: 878

Warnings: Fluff/ Angst/ Smut (no warnings

There you go, lovely anon! 


Peter hurriedly walked out of the gym, you and Ned trying to catch up with him. 

“You- Spider-man- how- you know Spider-man?” You said, an expression of shock riddled on your face, failing to form coherent sentences.

Peter sighed. He looked annoyed with Ned for blurting out that he knew Spider-man. “Yes, I-I- we’ve met…”

“Hey, it’s okay, y’know. Look at the bright side! Liz Allan invited us to her party!” You said lightly, though you didn’t like the fact that she had just invited Peter because he knew Spider-man. You liked Peter, and you’d tried to make it obvious, but he was too busy pining after the popular senior. 

He smiled at your comment. “Yeah, that’s good. Maybe she finally likes me.”

Ned rolled his eyes. “Or maybe she just wants to invite Spider-man at her party.”

You tried to hide a smile. Ned was on your side. “Yup,” You said, nonchalantly agreeing with Ned.

Peter frowned. “I don’t think so,” His frown curved into a smirk, “What about you, Y/N? Maybe you’re jealous? Who’s asked you out till now, hm? Why don’t boys drool over you?” 

You rolled your eyes. “Oh, please, Parker. Lots of people have asked me out. I’m hot property, so I say no.” Okay. That wasn’t a complete lie. Derek Farrell asked you out in fifth grade. 

“Yeah, right.” He said, cocking his head to the side, “As if,”

“See you at the party, Peter,” You said, your eyes narrowing playfully as you hurried to your locker. 


You smoothened your black dress as you rung the doorbell. It barely reached your thighs, but you didn’t feel uncomfortable tonight. Your H/C hair had been straightened out, and you had applied dark lipstick. Overall, you would say that it was a good job. You wondered if Peter and Ned were inside. 

“Hey, Y/N!” Liz said, smiling brightly as she opened the door. She looked at your dress approvingly, “Someone’s gonna make the guys drool over her,” 

You smiled, remembering Peter’s words earlier that day about how no one drooled over you. “Thanks,”

You both walked into the main area of her humongous mansion. People were partying everywhere, plastic cups in their hands, sloshing with drinks. 

You walked over to the DJ area, not in the mood to stay in a corner tonight. A few moments later, someone tapped you on your shoulder. It was Ned, who was smiling cheerfully at the sight of you, while Peter’s jaw rested comfortably on the floor, his cheeks bright red. 

“Hi,” You said to the both of them, smirking. Peter looked as if he had something stuck in his throat. After a long while, he muttered. “H-hey Y/N,” 

You noticed Flash staring at you, his eyes lighting up. You smiled at him flirtatiously, ready to show Peter that guys did drool over you. 

“Hey, beautiful,” Flash murmured in your ear, winking at you. You giggled (which was highly unnatural, but you had to show Peter).

“Hey, Flash,” You purred seductively. 

“What’s brewing here?” A senior who you recognized as Samuel said, smirking at you. You waved. He had helped you decorate for the Homecoming last year. 

“Uh-did-I-tell-you-guys-that-she’s-my-date?!” Peter blurted at top speed. 

“Didn’t catch that,” You said, turning to him. Your heels gave you a height boost, so you were on eye level with him. It was weird because normally, you were an inch or two shorter than him. 

“She’s my date,” Peter said confidently, grabbing your hand. You tried hard not to blush. He was noticing you. Had he really said that?!

Oh, come on,” Samuel said, rolling his eyes. “I’m not falling for that.”

“You can’t get this hot chick, Penis Parker,” Flash said, shooting you a flirty wink. Peter rolled his eyes, pulling you away from the both of them and took you to the drinks counter. 

“What are you doing?” You said, ignoring the giddy feeling in your stomach you felt because your hand was in his. 

“Look- just don’t talk to them- okay?” He said, letting out a frustrated sigh and looking down, For a moment, you actually thought he was looking at your lips. But that had to be a figment of your imagination…

“Why not?” You asked nonchalantly, (reluctantly) pulling your hand out of his and crossing your arms. 

He frowned. “Just don’t, okay?”

“I need a reason,” -you smiled suddenly- “Hey, are you…jealous? Those boys were drooling over me?” 

His ears reddened. “What?- pfft -no-” He suddenly smirked. “Wait…were you trying to make me jealous? Do you like me?” 

Now it was your turn to blush. “No, I don’t like you, shut up.”

“So this annoys you?” He whispered, leaning closer till the tips of your noses were touching. 

“Uh-” You mumbled. You honestly didn’t know how to react. 

This doesn’t bother you?” He said, moving to kiss your jaw. Your heart leaped, but your brain reminded you that he was only teasing you.

“It does,” You whispered before you could stop yourself. 

“And I was jealous too,” He said, taking a step back and smiling slyly. 

You smirked, placing a quick kiss on his cheek and retreating into the crowd. His smile faded. 

“Hey!” He said, “Are you going to just leave it at this?”

“Maybe,” You said, winking. 


(I had so much fun writing this honestly) 

Part 2 is here :)

My Reputation Secret Session Experience

(an abbreviated version to keep confidentiality)

I got a DM from Taylor Nation before the London SS had happened, so I honestly had no idea what the “secret event” was. They called me and said the event was in Rhode Island, and I mean the only thing there is her house but I didn’t know what the event entailed. Knowing Taylor, I was like she’s gonna make it so fun and so detailed and so personal whatever it is.

I was not able to focus on anything for two weeks because I was just thinking about taylor and rhode island. I took a train from NYC to Rhode Island the night before. Wednesday October 18, 2017 was such a GORGEOUS day. The water was SO BLUE. THE SUN WAS SHINING. and there was a helicopter hovering in front of taylor’s house which annoyed me but yeah I’ll try to get over that.
Fast forward to being at her house. First of all, her security detail is hilarious. They are so nice and funny and were cracking jokes the whole time. The very first person I talked to was none other than Scott Swift, the man the legend, wearing a striped sweater only a dad would buy and his pockets overflowing with 1989 guitar picks. I spent a good chunk of time chatting with him on the deck he’s amazing—we stan forever.
Also I legit hung out and excitedly mingled in Taylor’s kitchen so long that I forgot it wasn’t normal to be in her kitchen. There was a huge spread of Chick-fil-a nuggets, pizza, chips, custom Rep cookies and M&Ms, Smart Water and Diet Coke.
*side note i’m a vegetarian but if taylor would have offered me a nugget i would have forgotten my vow against meat*
I was so comfortable and having so much fun that it just felt like I was at my friend’s house party, which I was. But then like every 30 minutes it would hit me that to the outside world, she was THE Taylor Swift, and I was in her kitchen…
Fast forward to Andrea coming down to also hang out and mingle with us. She smelled amazing (so did the entire house). She came up to me and Sol and said hello with a huge smile on her face and then pulled us both into a tight hug at the same time and said “YOU BEAUTIFUL SOULS.” and honestly I just wanted to hug her ten more times and be like THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE MADAM PRESIDENT.
Side note, the kitchen has adorable childhood pictures of Taylor and Austin and pictures of the family on the beach and its all v cute.
Also I saw the mermaid, I MEAN THE MERMAID that taylor and selena posed by and i was like wow this iconic.
ALSO as many of you know i’m not only a taylor stan, but a huge todrick stan, and i have been for years. so i died a little when i realized that i was leaning against the same kitchen counter that they were sitting on during thanksgiving and i was like wow its cool i’m fine we’re fine EVERYTHING IS FINE.
Fast forward to Austin also coming downstairs to mingle. He’s adorable and I love him. I didn’t get to chat with him bc it was kind of crowded but he was smiling and laughing and looked genuinely happy to be there.
Tree was also floating around the kitchen here and there and let me just say she’s GORGEOUS. (also she was the MVP later when I needed to pee)
Okay fast forward some more and it’s time to move into the living room. There are cushions on the floor and I’m sitting with all of my friends, including several of us who are from NYC. There are people setting the room and Andrea, Scott and Austin just look so excited that we’re there and that made me so happy.
After what felt like centuries of people opening doors, stomping upstairs and shutting the curtains, it was time for the queen to make her entrance.
The door to my right flew open and that tall drink of water in black thigh high boots and blonde curls and a huge smile entered the room and collectively we all made noises that probably sounded non-human.
She said “Hi, I’m Taylor” as she sat down in this throne of a chair and crossed her legs that are collectively longer than the great wall of china.
She said “you’ve done your detective work right (my detectivey heart fell out of my detectivey ass) and you are at the Reputation Secret Sessions


**and that’s where the cone of silence comes on and what happened for the next several hours at the secret sessions STAYS at the secret sessions.**


So after I DIED because she obviously played us every track of the album. It was time for picturesssss.
As I walked in to see Taylor, I didn’t even make it to her yet before she strutted toward me and scooped me into a hug so tight that I said “hey i’m kelsea” into her hair ;askdjflskfj
She pulled away and was like “yeah I know, and you spell it S-E-A right?” AND LEMME TELL YOU i’ve gone my entire 24 years of life with my name spelled wrong, even people I’ve known for years will spell it Kelsey. and I replied to Taylor, “UM YEAH” and she got so excited she fist pumped and then put her hand up for a high five and we literally had the most epic high five of my entire life I’m pretty sure they heard it in Australia. ok.
At this point Sol walked in and I introduced her to Taylor too. She loved Sol so much. so so much.
Then I asked Taylor if she found me on Tumblr or Twitter, and she immediately replied “Tumblr” with a nod. and then she goes “I KNOW you love TODRICK, and I LOVE that.”  and I’m pretty sure that was the moment my brain short-circuited.

and i was like “OKAY well TN contacted me via Twitter and I was real confused because my handle is  @ toddyownsmyass” and her face lit up, her mouth dropped open, she grabbed my hand and laughed and said “OH MY GOD HAHAHHA”. 

Next I told her about our annual NYC July 9th party. I was like listen taylor, the entire reason i met sol is because we’re tumblr friends and we have this party every year at sofia’s apt in the upper west side where we stay up until 1:58 AM listening to Last Kiss and then she was like “AWWWW” and I remember her face just looking at the two of us in pure amazement.
OKAY now it was time for pictures and Taylor was like “we’re gonna take a group shot first and then we’ll do individuals ok?” and during our group photo she hugged both me and Sol so tightly. 

She looks at me and I put my hands together and I’m like “Okay, I want to recreate a photo you and todrick did on the couch” and she got so excited she was like “GREAT but I’m not doing the splits again” as she walks over to this gorgeous white couch. and i was like “nah girl i CANT do the splits, i wanna do that back to back one” and she was so invested it was adorable. It took us a few minutes of sitting back to back and discussing our knee placement, our hand placement, and both of us kept turning and looking over our shoulders to make sure we were matching and coordinating our bodies right. and then right before the picture taylor goes “what should we do with this hand? oh i know lets hold hands” and she grabbed my hand and held it so tightly. i’m pretty sure you can see in my facial expression how much that meant to me—i’m BEAMING. out of all forms of social interaction, hand holding is one of the most intimate,it’s not something we do with very many people if you really think about it.
after the picture is taken, we are still sitting back to back on the couch, holding hands, and she turns to look at me and goes “that’s the cutest pose i’ve ever done” and i’m all “Awwww thanks!” thinking she’s just being a sweetheart. and then her expression is happy but a little more serious, and she goes “No, I’m being serious, like I’ve never done anything cuter.” and ladies that’s probably the moment I was like “HI I’M KELSEA AND I WELCOME DEATH WITH OPEN ARMS”.
It was going to be time to leave because we had already taken our pictures but Taylor grabbed me and Sol again and squeezed us and gushed “you little FLOWER buttons” and at the time my brain was like ???? I thought maybe she was going to say we were flowers, and then halfway through changed her mind to buttons…well ANYWAYS she reblogged that photo of us later and clarified that she believes sol and i embody the aesthetic of tiny adorable little flower-shaped buttons and now i will no longer look at flowers nor buttons the same way and Sol and I text each other randomly “FLOWER BUTTONS” just to make each other cry it’s great. okay moving on…
It was time to leave and right before i walked away, I yelled to her “TAYLOR, YOU’RE INVITED TO OUR JULY 9TH PARTY ANYTIME, UPPER WEST SIDE, NYC, SEE YOU THERE!” and i did some mix between dabbing and pointing that can only be attributed to all of the time i spent in college with frat boys. and with this big grin on her face she yelled back “THANKS! LOVE YOU GUYS!”
and i stumbled out of the room to pick up the Reputation merch bag Taylor gave all of us (GET YOU A WOMAN).
As her security guard let us into a van to be taken back to our car, I asked what time it was and it was so late Sofia and I had missed our train back to Manhattan. We didn’t care. We were stranded in Rhode Island but WHO CARES BC TAYLOR SWIFT LOVES US.
Ali from TN was like, “you guys have friends at your hotel right? like you have somewhere to go?” so sweet i love ali– we stan her forever.
Sofia and I went back to our hotel, which we had already checked out of mind you, and sat in the hallway, dazed and happy, from 2-4am. Sofia posted a photo of us on tumblr and taylor liked it and i was like wow taylor knows we’re stranded that’s hilarious i bet she’s laughing. We ended up calling a car service to pick us up in rhode island AND DRIVE US BACK TO NEW YORK CITY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. I got back to my apt on the upper east side at 5am and took a nap and then got up for work and tried to be an adult but it was a very sad attempt.
This is a very abbreviated account of what happened that fateful day Taylor welcomed me into her home for 8+ hours. A lot of it has to stay secret and confidential until the album comes out on Nov 10. Even more of it will likely never leave the walls of that gorgeous house by the sea. I will cherish these memories always and I know I am forever changed as a person from the Reputation Secret Sessions.

Thank you @taylorswift for EVERYTHING. I’m so proud to call you a friend.

hold my beer

Ok so this is yet another idea that I will NEVER have time to write (for those that follow my Cross the River one shots, I’m still sorry for inflicting the half finished fics on you haha. But I’m not sorry for inflicting this idea on you

Three words:

Drunk. Ladynoir. Wedding. wait is ladynoir even technically a word?

  • It’s quite a few years into the future and Adrien and Marinette are happily revealed and happily married. Everything’s just friggin peachy
  • One day there is an akuma, a girl who got dumped by a dickhead bf for another girl and then goes on a rampage to show everyone she is ‘good enough.’ After they defeat her, they try to cheer her up
  • Chat, being Chat, thinks that being a flirt will help boost her self-esteem, bc, you know, getting flirted at by a superhero is an ego boost no matter how sad you are
  • Lo and behold, it backfires
  • The girl (lets call her Ada) gets pissed off that Chat is flirting with her right in front of Lady, because “Aren’t you guys like, together??”
  • Chat backpedals, Lady facepalms. No it’s still not official or public that they’re together (keep work separate from home, yknow what I’m sayin, and besides, it’s unwise to let Hawky know the full extent of how much they care for each other because they don’t want to be emotionally manipulated in battle)
  • The girl is like “shit I thought you guys were like.. the perfect relationship. Obviously not. If even you aren’t together, then where’s the hope for me…. sighh….” :’(
  • Ada is so upset that they decide to let her in on a little secret. That in their civilian lives… they are married
  • Ada is all,  :’D omg seriously
  • (^..^) and >(:-:) are like, yeah, but dont tell anyone. It’s a secret. ((SLAPS YOU WITH HEAVY-HANDED FORESHADOWING)) Hey I know what’ll cheer you up, Ada. Lets go out for drinks!
  • AND SO MY FRIENDS, that is how Adrien and Mari end up spending a night on the town with a recent akuma victim as Chat and Lady…

Keep reading

You’ve heard of 110% Jack Zimmermann, now get ready for

0% Jack Zimmermann.

  • There’s a cookout at a neighboring frat house, and the hockey team plus Farmer go to hang out and drink beer. They start playing an impromptu game of volleyball in the yard, and Jack’s on Chowder’s team.
  • Now, Chowder is steeling himself for strategy, Jack’s murder face, and a lot of competitive bullshit.
  • What he gets is Jack chirping Holster, who isn’t even in the yard. The ball goes flying right past Jack’s face and this total meatball just watches it bounce out of bounds.
  • “Ha ha, look at it go.”
  • Chowder kicks Jack off his team because they are losing so bad, it’s actually pretty embarrassing. And Jack’s like, “What? Of course I can play with a Sprite in my hand.”
  • “Jack no.”
  • Also consider:
  • Jack studying for a class that he has zero interest in. His studying for economics looks an awful lot like amateur architecture.
  • “Jack, why is there a popsicle stick Eiffel Tower on the kitchen table? Wait, where did these popsicle sticks even come from?”
  • Jack actually gives negative fucks when it comes to cooking just for himself. His meals don’t even make sense half of the time. Bitty caught him eating a bowl of mac and cheese, tater tots, green peas and ketchup once. He still has nightmares.
  • There’s another cookout on Frat row that the hockey team crashes (but they bring tub juice so they get to stay). Someone set up a badminton net in the yard and Jack somehow gets roped into playing.
  • (Not by Chowder, though, because that’s the kind of lesson you only have to learn once.)
  • Bitty is playing his little Southern heart out, running up and down his side of the makeshift court. He swings at the birdie so hard it actually gets stuck in his racket.
  • Meanwhile, Jack is seeing if he can balance his racket on his chin.
  • And then he tries to see if he can whack the birdie onto the frat house’s roof. Which turns into several people cussing him out and Bitty chases him around for a few minutes with the intent of beating Jack Zimmermann’s ass.
  • (Jack laughs and laughs and maybe he lets Bitty catch him and then he grins up at him—there had been a leaping tackle involved in the take down—and he says “What’re you gonna do with me now, Bittle?” And Bitty is Not Amused, so he pinches Jack’s nipple hard and then he goes help the frat bros get the birdie out of the gutter.)
  • Jack loves history, but only some history. He gives a lengthy presentation on Colonial North America in one of his history classes, and at the end the TA raises her hand. “How did Thomas Jefferson’s contributions shift the course of United States history?”
  • And he just squints at her and goes, “Who the fuck is Thomas Jefferson?”
  • Watching TV with Jack is a gamble. He’s either on the edge of his seat, eyes trained on the screen, ready to permanently silence anyone who dares speak/interrupt his show. Or he talks over the TV, puts it on mute to better hear someone else talk over the TV, and makes fun of the various American accents on the show.
  • (Jack’s southern accent is so bad and he knows it, and he makes it so much worse when Bitty is around to hear it. It’s all fun and games until a French Canadian on TV has something to say, and then Jack’s all like “Wtf, Bitty? I thought we were friends!?” Bitty is really glad he sprung for throw pillows in the Haus, because otherwise he would end up concussing his captain.)
  • Jack took one semester of Spanish, and he remembers a surprising amount of it, considering he went to class a total of six times and did virtually none of the work. His Spanish is terrible, but he knows numbers, colors, seasons and “No bueno.” For some time, lots of things were “no bueno.”
  • But then Jack stumbled across ASL via YouTube and he gets super into it. By the end of the week he knows about as much ASL as he does Spanish. By the end of the month he can sign the most beautiful profanity and dad jokes. By the end of the school year it’s started rubbing off on the rest of the team.
  • (Their butchered ASL is somehow worse than Jack’s Spanish, and he would be more annoyed if it weren’t hilarious. For some time Ransom and Holster take to pointing at good things and then making the sign for “candy.” Sriracha? Candy. Apple pie? Candy. The mysterious orange cat that wanders along Frat Row? Candy. Chowder’s stuffed shark? Candy. The latest episode of Breaking Bad? Candy. Pretty soon everyone starts using the candy sign as a gesture of approval. One Sunday Jack walks down to the kitchen to find Bitty making those amazing sausage balls, with real maple syrup and grated sharp cheddar. Jack touches his shoulder so that Bitty’s looking at him and then he presses a finger to his jaw, candy, and points to Bitty so there’s no misunderstanding. Bitty blushes clear to the roots of his hair, even when he says, “Y’all are so weird.”)
  • This takes us to a new friend. Ransom and Holster and Jack and Chowder are chilling in the dining hall, and Ransom and Holster are using their terrible pidgin ASL (half the signs are made up and the rest don’t matter) which catches the eye of one Amy Willashire, who is HOH and still pretty new to Samwell.
  • Amy marches her happy ass up to the table and starts signing away, a mile a minute, the biggest grin on her face because sometimes it feels like she’s the only HOH student on campus. That grin slowly fades as Ransom and Holster stare at her like she’s grown a second head. (They’re actually panicking, because they understand about one word in ten and how are they going to tell her that?)
  • And then Jack perks up and starts signing back, so Amy is signing to him. He has to tell her twice to slow tf down, but then she sits with them and by the time the hockey crew have to go to class she’s chirping Jack for his ASL accent. (Some of his signs come out backwards, and he’ll swap hands halfway through a thought instead of using his dominant hand for most of the work. Jack flips her off with a laugh, which is a sign everyone can get right.)
  • So Jack and Amy are ASL buddies. Amy is super stoked that most of the hockey team knows at least some of the language, which means she can tell them something in a pinch. So the team learns even more ASL and Amy learns about hockey, and things are golden.
  • Until Amy invites Jack and Dex to a pool party. Everyone there is at least one beer in, and they’re playing in the pool, and someone mentions water chicken. Amy wants to play, so as a matter of course she clambers onto Jack’s shoulders.
  • From her vantage point, she can’t tell what Jack’s saying but she can feel him giggling like a bastard as they wipe out literally every time, to the point where everyone else is playing pool chicken and she is trying to splash Jack into next week. He’s splashing back. It’s a whole thing.
  • (They find Dex in the basement with a few of the stoners and a lingering smell of pot. Dex has finally found his chill.)
  • That is what 0% Jack Zimmermann looks like.