she said she didn't like it as much...but i probably won

The next episode of Doctor Who is going to be so painful. It can either end that he’s still vengeful and angry over losing Clara, or he’s going to have to come to terms with her loss. And there’s a part of him that blames himself. Hell he probably completely blames himself, and that hurts so much. He’s lashing out and driven to hurt the people responsible for his capture which ultimately led to Clara’s demise. But it wasn’t the plan, she wasn’t supposed to get hurt in the process, just him. And he blames himself for not being there, for not keeping an eye on her and making sure she didn’t act reckless. He blames himself for not overlooking her obvious devotion to him and belief that he could always fix things… That she could be reckless to save others because she always believed he would win. And he was always pushed to win, to save her. Every time to save her. But it won’t last long, just like Clara said his reign of terror will end at the sight of a crying child. He cares so much, and it hurts. All of this hurts, and I can’t even think straight after that feelsy mindfuck episode. 2 billion years constantly being reborn with the initial belief that he just arrived there. 2 billion years with Clara’s death so fresh in his mind each time… 2 billion years without any relief from grief. 2 billion years dying over and over without any recollection of time passing, and her always her. I have never experienced this intense of a love story in any form, until now. One of the worst companion losses I’ve ever had to face, idk if I’ll ever get over it. Moffat you win. You’ve officially destroyed me. *slow claps with violent sobs*