she looks so defeated


You’re thinking of doing something, aren’t you?

Just Ask - Part 7

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Summary: “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” You think, after being alive for this long and leading an team of superheroes, Steve Rogers would’ve perfected his communication skills, but apparently, when it comes to women, he just likes to assume, and that is never a good thing.

A/N: Steeb is a dumbass. 

Part 6

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anonymous asked:

Eliza stay saying that her favorite season was SEASON ONE! Long before a certain commander was even around! She only says the things she says about L so your terrible fandom won't attack her like you do with everyone else who disagrees with you. At a con in France recently they asked who they would bring back to life and her answer was literally "you guys want me to say lexa" she looked so defeated, she can't even have her own opinions cuz she's scared of the backlash. Sad.

btw, vincentkeller is pussybellamy. 

Somebody To Love - Chris Evans

summary: Chris keeps trying to tell you he’s in this for the long haul. You, however, don’t think he realizes what the haul will enquire. Does he know there’s more to you than what you show him? Does he see the pain in your eyes?  

people: Chris - Reader (you)

warnings: none. 

word count: 1.6k

a/n: I want this to be dedicated to a loving and caring person who knows what having everyday pain is like. @sfreeborn you are a warrior, and like me, you have to get up and go on with your day even when it feels like hell. You are so amazing and I just hope this imagine is something you’ll enjoy, I only want to make you happy, dear. - R .xx

Have you ever felt just…so angry at nothing? You just endure the anger because you can’t blame anyone! You just swallow the pill of tolerance every day and wait until you’ve reached the point of no return. You become your anger. Water that’s boiling hot in a spot right inside your heart. Your loved ones, they try to help but what can help a lost cause? I’m gone, I’m done. I can’t keep pretending, and I know it’ll feel like ripping off a band-aid of a bee sting. But he knows it, and I know it.

I’m not enough.

I’m just so angry, all the time… but who am I angry at? Myself? My body for defying it’s one duty of protecting and nurturing me? No. I was just angry. Angry.

My eyes opened fast and immediately I regretted my decision to wake up. I lifted up my arms to rub my eyes and sit up but fell back into the bed. My arms felt like I’d gone to the gym last night and lifted twenty-pound weights; all night long. Aching so badly my hand shook as I reached for my phone on the bedside table. Typing in my password, I opened up my messages and saw his name right at the top of my contact list, with a blue dot on the left.

Chris: Love wake up! Your coming to set today to meet the cast! Anthony says he’s excited to meet Mrs. America haha XP

Chris: Honey? :)

Chris: Ladybug? You’re normally awake by ten… are you okay?

Chris: Babe?

Chris: okay I’m worried now, I’ve called ten times, I’m coming home.

Jesus… why the hell was he up my ass right now?

Glancing at the time my body released a tender sigh, 2:45 P.M.

How had I missed his calls? I always knew it was him by his custom ringtone; “Single Ladies” by Beyoncé. My ringer was on loud too, so why the hell had I missed them all?

Dropping my phone onto the white comforter that held me hostage in a tight, comfy cocoon. Awaiting for Chris to come through the door in panic any minute. He’d be racing the highway to get here and I was already guilt-ridden enough, I didn’t want to cause him an accident by calling him so I awaited his booming voice he never realized pierced my eardrums like shards of glass.


The fight started when he found her in her pajamas, rifling through the tea collection in the kitchen. When he saw her, looking to him like just a lazy-ass, he started in on her. Never seeing the pain in her eyes as his voice hurt her ears like he was scraping his nail down the chalkboard. She tried to hold her own, but there was a Mardi Gras that was going on inside her brain that prohibited her from even hearing his voice. That was, until he slammed his keys on the kitchen counter, making my pain suddenly become power. Angry, nasty, vulnerable power.

“You listen to me, Chris!” His head jumped up to look at her red, puffy eyes. They poured anger into his, and immediately Chris felt himself realize his fuck up of yelling. 

He knew she had chronic pain. Normally, she would just power through it. Lately, though, she seemed… slower, more tired and less driven to be intimate with him… he should’ve known that there was more than just a headache to her chronic pain.

“You listen, okay? I’m am a fucking mess, Chris! I have days, where I can’t get out of bed! I’m depressed, therefore I’m not a confident person, ever. I’m always uncomfortable, scared or tired! Do you know how that feels? A-And, s-sometimes I’m just…sometimes I have days where I need someone. Because my brain is questioning everything and everyone. My brain goes into overdrive and suddenly I’m terrified we’re going to get a nuclear attack or I am gonna have like this… massive stroke! I have this severe anxiety and then come to the panic attacks. I have chronic. pain. I am not going to get better, it just a fact. And I hate that! I hate that so fucking much but it’s my life! I deal with it. I do what I can, but I will be damned if I drag someone I love into my personal hell, Christopher. You don’t need someone like me. You deserve a lot bet-”

“No, I don’t, Y/N because you’re mine. You are my woman. I love you, dammit! More than I ever thought I possibly could. I want to be here, there, anywhere you have to go! I want to be at your side. To help you through the pain, cheer you on as you continue getting your therapies. Baby, I don’t need anyone else. I don’t know how to convince you, darling… how can I get you to believe in me! Believe in the truth! There’s no one else I need or want. You’re my one, baby. You must know that, or at least feel that.” You shook your head, though, looking down at the blue tips of your hands, angry with Chris’s words. 

Standing up I went to walk away but halted, feeling that gnawing off my anger bubbling up in my stomach for some reason, this time I didn’t suppress it, I took it in and embraced that anger, letting it flood the room with my poisonous tone. Even Chris jumped when he heard my roar.


Tears streamed like rivers down your cheeks but you couldn’t care less, you felt broken and wanted help. You hurt and wanted to be cared for. You were exhausted to the point of just passing out on the floor. You wouldn’t even mind if that happened, though. It’d help in forgetting that this fight ever occurred.

Chris decided to come back at me one final time. Throwing his emotional pain into his words, finally letting me see an emotion I rarely saw in Chris; desperation.


When he stopped. It was like his final words did it for me, things clicked and I saw behind those blue eyes that he was telling the cold, hard, truth. He was leaving me, he wanted to be with me… and though those words didn’t make sense in my mind now, I felt comforted in a weird way, like I was actually… loved, by someone.

 We didn’t speak. we just let our bodies talk to us. 

Maybe it was the pain that finally got to her, letting her emotional barricade be broken down, allowing Chris to come over to her side of this violent, kitchen war. My legs were shaking and he could tell I was in immense pain from standing so long. Quickly he swept me up from the floor and into his arms. I relaxed into his chest while my arms hung around Chris’s neck.

He pecked my forehead steadily as he reached our bedroom, laying me down on the comforter while he searched for a blanket to cover me. I felt my eyes getting droopier and droopier by the second. Like they always say, you never know when you slip into sleep, it just comes over you and takes you in. I gladly let sleep take away me in, dissipating the pounding headache and throbbing limbs I was suffering with. I knew when  I woke up, he’d be right by my side. Things would be different, though, he’d know what’s happening, he’d be different when he talks about going out and doing active things. 

  Chris would take a while to mildly understand what my chronic pain felt like, but I would gladly wait with him as he learned from watching. He was a guardian for me, I guess. I could hold my own if I wanted too. But sometimes, you just want to be loved and taken care of.  


Looking at her, I studied her silently. She looked so… defeated. Defeated by her own body, I couldn’t imagine anything worse than getting fucked over by myself. Never being able to stop it. She closed her eyes slowly and let out a sigh of relief. From what? I don’t know. I silently padded around the bedroom, grabbing her two blankets and a glass of water in case she had a headache in the morning. Which normally was the case. Crawling onto the other half of the bed, I just… watched. I watched over her, feeling like I was protecting her from something. Maybe whatever I was protecting her from was all made up in my head, but frankly, I didn’t give a fuck. 

This was my woman, and I was going to care for her. Every moment, of every day. Because she deserved this.

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A New Chapter (Ch. 7): Recovery

Characters: Dean Winchester x Reader, Sam Winchester x Platonic!Reader

Length: 1439+ words

TW: Nothing in this chapter! 

A/N: Three more chapters, and we’re done with this series! I seriously don’t ever want this to end, but all good things must come to an end, sadly. 

Feedback is appreciated (AND SO ARE YOU)!

Catch up on the Hell on Earth Series HERE

The boys took her back to the bunker after the doctor cleared her. It was a matter of time now as her bones were healing. They took her in the middle of the night while she was unconscious to make the 4-hour trip back somewhat more bearable for her. Sam glanced at his older brother from the corner of his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were in love with her?” he asked quietly. “I would’ve understood- I would’ve helped you figure things out.”

Dean said nothing, keeping his eyes on the road in front of him.

The youngest Winchester sighed, having had time to process this new information. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Dean. You did what you thought was best for her.”

The next few weeks were hard on everyone. Y/N was in and out of consciousness, the bruised trachea, and broken ribs made it hard for her to eat anything solid. She was fed mostly soup, and water in the rare times she was awake, making her shrink to just skin and bones. It reminded the boys of the first time Crowley brought her to them, and they hated it. Her crushed ankle, and twisted knee forced her to stay in bed for at least two months, which meant that one or both boys had to be with her at all times.

The first time she was conscious enough to process her surroundings, Y/N flinched at the sight of the green eyed hunter.

“H-Hi, Dean,” she greeted, her voice still hoarse. She assessed the man in front of her, waiting to see his next move.

He nodded as a greeting, and placed the tray of food next to her. There was a bowl of porridge, a glass of water, and a couple of pills. “Eat your food before you take the pills,” he instructed.

Y/N nodded mutely, lips pursed to a thin line, doing exactly as he said. He leaned by the door frame, silently watching her eat. “Th-Thank y-”

“Don’t talk too much,” Dean said, interrupting her. “Your throat’s still healing.”

The girl sullenly nodded, lips curved down into a frown. Once she finished her food, and took her pills, Dean took the tray from her room.

He came back not long after putting a glass of water on her bedside table. “Text me or call me if you need anything.”And then he was gone again. 

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CS FF: In Your Arms Tonight
  • Contains spoilers for 6x16 anf 6x17.

‘How did you do it? Find me?’

Killian’s soft voice whispered over Emma as they lay out on their bed. Now that Snow and David were awake, the newly engaged couple had retired to their home, washing the grime of the past few weeks from them and bask in the joy of their reunion.

‘Pixie dust,’ she replied, running a hand up his arm, fingers tracing the sinewy muscles. ‘It can reunite anyone who shares True Love.’

Killian chucked at the reminder of the strength of their love. Her eyes meet his. She is a balm to battering his soul has taken during the separation. Her green eyes sparkle in wonderment. It’s not unlike the moment they were reunited after Zeus had granted him another chance at life. His fingers ghost down her spine as she rests her chin on his chest.

‘What was that place?’ she asked.

When she had dashed though the portal, she had barely taken in her surroundings, rushing for Killian, pushing anyone in their way aside.

‘Neverland,’ he murmured.

A soft ‘oh’ escaped her lips. ‘The shadow you sent, I should have realised,’ she said, her lips hitched into smile. ‘But how did you end up in Neverland. Did Gideon send you there?’

He shook his head. ‘The Enchanted Forest. I ended up in Neverland after using a magic bean and thinking of you.’

Her eyebrows quirked upwards. ‘And how did you end up getting a magic bean this time?’

‘In much the same manner as last time,’ he said, lifting his head to look at her.

A quizzical expression deepened on Emma’s face. ‘You bet the Jolly Roger?’ she asked, ‘but she’s here.’

Killian smirked. ‘Aye, love,’ he said, ‘but Black Beard didn’t know that.’

She stared at him for a moment before her lips hitched up as she laughed.

He joined in her laughter. ‘It was quite the plan, actually, Swan,’ he said when the chuckles subsided. ‘Had Gideon not cursed me, then it didn’t matter if I won or lost, either way I’d have a bean to travel with, and I’d have been back days ago.’

Emma looked at him sadly. ‘I missed you,’ she said softly, her eyes flaring. ‘Until you managed to get that message to me with the shell, I thought…’

She trailed off, looking away. Killian raised his hand to cup her cheek. ‘I know,’ he said soberly. ‘Not being able to tell you the truth was killing me.’

‘But now we also have a chance to defeat Black Fairy,’ she said. ‘You have to tell me everything Tiger Lily told you. We should have brought her with us.’

‘Aye,’ he said, ‘but I have a feeling she’ll find her own way here. I sense he has her own score to settle with the Black Fairy.’

Emma nodded. ‘We still need all the allies we can get.’

‘But I think your mother is right, between us all, we’ll stop her. You changed you fate when Gideon came for you, so there is no reason to fall at his hurdle,’ he scooted down the bed so they were eyelevel.

He cupped her cheek, running his thumbs over her lips. ‘I’ve seen you defeat some of the greatest evils our world can throw at you, Emma.’

‘I know,’ she replied, eyes welling with tears, ‘but the book, it’s coming up to the last chapter. And Henry, something happened with his author powers while you were gone.’

Killian pressed a soft kiss to her lips. ‘Sometimes the end of one book is just the beginning of another,’ he reminded her. ‘Emma,’ he continued, raising her eyes so she was looking at her, ‘we will defeat this, together. I promise you, I will never willingly leave your side.’

She chuckled as a tear escaped from her eyes and trickled down her cheek. ‘You’ve barely left my side since you helped us get to Neverland.’

‘I’d’ve stayed with you before then, if you hadn’t handcuffed in that giant’s den,’ he said.

Their eyes locked. She’d be so afraid of feeling anything, particularly for the roughish pirate aligned to their enemy, that she’d fallen at the first hurdle for him. Not that she ever imagined she’d be lying in bed with him two years later, True Love, engaged and somehow blissfully happy beyond measure.

‘Who’s to say this would have all worked out if I hadn’t,’ she asked with a mischievous grin.

Their hands entwined and Killian brought them up to press a kiss to the ring she had re-accepted scant hours before. She watched the gesture with brimming eyes, heart full of love for the man who knew no bounds when it came to his feelings for her.

‘How does the most feared pirate in the known realms end up falling in love?’ she asked softly.

‘You tell me, love,’ he replied rolling them so she was below him.

He dipped his head to hers, capturing her lips as she moved her legs so she could cradle him between her thighs. She was already ready for him, aching for him to take her and reunite in every way possible. Emma whimpered as he took her, inch by glorious inch, until they were one.

‘At one point, I thought I’d never see you again,’ she whispered as he stilled. ‘When I found out what Gideon had done to keep us apart.’

He silenced her with a kiss. ‘I’d have found my way back to you, Swan. If Hades couldn’t keep us apart what makes you think anyone else could.’

They moved together in a slow dance, hands mapping each other while whispering encouraging words. Keening whimpers of ‘I love you’ as they came together, falling over the edge in each other’s arms.

Balance on the Head of a Pin

Chapter Eight

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x Reader  |  Word Count: 3297
Warnings: Fluff, swearing

The walk to her Gran’s saw them moving in companionable silence as Loki’s mind was filled with images of Lauren in her dress. Technically it was filled with images of him peeling her out of said dress, but he wasn’t one for splitting hairs. It had been so soft under his fingers, her skin warming it through and him in return. The idea of her bare beneath would stay with him for days until he could ascertain for himself just what clever confection of satin or silk Sadie would put her in to keep those pesky panty lines at bay.

It wasn’t until she led him down a narrow dirt road out of town that he snapped out of his musings. “Darling, just where does your Gran’s home reside?”

She smiled up at him and linked their fingers. “Down this way. She’s a bit eccentric, but she ain’t crazy like Daddy said. She’s… well, you’ll see.”

“She’s quite special to you.” Here again she had nerves blooming, but where meeting her family had created nerves of fear, these were nerves of excitement. Clearly, his meeting her Gran was far more important to her than meeting her parents had been.

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Well Japril is over, there’s no coming back. I do not understand why Shonda has to ruin Maggie like this? She was bashed for coming between Meredith and Riggs and now this? I’ve watched the episode twice now and my heart broke for April. I am so devastated and personally it doesn’t matter to me that Maggie has feelings for Jackson. IT’S JACKSON HAVING FEELINGS FOR MAGGIE! What a slap in the face to the fans and the integrity of the characters. What was the point of JTS? Why did Shonda have them sleep together? Why did she have them reconnect AND IN WHAT WORLD IS INCEST ACCEPTABLE? I actually cried for April she looked so defeated and small. She gave so much to Jackson and still he does this? Shonda only used Japril fans for ratings and we have been baited and scammed the entire season. There is no way I can see Jackson and April rising from this. I just cannot. What a disgrace this show has become.


Nadalind | Nick Burkhardt x Adalind Schade

Grimm  1 x 17 |  4 x 20

Two times Adalind loses her powers. First time Nick takes them away. Second time she gives them up. But both times I am amazed by Nick’s reaction. I see compassion from him the first time and he looks so sad for her as she walks away defeated.  And at this time, she is his enemy. Yet, he feels for her.

The second time I see compassion again along with admiration. She came to her enemy, offered to help him and made herself vulnerable to them and gave up her only defense, her powers.  I love that look he gives her. As if he is in awe of her and trying to figure her out. Just when he thinks he knows who she is, she does this. Something so selfless.

Another reason why I love these two.

A block of text about how Pepper becomes Rescue in the MCU because I CAN DREAM CAN’T I???

Pepper gets curious about the suits that tony is building to prepare for thanos and one day is just like “can I try one?” And tony is all like “uh, yeah, let me just see if I have one that fits- oh, look at that. A beautiful pink one that is perfectly your size weird how did that get there.” And Pepper rolls her eyes but this has something she has been contemplating for a while when she finally made her peace that tony was never going to give it up so she’s super anxious but once she’s in the sky? This feeling?? Flying?? It’s the most amazing thing. Tony is hovering nervously around her as Pepper adjusts and then freaks the fuck out when she just throws caution away and zooms over the ocean skyline. 

Pepper takes to the suit like a duck to water and one day something happens. The suit gets a signal that someone is in danger nearby and Pepper goes to help because of course she does. In the end it’s just some bank robbers but the rush she felt! Getting shot at and having the bullets harmlessly fall away!! Having a weapon literally in the palm of her hand that can stun or worse. Being able to lift weights that no normal human should be able to! It’s exhilarating! And she realized, as the bank employees thank her for her help, that she wants this. She wants the suit and she wants to help people. Tony had been informed through the suit what had happened and had hovered around Pepper like a mother hen, knowing full well that that much action could traumatize a civilian, especially since pepper had been through so much already. But Pepper isn’t traumatized. Her blood is pumping and she wants more.  

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Only 6 Months (CEO!Jungkook x Barista!OC) Part 11

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid

(This gif killed me someone else is gonna need to take over the blog in my sted xD)

Summary: Who knew that pretending to be in love could create such chaos?

Words: 2,900+
Genre: flufffff so much fluff help me

Part 1 - Part 10 - Part 12

> Masterlist <

“I think this group date has been a success,” Jungkook smiled after they got in one of the small ferris wheel carts. His mood seemed to totally shift from what it was before they left to head here, and Chaerin was dying to ask why.

“I think so, too. I just hope Nari and Taehyung quit being suspicious of us…” Chaerin looked out the window to her right as Jungkook sat down on her left.

“Yeah…” he seemed to trail off at the mention of the two of them, bringing Chaerin back to the questions she wanted to ask him. Was he still upset about earlier?

“Is everything alright?” she asked as Jungkook looked at her for a second. He looked so defeated, and she started slightly panicking. Did Taehyung figure them out? Did Jungkook realize how bad this fake dating deal was?

Her heart could not take him backing out on her now; not after all that happened today.

Please God, do not let him slip away from me yet.

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Originally posted by jyro


  • He gets so sad watching his little girl get scared and paranoid
  • He will just hug her as tightly as possible and tell her he is gonna keep her safe
  • He gets so frustrated with the doctors
  • He is gonna change your doctor over and over till one of them is smart enough to actually diagnose her

Originally posted by inccption


  • He doesn’t fully understand what it is at first
  • But when she explains it to him he looks so defeated
  • “Pequeño, I’m so sorry I had no idea, H-How can I help
  • He gets so pissed off when nobody diagnoses her, Literally getting Mercy just to do it 

Originally posted by squawks


  • He will drop EVERYTHING to comfort her
  • Hugging her as close as he can, He is so afraid to let her go honestly
  • “Darlin, Jus remember to come ta ya old man whenever ya need,  would do everythin for ya”
  • He is so defeated when nobody diagnoses her. Telling her that he will find a way
BriWoon; hear me out

Dowoon doesn’t talk much, doesn’t talk at all really, so maybe that’s why. The boy seems to fade into the background, only making his presence known through the giggling gaggle of swooning girls that have taken to following him around. Still, Brian already feels more partial to the kid than he does to the rest of the school.

(Or, my take on BriWoon’s egg scene, which is considerably gayer and has no chance of ever becoming canon.)

Read on Ao3

Brian can still feel the weight of the girl’s stare on the back of his neck. It’s hard, unwavering almost, certainly uncomfortable enough to have him quickening his step in an effort to get away.

He just wants to get out - get away. The students crowding the hallway are all looking at him, looking at her, at the way she seems so defeated. Brian knows because he caught a glimpse of her expression just before her smile faltered enough for the guilt to sink in and he turned away.

The whole thing is a downright mess, one Brian knew was a long time coming and one that he still chose to ignore in hopes that it would solve itself given enough time. Of course it didn’t - of course - and now Brian has to deal with the stares and the whispering and the uneasy feeling coiling tight inside his stomach.

His shoulders are tense, expression closed off. It’s enough of a warning for the others students to back off and make space for him. Brian marches down the hallway. He just wants out to get out, get away, he needs to-

The boy comes crashing into him before he has time to react. Brian stumbles back, caught off guard by the body that all but slam into him, shoving him backwards. Instinctively, Brian puts a hand around the other boy’s arm to steady them both, keep them from falling to the ground.

Biting down on a grunt of pain from the dull hit, Brian huffs out an annoyed, “hey, watch where you’re-”

The boy looks up, a flash of dark hair and even darker eyes. His gaze flits to him for a second before moving away to stare past his shoulders. He shrugs Brian’s hand off with a sudden, jerky movement and then he’s gone, walking away before Brian has the chance to demand an apology.

“Hey!” Brian shouts after him because he’s frustrated and uncomfortable and itching for anything to let it all out on. The boy though, he doesn’t turn around, just keeps on walking. Brian hurries after him, hands tight at his side to keep them from shaking, nerves frayed at the edges, looking to snap, finally.

Brian reaches him before they boy can disappear down a corner. “Hey!” he calls out again, grabs the boy by the shoulder’s and turns him around when he still doesn’t get a response. “I said, watch where the fuck you’re-”

Brian’s doesn’t get to finish, his next words dying swiftly on his throat when he sees the boy reach up to tug a pair of earphones Brian hadn’t noticed away from his ears. It’s quiet as the other boy’s eyes travel down to the tight grip Brian has on his shoulders, then up to Brian himself. He raises an eyebrow up at him, just this side of mocking.

“I - sorry,” Brian forces himself to grit out. It leaves a bitter aftertaste in his mouth, the way the boy just keeps on looking at him, never saying a word. Brian doesn’t like it, feels himself tense and tense and tense because the students are all staring again too, looking at him reproachfully, judging, and Brian - Brian just wants to get out, get away.

“Sorry,” he says again - “just - shit, sorry,” - misses the way the boy smiles up at him, just a tad amused, a tad knowing, because Brian’s already turning around and walking away.

His name is Dowoon. Yoon Dowoon.

Brian doesn’t know how he didn’t recognize him before, back when the boy bumped into him a week ago and Brian messed up like he always does and lashed out. They share a class - math, the one they share with the girl too, the class where she first started looking at him and hoping and everything suddenly became a problem.

Dowoon doesn’t talk much, doesn’t talk at all really, so maybe that’s why. The boy seems to fade into the background, only making his presence known through the giggling gaggle of swooning girls that have taken to following him around. Still, Brian already feels more partial to the kid than he does to rest of the school.

The students have them both already labeled and firmly packaged into the not approachable box, after all. Admittedly, Brian’s case has more to do with him defaulting to insensitive asshole when caught out of his comfort zone - which involves things like speaking about feelings or speaking with girls or worse, speaking about feelings with girls - than the aloof air the kid has going for him.

Right now though, Dowoon has lost that distant look. Brian watches him with a detached sort of curiosity as their teacher drones on and on. Dowoon sits exactly one seat to the right from Brian’s own desk, far enough from the front of the class for their teacher to miss him dozing off.

But then the teacher calls on him and Dowoon doesn’t wake up. The class swivels around, curious, watching. The teacher calls on Dowoon again and still, the boy sleeps on, head firmly pillowed in the circle his arms make, head turned away.

Before Brian can think much about what he’s doing, he reaches out. Hesitantly, he drops a hand on Dowoon’s shoulder and shakes him lightly, just enough to snap him back to attention.

Dowoon looks up, blinks slowly up at Brian, whose hand is still curved around Dowoon’s shoulder. Once, twice, and he still doesn’t look away, even when their teacher calls his name again.

“You’re up,” Brian says, nodding his head to where the teacher is waiting for Dowoon to solve a problem on the board.

There’s a crease on the boy’s cheek, red against the pale of his skin and patterned like the knits of his sweater. Brian swallows. “Go,” he urges and watches as Dowoon’s eyes slip to his lips for a heartbeat before the boy turns his head towards the front of the class and sees the exasperated teacher holding out a piece of chalk towards him.

Without a word, Dowoon stands up and heads to the board. He solves the equation fast, faster than anyone would have expected and then walks back to his seat, ignoring the way the class claps and whistles for him.

When he sits back down, it’s with a careful nod in Brian’s direction. Caught off guard, Brian manages to smile in response, just a quirk of his lips to show that it’s okay. They’re even now, he thinks. Brian made amends.

Dowoon stares at him for a second, dark eyes focused and steady before he breaks out into his own kind of smile, a small one, more of a promise of what it could be than anything more present.

Still, Brian thinks, it’s okay. They’re fine now.

Brian is late for dinner but, as the situation stands, he’s really past the point of caring.

He’s still aching with frustration, running on a heady mix of unease and regret, the same awful mess that made him fuck up and hurt the girl again. Brian can admit that he acted like a downright asshole. He had smirked and teased and wound the poor girl up so much until she had looked ready to crack, clutching at her broom like it was the only thing keeping her from screaming out in frustration.

Brian almost wishes she had. It would have made things easier for him, certainly. If she had screamed at him, called him out on his behavior, then Brian could have snapped back, make her see sense; make her realise the he wasn’t the perfect guy she had painted him as, the kind that only needed a little bit of fixing up before being introduced to the parents.

But she hadn’t, so Brian had done what he did best and avoided the problem by covering it up with snarky jokes and a handful of smirks. And, eventually, when that hadn’t worked, he had taken the low road and left her alone while he got out - got away.

The arcade is almost empty by this hour. Brian is thankful for that, he needs the mindless sort of quiet that comes with places like this.

There’s only Brian, the owner who’s bustling somewhere in the back, and a guy that looks haggard in the worst of ways lingering around, frazzled and wild enough in the shadowed set of his eyes for Brian to know that he means trouble.

Still, Brian is set on keeping his head down and out of other people’s business. Today’s been shitty enough as it is and Brian is here to unwind and forget. So he turns back around and slips what little change he finds in his back pockets into the biker game by the corner of the arcade and forces himself to focus.

It’s only after he’s played a few rounds hat Brian notices the kid killing time by the other end of the arcade.

Dowoon is here, he realises, wonders how he didn’t spot him before. Brian’s been seeing him everywhere lately at school, turning down corners, hiding from his followers; anywhere, everywhere.

Brian watches him play for a while, feeling almost fond as he forgets the day’s worries and just watches Dowoon instead.The boy is staring intently at the screen of the arcade game, completely focused on winning his fight. Brian would think him expressionless, blank almost, but there’s a little frown wrinkling his forehead, belying his frustration. It’s cute, telling enough of a mark for Brian to realise that he’s more into the game than one would think at first glance.

Brian sees the guy coming before Dowoon does.

“Hey, fucker.” The words are spit out with enough scorn to make Brian’s hackles rise. It’s the guy from before - of course it’s him- and he’s looking straight at Dowoon, stalking closer towards him, trouble in every step he takes.

“Hey, brat - fucking look at me - I’m talking to you.”

The guy is close to Dowoon now - too close, just a few steps away and looming even closer. Still, Dowoon doesn’t look away from his game, eyes firmly locked on the screen.

Brian briefly wonders if the kid has a death wish of some sort, acting like he doesn’t know the guy is there, ignoring all the threats the man is lashing out at him, voice loud enough to echo and ring.

Brian doesn’t know much about Dowoon. They’re classmates, maybe-friends, if the way they have taken to acknowledging is anything to go by, but they haven’t exchanged a word. Brian has tried to, awkward and stilted as his attempts were, but he isn’t exactly well-known for making friends, after all, and well, Dowoon doesn’t seem to keen on helping him out either. He always has his earphones in, shutting out the world with music Brian has never gotten close enough to hear.

Still, when the punch comes flying, Brian is there to stop it.

The guy smells like a bad case of hangover - breath stale and sour when he breathes out in surprise all over Brian’s space - and he has about the same strength of one too. Brian catches him by the wrist, forces his arm back before it can touch a hair on Dowoon’s hair.

Dowoon stands up suddenly, eyes shifting around hurriedly as if he were just now realizing the situation and - and oh, Brian thinks,stomach sinking, how was he so stupid not to see it before, when all the clues were right there. Dowoon’s lips part in slight surprise when he sees Brian - locked in a shaky standstill with the drunken man and then - and then he turns on his heels and leaves.

He fucking leaves.

Brian only has the time to huff incredulously at the sheer nerve of the kid before the punch comes, sending his head snapping backwards and all thoughts of Dowoon and his dark, dark eyes out of his mind.

The owner steps in before the fight can get too out of hand but by the time he finds them Brian is bleeding from a split lip and he has the guy’s face pushes against the biting metal of the arcade game, struggling to break free of his hold.

The owner snaps something at him, scandalized and just this side of afraid. Brian snaps something back. Ultimately though, he lets the guy go because the owner is threatening to call the police on him and Brian really has no reason to draw this out when Dowoon is not even here. Honestly, who even does that?

So Brian leaves. The corner of his mouth is pulsing enough to ache and the sour taste of blood still lingers stubbornly on his tongue from where the man got in a sloppy hook. His shirt is rumpled and stained red around the collar and Brian just wants this day to end already.

He’s half-heartedly trudging his way home, scuffing his shoes against the cracks he finds on the pavement and wondering when his day went from shitty to downright hellish, when he sees him.

Dowoon is sitting by a plastic table out into the street, looking, at first glance at least, content and completely at ease as he sips on drink he probably bought from the corner store. Brian blinks, blinks again, and then huffs.

“You,” he says as he takes a seat in front of him, making sure he’s facing Dowoon head on, and points at his bloody lip, “have a lot to answer for.”

Dowoon takes a long sip, loud and just this side mocking. Brian has a feeling the kid is laughing at him from behind his straw. He shrugs then, playing up the disinterest. Brian would buy it but he knows now, sees the way Dowoon’s eyes linger, the way he watches his lips.

“You’re-” Brian starts, finds that it’s hard to say it with Dowoon looking at him like he’s waiting for him to gather enough courage. “You’re-”

“Deaf,” Dowoon croaks out, voice raspy with disuse. He talks like he’s playing a guessing game, unsure and shaky in his pronunciation, stilted too, but he’s talking and Brian finds himself wanting to hear more. “Say it.” Dowoon gestures at his ears, hands flitting around like they want to spell the words logged on his throat, painted sentences Brian won’t understand. “It’s- it’s okay.”

“I’m-” I’m sorry, is what Brian intended to say, but he’s not, not really. He has no reason to be sorry for Dowoon, who looks amused more than anything else, still sipping calmly on his drink. “I didn’t know,” is what he settles for in the end.

Dowoon shrugs. It’s no big deal, the gesture says. Still, Brian feels like it is, not for the reasons Dowoon may think, though.

“I’m glad, though, to know now,” Brian says, smiles in the same breath because for him it is a big deal, it means understanding Dowoon a bit better than he did before. “Now I realise you weren’t ignoring me.”

“I was,” Dowoon says, chewing on the words, taking his time with each of the words, voice rough like gravel but more than welcomed nonetheless. He smirks too, well-meaning enough for Brian to huff out an incredulous laugh and point at his bloody lip.

“I took a punch for you,” Brian reminds him, finds himself fighting off a smile when Dowoon raises an eyebrow at him, plainly stating I didn’t ask you to. And fine, maybe he didn’t, but Brian wasn’t going to let him get beaten up while he just stood there and watched. He may be an asshole, yeah, but he’s not going to let someone get hurt when he can do something about it. “A thank you would be nice, at the very least.”

Dowoon stares at him for a moment, eyes settling on his lips for a bit longer than necessary, maybe, before he reaches into his pocket, places a packet of tissues and - is that an egg? - on the table in front of him.

Brian stares at it, snaps his head up not a moment later when he hears a deep, stuttering sort of sound. It’s - it’s Dowoon’s laugh, he realises as he watches Dowoon’s eye crinkle softly at the corners, watches how his shoulder shake in mirth.

Dowoon stops when he sees him staring. Brian catches a glimpse of the red tips of his ears when Dowoon leans forward to push the egg closer to him.

“Here,” he says softly, pointing at his own cheek. Brian complies, holding the egg against his cheekbone like all the ajummas tell little children to do to their scrapes and bruises.

They’re quiet as Brian places the lukewarm egg against his bruised cheek. Brian has never been comfortable with silence, never really knew what to do with it when he found himself caught in it, but Dowoon is still drinking from his straw and looking content as he watches Brian watch him in return. He’s smiling too, the curve of it highlighted by the fluorescent lights of the store behind them both and Brian can’t help but smile back, even when it aches and pulls at his bruised skin.

“I have to go now,” Brian says regretfully after enough time has passed for them to begin shivering in the cold and the corner store to close. “You should head home too. But I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

Dowoon nods, swift and firm, and something in him, some lingering doubt, eases at the gesture. Brian stands up, waves him goodbye, regretful to leave but finding comfort in the thought that it’s only few hours until he sees him again.

Brian’s a few blocks away when he hears the hurried steps. He turns around, alert, only to find Dowoon hurrying towards him, a somewhat sheepish expression on his face as he comes to stand next to Brian.

“What are you-” Brian starts to question, doesn’t get really to finish because Dowoon places his palm over his mouth to stop him, warm in the cool nighttime air.

When he’s sure Brian won’t speak, Dowoon brings his arms out, spreading out his palms out and placing them one on top of the other and shaking them once. Brian watches him, commits the movement to memory as Dowoon gives him one last smile and turns on his heel and walks away.

“Hey!” Brian calls out to him when he sees him leaving- “hey, wait!” - before he realises how stupid he’s being and huffs out an annoyed breath. Honestly, who does that? Brian won’t play along, he’ll ask Dowon what he meant tomorrow. He can wait.

(Later, after a hurried search on the internet because Dowoon is a brat who likes to play games and Brian is weak, so weak, Brian recognizes the gesture for what it is.

Arms out, spread palms. Thank you.

Brian laughs, long and unburdened and thinks that he can’t wait for tomorrow to come.)

Another one to add to the list of ‘fics I could write 100k about if I only had the time’

I wrote this twice and I’m still not happy with it but I know that if I don’t post this now it will rot in my drive like so many of my other fics so, yeah. I hope this doesn’t suck.

Anyways, please do drop me comments if you liked it and tell me if the plot twist was really a plot twist, maybe, hopefully? Pretty please I beg you guys comments are so precious <3

Shifting Narratives - Part Five

It only took Spencer about twenty minutes to get to your motel room. You smiled warmly at him when he arrived but the smile he returned was strained.

“You sounded kind of upset on the phone” you said, closing the door behind him. “Did you get in trouble with your boss?”

“I guess kind of” Spencer said with a small shrug. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing here, he just knew that he didn’t want to be with the team but he didn’t want to be alone anymore either. Spencer had always been the introverted type, happy with his own company but since coming home solitude had felt threatening. It was like there was always something just out of sight, waiting to strike.

You’re gonna need eyes in the back of your head. 

“Hey Monte Cristo” Your voice stirred Spencer from the unpleasant memory. 


“Where did you go just then?”

Spencer shrugged again. You were looking at him with concern now and that just made it worse. He hated people pitying him, it made him feel weak.

“I’m fine. Just frustrated I guess.” 

You nodded, not believing a word of it. You offered him a drink and then the two of you sat in a slightly awkward silence, sipping cheap vodka and soda on either side of the bed. The room was laden with filming equipment, the laptop you were using for editing and boxes of papers. You had done your best to tidy up before Dr Reid arrived. 

“Dr Reid I don’t want to intrude but-”

“Spencer. Or if you prefer ‘Monte Cristo’, I’ve been called worse things.” 

You laughed.

“I was just gonna say, you seem like you need to talk to someone, get something off your chest. I’m guessing this case is a tough one for you personally?” you said. 

Spencer wanted to get annoyed, to yell that you didn’t know what you were talking about and that he was fine, everything was fine but he just didn’t have the energy. He drained the glass, wincing slightly, before speaking.

“Maybe. I just feel like I’m trying to move on and no-one’s letting me.”

You said nothing and Spencer took this as a sign to carry on.

“I’m fine. I’m over it. I was innocent and I got out and I just want to get back to normal”

“Being in prison for three months sounds like a pretty big deal” you said “I guess your team just wants to make sure you’re okay.”

“I am” Spencer protested weakly “I just feel like they’re not giving me the chance to show them that. It’s like the don’t trust me or my judgement and I feel that I’m being accused all over again. Like I’m letting them down again”

“How are you letting them down?” you shifted closer to him, setting your drink down on the bedside table.

Spencer took a deep breath and explained how his mother had been sick and how he’d brought her home and started trying an experimental treatment he could only get in Mexico and how he’s been drugged and framed for murder hence him being in prison.

You were stunned and completely unsure how to respond.

“Sorry I don’t mean to burden you with all that” said Spencer. He grabbed the bottle from earlier and refilled both your glasses before settling back down. 

“No I just don’t know what to say and I’m a firm believer that platitudes don’t work”

“Thanks, I’ve kind of had enough with people telling me that it will get easier and stuff like that”.

“So your team got you out?”

“They worked out that a woman I arrested and her girlfriend worked together to frame me as revenge"

You coughed as you took a mouthful drink. It burnt your throat and you had to scramble for a bottle of water.

“Spencer that sounds like a fucking soap opera”

“Yeah felt like one too” Spencer said. You noticed him gripping his glass tighter and hesitantly you laid your hands over his.

“I know a little about what it feels like when you have no control” you said softly “and I know that after that you will do anything and everything you have to, to feel in control again”. He looked at you intensely and you could see he wanted to ask you about it but the look on your face was enough to stop him.

“I thought I was going to die in there” he said “And then when I got out and I confronted her it was like she was ten steps ahead. She had my mother, she had all this information on me. I was scrabbling around in the dark, no idea what to do. She said…she said she was pregnant.” You frowned but said nothing. “She said it was mine”. He looked so defeated.

“Hang on, you were with this woman?” you asked, confused.

“No” he swallowed before continuing “I was drugged in Mexico and she was working with a partner so she made it seem like…” his voice trailed off. Instinctively you withdrew your hands, hoping you hadn’t overstepped the mark or made him feel uncomfortable. He glanced down and then set aside his own glass before continuing “It was all a lie but I still felt…”

“Violated?” you asked gently. You had experience with that too. “Like you’re separated from your body? Like you can’t trust anyone anymore?”

“Yeah, exactly like that”

You didn’t say anything. Nothing felt like it would be enough. You could tell exactly why his team was worried about him but you knew why he felt he needed to go back out and start living again.

“I’m not sure that this is what you want to hear” you began “I know you want everything to go back to normal but it isn’t going to be that easy”

“I know” Spencer said sadly, and your heart broke a little.

“But you can find a new normal I promise” you said “It may take a little while but you’ll heal and you’ll be stronger”

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience”

“Yeah well that’s a long story for another time but pretty much” you smiled at him.

“Thank you” he said smiling back and your stomach did a little flip. Really? Now? After that conversation, what is wrong with you? You scolded yourself but you couldn’t help yourself leaning in, Spencer mirroring your actions. He was very close now and for a moment you thought… 

“I think you should get some rest” you said softly “It’s be a tough day”

No you definitely weren’t going to take advantage of this situation. It felt wrong.

“Um, do you mind if I crash on the floor here?” asked Spencer embarrassed “We have a hotel in town but I kind of need some space from the team”

“Only if you call them first. I don’t want them thinking that you’ve been abducted and you can take the bed I can sleep in the chair”

Spencer ended up calling JJ who was relived to finally get through to him. After reassuring her he was fine, he just needed to be alone, he sank back down on the bed.

“Are you feeling better?” you asked

“Yeah actually I am. Thank you.” You flashed him a goofy smile, delighted you could help him in some small way.

“We all need a little help now and then. It doesn’t make us weak. You look like you’re about to ask me something”. 

“It’s silly”

“What is it?”

“Could you sit with me a bit?” asked Spencer, feeling incredibly childish “Just while I fall asleep?” He was surprised when you answered without hesitating.

“Sure, move over”

Spencer stretched out on the bed while you sat on the edge. He reached out and lightly touched your hand so you took his, your thumb lightly rubbing the back of his hand and he feel asleep, calmed by the soothing motion.

Tagging: @teatimewithtiya @remember-me-forever-silent-angel @criminal-navy-writings @cherry-loves-fanfic @rachficrecs @milkandcookies528 @frickin-bats@http-natiii@brooke0297  @shelvesforbooksandmugsfortea@alexander-jayk@brywrites​ @rda1989@dontshootmespence

11th times a charm

Juice x Reader

I felt this was kinda all over the place. xD

Requested by the famous @homicidalteenagedream

#1 “If you walk out of that door, there is no walking back

#7 “You’ve had a second chance! And a third! And a tenth!

“If you walk out of that door, there is no walking back” Juice yelled at y/n. His eyes welled with tears. She looked so defeated. “Juice… I am done..” y/n walked out with a dufflebag full of her stuff. Juice walked back to the bed room replaying the fight in his head. He could see the disappointment on her face when she read that text from the croweater. “You’ve had a second chance! And a third! And a tenth!” She yelled at him after she seen it. He tried to convince her it meant nothing and that she was an old friend before they got together years ago. She showed up at TM for a car repair. Juice bit his lips, he knew he fucked up. The texts he sent back where as just as flirty as the girls. Y/N was right. She gave him so many chances and he blew them.

Juice walked into TM. He had gotten no sleep in the last week. He put on his mechanics uniform and started at work. “Juice do you care to FUCKING tell me why y/n quit helping with the accounting?!” Juice sighed hearing Gemmas voice He rolled out from under the car. “We broke up.” Juice rolled back under the car. “Care to talk about it?” Gemmas face dropped a bit. y/n was one of her good friends, even though she was had Gemmas age.  “I fucked up.” Juice said, not wanting to see Gemmas disappointment.

The week passed by slowly. It seemed Juice kept hearing y/ns name where ever he went. “Y/N. How are you little girl?” Juice looked over to see Happy walking to the clubhouse with her. Happy and her had always been close. It always pissing Juice off. He looked more closely at her. She had a cut on her lip and a slight bruise on her cheek. Juice ran over to her. “What happened?!” “I believe I don’t have to tell you shit. Fuck off.” y/n spoke coldly. Juice felt his heart crack more. He forgot how cold she really could be. y/n walked next to Happy, Happy looked back at Juice, his eyes narrowing. Happy knew something.

Soon Juice finished the car he was working on. He looked to see Happy at the bar. “What happened?” he looked at Happy. Happy took a sip of his beer. “None of your business.” Happy looked back at Juice. His stoic appearance never fading. “I am your brother. She is..” “Not yours anymore.” Happy finished his sentence. “Come on Happy, will you help me get ready for tonight?” Happy smirked at her and then got up and walked with her. Juice left dumbfounded.

Juice walked around impatiently. He was fed up. He knew he did her wrong. He knew that. Yet here she was, with Happy and he was helping her with something tonight?. Did he miss something? Have they been more than friends. Juice started to shake at the thought. He opened his laptop, tracing her cellphone. He wrote down the address, driving to it.

He opened the door to the barn. He blended in the back of the shadows. Soon everyone started filing out. He followed them to where there was two bikes at a line. “Who is ready to race!?” An announcer said. Juice looked over to see Happy standing next to on of the people on the bike. Juice recognized the tattoo on the back of one of the legs. It was y/N! He watched as Happy whispered something into helmet. He rubbed her back a bit and nodded. “Ready! SET! GO!!!” Soon y/n and the other racer went flying off. He watched as they went around a large track that was dirt. y/n was inching behind the whole way. They did five laps, Juice looked at the small board that Happy stood next too. It said they had one more lap. At the Last minute y/n sped ahead. Winning. She took her helmet off. Happy ran over to her, hugging her tightly. He kissed her cheek holding her hand up in victory. Juice had hurd about the underground racing scene. He was unaware that his ex was apart of it.

“You did exactly as I told you! Nice twenty grand  in your pocket!” Happy smirked. “Here Hap. Give this to your Ma.” She handed Happy ten grand. “No..” “Yes. If it wasn’t for you I would not have won!” “well.. lets just say I know something about highspeed chases!” Y/N nodded laughing at Happy. They walked out late after most people had cleared. “So how long have you two been together?” y/n snapped her head back to see Juice glaring at the two of them as he leaned against his bike. She scoffed getting on her bike. “Juice, why are you here?” “This is dangerous! You are playing with fire here!” “I wouldn’t let anything happen to her, she is my best friend.” Happy said matter of factly. Juice looked stunned. Happy had a friend? “Yeah right..” “Juice do you really think I am fucking Happy? Sure, he is handsome, sweet and dangerous as all hell. But I still can’t get over your dumb ass! I am doing anything to get over you!” “Why?!” “You texted that bitch like I was nothing.. Like I was no one! Saying how pretty she was and shit! Fuck you Juice!” y/n screamed, tears running down her face. “She was a friend..” “Sure..” y/n put her helmet on, nodding to Happy.

Happy drove to make sure y/n was safe. Than went back to the club house. Juice was sitting at the bar, a bottle of Jack next to him. Happy sat down next to him. “ I am not fucking y/n. Trust me, I would if I could but your my brother and see is in love with you.” Juice looked at Happy, he was unsure whether to punch him or hug him. “She is dying without you. She needed something to take her mind off you. She said that without seeing you every morning she questions why she is still in Charming. She said beside the guys and vet hospital she runs, she is unsure.” Juice looked down at the bottle of Jack. “I did flirt with that girl.. I guess because I felt.. not the most important thing in her life.. She was always helping Gemma or at work.. barly had enough time to cuddle. Let alone fuck..” Juice took another sip. Enjoying the burning sensation. “Juice, she was picking up extra hours… so she could put a down payment on that house a few blocks of Jaxs with the nice yard and pool…” Juice looked at Happy “She wanted to surprise you. Since you helped her put a payment down on her clinic.” Juice rubbed his head with his hands. “Fuck…” “You know her, Miss Independent.” Juice smiled a bit nodding. “I don’t want anyone but her…” “Go and tell her that..” Happy was usually a quiet person. Yet, he care for y/n. she was chill and always had the best weed. Juice hopped off the bar stool. “Thanks Happy.” “Don’t tell anyone about our convo.” Juice nodded walking out the door.

It was 3am. Juice knocked on the apartment she had been renting for the past week. She slowly got out of bed. “Happy… can we practice drifting in the morning….” She as she opened the door to see Juice standing there. “What?” Juice pushed his way in. “I am not sleeping with anyone go and check.” y/n sighed and yawned. She walked back to her bedroom. She was too tired to fight. “Let yourself out when ever you are done doing what ever the fuck you are doing here.” She mumbled as took her robe off and crawled back into bed. Juice followed her. He turn on the bedroom light. “Asshole… stop..” She said putting the pillow over her eyes. “Don’t you have some bimbo bitch to go text?” Juice sighed. “No. I told  her that you are the love of my life. That I should have never txted back in flirting matter.” Juice spoke as he sat on the edge of the bed. “I can’t trust you Juice.” “I thought the same about you. Than Happy told me you where trying to buy that house because I helped you with the clinic. Because you knew I loved the look of that house.” y/n growled. “Remind me to shoot Happy tomorrow. Juice crawled next to her. He pulled the pillow from her face. She kept her eyes closed. Juice pressed his lips against hers. She didn’t kiss back at first, but his lips felt too good. “All I want is more time with you.. I just want to be able to cuddle and fuck you all the time..” Juice whispered in her ear. “So everytime I am busy you will find attention some where else?” y/n scoffed. “No… I just want you..” Juice looked her in the eyes pleading. “Fine.. last try..” Juice smiled famous smile. “So how about that fucking you want so bad?” y/n said in an not-so innocent tone. Juice smirked biting her lip. “Coming right up..”