she looks like portal

Today has sucked so.

• Eiffel can’t handle spicy food, even chilli heatwave Doritos make his eyes water
• he sang ‘Starman’ quietly to himself the first night up in space to calm himself down and get hyped about being in actual space
• he and Jacobi’s first kiss is one night when they’re clearing out the broom cupboard/bridge and Jacobi confesses that Kepler isn’t all that great and Eiffel admits that he feels horrible about himself 99.8% of the time and Jacobi says “what about that point 2?” And Eiffel is like 'when I’m with you. Makes me feel 100 times better’ and Jacobi is like 'that doesn’t make 100%’ and Eiffel is like 'I’m bad at math’ and smooch
• Maxwell manages to make Hera a 'body’ ie - she ends up looking like a personality core from portal 2 and is able to float around the ship being nosy and bashing people in the head when they say stupid things and now Eiffel can cuddle her
• Maxwell has a huge crush on Lovelace
• Maxwell and Jacobi have secret friendship bracelets that they don’t let Kepler see because they don’t want him to force them into making one so he can be 'cool’
• Minkowski has baby pictures of herself dressed as Wonder Woman for Halloween
• Kepler can sing really well
• when they get back to earth , Eiffel buys a cactus and calls it Blessie

Overwatch According to my Boyfriend
  • (My boyfriend does not play video games. At all. Ever)
  • Tracer: That thing looks like a portal im gonna call her galactica
  • Bastion: Shooty tweety transformer
  • Genji: Samurai Knight!
  • Lucio: Hes got penises coming out of his head!
  • Junkrat: PEGGY MCPEGLEG
  • Mei: She looks like that one from scooby doo
  • McCree: Ah, Definitely something western... Billy the Kid!
  • Widowmaker: Shes got perfect boobies.
  • Reaper: Shooty goth dude!
  • Symmetra: She looks like a cross between Lara Croft and Portal
  • Roadhog: Thats a geoffrey. Take away the tough guy stuff and theres a geoffrey under there trying to get out.
  • Zarya: Everything about that says 'lesbian'
  • Zenyatta: The hindu juggler?
  • Hanzo: Sashimi skewer
  • Soldier 76: Thats that one you like! Im drawn to his red laser eyes
  • Pharah: Shes overcompensating.
  • Winston: Harambe! .. Too soon?
  • Mercy: Angel big jugs
  • Reinhardt: Crome-inator
  • Torbjorn: Anti Santa!