In spite of everything I love
Harley Quinn but, damn, writers treat her so badly. I swear, the temptation to
make her actually stupid must be terrible because it’s so often implied, or
explicitly stated, that she slept her way through school. First of all, it
does not work like that. Second, she’s
not a therapist or a psychologist, she’s a psychiatrist, she’s a fricking MD
and a damn young one too. Managing pre-med and collegiate gymnastics that she
relied on to keep her scholarship? Harley is fucked up, but she’s not the dumb
blonde she plays. (also stop making her stacked, she’s a gymnast. she is 4’11”
of pure muscle and is not top heavy)
If you want a good Harley
backstory it’s simple. She’s ADHD but medicated and slightly robotic because of
it. I want to take special care not to demonize meds but, rather, people’s
disapproval of neurodivergence and a lack of focus on what is best for a
patient rather than what is most convenient for others. So, maybe, around ten
years old Harley is a hyperactive space cadet who’s brilliant at tests but
sloppy at coursework, who would be a gymnastics prodigy if she could actually
focus on technique and put in practice time instead of fooling around. Then the
meds come and it’s actually really cool because she can do the things she needs
to do instead of just wanting to do them, doing something else entirely, and
getting in trouble. People are proud of her, she’s proud of herself. But now
there are expectations. Family and teachers and coaches overschedule her, find
worth only in her success and don’t care about her mental health at all as long
as she’s performing and castigate her when she does fail. Fuck if you don’t
internalize that. But she doesn’t look unhealthy and she’s doing amazing. She
actually has to choose between the Olympic trials and continuing her grad
studies. She probably has some issues with self-harm but it either doesn’t look
like self-harm or is well covered up.
When Arkham accepts her, fresh
from her residency, it’s not a mistake. The woman is amazing. All they can see
is a mountain of achievements rather than the seething ball of nerves,
self-loathing, and imposter syndrome boiling just under the surface. That’s
when Joker comes in. He’s got the Hannibal Lecter shtick down. Where everyone
else sees an intelligent driven young woman he sees a frightened overwhelmed
girl who is working her hardest to convince the world she’s anyone other than
herself. Sending her into a nervous breakdown would be too easy so he doesn’t even
bother. Instead he’s open with her, almost friendly. The other doctors are
amazed, Harley is amazed, she’s not done anything particularly revolutionary
but, for the first time in forever, it looks like the clown prince of crime is
showing progress. He unravels her and it’s a challenge, she flinches back and
gets very serious when he comes too close to the real Harley under the
professional. Still, soon she’s questioning everything. She doesn’t even really
like her co-workers. She hasn’t had a real friend in years. She’s forgotten how
to have fun. Did she ever want this to be her life or did she just do it for
other people? It starts so slowly that it looks, at first, like she’s getting
better at self-care. Maybe something totally silly one weekend, a trampoline
park where she can enjoy the way her toned body moves without stressing out
over landings, a face painting booth at a street fair, some garishly colored
downright tacky decoration that clashes with her sensible apartment. Suddenly
she realizes how much she hates knowing the difference between cream and ecru.
The beigeness of her life is repulsive. She hates the person she’s pretending
to be even more that she hates herself which is really saying something.
After her weekend of freedom she
would have called in sick if it wasn’t so suddenly important to see him. The
relief she feels at talking to one of Gotham’s most infamous supercriminals is
disturbing but it is relief and she’s been swallowing a slow-motion panic
attack for hours. She admits, though she shouldn’t, that she took his advice
about doing something fun and he teases her, what would straight-laced Doctor
Quinzel do for fun? Did she realphabetize her sock drawer or buy a new
clipboard? It’s not important to impress him, it’s really not. He’s dangerous,
cruel, and he looks so proud when she admits that she bought a lamp shaped like
a lawn flamingo. The only mistake, he says, is that she should have stolen it.
She hopes the wicked thrill it gives her doesn’t show on her face. It does. She
almost even laughs. He likes it when he can make her laugh and she likes it
when he likes things.
It’s wrong and unprofessional,
the relationship she develops, and she knows it but her whole life she’s been
so high strung. Nothing she’s done has been for her, she’s not sure she knows
how to really do selfish things anymore, but he knows the selfish things she
needs to do. It feels good when she follows his advice even when it’s small
things like the rainbow striped socks she wears concealed under her very bland
slacks and sensible shoes. She’s so happy, almost giddy, and he loves her
happiness, he loves her, he loves the real her that she’s had to beat down and
hide for so long, the her that even she isn’t able to love. She is able to love
him, though, and since he loves her she’s able to love herself for him, to
protect and nurture something so important to him.
When the choice comes between
her old self, the tedious endless labor of making the world proud, and Him, the
spectacular man that brought color into her life, it’s not even a question.
She kills Doctor Harleen Quinzel, she throws away the version of her that let
herself burn just for medals and hollow accolades. She embraces Harley Quinn
and it’s so much a part of her nature she can’t even see that she’s still
living her life for someone else’s approval, except this time that person is a murderous
clown. She hasn’t let her hair down, she’s just put it in pigtails instead of a
Princess Sofia looking beautiful wearing the Queen Josephine Amethyst Tiara for the very first time while attending the state banquet held in connection with the Canadian State Visit to Sweden on February 20th, 2017.
“KANAN-SAN GET BACK IN THE CAR BEFORE YOU FALL OUT AGAIN.”
@zippyzapmeister has the best monster AU where Kanan is a werewolf and I just started thinking of all the things dogs do that Kanan would do. This never actually happens in any of the fics but I imagine it’s something that could happen.
dean walks into the lakehouse’s bathroom. cas is there in the shower, perfectly fine but confused why dean is so shocked. dean joins him.
elsewhere, rowena is on a beach watching a gorgeous sunrise. the fiery rays of the sun in the sky do no justice to the lovely tones of her hair. she smiles at how easily fooled lucifer is. you’d think he’d have learned after last time, huh?
sam has decided to take a break from searching for jack. we see him wake up the next day with eileen in a hotel room and sneak out to get her breakfast in bed.
amara is raging. ‘really! so right after dean learns the lesson he needs, his mother flings herself into another dimension?! right when they’re to piece things together?!’ god is amused. amara decides she’s not too pleased about that and fwpps mary right back home.
dean and cas are still in the shower and showing no signs of going anywhere for now.
sam returns to the hotel room and is puzzled to see eileen gone. he turns at a sound in the hall and sees her approaching with a bag of bagels and coffee. they grin at their simultaneous breakfast in bed plans.
rowena grows her coven. everything she does, she does with grace and while looking fantastic. she doesn’t have to say a word to be dripping with sass.
god is mildly annoyed at amara’s ease of manipulating reality and decides to play along as well. he waves his hand and crowley is back for the sole reason he can choose his own relevant, non-pointless/meandering storyline.
dean has decided he loves this shower almost as much as he loves cas.
lucifer is cursing the whole “ever want to get out of the cage” idea because shit, this alternate universe sucks.
amara isn’t to be outdone. she brings back charlie.
rowena’s hair wins an emmy all on its own.
after breakfast, sam asks if eileen if she feels like going on a hunt. he’s been wanting to chase down these things called bu– “bucklemmings? yeah, I ran over a couple on my way to pick up the bagels,” she says with a casual sip of her coffee. “won’t be bothering anybody else again.” they high-five.
god resurrects benny. after he and amara bring back gabriel at the same time, they declare a truce.
dean and cas only get out of the shower in time to test out some newly-purchased bedsheets.
Disclaimer: I’m sorry for any pain, there’s a few more parts left in this story so please stay with me. Feel free to yell at me all you like because I UNDERSTAND. Again, the timeline is definitely a little weird and artistic liberties were obviously taken in reference to the publishing industry.