Okayokayokayokayokay hear me out: Arxni coming to Earth and wanting to meet with Earth’s leaders but instead getting swept in by SHIELD. Still, he thinks Terrans are interesting and cute so he follows the big man with one eye gamely through the building. The room they put him in is very plain. There’s a big window on one wall. Arxni assumes he isn’t supposed to be able to see through it so he pretends he can’t, instead preening himself in front of the glass. They bring a very pretty Terran to the other side of the glass. Arxni can’t help but perk up at the sight of her.
She’s brought in, introduces herself as Natasha Romanova. “You must have lots of mates,” Arxni says, enthused. “You’ve got red hair.” Natasha stares at him for a very long time before very coldly saying, “I can’t have children.” Arxni is horrified. “Why not? You must have many mates. You’re clearly capable of protecting a harem.” Natasha stares at him an even longer time before folding her hands together and leaning toward him. “Of course I’m capable, but that’s not why I’m here. Why did you come to Earth? What do you want?” “Oh!” Arxni says cheerfully. “I want to give you technology to save your whales!” Natasha’s face twitches, and he swears to Oglhr that his antennae pick up ‘ohmygod it’s real life Star Trek’ coming out of her mouth. Arxni doesn’t know what Star Trek is but she looks a lot more interested all of a sudden so he assumes Star Trek is good.
(“Are they part of your harem,” Arxni whispers to her not-so-quietly when he meets the rest of her team. They’re all quite handsome. He doesn’t understand why she doesn’t have a brood. Natasha sighs. “Ah,” Thor says cheerfully. “Arxni! What are you doing here?” “I’m saving the Terrans’ whales!” Arxni exclaims, enthused. “Thor, you know this guy?” the tall, pretty blond whispers, but Arxni’s antennae pick it up easily. “Arks-knee?” “What,” Arxni repeats. “Ah, perhaps–you might find it easier to call him Anthony,” Thor offers. “And no, we are not Natasha’s harem.” “You could give her a good brood,” Tony insists, put out. “She’s got red hair! Clearly she’s the most venomous!” “Venomous,” the tall, pretty brunet repeats in disbelief. The stocky blond with a bow faints. Arxni–Anthony blinks down at him before looking up at Thor, wondering what he did wrong. “Midgardians are not venomous, Arxni,” Thor explains gently. “I’ve killed him,” Anthony says sadly. “Terrans are so delicate.” “Arxni, no,” Thor sighs.)
((“Did you know that when Terrans get overwhelmed sometimes their bodies just shut down?!” Tony chatters excitedly. “I thought he died but he’s alright now! Also they’re not venomous. And don’t have harems.” “Arxni what the fuck,” Rihdz asks. “Also the females carry children! This seems like a flaw in evolution but they’re making it work.” “Just come home,” Veppria orders, sigh making their connection crackle. Tony scowls. “No! I’m learning a lot of new things! And Thor is here! Also we’re not small apparently Asgardians are just really really big.” “Oh,” Rhidz and Veppria say, then tap their antennae together to speak privately. Tony waits impatiently. Finally, Veppria draws herself up and magnanimously says, “You may stay and study the Terrans so long as Thor promises to keep you out of trouble.” “Great!” Tony says, enthused. “You wanna hear how they botched my name? They pronounced it 'Arks-knee!‘” “What the fuck,” Rhidz says again. “Yeah they’re calling me ‘Tony’ now but I figure they’re cute enough that I’m not offended,” Tony adds. Rhidz doesn’t even want to know how they’d fuck up his name.))