she is so negative like always

Someone made a really negative comment today about my being in a long distance relationship. When I said I haven’t seen my boyfriend in over a year she was like “how do you even know if you like being with each other if you’ve only spent a couple days together here and there?” I smiled and shrugged it off but now I can think of so many things I should have said. Long distance relationships are hard, but also extremely rewarding. I know my boyfriend better than anyone else, probably better than I know myself. Relationships aren’t always about the physical stuff and being together constantly. I don’t need to be with my boyfriend all the time to know that I love him and want to be with him. Not to mention I’ve known him since I was 8 years old, and we’re separated by circumstances neither of us can change right now. I hate that she made me feel like my relationship isn’t valid or something.

things I love about Steve Trevor
  • He makes sure he actually thanks Diana for pulling him out of the water
  • The only time he ever expresses doubt to Diana about any of her beliefs is when he’s trying to convince her not to jeopardize the mission by killing Ludendorff, and even then it’s a hypothetical (“what if”)
    • He also does after she kills Ludendorff but that’s after her belief is shattered so I don’t really count it
  • He is so duty-bound I love him so much no wonder he and Diana got along so well
  • He just. Wants the people around him to be happy? The scene after they rescue Veld always kills me, and two parts in particular: 
    • When Charlie starts playing piano and singing and Steve says “I haven’t heard him sing in years…” and his face is all soft and you can see the shadow of a smile tugging at his lips but you can also see all the sadness in his eyes from those years of him not singing
    • And when he’s dancing with Diana and it starts to snow and she looks up and is so confused and delighted and he’s like “it’s snow… go on, touch it” and she does (also she has to let go of his hand to do it and he still encourages her to? such a small thing but oh man my heart) and he looks at her with such heart eyes
    • Honestly Chris Pine played him so well, so much complex emotion depicted even when he’s not speaking, like jfc well done
  • I love the boat scene, partly because it’s just fucking hilarious but mostly because their conversation is so respectful. She tells him she was sculpted from clay and brought to life by the breath of Zeus and his reaction is just to raise his eyebrows and say “Well, that’s neat.” 
    • I know that could read as sarcastic but it doesn’t to me at all. It’s funny, sure, but he isn’t making fun of her. It’s genuine and kind, even when what she’s saying is fairly unbelievable.
    • Just the entire way they speak in this scene… He never adopts that Mansplaining Tone™ that is so common, even when he’s actually explaining things. He talks because he wants to share information. It’s a cultural exchange, and I loved it.
  • After Veld, when they’re sitting and watching the villagers dance, he just quietly says, “You did this.” and she’s the one who smiles at him and says, “We did this.” He has so much respect for her and it kills me inside because it’s not “We did this” originally (which could be him pointing out that they’re a good team, him saying they have things in common, or a thousand other things), it’s just “You did this,” because he just wants her happy. He wants her to recognize how goddamn impressive she is. There is no agenda to what he said and it fucks me up
  • The entire scene with the kiss. Like, I’m gay as hell, usually I hate this kind of thing because it feels so unnecessary, but this was so well done I’m genuinely glad it was included
    • When he escorts her up to a room he then starts to leave. Even with all of that tension he doesn’t want to assume that she wants anything to happen. 
    • So he has his hand on the door and he starts to back out of the room and he hesitates just long enough for her to turn around and meet his gaze. And even then he’s reading that as a sign that she wants him in the room so he steps forward and closes the door behind her and then looks up again to confirm that’s what she wanted. And even after that, he crosses over to her so slowly and lets her be the one to actually initiate the kiss. 
    • He gives her a thousand and one chances to change her mind, to give him a small indication that she’s uncomfortable or doesn’t want it to happen, and it’s only once she lets all of those chances pass that they kiss. 
    • Consent-based relationships, man. Fuck me up.
  • Speaking of consent… the scene after Diana returns to Veld and sees the gas has killed everyone fucks me up
    • Steve’s followed her there and is clearly freaked the fuck out because she’s just gone and he physically can’t go in to try to find her because of the gas
    • So when she comes out he’s so visibly relieved and he goes forward and puts his hands around her face, clearly wanting to kiss her, and she shoves him away and says “stay away from me.” and he does.
    • He lets her be furious and devastated and overwhelmed because he knows what it’s like to feel powerless and I think he is genuinely sorry he contributed to her feeling this much pain. He lets her say she’s angry, he lets her blame him, he lets her grieve and doesn’t stop her when she leaves him there.
    • Not only does he not stop her, he sees the smoke from Chief’s fire and yells to her to follow it because he had followed Ludendorff. Their argument from the ballroom still isn’t resolved - she wants to just kill him and be done with it, Steve wants that to wait so they can focus on stopping the gas - but he recognizes that this is her choice and even after she’s basically just blamed an entire village’s deaths on him (and on herself) he tries to help her carry it out.
  • So after Diana’s killed Ludendorff and the war is still going on and Steve runs up to find her, he’s so visibly relieved that she’s alive and (like after Veld) goes to kiss her but backs away without her doing anything because he realizes the “stay away from me” thing has never been explicitly lifted. She might still want nothing to do with him and he respects that.
    • He does touch her a couple times after this but it’s always brief, I think it continues only because she didn’t react negatively the first time, and like they’re in the middle of a fucking war and I think Steve’s about 900% convinced that they’re all going to die so I’m gonna cut him a little slack here.
  • They have that “argument” again, where Diana says “this should have stopped, I killed him, why is this still going on” and instead of saying I told you so Steve just tries to get her to move on and help him save other people.
    • When he says “maybe it’s us! maybe we’re to blame!” (meaning not Ares) and she says that (obviously) she isn’t to blame, he doesn’t hesitate, he just says “but maybe I am.” He’s willing to put that on himself. Also, the qualifier through this scene - but maybe it’s us - is so important to me, because he’s still not saying “you’re wrong.” it’s a maybe.
    • When she refuses to go with him he’s clearly frustrated (again I’m giving him a pass here because he’s frustrated because he knows he won’t be able to save as many people without her) but he still doesn’t try to force her to go with him. He doesn’t guilt-trip her, doesn’t yell at her for not helping. He just gives that desperate shrug and says “I have to go. I’m sorry, I have to go.”
    • And when Charlie and Sam and Chief show up and ask where Diana is, all he says is “we’re on our own.” Not “she wouldn’t fucking help us” - which frankly is probably what I would have said in this situation - just that statement and nothing more.
  • In their final scene, when she’s hurt and dazed and temporarily hard of hearing, he breaks his “no touching” rule, but he breaks it because he’s helping her stand up and then because, well… even if she doesn’t, he knows he’s never going to see her again. 
    • It’s also super important to me that he doesn’t try to kiss her in this scene, because god knows he must have wanted to. He sees that she is in no shape to consent to anything like that and he doesn’t even come close to pushing it.
    • I’m not even gonna get into the “I can save today” part because I’m still too emotionally fraught
    • He says is “I wish we had more time.” before he tells her he loves her and literally runs to his death. That’s it. Nothing that could possibly make her feel guilty, nothing that could have seemed like he regretted anything. Not “I wish we hadn’t gone to the front.” Just “I wish we had more time.”
    • And he then, metaphorically and literally, gives her more time. Because he knows his clock has run out, but that doesn’t mean hers has to… So he runs and saves today and gives her his watch. Gives her time.
  • Anyway I’m seventeen thousand levels of fucked up from this movie, please feel free to add because Steve is amazing and a genuinely good, complex, respectful male character like this should be celebrated
pidge is trans

hello im here to provide some of that sweet trans girl pidge evidence from season 4 

firstly this scene 

what i got from this was that ‘pidge’ is most likely a childhood nickname of her birth name and therefore she hates when matt (who probably made it up) calls her it

but because she loves her brother so much and misses him when he leaves for the garrison, she’s come to have a fond association when she hears that name as opposed to the negative one she used to have before he left, so she uses it again 

and then this scene 

this is the second time that someone’s referred to pidge as a ‘he’ (s1 when she gets into the garrison) because! she’s trans and doesnt always pass thanks for coming to my ted talk 

anyway pidge is a trans girl and you can pry these facts from my cold dead hands 

I hope I don’t bother you when I’m upset. I don’t usually tell people things, so I’m sorry I let everything out all at once and just hope you can make me feel better.

Okay, so I just binge read all thirteen chapters of Adventures of Supergirl, a comic series based on the CBS (now CW) show. And now I’m going to list little facts (semi-canon facts) for all you fan authors and artists for your shit. So here you go:

  • Kara lives in Hammersmith Tower, apartment 4-A.
  • Kara had a bully on earth during high school called Belinda-the-bully, who seemed to always beat Kara at Street Combat Six using a surprise uppercut TKO.
  • Also there were no video games on Krypton.
  • Kara has one hell of an uppercut thanks to Belinda-the-bully.
  • Kara has to calculate everything during a rescue. Air resistance, negative acceleration, matching the object’s speed. Like everything. Or else whiplash could kill victims or she’ll make a cater after every landing or things would crash against her as she catches them. Our girl knows how to multitask like a boss.
  • Kara does her calculations in Sulls, a weight measurement on Krypton. She problems converting these to pounds.
  • Alex is approximately 31 Sulls.
  • Kara isn’t that great with Earth’s physics. The Rokyn Society’s Gravitistics doesn’t line up with Newton’s laws all too well. She apparently tried to tell that to her ninth grade teacher while English wasn’t her first language.
  • Krypton didn’t believe in resolving conflict by physical violence. They first exhausted communication, every diplomatic option before disagreements got out of hand. So, that explains a lot about Kara’s temperament and hesitance to start a fight.
  • Kara talks to Clark a lot about people finding out about her identity and how it would affect the people she cares for.
  • Winn has a badass hijab-and-leather-jacket-wearing hacker friend named Rabiah Zinoman, who can go up against an alien who is practically a computer himself.
  • Did I mention her screen name is RazzleDazzle130?
  • Edit: She also explicitly mentions she does not date, which is typical of a devote Muslim, of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone (props for writers here?)
  • Speaking of screen names, Winn has several: Supergirl_In_Action252, Mufungo, and Dollm8ker (the latter being a throwback to his comic book roots).
  • … James apparently got turned into a turtle once? (I need a fic now!)
  • Kara had a college roommate named Donna, who was in love with Silence of the Lambs and would watch it every few weeks. After capturing and interrogating Fort Rozz criminals, Kara doesn’t like it that much anymore.
  • Kara’s father used to say, “Not my cup of Thoni tea.”
  • Kara learned how to control her dreams from the decades in the phantom zone. She dreamt of Kypton mostly. She used a Kryptonian dreaming technique called Tarukor for the control. She’s also so proficient in it that she went toe-to-toe with an alien known for manipulating/creating dreams.
  • Alex promptly calls Kara a dream warrior.
  • Kara, after dreaming/sleeping for decades, didn’t sleep much on earth the years following her landing. Now she mostly does it out of habit and normalcy.  
  • Alex and Kara saw My Chemical Romance in concert. Seriously just imagine scene teens Kara and Alex though.
  • Kara had a weird dream about Oscar Isaac once.
  • Cat milks stuff for days after a Supergirl fight.  
  • Kryptonians used sunstones as pictures. Like multi-faceted rocks with pictures on them.
  • Kara is very proficient in hand-to-hand combat (since she learned of the DEO), despite not learning it on Krypton. Without her powers, Kara can still kick your ass if she wanted to. She also really likes uppercuts.
  • Clark loves mysteries, grew up reading them and they are half the reason he became a reporter, wanting to uncover the secrets in people. They infuriate Kara, though, she just wants the world to be straightforward.
  • Alex doesn’t know Kryptonese.
  • Alex had a med school boyfriend that used to write poems about them together like “And so we fight, tooth and claw, with our backs to the wall.” That may have been the reason they broke up.
  • Cat apparently partied with cast of Hamilton.
  • Cat had lunch with Gwendoline Christie.
  • Hand of Krypton was its justice system’s greatest honor and heaviest responsibility. They were in service to Krypton’s future.
  • Kara went to Stanhope College.
  • College actually challenged Kara in academics her first year. Yes, Supergirl was brought low by Professor Haley’s Oceanography pop quizzes.
  • Kara did a huge research paper on doxing in college.
  • By her own admission, Kara graduated ‘top-ish’ of her class (knowing her though I headcanon that she was at least top ten).
  • Kara curses a lot more in Kryptonese than in English. Like a lot.
  • Kara learned (passable) English in a day. Our girl is a fast learner (do as you please with that information).
  • Midvale is in California, on the beach.
  • Kara can fly to about 40,000 feet before she’ll be at risk of being in space.
  • The DEO has at least one agent that wears hijab.
  • Clark says, “Truth, justice, and the American way,” Kara on the other hand would say, “Hope, help and compassion for all.

But seriously guys, go read them. The art, dialogue, and narration is colorful and amazing.They’re really fun and since we’re in hiatus they’re good fillers before Season Two starts. They’re about 99 cents apiece and there’s only thirteen chapters. 

Adrien needs to be jealous this season

I know the trope of using jealousy as a means to propel a relationship forward is a tired one at this point, and many are expressing their dislike of this happening with Adrien because of this idea that it may be a catalyst for him to understand his feelings for Marinette. I can get why this could be cringe worthy, but I’d like to think this show has a good enough grasp on the idea that jealousy has the capability to be harmful and it’s something that one needs to overcome, at least when we look at how Marinette is often painted negatively in the narrative for these feelings and how she acts on them. It’s never been used as a plot device for Marinette and the boy she likes, it was always to show a flaw in her behavior and the narrative acknowledges that. 

So bearing that in mind, I say that Adrien absolutely has to be allowed to be jealous, whether it’s going to be because of Marinette, or Ladybug, or even Kagami, those negative feelings have to be explored. After all, this show already had this be an established trait for Adrien way back in early season 1, and he handled his jealousy poorly. I like that they did this though, because it’s one of the few instances where we can see flaws in his behavior and that even he can let his negative emotions get the best of him.

The problem is, he experienced no growth from the situation, or even the barest acknowledgment that how he acted was wrong. For the show to have an entire episode center around Adrien’s jealousy and his poor handling of it, but then pretend that he never acted this way and that jealousy is something he’s too good for would be far more heinous than for the show to actually explore the possibility that he has these issues. Can it be tiresome? Sure, especially if it might kick him into realizing he has feelings for Marinette. But is this situation any less tiresome than having girls own up to their jealousy but thinking boys are incapable of those feelings, or that it’s okay for them because it just shows how much they love someone? 

One situation here is clearly better than the other.

If Adrien is put into a situation where he shows that he’s jealous, don’t just immediately dismiss the show for allowing him to explore these negative feelings. Pay attention to how he handles it. Try and see if the narrative is calling him out on his behavior or giving him a pass because he’s a boy, therefor it’s ‘cute’. That makes all the difference. But this idea that he shouldn’t be allowed to experience any kind of jealousy at all just rubs me wrong, especially when put up against Marinette and how she has to face her flaws. He should be allowed to act a fool every once in a while, so long as he overcomes it. 

why is ‘tyren’ pr?

I’ve had a few asks about why Ty and Lauren are PR. If you can’t see it after this post, I’ll pay for your eyes testing. Just a heads up, i’ll apologise in advance for all the ‘tumblr:camrenexposed’ through out, it seems certain accounts on Twitter have a thing about copying my posts and not crediting me. Sorry guys!

With that being said…

First off let’s talk about Ty, known for his blatant misogynistic attitudes towards women across the industry. That’s a title to be proud of, not. When I hear grown men belittling, demeaning and degrading women in the way he does, I always wonder how they would feel if their female family members were being spoken about in such a disrespectful manner. They’d find it incredibly inappropriate right? So, what then gives these men the right to say those things about someonelse’s mother/sister/daughter etc? The answer simply is, it doesn’t.

Then we’ve got Lauren. You literally couldn’t get more opposite personalities if you tried. Lauren passionately campaigns for our fundamental human rights, engaging in social and political activism whenever she can. She generously donates thousands of dollars to fans with ill health and those who need it most. She’s the first to defend herself and who she is, confidently allowing fans to realise that no matter what, everything will be okay. Regardless of who we are, what we look like tumblr:camrenexposed and who we love she teaches us to embrace what makes us ‘different’ and be proud of who we are. My problem is the negatives hit the headlines before all these incredible things she does make them. She always seems to been labelled the “bitchy” one of the group, but for what? For showing passion? For speaking out against the fucked up political state of our global society? If that makes you a bitch, sign me up. 

So, for starters and most obviously; we’ve got the collaboration between the two. As I predicted a few weeks back, this would be on Ty’s album and released as a single. If I’m correct, there’s a video in the works for ‘In Your Phone’. So statistically, this is the THIRD solo track Lauren has released outside the group. ‘In Your Phone’, ‘Back to Me’ ‘Strangers’ AND we’ve got the Steve Aoki collab dropping any time soon. Now let’s quickly bring Camila into this. Whist in the group, Camila was granted special release of her tracks to mainstream media. She released 2 tracks whilst in the group; ‘IKWYDLS’ and ‘Bad Things’. That’s two individual projects, right? Now let’s look back at Lauren tumblr:camrenexposed In total, considering when the Aoki collab is released, that’s FOUR solo project’s she’s been granted release. Four. That’s double Camila’s. So you’re probably asking, why the fuck is this relevant? Here’s why, After Camila’s departure, Lauren is golden girl. The label and management are pushing her to the front, because as they unfairly did with Camila, they’re seeing the most potential in Lauren as a solo artist. It makes complete sense she’s the only one from the remaining members of the group partnered up with another artist in the industry. This is when the PR comes to light. Do you guys know how much it costs to keep relationship afloat between 2 well known artists in the music industry? Thousands and thousands of dollars. Why? Because they must make sure that reputation isn’t tarnished or ruined in the process. So you’re probably asking why invest money into a PR? Look how many fans Lauren is gaining on Ty’s behalf and vice versa. It’s actually very very clever. I’ll get into that later on.

I’ll set you all a painful task, log on twitter go to Ty’s likes and look at how many posts he has liked with icons of either pictures of Lauren or the other 4 girls. It’s the merging of the fanbases which is why the whole thing this was created in the first place. Lauren’s voice is perfectly suited for R&B. She’s said countless times how much she “hates cheesy pop” which unfortunately some of the groups music falls under. Her solo work and ambition is to get as far away from that as possible. As much as we dislike him, Ty has a lot of connections with major R&B artists across the industry. His attitudes and behaviours are disgusting, but for some reason he’s well regarded across that specific genre. The Label tumblr:camrenexposed is trying to disassociate Lauren from her younger fans, and set her up with a more mature and developed fandom. Hence pairing her up with someone like Ty. They’re doing the tumblr:camrenexposed opposite with Camila. Camila’s team are encouraging that all age fan base and it’s well working. The thing with Lauren is, only ‘Fifth Harmony’ fans KNOW who she is and what she stands for. People outside our fan base don’t have a clue. Therefore, the media is buying and promoting it, because they don’t see any wrong in Lauren, but we see her as going against what she’s preached to us all for the past 5 years.

 Interactions between the two are blatantly staged. When one uploads a picture, the other has to evidence fans that they are together. So the Lauren update accounts, and the Tyren accounts then confirm this to fans. It gets people talking and speculating. Now, by all means correct me if I’m wrong, but if you’re the private person we all know that Lauren is, there’s no way she would be uploading videos/pictures of her and her respectful partner all over tumblr:camrenexposed social media. These pictures are HQ and the same picture is being posted on both accounts, just hours apart. Where’s all the cute/candid shit that real couples post on social media? There isn’t because it isn’t real. Where’s the intimacy and romance in these pictures? They’re clearly faked. At his album release party the other night, he had his back to her half the time and when they interacted it was forced and cringey as fuck. There’s no “love” in their eyes, just a contract.

Yes, Lauren is to blame for her social media presence and who she’s presenting herself as lately BUT she’s doing it for a reason. We’ve got to look at why this reason is, and that’s her unhappiness. From January, we’ve seen her behaviour tumblr:camrenexposed deteriorate to the point where we are at now. Half of me thinks this has A LOT to do with Camila’s departure the other thinks it’s Ty’s influence. What we can’t deny is the time Lauren and Ty spend together for this PR to work. Now, whilst she’s in his company, she has to fit in. Unfortunately, his circle is drug and alcohol fuelled. It’s no secret she’s been using weed for a while, but there’s no doubt in my mind that when she is around Ty and his circle, she’s taking something stronger. In half the pictures, the pair take, they both look completely drugged up. But she’s literally contractually bound to him, she’s giving in to the situation because there’s nothing she can do. That’s fucking sad.

Another point to make, is why have these rumours speculated for months, yet it’s taken the album release for Ty to “confirm” the two being together? It fucking screams PR. He said himself in an interview, he was a private person when it comes to his relationships. If that was the case, why has he mentioned Lauren in tumblr:camrenexposed EVERY SINGLE interview since his album release? Why dos Laurens activity on Instagram undertone her longing and sadness for someone, yet he seems to think they’re “king and queen” of the music industry? It’s so wrong that it’s laughable.

Also, remember when Ty tweeted out this:

 And now he’s tweeting things like this:

His team are using Lauren in the process to try and clean up his image so he’s more appealing to younger/more mainstream fans. In the process of Lauren losing fans, she’s gaining more in the genre and route she wants to take her music down. Because mainstream charts are where all the awards are, remember that. And also remember, awards are competition.

Laurens image is only really damaging within our small fandom, the media see no difference in her. We know Lauren better than we all think. We’ve studied her behaviour and watched her grow for 5 years. We know this isn’t her. If we can’t see this is PR, we’re letting her down and letting the label win. As a strategy, we’re gonna have to ignore it because it’s only gonna get worse. We as fans have predicted things between the two that have come true and been shown. Her mind is her strongest asset, yet it’s her weakest. Let’s not be a part of that weakness.

Most recently today, we’ve got Ty supporting one of Lauren’s close friends Shawn, who has just brought out his first single. Why didn’t he take a picture with Shawn when they’ve met on countless occasions at Label/Award show after parties and gigs? He’s never promoted him before so why now after Lauren posted about him? 

A few more pointers:

  • Why hasn’t Ty helped promote Dinah’s individual song with French Montana and Daddy Yankee? 
  • Why didn’t Ty promote Ally’s solo song with Lost Kings?
  • Why didn’t Ty promote any of Camila’s solo music, regardless of her leaving the group, he still did a song with her?
  • Why didn’t Ty promote Lauren’s interview with OUT magazine, where she addressed her sexuality?
  • Why is Ty’s acknowledgement of the group through Lauren and not directly to the girls?
  • Why didn’t Ty promote or support Lauren and Halsey’s ‘Strangers’ performance on GMA?

Final thought. If this was a genuine relationship, do you really think we’d predict their next move? 

Unfollow, but never unstan. 

Help. I’ve fallen hard for Mystic Messenger and I can’t get up. 

I’m one of those fans who have multiple MCs, cause damn they all deserve to be happy. It’s just more fun that way for me ^-^ In all my MM headcanons, art, and fanfics- I always use these girls. 

How their story works is that Unknown has 5 different girls to choose to send to the RFA, and whichever member he wants to manipulate determines which girl he chooses to be the party planner (and therefore determining what route the player is on.) All 5 of them were specifically chosen because Unknown knew they would have the most significant influence on their target RFA member.

If you want to know who they are and read more about them, just continue under the cut!

Keep reading

Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers

** I decided to just post this directly on the blog because I believe every person who has an abusive mother should read this.

1. Everything she does is deniable.

There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern. She only wants what is best for you. She only wants to help you.

She rarely says right out that she thinks you’re inadequate. Instead, any time that you tell her you’ve done something good, she counters with something your sibling did that was better or she simply ignores you or she hears you out without saying anything, then in a short time does something cruel to you so you understand not to get above yourself. She will carefully separate cause (your joy in your accomplishment) from effect (refusing to let you borrow the car to go to the awards ceremony) by enough time that someone who didn’t live through her abuse would never believe the connection.

Many of her putdowns are simply by comparison. She’ll talk about how wonderful someone else is or what a wonderful job they did on something you’ve also done or how highly she thinks of them. The contrast is left up to you. She has let you know that you’re no good without saying a word. She’ll spoil your pleasure in something by simply congratulating you for it in an angry, envious voice that conveys how unhappy she is, again, completely deniably. It is impossible to confront someone over their tone of voice, their demeanor or the way they look at you, but once your narcissistic mother has you trained, she can promise terrible punishment without a word. As a result, you’re always afraid, always in the wrong, and can never exactly put your finger on why.

Because her abusiveness is part of a lifelong campaign of control and because she is careful to rationalize her abuse, it is extremely difficult to explain to other people what is so bad about her. She’s also careful about when and how she engages in her abuses. She’s very secretive, a characteristic of almost all abusers (“Don’t wash our dirty laundry in public!”) and will punish you for telling anyone else what she’s done. The times and locations of her worst abuses are carefully chosen so that no one who might intervene will hear or see her bad behavior, and she will seem like a completely different person in public. She’ll slam you to other people, but will always embed her devaluing nuggets of snide gossip in protestations of concern, love and understanding (“I feel so sorry for poor Cynthia. She always seems to have such a hard time, but I just don’t know what I can do for her!”) As a consequence the children of narcissists universally report that no one believes them (“I have to tell you that she always talks about YOU in the most caring way!). Unfortunately therapists, given the deniable actions of the narcissist and eager to defend a fellow parent, will often jump to the narcissist’s defense as well, reinforcing your sense of isolation and helplessness ("I’m sure she didn’t mean it like that!”)


2. She violates your boundaries.

You feel like an extension of her. Your property is given away without your consent, sometimes in front of you. Your food is eaten off your plate or given to others off your plate. Your property may be repossessed and no reason given other than that it was never yours. Your time is committed without consulting you, and opinions purported to be yours are expressed for you. (She LOVES going to the fair! He would never want anything like that. She wouldn’t like kumquats.) You are discussed in your presence as though you are not there. She keeps tabs on your bodily functions and humiliates you by divulging the information she gleans, especially when it can be used to demonstrate her devotion and highlight her martyrdom to your needs (“Mike had that problem with frequent urination too, only his was much worse. I was so worried about him!”) You have never known what it is like to have privacy in the bathroom or in your bedroom, and she goes through your things regularly. She asks nosy questions, snoops into your email/letters/diary/conversations. She will want to dig into your feelings, particularly painful ones and is always looking for negative information on you which can be used against you. She does things against your expressed wishes frequently. All of this is done without seeming embarrassment or thought.

Any attempt at autonomy on your part is strongly resisted. Normal rites of passage (learning to shave, wearing makeup, dating) are grudgingly allowed only if you insist, and you’re punished for your insistence (“Since you’re old enough to date, I think you’re old enough to pay for your own clothes!”) If you demand age-appropriate clothing, grooming, control over your own life, or rights, you are difficult and she ridicules your “independence.”


3. She favoritizes.

Narcissistic mothers commonly choose one (sometimes more) child to be the golden child and one (sometimes more) to be the scapegoat. The narcissist identifies with the golden child and provides privileges to him or her as long as the golden child does just as she wants. The golden child has to be cared for assiduously by everyone in the family. The scapegoat has no needs and instead gets to do the caring. The golden child can do nothing wrong. The scapegoat is always at fault. This creates divisions between the children, one of whom has a large investment in the mother being wise and wonderful, and the other(s) who hate her. That division will be fostered by the narcissist with lies and with blatantly unfair and favoritizing behavior. The golden child will defend the mother and indirectly perpetuate the abuse by finding reasons to blame the scapegoat for the mother’s actions. The golden child may also directly take on the narcissistic mother’s tasks by physically abusing the scapegoat so the narcissistic mother doesn’t have to do that herself.


4. She undermines.

Your accomplishments are acknowledged only to the extent that she can take credit for them. Any success or accomplishment for which she cannot take credit is ignored or diminished. Any time you are to be center stage and there is no opportunity for her to be the center of attention, she will try to prevent the occasion altogether, or she doesn’t come, or she leaves early, or she acts like it’s no big deal, or she steals the spotlight or she slips in little wounding comments about how much better someone else did or how what you did wasn’t as much as you could have done or as you think it is. She undermines you by picking fights with you or being especially unpleasant just before you have to make a major effort. She acts put out if she has to do anything to support your opportunities or will outright refuse to do even small things in support of you. She will be nasty to you about things that are peripherally connected with your successes so that you find your joy in what you’ve done is tarnished, without her ever saying anything directly about it. No matter what your success, she has to take you down a peg about it.


5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates.

She lets you know in all sorts of little ways that she thinks less of you than she does of your siblings or of other people in general. If you complain about mistreatment by someone else, she will take that person’s side even if she doesn’t know them at all. She doesn’t care about those people or the justice of your complaints. She just wants to let you know that you’re never right.

She will deliver generalized barbs that are almost impossible to rebut (always in a loving, caring tone): “You were always difficult” “You can be very difficult to love” “You never seemed to be able to finish anything” “You were very hard to live with” “You’re always causing trouble” “No one could put up with the things you do.” She will deliver slams in a sidelong way - for example she’ll complain about how “no one” loves her, does anything for her, or cares about her, or she’ll complain that “everyone” is so selfish, when you’re the only person in the room. As always, this combines criticism with deniability.

She will slip little comments into conversation that she really enjoyed something she did with someone else - something she did with you too, but didn’t like as much. She’ll let you know that her relationship with some other person you both know is wonderful in a way your relationship with her isn’t - the carefully unspoken message being that you don’t matter much to her.

She minimizes, discounts or ignores your opinions and experiences. Your insights are met with condescension, denials and accusations (“I think you read too much!”) and she will brush off your information even on subjects on which you are an acknowledged expert. Whatever you say is met with smirks and amused sounding or exaggerated exclamations (“Uh hunh!” “You don’t say!” “Really!”). She’ll then make it clear that she didn’t listen to a word you said.


6. She makes you look crazy.

If you try to confront her about something she’s done, she’ll tell you that you have “a very vivid imagination” (this is a phrase commonly used by abusers of all sorts to invalidate your experience of their abuse) that you don’t know what you’re talking about, or that she has no idea what you’re talking about. She will claim not to remember even very memorable events, flatly denying they ever happened, nor will she ever acknowledge any possibility that she might have forgotten. This is an extremely aggressive and exceptionally infuriating tactic called “gaslighting,” common to abusers of all kinds. Your perceptions of reality are continually undermined so that you end up without any confidence in your intuition, your memory or your powers of reasoning. This makes you a much better victim for the abuser.

Narcissists gaslight routinely. The narcissist will either insinuate or will tell you outright that you’re unstable, otherwise you wouldn’t believe such ridiculous things or be so uncooperative. You’re oversensitive. You’re imagining things. You’re hysterical. You’re completely unreasonable. You’re over-reacting, like you always do. She’ll talk to you when you’ve calmed down and aren’t so irrational. She may even characterize you as being neurotic or psychotic.

Once she’s constructed these fantasies of your emotional pathologies, she’ll tell others about them, as always, presenting her smears as expressions of concern and declaring her own helpless victimhood. She didn’t do anything. She has no idea why you’re so irrationally angry with her. You’ve hurt her terribly. She thinks you may need psychotherapy. She loves you very much and would do anything to make you happy, but she just doesn’t know what to do. You keep pushing her away when all she wants to do is help you.

She has simultaneously absolved herself of any responsibility for your obvious antipathy towards her, implied that it’s something fundamentally wrong with you that makes you angry with her, and undermined your credibility with her listeners. She plays the role of the doting mother so perfectly that no one will believe you.


7. She’s envious.

Any time you get something nice she’s angry and envious and her envy will be apparent when she admires whatever it is. She’ll try to get it from you, spoil it for you, or get the same or better for herself. She’s always working on ways to get what other people have. The envy of narcissistic mothers often includes competing sexually with their daughters or daughters-in-law. They’ll attempt to forbid their daughters to wear makeup, to groom themselves in an age-appropriate way or to date. They will criticize the appearance of their daughters and daughters-in-law. This envy extends to relationships. Narcissistic mothers infamously attempt to damage their children’s marriages and interfere in the upbringing of their grandchildren.


8. She’s a liar in too many ways to count.

Any time she talks about something that has emotional significance for her, it’s a fair bet that she’s lying. Lying is one way that she creates conflict in the relationships and lives of those around her - she’ll lie to them about what other people have said, what they’ve done, or how they feel. She’ll lie about her relationship with them, about your behavior or about your situation in order to inflate herself and to undermine your credibility.

The narcissist is very careful about how she lies. To outsiders she’ll lie thoughtfully and deliberately, always in a way that can be covered up if she’s confronted with her lie. She spins what you said rather than makes something up wholesale. She puts dishonest interpretations on things you actually did. If she’s recently done something particularly egregious she may engage in preventative lying: she lies in advance to discount what you might say before you even say it. Then when you talk about what she did you’ll be cut off with “I already know all about it…your mother told me… (self-justifications and lies).” Because she is so careful about her deniability, it may be very hard to catch her in her lies and the more gullible of her friends may never realize how dishonest she is.

To you, she’ll lie blatantly. She will claim to be unable to remember bad things she has done, even if she did one of them recently and even if it was something very memorable. Of course, if you try to jog her memory by recounting the circumstances “You have a very vivid imagination” or “That was so long ago. Why do you have to dredge up your old grudges?” Your conversations with her are full of casual brush-offs and diversionary lies and she doesn’t respect you enough to bother making it sound good. For example she’ll start with a self-serving lie: “If I don’t take you as a dependent on my taxes I’ll lose three thousand dollars!” You refute her lie with an obvious truth: “No, three thousand dollars is the amount of the dependent exemption. You’ll only lose about eight hundred dollars.” Her response: “Isn’t that what I said?” You are now in a game with only one rule: You can’t win.

On the rare occasions she is forced to acknowledge some bad behavior, she will couch the admission deniably. She “guesses” that “maybe” she “might have” done something wrong. The wrongdoing is always heavily spun and trimmed to make it sound better. The words “I guess,” “maybe,” and “might have” are in and of themselves lies because she knows exactly what she did - no guessing, no might haves, no maybes.


9. She has to be the center of attention all the time.

This need is a defining trait of narcissists and particularly of narcissistic mothers for whom their children exist to be sources of attention and adoration. Narcissistic mothers love to be waited on and often pepper their children with little requests. “While you’re up…” or its equivalent is one of their favorite phrases. You couldn’t just be assigned a chore at the beginning of the week or of the day, instead, you had to do it on demand, preferably at a time that was inconvenient for you, or you had to “help” her do it, fetching and carrying for her while she made up to herself for the menial work she had to do as your mother by glorying in your attentions.

A narcissistic mother may create odd occasions at which she can be the center of attention, such as memorials for someone close to her who died long ago, or major celebrations of small personal milestones. She may love to entertain so she can be the life of her own party. She will try to steal the spotlight or will try to spoil any occasion where someone else is the center of attention, particularly the child she has cast as the scapegoat. She often invites herself along where she isn’t welcome. If she visits you or you visit her, you are required to spend all your time with her. Entertaining herself is unthinkable. She has always pouted, manipulated or raged if you tried to do anything without her, didn’t want to entertain her, refused to wait on her, stymied her plans for a drama or otherwise deprived her of attention.

Older narcissistic mothers often use the natural limitations of aging to manipulate dramas, often by neglecting their health or by doing things they know will make them ill. This gives them the opportunity to cash in on the investment they made when they trained you to wait on them as a child. Then they call you (or better still, get the neighbor or the nursing home administrator to call you) demanding your immediate attendance. You are to rush to her side, pat her hand, weep over her pain and listen sympathetically to her unending complaints about how hard and awful it is. (“Never get old!”) It’s almost never the case that you can actually do anything useful, and the causes of her disability may have been completely avoidable, but you’ve been put in an extremely difficult position. If you don’t provide the audience and attention she’s manipulating to get, you look extremely bad to everyone else and may even have legal culpability. (Narcissistic behaviors commonly accompany Alzheimer’s disease, so this behavior may also occur in perfectly normal mothers as they age.)


10. She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.

This exceptionally sick and bizarre behavior is so common among narcissistic mothers that their children often call them “emotional vampires.” Some of this emotional feeding comes in the form of pure sadism. She does and says things just to be wounding or she engages in tormenting teasing or she needles you about things you’re sensitive about, all the while a smile plays over her lips. She may have taken you to scary movies or told you horrifying stories, then mocked you for being a baby when you cried; she will slip a wounding comment into conversation and smile delightedly into your hurt face. You can hear the laughter in her voice as she pressures you or says distressing things to you. Later she’ll gloat over how much she upset you, gaily telling other people that you’re so much fun to tease, and recruiting others to share in her amusement. . She enjoys her cruelties and makes no effort to disguise that. She wants you to know that your pain entertains her. She may bring up subjects that are painful for you and probe you about them, all the while watching you carefully. This is emotional vampirism in its purest form. She’s feeding emotionally off your pain.

A peculiar form of this emotional vampirism combines attention-seeking behavior with a demand that the audience suffer. Since narcissistic mothers often play the martyr this may take the form of wrenching, self-pitying dramas which she carefully produces, and in which she is the star performer. She sobs and wails that no one loves her and everyone is so selfish, and she doesn’t want to live, she wants to die! She wants to die! She will not seem to care how much the manipulation of their emotions and the self-pity repels other people. One weird behavior that is very common to narcissists: her dramas may also center around the tragedies of other people, often relating how much she suffered by association and trying to distress her listeners, as she cries over the horrible murder of someone she wouldn’t recognize if they had passed her on the street.


11. She’s selfish and willful.

She always makes sure she has the best of everything. She insists on having her own way all the time and she will ruthlessly, manipulatively pursue it, even if what she wants isn’t worth all the effort she’s putting into it and even if that effort goes far beyond normal behavior. She will make a huge effort to get something you denied her, even if it was entirely your right to do so and even if her demand was selfish and unreasonable. If you tell her she cannot bring her friends to your party she will show up with them anyway, and she will have told them that they were invited so that you either have to give in, or be the bad guy to these poor dupes on your doorstep. If you tell her she can’t come over to your house tonight she’ll call your spouse and try get him or her to agree that she can, and to not say anything to you about it because it’s a “surprise.” She has to show you that you can’t tell her “no.”

One near-universal characteristic of narcissists: because they are so selfish and self-centered, they are very bad gift givers. They’ll give you hand-me-downs or market things for themselves as gifts for you (“I thought I’d give you my old bicycle and buy myself a new one!” “I know how much you love Italian food, so I’m going to take you to my favorite restaurant for your birthday!”) New gifts are often obviously cheap and are usually things that don’t suit you or that you can’t use or are a quid pro quo: if you buy her the gift she wants, she will buy you an item of your choice. She’ll make it clear that it pains her to give you anything. She may buy you a gift and get the identical item for herself, or take you shopping for a gift and get herself something nice at the same time to make herself feel better.


12. She’s self-absorbed.

Her feelings, needs and wants are very important; yours are insignificant to the point that her least whim takes precedence over your most basic needs. Her problems deserve your immediate and full attention; yours are brushed aside. Her wishes always take precedence; if she does something for you, she reminds you constantly of her munificence in doing so and will often try to extract some sort of payment. She will complain constantly, even though your situation may be much worse than hers. If you point that out, she will effortlessly, thoughtlessly brush it aside as of no importance (It’s easy for you… / It’s different for you…).


13. She is insanely defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism.

If you criticize her or defy her she will explode with fury, threaten, storm, rage, destroy and may become violent, beating, confining, putting her child outdoors in bad weather or otherwise engaging in classic physical abuse.


14. She terrorizes.

For all abusers, fear is a powerful means of control of the victim, and your narcissistic mother used it ruthlessly to train you. Narcissists teach you to beware their wrath even when they aren’t present. The only alternative is constant placation. If you give her everything she wants all the time, you might be spared. If you don’t, the punishments will come. Even adult children of narcissists still feel that carefully inculcated fear. Your narcissistic mother can turn it on with a silence or a look that tells the child in you she’s thinking about how she’s going to get even.

Not all narcissists abuse physically, but most do, often in subtle, deniable ways. It allows them to vent their rage at your failure to be the solution to their internal havoc and simultaneously to teach you to fear them. You may not have been beaten, but you were almost certainly left to endure physical pain when a normal mother would have made an effort to relieve your misery. This deniable form of battery allows her to store up her rage and dole out the punishment at a later time when she’s worked out an airtight rationale for her abuse, so she never risks exposure. You were left hungry because “you eat too much.” (Someone asked her if she was pregnant. She isn’t). You always went to school with stomach flu because “you don’t have a fever. You’re just trying to get out of school.” (She resents having to take care of you. You have a lot of nerve getting sick and adding to her burdens.) She refuses to look at your bloody heels and instead the shoes that wore those blisters on your heels are put back on your feet and you’re sent to the store in them because “You wanted those shoes. Now you can wear them.” (You said the ones she wanted to get you were ugly. She liked them because they were just like what she wore 30 years ago). The dentist was told not to give you Novocain when he drilled your tooth because “he has to learn to take better care of his teeth.” (She has to pay for a filling and she’s furious at having to spend money on you.)

Narcissistic mothers also abuse by loosing others on you or by failing to protect you when a normal mother would have. Sometimes the narcissist’s golden child will be encouraged to abuse the scapegoat. Narcissists also abuse by exposing you to violence. If one of your siblings got beaten, she made sure you saw. She effortlessly put the fear of Mom into you, without raising a hand.


15. She’s infantile and petty.

Narcissistic mothers are often simply childish. If you refuse to let her manipulate you into doing something, she will cry that you don’t love her because if you loved her you would do as she wanted. If you hurt her feelings she will aggressively whine to you that you’ll be sorry when she’s dead that you didn’t treat her better. These babyish complaints and responses may sound laughable, but the narcissist is dead serious about them. When you were a child, if you ask her to stop some bad behavior, she would justify it by pointing out something that you did that she feels is comparable, as though the childish behavior of a child is justification for the childish behavior of an adult. “Getting even” is a large part of her dealings with you. Anytime you fail to give her the deference, attention or service she feels she deserves, or you thwart her wishes, she has to show you.


16. She’s aggressive and shameless.

She doesn’t ask. She demands. She makes outrageous requests and she’ll take anything she wants if she thinks she can get away with it. Her demands of her children are posed in a very aggressive way, as are her criticisms. She won’t take no for an answer, pushing and arm-twisting and manipulating to get you to give in.


17. She “parentifies.”

She shed her responsibilities to you as soon as she was able, leaving you to take care of yourself as best you could. She denied you medical care, adequate clothing, necessary transportation or basic comforts that she would never have considered giving up for herself. She never gave you a birthday party or let you have sleepovers. Your friends were never welcome in her house. She didn’t like to drive you anywhere, so you turned down invitations because you had no way to get there. She wouldn’t buy your school pictures even if she could easily have afforded it. You had a niggardly clothing allowance or she bought you the cheapest clothing she could without embarrassing herself. As soon as you got a job, every request for school supplies, clothing or toiletries was met with “Now that you’re making money, why don’t you pay for that yourself?” You studied up on colleges on your own and choose a cheap one without visiting it. You signed yourself up for the SATs, earned the money to pay for them and talked someone into driving you to the test site. You worked three jobs to pay for that cheap college and when you finally got mononucleosis she chirped at you that she was “so happy you could take care of yourself.”

She also gave you tasks that were rightfully hers and should not have been placed on a child. You may have been a primary caregiver for young siblings or an incapacitated parent. You may have had responsibility for excessive household tasks. Above all, you were always her emotional caregiver which is one reason any defection from that role caused such enormous eruptions of rage. You were never allowed to be needy or have bad feelings or problems. Those experiences were only for her, and you were responsible for making it right for her. From the time you were very young she would randomly lash out at you any time she was stressed or angry with your father or felt that life was unfair to her, because it made her feel better to hurt you. You were often punished out of the blue, for manufactured offenses. As you got older she directly placed responsibility for her welfare and her emotions on you, weeping on your shoulder and unloading on you any time something went awry for her.


18. She’s exploitative.

She will manipulate to get work, money, or objects she envies out of other people for nothing. This includes her children, of course. If she set up a bank account for you, she was trustee on the account with the right to withdraw money. As you put money into it, she took it out. She may have stolen your identity. She took you as a dependent on her income taxes so you couldn’t file independently without exposing her to criminal penalties. If she made an agreement with you, it was violated the minute it no longer served her needs. If you brought it up demanding she adhere to the agreement, she brushed you off and later punished you so you would know not to defy her again.

Sometimes the narcissist will exploit a child to absorb punishment that would have been hers from an abusive partner. The husband comes home in a drunken rage, and the mother immediately complains about the child’s bad behavior so the rage is vented on to the child. Sometimes the narcissistic mother simply uses the child to keep a sick marriage intact because the alternative is being divorced or having to go to work. The child is sexually molested but the mother never notices, or worse, calls the child a liar when she tells the mother about the molestation.


19. She projects.

This sounds a little like psycho-babble, but it is something that narcissists all do. Projection means that she will put her own bad behavior, character and traits on you so she can deny them in herself and punish you. This can be very difficult to see if you have traits that she can project on to. An eating-disordered woman who obsesses over her daughter’s weight is projecting. The daughter may not realize it because she has probably internalized an absurdly thin vision of women’s weight and so accepts her mother’s projection. When the narcissist tells the daughter that she eats too much, needs to exercise more, or has to wear extra-large size clothes, the daughter believes it, even if it isn’t true. However, she will sometimes project even though it makes no sense at all. This happens when she feels shamed and needs to put it on her scapegoat child and the projection therefore comes across as being an attack out of the blue. For example: She makes an outrageous request, and you casually refuse to let her have her way. She’s enraged by your refusal and snarls at you that you’ll talk about it when you’ve calmed down and are no longer hysterical.

You aren’t hysterical at all; she is, but your refusal has made her feel the shame that should have stopped her from making shameless demands in the first place. That’s intolerable. She can transfer that shame to you and rationalize away your response: you only refused her because you’re so unreasonable. Having done that she can reassert her shamelessness and indulge her childish willfulness by turning an unequivocal refusal into a subject for further discussion. You’ll talk about it again “later” - probably when she’s worn you down with histrionics, pouting and the silent treatment so you’re more inclined to do what she wants.


20. She is never wrong about anything.

No matter what she’s done, she won’t ever genuinely apologize for anything. Instead, any time she feels she is being made to apologize she will sulk and pout, issue an insulting apology or negate the apology she has just made with justifications, qualifications or self pity: “I’m sorry you felt that I humiliated you” “I’m sorry if I made you feel bad” “If I did that it was wrong” “I’m sorry, but I there’s nothing I can do about it” “I’m sorry I made you feel clumsy, stupid and disgusting” “I’m sorry but it was just a joke. You’re so over-sensitive” “I’m sorry that my own child feels she has to upset me and make me feel bad.” The last insulting apology is also an example of projection.


21. She seems to have no awareness that other people even have feelings.

She’ll occasionally slip and say something jaw-droppingly callous because of this lack of empathy. It isn’t that she doesn’t care at all about other people’s feelings, though she doesn’t. It would simply never occur to her to think about their feelings. An absence of empathy is the defining trait of a narcissist and underlies most of the other traits I have described. Unlike psychopaths, narcissists do understand right, wrong, and consequences, so they are not ordinarily criminal. She beat you, but not to the point where you went to the hospital. She left you standing out in the cold until you were miserable, but not until you had hypothermia. She put you in the basement in the dark with no clothes on, but she only left you there for two hours.


22. She blames.

She’ll blame you for everything that isn’t right in her life or for what other people do or for whatever has happened. Always, she’ll blame you for her abuse. You made her do it. If only you weren’t so difficult. You upset her so much that she can’t think straight. Things were hard for her and your backtalk pushed her over the brink. This blaming is often so subtle that all you know is that you thought you were wronged and now you feel guilty. Your brother beats you and her response is to bemoan how uncivilized children are. Your boyfriend dumped you, but she can understand - after all, she herself has seen how difficult you are to love. She’ll do something egregiously exploitative to you, and when confronted will screech at you that she can’t believe you were so selfish as to upset her over such a trivial thing. She’ll also blame you for your reaction to her selfish, cruel and exploitative behavior. She can’t believe you are so petty, so small, and so childish as to object to her giving your favorite dress to her friend. She thought you would be happy to let her do something nice for someone else.

Narcissists are masters of multitasking as this example shows. Simultaneously your narcissistic mother is
Lying. She knows what she did was wrong and she knows your reaction is reasonable.
Manipulating. She’s making you look like the bad guy for objecting to her cruelties.
Being selfish. She doesn’t mind making you feel horrible as long as she gets her own way.
Blaming. She did something wrong, but it’s all your fault.
Projecting. Her petty, small and childish behavior has become yours.
Putting on a self-pitying drama. She’s a martyr who believed the best of you, and you’ve let her down.
Parentifying. You’re responsible for her feelings, she has no responsibility for yours.


23. She destroys your relationships.

Narcissistic mothers are like tornadoes: wherever they touch down families are torn apart and wounds are inflicted. Unless the father has control over the narcissist and holds the family together, adult siblings in families with narcissistic mothers characteristically have painful relationships. Typically all communication between siblings is superficial and driven by duty, or they may never talk to each other at all. In part, these women foster dissension between their children because they enjoy the control it gives them. If those children don’t communicate except through the mother, she can decide what everyone hears. Narcissists also love the excitement and drama they create by interfering in their children’s lives. Watching people’s lives explode is better than soap operas, especially when you don’t have any empathy for their misery.

The narcissist nurtures anger, contempt and envy - the most corrosive emotions - to drive her children apart. While her children are still living at home, any child who stands up to the narcissist guarantees punishment for the rest. In her zest for revenge, the narcissist purposefully turns the siblings’ anger on the dissenter by including everyone in her retaliation. (“I can see that nobody here loves me! Well I’ll just take these Christmas presents back to the store. None of you would want anything I got you anyway!”) The other children, long trained by the narcissist to give in, are furious with the troublemaking child, instead of with the narcissist who actually deserves their anger.

The narcissist also uses favoritism and gossip to poison her childrens’ relationships. The scapegoat sees the mother as a creature of caprice and cruelty. As is typical of the privileged, the other children don’t see her unfairness and they excuse her abuses. Indeed, they are often recruited by the narcissist to adopt her contemptuous and entitled attitude towards the scapegoat and with her tacit or explicit permission, will inflict further abuse. The scapegoat predictably responds with fury and equal contempt. After her children move on with adult lives, the narcissist makes sure to keep each apprised of the doings of the others, passing on the most discreditable and juicy gossip (as always, disguised as “concern”) about the other children, again, in a way that engenders contempt rather than compassion.

Having been raised by a narcissist, her children are predisposed to be envious, and she takes full advantage of the opportunity that presents. While she may never praise you to your face, she will likely crow about your victories to the very sibling who is not doing well. She’ll tell you about the generosity she displayed towards that child, leaving you wondering why you got left out and irrationally angry at the favored child rather than at the narcissist who told you about it.

The end result is a family in which almost all communication is triangular. The narcissist, the spider in the middle of the family web, sensitively monitors all the children for information she can use to retain her unchallenged control over the family. She then passes that on to the others, creating the resentments that prevent them from communicating directly and freely with each other. The result is that the only communication between the children is through the narcissist, exactly the way she wants it.


24. As a last resort she goes pathetic.

When she’s confronted with unavoidable consequences for her own bad behavior, including your anger, she will melt into a soggy puddle of weepy helplessness. It’s all her fault. She can’t do anything right. She feels so bad. What she doesn’t do: own the responsibility for her bad conduct and make it right. Instead, as always, it’s all about her, and her helpless self-pitying weepiness dumps the responsibility for her consequences AND for her unhappiness about it on you. As so often with narcissists, it is also a manipulative behavior. If you fail to excuse her bad behavior and make her feel better, YOU are the bad person for being cold, heartless and unfeeling when your poor mother feels so awful.

Steele Rose

Where you’re his ex-girlfriend and you see his new girlfriend wearing your t-shirt

Part 1

Masterlist linked in bio


Growing up, people told Y/n that you could die from a broken heart—that the stress on your heartstrings could weaken, and all that’s left is the pain in your chest.

Y/n thought her heart would fail her, rupture all that’s left of her and leave her body to decompose. She believed that, if her broken heart wasn’t going to kill her, loneliness and lack of sleep would push her towards her end.

Moving on—something that seemed so simple yet so impossible for Y/n to do.

When the hurt in her chest and the hallucinations from exhaustion started to become too much for her to handle, she was willing to do anything to help herself. She started taking up yoga sessions, started writing music, even started cooking in an attempt to bring herself back from whatever hell she was in.

She even considered moving on—meeting a man at a bar and getting to know more about him rather than his drink order. But something seemed so wrong about that—something was unsettled inside of her at the thought of being with someone who wasn’t Harry.

The image of Jessica in Harry and Y/n’s t-shirt was enough to haunt her nearly every hour of the day. She started going mental, constantly wondering what they were doing together in the moments she was most vulnerable. She wondered about their love life, their future, their interests. She thought about everything.

It wasn’t until Gabby was determined to mend the broken girl raiding her house, finding any possible excuse to give her a sense of life again, that Y/n found the slightest bit of hope.

Y/n was losing it entirely, and Gabby refused to continue being a bystander.

Gabby had set Y/n up on a blind date only a couple weeks back, practically begging her to seize every opportunity she possibly can to get over Harry. It was all Gabby could do to help her, considering nothing quite helped Y/n’s well-being since the breakup.


“Oh, he’s just so perfect!” Gabby squealed, clapping her hands before gripping tightly around Y/n’s wrists in excitement. “He’s gorgeous! Amazing blue eyes—breathtaking, really! And he’s so sweet, Y/n! I haven’t met a single person who’s disliked him and he’s such an amazing photographer! And his teeth! His teeth are marvelous! Do you know how hard it is nowadays to find a man with nice teeth? I mean—“

By then, Y/n had dozed off, and it wasn’t for any personal reason against Gabby; she’s appreciated every bit of hard work to help her through the heartbreak Y/n’s been dealing with nearly half of a year now. It’s just that she wasn’t ready to move on, not that she didn’t want to.

It had been nearly five months, which may seem like such an abundance of time to rid feelings for somebody, but did time really help moving on from someone she’d planned to spend the rest of her life with? It seemed nearly impossible. She could barely see herself looking at other men in a romantic sense, how could she see herself going on a date with somebody? Especially when she was still in love with somebody else?

She was biting the bullet with letting time heal her, but she felt that was the only way. Nothing more could help her. If anything, she believed dating would make it worse, if she were being honest.

But the look of excitement Gabby had at the mere thought of Y/n being happy again was something Y/n found nearly impossible to resist. Besides, she had definitely been overstaying her welcome at Gabby’s house no matter how much Gabby’s tried to deny it and has put so much stress onto her that maybe, just maybe, doing this one favor for all that she’s done for her.

“So, what do you say?”

Y/n blinked harshly when Gabby’s voice drowned out all the scrambled thoughts in her head, shaking her head slightly to regain her understanding of reality.

“What?”

“Monmouth Coffee Shop at noon tomorrow. Dan really wants to meet you, Y/n! Please!”

Y/n’s eyes widened, snapping her head up to meet Gabby’s hopeful eyes.

“The Monmouth?! Are you crazy?! That’s Harry’s favorite coffee shop, you know that! Dan and Harry probably know each other, that’s how much he goes there!”

Gabby’s eyes narrowed as her lips pursed, gaze directing toward the ceiling in thought.

“Harry? Harry who? I don’t remember who that is, never heard that name in my life.”

Her tone reeked with sarcasm, which made Y/n’s eyes nearly roll to the back of her head. As much as she wished Gabby’s negative remarks about Harry were comedic, there was always something about them that infuriated her. She always supposed it was the instinctual aspect of loving someone so much.

Gabby sighed as she reached her hand up to rub Y/n’s shoulder gently.

“Look,” she began, “you’re my best friend and I hate seeing you like this. You’re not the same Y/n I always knew, and I think you see yourself that way, too. And in all honesty, I don’t give a fuck about Harry anymore. As sadistic and twisted as it sounds, I don’t care about his emotions, or how he feels. He did this to you. He killed a part of you and I feel it’s my obligation to help you through this. So, please, go out with Dan tomorrow. He works at Monmouth, he’ll meet you before his shift starts at 1:30.”

Gabby’s arm slid off of Y/n’s shoulder at the shadow of uncertainty behind her eyes. Even though Gabby understood all the pain and hesitation, she didn’t want to see Y/n suffer another day. She just couldn’t.

“Please,” she whimpered, “Dan has been the only sense of hope I’ve gotten to make you happy again. Just do this one thing, please? And if it doesn’t work, then you can blame me. I’m just trying here.”

Y/n coughed slightly, her inability to say no wearing off of her at Gabby’s desperate pleads. It was an opportunity to turn things back around in her life, and if it didn’t go as planned, she really didn’t have anything more to lose.

She nods her head softly.

“Yeah—yeah, okay. I’ll meet him.”

Maybe this would be good for her.


Dan is lovely, always caring for Y/n and making sure she feels like royalty whenever she’s around. He puts her first, in everything, and made her start to feel somewhat alive again.

It’s cute, really, how effortless he is at giving someone so much attention. Y/n likes it—loves it, even, but it still never feels right to her. She sees something with him, but nothing long term, not in the way she sees Harry.

But he’s good for her now—when she’s at her worst and needs someone to be there for her. He’s able to provide her with the company she desperately needs in order to cure the possible fatalities that came with her broken heart.

“Thank you for the coffee, it was great.” Y/n smiles softly, her cheeks blushing slightly as she traces the rim of her coffee cup.

It’s nearly their tenth date, and they still meet at the Monmouth in the afternoon right before his shift starts. It’s become a routine for them, going out together before Dan drops her off at the parking station. It became something they both looked forward to throughout their week, and soon became more of a tradition between them.

Dan grins, almost instinctively wrapping his arms around Y/n’s shoulders so that her head makes rest on his chest. He sighs, pressing a small kiss to the top of her head before resting his chin where his lips once were.

“Of course. I’ll be getting out at around 6 o‘clock so maybe I can stop by for a few? Maybe watch a movie?”

He knows the answer before she says it—his constant attempts to get closer to her always seeming to fail. There’s always a hesitation, or always an excuse to prevent them from being alone together.

He’s well aware that there are parts of her that need to be fixed, still being completely destructed by her ex-lover. He’s tried tirelessly to get her to open up and to trust him, but there’s a thick barrier still in their way of each other. It disheartens him, to know she refuses to let him in.

She sighs, guilt evident in her breath as she softly pushes away from him.

She does that often, he’s noticed it.

She feels horrible for doing so every time. Everything between them has remained stagnant, nothing being built so that nothing could be knocked down. It’s not that Y/n doesn’t trust him, it’s that Y/n doesn’t trust herself. She’s still in love with someone else, and she can’t hurt Dan—not in that way.

“I think I’m just going to—“

“Yeah, I know.” Dan nods, arms moving to cross at his chest, “I get it. Just like every other time.”

Y/n reaches her shaking fingers to brush her hair behind her ear, guilt flashing in her eyes as she refuses to meet his gaze. She’s familiar with the look he has on his face well enough to know he’s upset again, being constantly shut down by her.

“I’m so sorry, Dan.” She whispers, “But I’m trying. I want to keep trying with you. If you let me.”

He looks unconvinced, as he’s been hearing this for a while now. But something inside of him can’t quit her, no matter how much his intuition tells him she’s a dead end. Maybe he feels sorry for her on a level he’s never felt sorrow for somebody else. No matter how much she hides it, she really does need him. Not in a romantic level, but she does need him to show her that he cares for her and that he’ll always be there. She needs that sense of security, and he’s the only one that can provide it for her.

“Yeah,” he nods, “we can keep trying. It’s okay, I’m here for you.“


Harry had been living in his studio for the past couple of weeks. It certainly wasn’t ideal, but it was much better than sleeping on his and Y/n’s bed—alone.

That’s all he’s felt since their break up—lonely. It’s quite strange, considering Harry had millions of supporters, an entire band throughout his solo career, and producers around him nearly every hour of the day. He used to complain that he never had alone time anymore, that between all the constant traveling and being at the peak of his career, it was hard to find time for himself.

But now, in the midst of everything happening in his life, he wishes to feel that sort of hustle again.

Y/n was the person that kept him grounded through everything. She was the one consistency in his life, which gave him all the more reasons to love her. Whenever he was overwhelmed with the pressure put on him, or feeling homesick during his travels, she was always the one to keep him at bay and give him a sense of clarity.

Home hadn’t become a house, instead, Y/n’s heart. Wherever she was, he felt at home. Even when she was half way across the world, it was her voice that brought him back and reminded him that, no matter how much he missed the walls of familiarity, home was always a phone call away. She gave him that sense of comfort everywhere she went, it was truly amazing.

And when he broke up with Y/n, he didn’t think of how much everything around him would be affected. He thought time would do them best—would help mend the relationship that seemed to be collapsing beneath their feet. Their connections were lost, replaces by uncomfortable silences and unbarring arguments.

He didn’t think of the consequences when he did it. He didn’t think about how lost he’d become, or how he had no place to call home, or how there was no consistency in his life anymore. There were so many aspects of his life that Y/n had given him—so much of them that he didn’t realize until she moved out.

It was the exact reason he started being around Jessica. She was a great distraction, a beautiful woman to take his mind off of everything.

They weren’t much of anything. Nothing about them was exclusive besides what the media saw of them: boyfriend and girlfriend moving in together in London. It was far from the truth, really. He was with her to terminate his dry spell and rid his loneliness, and she was with him because he infatuated her.

He ended it all, though, that same morning Y/n found Jessica wearing their shirt. The entire incident gave him a realization; that nobody could fill his void like Y/n did.

The fear of losing her forever and making her believe he was in love with somebody else was enough to break him out of his selfish ways. She had been waiting for him for months, and when he returned, he wasn’t the same man he was.

Not only did Harry know that Y/n lost all her faith in him—he lost all faith in himself, as well.


“I’m so screwed, Nick. I fucked up everything. Everything.

Harry was laying with his back flat against the studio couch, hands rubbing down his face as he tried to steady his harsh breathing.

It was just after he had run into Y/n at the grocery store, where she had seen Jessica wearing Harry and Y/n’s t-shirt. Although he was practically mute during the encounter, everything hit him at once after Y/n and Gabby walked out.

He called Nick in a hurry, incoherent and completely disoriented from the tears he’d broken down into. Everything he thought would be mended completely fell down on them—all because of him.

“Jessica was wearing the shirt with the—fuck, you know the shirt, and Y/n saw and she was such a mess, Nick. I didn’t even say anything to her, she was practically begging me to say something and I didn’t say a word.”

Nick sat cross-armed on one of the chairs, directly across from Harry. He wished he could have felt remorse seeing Harry in such distress, however, he never agreed with Harry’s actions and made it clear numerous times. In his eyes, this was karma’s ticking time bomb.

“You tend to be a real jackass sometimes, you know that?”

Harry lifted himself up so that he could sit properly. His body slumped against the back of the couch, head rested in his palm as he coughed uncomfortably at Nick’s choice of words.

“You let go of the best thing that’s ever happened to you and then you just move on, as if she meant nothing, and you think you just fucked it all up now? Over a goddamn t-shirt?”

Harry scowled at him.

“I haven’t moved on, and it’s more than just a t-shirt, you know that. That was ours.” Harry defended, glaring over at his direction.

“So why was Jessica wearing it after you fucked her on the bed you and Y/n shared every night for the past three years?”

Something about Nick’s words gave Harry a foul taste in his mouth. As much as he wished Nick didn’t say it in that way, that’s exactly what Harry did, and knowing he had to live with that for the rest of his life made his stomach flip inside of him.

He really did fuck it up. Nothing he did was excusable, nothing he did was forgivable. He betrayed the one woman he loved so dearly—the one woman he’d always consider his soulmate. He really, really fucked it up.

He gulped as he tried to find words to justify himself. There was really nothing he could say.

“She—she had just put it on while I was sleeping and when—when I noticed she just wouldn’t shut up about breakfast and I couldn’t just be like ‘Hey, Jess, could you take off that shirt? That belonged to me and my ex-girlfriend and I don’t appreciate it?’ How could I do that?”

He sighed, leaning his face into the palm of his hands as he looked back onto his experiences with Jessica. Was it all worth it? Was she really worth all of this?

“She means nothing to me, Nick. I lost the girl I love for somebody who doesn’t mean anything to me.” He whispered, “How do I live knowing that?”


It’s nearly two in the afternoon when Harry finally decides to leave his studio. He’s been working on some songs he found himself writing during his free time, something he found therapeutic throughout the past couple of months.

Recording and writing have become the only distractions that seem to work for Harry. Everything else became temporary. Writing out his emotions and singing the words he wishes he could say has been the only sense of closure he’s had in a while.

“Dan! Long time no see!” Harry smiles when he enters Monmouth, a familiar face being something he finds so relieving.

Dan looks up from his register, reaching over the counter to give Harry a hug as he greets him enthusiastically.

“Haven’t seen you in quite a while. On your lunch break?”

Harry nods as his eyes squint, reaching for the back of his neck as he reads over the menu.

“Yeah, kind of in a hurry today if you don’t mind. Can I just get a medium coffee with almond milk, please? And a slice of apple pie, feeling kind of brisk today.”

Dan works his fingers across the cash register, yelling out his order to the barista before making small talk about the weather. Considering Harry hasn’t been seen in Monmouth nearly as much as he used to, they both found it nice to catch up with each other for the short while they’ve been distanced.

When Dan reaches over to give Harry his spare change, an all too familiar silver ring catches his attention immediately. At first glance, he swears his heart stopped beating.

There’s no way, there’s just no way that could be the ring Harry gave to Y/n. Dan and Y/n have never met before, considering she had only visited here a handful of times during Harry’s lunch break. And even then, she would just stand patiently by the door while Harry waited to retrieve his order.

There’s just no way, but the top of the rose has a particular rust on it that resembles Harry’s perfectly—and no matter how long it’s been since he’s seen it, he’ll never forget what it looks like.

Harry’s hand grips onto Dan’s wrist instead of reaching out to grab the spare change laying upon his palm, flipping over his hand to inspect the silver ring snug almost too perfectly around his finger. He’s aggressive, movements harsh and face tight with anger, but at this point in time, the last thing Harry’s worried about is Dan’s slightly intimidated composure.

“Where did you get this?”

Unlike his demeanor, his voice is soft and breaking between each word. There’s an unrecognizable shift in his eyes when he sees the wear and tear Harry knows he caused before gifting it to Y/n. This is most definitely his, and knowing Y/n was the one who gave it to him makes him nearly throw up all the contents in his stomach.

“Girlfriend gave it to me,” Dan smiles “well, not really my girlfriend yet. But you know how they are. I told her I liked it and she insisted I have it.”

Harry swallows the lump in his throat, making him nearly whimper when he opens his mouth to speak.

He’s never felt so much pain before. The breaking that was once only in his heart spread like wildfire across every bone and ligament in his body. It burns, the sudden realization that Y/n has a boyfriend, that Y/n is no longer going to be there—waiting for him—the way he always expected her to be, that Y/n has taken it upon herself to seek revenge on him so that he can feel everything she felt that one Sunday morning at the grocery store.

And it’s then he realizes that this is nothing compared to everything he’s put her through. In his favor, this is just a stupid ring her gave her for her birthday because he loved the way she twisted it around his finger. It didn’t have much value between them, just something small they shared. He couldn’t imagine the hurt he would have now, standing her, if Dan were wearing their Lover t-shirt.

“Wh—What’s her name?”

His voice is in a whisper now, only the slightest bit of hope draining from his body when he hears Dan speak again.

“Y/n. She’s a good girl, you’d like her.”

Harry almost laughs. You’d like her. He has no idea, he’s in love with her.

It’s as if every part of Harry’s body begins to shut down. Maybe it’s from the shock, or the overbearing pain he feels in his chest, but he suddenly begins to feel lightheaded. His muscles turn numb and all his orientation seems to scramble as if he’s intoxicated.

Dan’s eyes narrow when he sees all the color drain from his face, his eyes widened and soaked with tears. He watches as he nearly falls backward, only to balance himself with his foot when he takes a proper step away from the counter.

“Harry? Harry, you alright?”

Never fucking say my name again is the first proper thought that his brain can register. But his throat is tight and his tongue is numb. He attempts to take a breath of air, but he feels like his lungs are collapsing in his chest, preventing him from doing anything besides stumble uncoordinatedly out of the Monmouth doors.

He’s falling apart—that’s exactly what it feels like. He feels like every limb is falling from his body as he walks towards his car. He doesn’t know exactly how he’s moving, even if he’s stumbling on his own two feet and colliding into stranger’s bodies as he does so, he doesn’t understand how his body finds the strength to keep moving.

Y/n moved on. Y/n’s dating Dan. Y/n gave his ring to him. It’s all over, everything is over.

“No” he mumbles frantically, jealously flowing in his veins, chest heaving from the sobs that are threatening to spill out of him, “no, no no no.”

He starts to wonder where he’s missed it, and exactly how long it’s been since Y/n moved on. She was so broken at the grocery store the other week; what could have possibly altered her feelings that quickly? Did Dan really impact her that much?

But that’s his girl. Y/n is his girl, she’s the one he was so sure he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Even with Jessica, even with everything that’s happened, Y/n is his soulmate, and there isn’t anything in the world that can convince him otherwise.

Nobody is going to take her from him. He refuses to believe she belongs to somebody that isn’t him; there isn’t an atom in his body that doubts their companionship.

Before he thinks twice—before he really gives himself a chance to stop himself—Harry slides his cell phone out of his back pocket once he reaches his car. He slumps against the hood as his fingers work furiously across his screen.

There has to be something, at least some sort of proof that this is really happening to him, that this isn’t in a nightmare he can easily wake himself out of. There had to have been a hint, a warning for him to have. She would have never moved on without saying something to him. They were so strong together, she would have never left without closure.

Nothing about it makes sense.

And then, he sees it.

He falls to his knees, hitting the concrete harshly below him. His body gave out from beneath him, his muscles and bones failing him.

It’s there, right in front of him, mocking him and all the shitty decisions he’s made. It’s there—on Y/n’s private Instagram page—a picture of Dan holding Y/n’s hand on top of a table in Monmouth, Harry’s ring wrapped perfectly around his pointer finger.

Steele rose has never looked so good xx.

also if you ever feel alone and like you cant get anything right, even if you think taylor isnt paying attention to you…you know she will never count you out. i havent confirmed with her yet but im pretty sure taylor swift would shrink herself down and body slam every negative thought in your brain about yourself if she could. sometimes you dont need taylor to say she’s there for you as long as you can put on That Song™️ and just FORGET………sometimes that’s almost as good.

We Need To Talk About Ramona Blue:

TO EVERYONE WHO GAVE THIS BOOK ONE STAR WITHOUT READING IT:

First off, know that I am not going away. I am going to stand here and scream this from the rooftops as many times as I have to. Because I am tired of my voice and my story being drowned out. This book tells my story. If I get even one person to at least consider they might be wrong, if even one person buys this book because of me, then I’ve made a difference. 

I respect your opinion and based off of the original synopsis I completely understand why you felt that way - indeed I agree with you. I understand why the initial synopsis made you angry, really I do. The b.s. trope that lesbians (or any LGBT+ girl) can be ‘cured’ by finding the right boy is not just offensive and incorrect, but incredibly, incredibly harmful. And when it’s used as much as it is, it leads to people in the real world justifying their homophobic thoughts with - “I can f**k that girl, she’s secretly straight anyway. I can make her change her mind. She just needs the right guy.” Corrective rape is a very real danger and one that is directly impacted by words like those in that synopsis.

But this isn’t what the book is about. When the author, Julie Murphy @andimjulie, was informed of how offensive and harmful the synopsis/blurb was she started arranging to have it changed. Because here’s the thing: authors don’t get to write those. Some random person at the publishing house does. It’s that random person that made the harmful words and who misunderstood the book.

The new synopsis is up on this goodreads page now  . Please read it and maybe consider changing or removing your rating?

Because this book isn’t about 'lesbians can be cured.’ This book is about bisexual girls, girls just like me, who grow up not knowing that they are bi. Believing that because they like girls they must therefore be lesbians or because they like boys they must therefore be straight. I’m the latter; in this heteronormative world I spent years believing I was straight before I realised.

This book is for all the girls like me who think they fit into one box because they like someone and then one day, realise they have feelings for a different gender. It is about how confusing and scary and downright terrifying that is. It is about lying awake all night thinking “but does liking this boy mean i was straight all along?” “do i actually like him or is it because i’m supposed to?” it’s about worrying that you can’t change your identity because people already know you as a 'lesbian.’ Worrying that you’re just attention seeking or greedy or unable to make up your mind, that you’re on the fence and you need to choose.

This book is about the moment of relief when you finally find the name that suits you - bisexual. Or, perhaps when you decide that it’s okay to not know for sure right now. And how much weight is taken off you once you know who you are, and you have an identity.

I haven’t read the book yet but the new revised synopsis reflects that the book will actually be about those topics. You’re punishing the author for what someone else misunderstood and wrote as a harmful piece of promotion. Notice how different (and not harmful) the synopsis is now that it’s been written with the author’s suggestions instead of just by some dude? That to me suggests that the book itself, written entirely by her, will be much more like the new synopsis than the old one.

Oh, and you will also notice that I mentioned I haven’t read the book yet. So how then, you wonder, am I able to sit here and say that the book will be about all of the things above?

Because I am that girl. I went through all of those things. Mine was vice versa to Ramona - I believed that I had to be straight because I liked boys and if you like boys that’s all you can be right? Wrong. It was so, so hard for me to figure out who I am, where my place in this world is. It took me four years to get where I am (I’m 18 now). And I still haven’t finished this journey - my parents don’t know. I know, from reading this new synopsis, that that is what this book is about because I have lived it. I know because the author is bisexual, married to a man - she has lived it too.

Tumblr I just don’t get it. We cry and cry for more representation but when you have it you destroy it’s chances with negative reviews before it’s even begun. All because it’s the “wrong sort” of representation. You don’t want this bi girls story, my true story, because it shows that sometimes girls who like girls also like boys. Not always but sometimes. And sometimes we end up with those boys. 

Please, buy this book. Promote this book, please at least undo this low rating until you have read it. This book could have saved me so much heartache when I was fourteen. It could have let me know that I was not alone. It could have saved me six months of self-harm, an emotionally abusive relationship, bullying for being 'frigid.’

I didn’t have this book when I was facing all those things. But the next bi or pan girl could. We could save them.

Representation is important. Lesbian representation and positive, good representation at that, is important. But so is bi girl representation. And this book just happens to be one for the bi girls. This doesn’t have to be either or, bi girls existing doesn’t mean that lesbians do not. Please, let’s not harm each other’s chance at representation. Let’s support each other.

Please, at least let’s read this book before we give it a rating. Please help the next girl like me before she is hurt.

A Little Witchy Guide About Auras

Hello Witchy Darlings! I hope you had a wonderful New Year and I can’t wait to spend another one with all of you! :D

I figured I’d make a little guide to Auras since I’ve gotten quite a few questions about them. Please add on to this if you feel I left some things out!! :)

Brightest Blessings to you all! )0(


An aura is the energy field around all each matter that takes space (excluding air itself), whether that is a person, plant, animal, or an object. Each color represents a different aspect of that matter. Reading auras can be useful in determining whether you should confront a person at a certain time; what you can do to improve your present condition; tune you in to illnesses and conditions around you, and many other benefits. Everytime you come into contact with someone, your aura reacts to theirs. If your aura’s frequency is close to theirs, you will feel close to them quickly and drawn to them. If not, you may feel an instant dislike towards them. Everything has an aura. We have been “trained” not to see them, but with a little practice many people can successfully see and read them. Below I’ve listed what the different colors of auras mean, but first you should learn how to read them. When you begin, you may have a hard time seeing the colors. A lot of times, beginners will see pale colors such as white, yellow, and light blue. As time passes, and with practice, you will see that the colors seem to become brighter to you and easier to read. A little bit of patience can go a long way.

  • ASTRAL AURA The astral aura extends about eight to twelve inches from the physical body and appears as brightly coloured rainbow clouds. The astral aura is the bridge between the physical world and the spiritual world.
  • ETHERIC TEMPLATE AURA The etheric template aura extends about twelve to twenty four inches from the physical body and appears as a blue print form. There is an empty groove in the etheric aura aura into which the etheric aura fits. The etheric template aura holds the etheric aura in place. It is the template for the etheric dimension.
  • THE CELESTIAL AURA The celestial aura extends about twenty four inches from the physical body and appears as a brightr shimmering light of pastel colours. This is the level of feelings within the world of our spirit. Here we communicate with all the beings of the spiritual world.
  • KETHERIC TEMPLATE AURA The ketheric template aura extends about thirty six to forty eight inches from the physical body and appears as an extremley bright golden light that is rapidly pulsating. This aura takes on the form of a golden egg that surrounds and protects everything within it.
  • HOW TO SEE THE AURA Everybody has the ability to see the aura. For beginners a low light is the best way to start. Turn out the lights and lay on the bed. Leave the window curtains open and let the natural light flow in. As you are laying on the bed hold your hands out at full distance in front of you. Dont stare hard but rather just gaze at your hands. Moving your hands slowly, bring your fingertips together until they are almiost touching. You will notice a cloudy blue haze appear around your finger. This is the etheric aura. 
  •  FEELING THE AURA Draw a circle on your left hand using your right fingertip. Dont let your finger touch your hand, keep it at a distance of about a half inch. Move slowly. You will feel the power of your aura.

Colors of Auras

Here are the most common colors and their meanings in an Aura:

Red- strength, strong passion, and will. Dark red may symbolize quick temper and someone who is nervous or impulsive. All red colors mean nervous tendencies.

Orange- warmth, thoughtfulness, and creativity. Browner shades may mean pride or vanity, while brighter orange means self-control.  

Yellow-Mental activity, optimism, new learning oppurtunities and wisdom. A Bright yellow means the person takes care of themself. A darker yellow may mean that its owner is shy.

Green- sympathy and calm may be very good with healing arts and is very reliable. Dark shades of green may mean someone who is jealous or uncertain.

Blue- quiet and calm. Blue is a good color to have in the aura; deep blue is the best. This mean the person has found his or her work in life. Many are spiritual minded as well. Blue may sometimes represent a tendancy to be moody and depressed.

Indigo and Violet- one who is seeking something in life. Represents an ability to handle affairs with practicality. Dark shades may show that the person has obstacles to overcome and is feeling misunderstood.

Black-The color of protection. Thr person who is hiding something. May possibly indicate imbalances as well.

Here are some other colors that may be seen within the aura:

Pink- love, represents compassion, and maybe a love of art and beauty. Darker or muddier shades of pink may denote an individual who is immature.

White-Usually one of the first colors you will see in an aura. However, when it is a true and strong color of the aura, it reflects purity and truth.

Brown- a person who is very “earthy” and that a person is establishing new roots.

Silver Lights or Twinkles- may mean that they are pregnant, or have been or may soon be. However, this is not always so. This may indicate a person who has great creativity in their life.

Black Spots-may indicate that it is imbalanced in some areas. May mean that the person has some negative habits that he or she should change. Meditation helps reduce these spots, as does things like exercise and sunlight.

The 15 Types of Verbal Abuse in a Relationship

Originally posted by raquel-lostgirl

According to Patricia Evan’s book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship, there are 15 type of verbal abuse, which can happen within a relationship. The information below is both revealing and eye opening. Did you know that something as forgetting is a sign of abusive behavior? It demonstrates neglect, whether it is intentional or unintentional. We urge everyone to educate themselves on these next 15 harmful acts.

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8

I think Luthor and Super relationships are always the most interesting stories in a super comic.

Cold Remarks

Pairing: Y/N and Harry

Prompt: Harry has always been cold towards Y/N, and one day she just breaks. 

Word Count: 1581

Y/N wasn’t exactly sure why Harry was always so…cold towards her. She wasn’t sure how to describe it, he never called her anything rude, never swore at her, never yelled, but the tension always seemed to be in the room. He always seemed to hate being around her, in her eyes he hated her. She felt the negative vibes, he always rolled her eyes when she entered a room, he always ignored her, and if answered her it was with a harsh and cold tone. It made her want to shrink in her spot.

She didn’t understand. Harry was always so happy and warm around others, he was always so quick to help them, but when it came to Y/n she might as well have been invisible. It reached the point where she felt uncomfortable being in the same room as him. She felt weak and small compared to him and she didn’t like the idea of the two being alone.

It was the way he treated her, the small remarks her made every time. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could take it, she had never done anything to him. She took each blow extra hard, always having a crush on Harry and having him treat her like this made her want to lock herself in a room and cry. She couldn’t believe how mean he was.

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SasuSaku best explained

“ People constantly say Sasuke never changed or treated her well and act like she just took his abuse constantly and never stood up for herself. She was legitimately preparing to kill him at one point. And right here when finally, after everything they’ve been through, all the tears, everything she’s done and grown through because of her love for him, he apologizes to her. And she breaks down because she knows it’s sincere. But she tells him “you should be, you damn idiot”. If you think Part 1 Sakura or even first arc of Shippuden Sakura would’ve EVER said that to him you’re wrong. That’s growth. She sees him as a person and an equal not an unattainable prince she dreams about and obsesses over. Sasuke grew as well! He learned the truth about his family, he flip flopped on his life’s philosophy over and over again, and he finally had his huge confrontation with Naruto they always wanted. In the end, he married her. Which to me means he sees her as a person and an equal now as well. Whereas when they were kids he found her constant idolizing and affection towards him annoying and had to be cruel to her because she’d interpret anything else as an invitation to join him on his path of self-destruction. It’s actually a really well-developed and mutually respectful relationship if you’re mature enough to notice how they both had to change perspectives and reevaluate the other’s place in their lives in order to make it work.“


This.


This is describes their relationship completely, I don’t think anyone could have put it any better than this.


By the way, before I start admiring just how amazing this is, this is a YouTube comment I saw, I didn’t even know that someone could manage to describe their relationship in one easy paragraph, well I have, but at least not with a hate comment following it.


Before people even begin to try to say, “Well Sarada isn’t Sakura’s daughter,” please look at this:


This is at the very end of Naruto Gaiden, where Karin confirms that Sarada is not Karin’s daughter, she’s Sakura’s daughter. Even Kishimoto explained this. Even if it doesn’t end up being brought up in the animated version of Naruto Gaiden, it’s still cannon that Sarada Uchiha is Sakura’s daughter. Kishimoto even pointed out that he had purposefully tried to give them similar facial features and he tried to give them similar personalities with only a little bit of Sauke’s mixed in (even though she seems to be a perfect mix of both her parents).

Now that we’ve got that confirmed, let’s talk about this.

Firstly, why are people acting as if Sasuke left for no reason whatsover?? This is why he left:

Sasuke isn’t leaving the village because he just decided: 


“Well, lol I don’t want to raise my child or have anything to do with my wife so I gtg”


This guy left because he actually ended up feeling immense guilt for what he did. He feels guilty because all Naruto, Sakura, and even Kakashi showed him was love and he returned the favor with pure hatred. Yet, none of them ever stopped believing that they could set him on the right path. Even when everyone else did. All of them still hanged in there until the very end. Just because Sasuke didn’t yell or get angry like Naruto, or cry or punch something like Sakura, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings.


He just tries to keep a calm exterior, but you can’t convince me that their hasn’t been any character growth their since Shonen Jump or the beginning of Shippuden. Because there was lots of it with Sasuke. Just because it wasn’t as visible as it was with all the other characters in the series doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen.


Now, for those who dislike SasuSaku, I don’t blame you the ship was written sort of vaguely, we never really got to learn exactly how Sasuke felt. But Sasuke himself is a very vague person, and he’s come a long way with that. Even though he’s still fairly vague about how he feels.. But Sasuke and Sakura have a different type of love, it’s not going to be as straightforward as NaruHina, InoSai or ShikaTema. Honestly even BoruSara is more straightforward than this one and it isn’t even cannon. But they still love each other, those shallow, niave people in the fandom who probably barely even know what love is, or have never experienced it (in a romantic way) probably may not understand, but their are some of us who do.


Also, even if you dislike the ship, why constantly complain about it? Let people ship what they want to ship. I don’t necessarily ship ShikaTema (despite the fact that I love them both and Shikadai) but I don’t go on full-on rants about how I hate it. What’s done is done, Kishimoto wrote the series the way he wanted to, and that’s the most professional thing he could’ve done. What you can rant about is if you don’t like something in Boruto. You probably will not have too much effect (especially being a Western fan), but Kishimoto isn’t done writing Boruto, if there is something you want to prevent then it’s not too late to prevent it.


We probably can never bring Neji or Jiriya back, we can’t change Sakura’s character, we can’t take back what Sasuke did, we can’t watch Naruto’s parents be the most awesome grandparents in history, we can’t see Tsunade finally get together with Jiriya. Even though Kishimoto is more than likely going to write this how he wants, stop dwelling on Shonen Jump and Shippuden, what we should do is let Kishimoto know what we liked and disliked in episodes, if we like characters or not, if we think this serious has been good so far. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t mystically travel back in time and rewrite the whole entire series, (we’ve seen what’s come of that, *cough* TTG/PGG *cough*) if you’re in the fandom again, you’re in, if you’re out, you’re out, but you can’t keep holding everything back because you’re mad at how Naruto and Hinata got married or you don’t like that Tsunade became Hokage. It’s over, it’s done.


Not only that, people keep using the ship as an excuse to bash Sakura’s character since she’s no longer “useless” like she was in the first place (even though, personally, I never thought of her as useless) so they’re mad at her for still loving Sasuke. They’re also mad because she thought of Naruto as a brother instead of a guy she wanted to date.


I know this sounds cliche, but you don’t have control over who you fall in love with. I’m sure after Sasuke did what he did Sakura wanted to love Naruto, or anyone else besides Sasuke at least, but she was always focused on trying to lead him in the right direction, just as Naruto was. Then she had to prepare herself to kill the guy she has loved all almost all her life at one point, and although he did so many things wrong she still can’t do it, because it’s hard to bring yourself to kill someone that you love:


And as the comment stated, Sasuke grew as a person. He’s no longer the boy yearning for revenge, he’s now determined to protect every single thing he loves. Just like Naruto, Sasuke doesn’t really have a chance to spend time with his family because he wants to protect anyone at any cost. Now, I’m not saying Sasuke deserves father of the year award for neglecting his family although it is accidental, but Naruto doesn’t either.


Even after all this time: 

They they’re still determined to prevent anyone to feel the pain and loneliness they felt all their childhoods, that’s why they’re always protecting the village. To stop it before it comes, and to try to let those people know that they still have at least the smallest bit of comfort.


And as the comment states, as the series progresses Sakura learns that Sasuke isn’t her perfect, enchanting, prince charming. That he has flaws, just like anyone else. Back is Part I she’d always speak highly of him, she’d always compare him to Naruto in the most negative way and she only seemed to ever care about Sasuke and nothing more. But as Part I progressed she began seeing him as an equal. That’s why she was determined to become as strong as Naruto and Sasuke, so that she could establish that not only to them and everyone else, but within herself.


If it weren’t for Sakura, who kept loving him throughout everything, he probably wouldn’t have cared about her feelings, but Sakura’s feelings actually moved him. He tried to show her that he didn’t care so she’d stopped loving him, because he didn’t know why or how she could love someone like him. That’s why he wanted to make her think he was legitimately trying to kill her, he wanted convince her and himself that he didn’t care. But he actually did care.


I get that it isn’t easy to understand, but these two love each other, it isn’t just one-sided, and we’ll probably see more evidence as the Next Gen series continues:

(If you have any argument or any sort of disagreement, and you don’t think you can comment without talking rudely I won’t reply or anything, I’ll just delete your comment, reblog or whatever, no matter how long it is, that is only if you don’t come in a respectful manner, if you do then I’ll probably respond or just let you comment it or something)

Scandalous (M) | 06

PARTS: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06

Summary: When you meet Taehyung in a bar one night, you don’t expect to fall for him. He was different, tattoos inked along his arms and a bright smile on his face. He was the opposite of everything you were; he was free – or so you thought.

Genre/Warnings: Socialite!AU, Badboy!Taehyung; this time around it’s about 99.9% angst with a whopping 1% fluff.

Words: 10.8k.

A/N: Surprise. ;)

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UPDATE About the girl!

Hey guys!

As some of you know I was with a girl that lived in a different country than me, and I ended up moving to her neighbor town because of educational reasons.

I asked for advise for when I was going to meet her for the first time, and recieved a lot of great advice which I’m very happy for! And I constantly get questions about how it went or when I’m meeting her. I never got to meet her.

Today I was supposed to meet her. It didn’t go as planned as she kept on making excuses for not coming. I realized that the excuses she used and have used before was bullshit. She didn’t show up. I travelled for hours, not just to meet her but of course had the hopes. She said she’d come, and she didn’t.

We’ve had our fair share of arguments and doubts about our relationship and was on and off for a long time.

I decided today that I deserve more than she was giving me. So we broke up. Even though I feel like I can’t breath and like my future have been taken from my hands, I know I have no choice but to carry on. As my mom would always say, turn the negative into something positive even if it’s juts a small bit. One of my favorite quotes is ‘we accept the love we think we deserve’. I will always think of this, but for this I’m choosing to think of the positive. I thought I deserved being treated like I was, badly, but today I realized that I deserve better. And it is a step forward to go for the love I really deserve.

I am heartbroken and obviously sad that I lost someone I was so deeply in love with. So, I’m not sure how active I will be here for the next few days. If I am active I’m sure it’ll be kinda sad stuff. You know the typical ‘love sucks’ thing. I know that isn’t what is the most popular among you guys but I’ll try my best to write as you wish and feel free to come with stuff you’d like me to write about.

I wish her the best and I hope she finds someone who loves her like I loved her or who loves her even more. She’s the first one I’ve ever fallen in love with and I know you can’t go through life without having your heart broken every now and then. I always tell you guys to try and move on and keep your head high, and I will try my best to do the same.

Thank you for supporting, I love you❤️

- R

Protective Parent

Genre: Fluff!

Rating: Everyone

Word Count: 1.2k

Paring: Chris Evans x Reader

Request: Hi, could you write a Chris imagine, you two are married and were planning on a child, when you get pregnant he didn’t believe it,he is super excited about the birth of Baby Evans but is also super protective not to show to the world too much of the baby on Twitter with this picture and the caption “Not so sure how she fells about the beard”, please? Thank you!

A/N: Sorry this took me so long to post! I had a hard time finishing it, but i hope y'all like it!


You and Chris had been married for 2 years now. You had always talked about starting a family. When you started trying for kids, the first couple test you took came out negative. You were both upset, but that didn’t mean that you wouldn’t be parent. After another couple negative tests, you were starting to give up. But one afternoon a miracle happened.


You were two weeks late by now, so you decided to grab a couple of pregnancy test from the stores. After a couple of false hopes, you knew not to get your hopes up, in case the test came out negative again. When you arrived home Chris sitting on the couch, doing some work. “Hey sweetheart” he said, looking up at you, smiling. “How was work today?” He asked. “The same as any other day. We got a start on a new script today,  which is good” you said, answering his questions. You were happy he was to busy working to notice the bag with the tests in it, because you didn’t want to tell him, in case it was false. You made you way upstarts to your shared bedroom, and grabbed a different pair of clothes to change into. You went into the bathroom, and locked the door. You pulled out the test and did what it said. You waited the three recommended minutes, before you looked at it. You took a deep breath before you picked it up. When you picked it up, you could believe your eyes. You were pregnant. Tears started to fill your eyes. You quickly opened the door, and ran down stairs to where Chris was with the test in your hand. “CHRIS!” You said excitedly, running into the living room. “What!? Is everything OK?” He asked, getting up coming towards you, noticing the tears in your eyes. You help up the test in front of his eyes, your hands shaking. His eyes widened when he saw it, and a smile spread across his face. He put his hands on either side of your face, and pulled you in for a passionate kiss, tears starting to form in his eyes. “Were gonna be parents” he said, placing his forehead on yours, and you nodding, slowly.


You and Chris were extremely exited about the baby. Ever since you told Chris you were pregnant, he was super protective of you. He did every little thing to make sure that you and the baby were safe. He always insisted that he would drive, and would tell you just to sit back and relax. You were so happy to have someone like him. Some days you got bothered how protective he was, but you were happy, that he was happy.


You were very exited, because today was your 20 week ultrasound, and you were going to find out the gender of your little jellybean. Chris was full of excitement the whole was to the appointment. When you went into the ultrasound room, the doctor put the cold jelly stuff on your belly, and you could hear the heartbeat and see the baby of the monitor. “Would you guys like to know the gender of your baby?” Asked the doctor. “It would be a pleasure, yes please” said Chris. He grabbed your hand and gave it a little squeeze, and you sent a smile back his way. The doctor turned the monitor so you two could see. “On the screen you are looking at your baby girl” she said, with a smile. A smile spread across yours and Chris’ face. “Were having a little girl Y/N” Chris said, his eyes Shiny with tears that have not fallen. “We are” you said at a whisper, the tears almost falling. “Your baby girl is healthy, and everything looks good” said the doctor, turning of the monitor. “Would you guys like pictures of the ultrasound?” She asked. “Yes please” you said. When she left Chris leaned in for a kiss, and you kissed him back


You were 39 weeks pregnant, and a week past your due date. You were sore and exhausted, and just wanted your little jellybean to be here. It was 3 am and you woke up with a small contractions. Instead of waking Chris up right away, you decided to go grab a drink from the kitchen, and take a little walk around the house. Dodger saw the you were awake, and he followed you down the stairs. the contractions were getting closer in timing and more frequently.  About 20 minutes later, you decided to go get Chris, and go to the hospital. You opened you bedroom door and walked over to the side of the bed where he was sleeping. “Chris” you said in a whisper, poking at his shoulder. He didn’t move so you did it again. “Chris” you said, in a louder whisper. You went to poke him again, and at the same time, a contraction hit, so you poked him much harder then you meant to. His eyes opened and saw you standing right above him, and he sat right up. “Are you alright?” He said looking at you, while he got up out of bed. “I’m in labor” You said. A bunch of expressions flashed over his face, before he said anything. “Ok! Ok! I’ll grab the bag and we’ll go!” He said excitedly and nervously at the same time.


When you got to the hospital the nurses had brought you to a room. On the way your water had broken. They told you that you were 6 centimeters dilated. You had probably another 2 hours to before you had to start pushing. Chris was super supportive the whole time. He whispered sweet things in your ear, and held you hand the whole time. Even when you yelled at him.


3 &½ hours later, you beautiful baby girl was born. Chris had cried when she was born, and he also cried when he held her for the first time. You had called all your family and told the the great news, that she had arrived. Both of your parents cried when the saw the baby. Everyone told you how cute she was. After a while, everyone had gone, and it was You, Chris and the baby. “She has your eyes” Chris said to you. You smiled, exhausted from the day.


It was three weeks later, and you Chris had still not announced that she had arrived. He was super protective about her, but he also wanted to show here off to everyone. Later that he posted a picture to twitter, confirming the baby was here.

Not sure how she feels about the beard #babyevans |#mylittlejellybean


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