Carlton Lassiter, head detective of the Santa Barbra Police Department, was walking down the hall to Interrogation Room B. He had memorized the layouts of these halls a long time ago, so he was able to re-read the report while he was walking.
/…suspect Amanda Wilson was found exiting the back window of the victim Mr. Thompson’s house-/
“Say it, say it now.”
Lassie looked up confused.
“What the hell-?” he spun around in a circle trying to find the source of the noise.
“No,” someone else grunted.
Assuming it was just another interrogation, the perplexed detective kept walking. But then he heard something he wish he hadn’t.
“Say it Shawn, say my name.”
“Gus…” The psychic whimpered.
“Oh god..” Lassiter quickly darted out of the hallway and into the main room of the police department. Grimacing, he headed over to Juliet’s desk.
“I so wish I didn’t have to do this but here you go.” Lassie reached into his pocket and pulled out a $50.
Juliet smirked and took the bill, “What’d you see?”
“Thankfully nothing, but now my ears are permanently damaged.” With a shake of his head, Carlton shuddered and walked back to his desk, resting his head in his hands.
… I am so confused as to how the big ships in this fandom weren’t Shawn/Gus and Juliet/Lassiter. I mean, come on!!! Shawn slept with Gus’s sister! (Transference much?) He literally included Gus in his marriage proposal because that was just understood. And Juliet/Lassiter?!!??! Please give me ALL THE UNDERCOVER AS MARRIED FIC KTHNX!!
(Yes, yes I know why Shawn/Lassie is the biggie, and the reasons start with R & M and rhyme with “schmasism” and “schmisoginism” respectively. The question was rhetorical.)
big spoon/little spoon: Depends on who you ask. According to Shawn, Gus is the little spoon, because he can’t sleep if he’s not being held by a pair of strong, masculine arms. According to Gus, “Shawn, please. I hope you know how ridiculous you sound right now; we both know who the person in this relationship who likes to be–” and then he never gets any further because Shawn finds a way to stop him talking (usually sticking unexpected food in his mouth). The truth is that Gus usually is the little spoon, but that’s because Gus believes in structure and order and being in bed by midnight, and Shawn believes in staying up until four in the morning marathoning episodes of Robot Chicken while he eats Trix directly out of the box; when he finally does crawl into bed, he tends to turn on his side, throw an arm across Gus’s waist, and use the corner of Gus’s pillow.