the year of hexterah’s house of hotties: January 5th Ned Luke, Shawn Fonteno & Steven Ogg (actors)
Before you say, “Oh, the ~voice actors~ of those dudes in GTAV,” LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. Yes, Ned Luke did the voice of Almost-But-Never-Retired-From-Crime-Because-THAT-FEELING Dad Michael De Santa. Yes, Shawn Fonteno did the voice of Up-And-Coming Protege But-Leave-Me-The-Fuck-Out-Of-Your-Angry-Dad-Bullshit Franklin Clinton. And yes, Steven Ogg did the voice of Angry-Proto-Hipster-Psychopathic-Canadian-Dirty-Uncle Trevor Philips. But they were also the actors behind these characters. Every single thing you saw those three characters doing in the game, these three guys had to do themselves. So besides the 10,000+ page script the game had, there was also all the driving animations, the dying animations, the weapon animations (yes please), the cutscenes, the walking, the drunk walking, the arguments, the back and forth anger fest in the meth lab, Trevor’s crotch scratching, Franklin playing with Chop, Michael breaking Jimmy’s television, Trevor sleeping in bed with Floyd, Michael and Trevor screaming at each other about hipsters or some other old married couple bullshit – all of it.
Each of the characters they played in Grand Theft Auto V will have their own days in the future, but I wanted to recognize these three because each one of them is basically the physical embodiment of the Unholy Trinity. Even though they’re not as fucking batshit crazy as the Unholy Trinity, you can tell just from interviews that these three really formed a bond over the course of GTAV’s creation and you can tell that they Actually Like Each Other. I would love to see some of the footage on set - if there’s that much content script-and-game-wise, how much was left on the cutting room floor? How many times did they mess up?
Plus, they’re just babes, okay. Since they are basically the Unholy Trinity in the flesh (without the meth scars, TREVOR), that makes them babes don’t touch me and MY FEELINGS. Especially since they don’t have any of the very special sociopathic tendencies Trevor, Michael and Franklin possess.
OR DO THEY?
(No, have you seen some of the pictures of Steven Ogg though? He might be a little Trevor-crazy. BUT THAT’S OKAY CAUSE HE IS MAGICAL. I mentioned crazy though too, right…)
I really can’t say enough about these dudes. I mean, I loved Grand Theft Auto V in general but they helped take it to a whole ‘nother level. The relationship between these three characters was written so well but wouldn’t have been the same without three guys who could carry these EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE MONSTERS like this was who they really were. Like this was their everyday life, like this was nothing. They worked their asses off and with every scream of SCOOOOOTER BROTHERS!, every swagger down the Del Perro Pier (Michael’s walk is a thing of unicorns and rainbows YOU ARE A++++, NED LUKE) and every casual but dutiful dismissal and shake of the head at Lamar/Aunt Denise/Papa Mikey & Uncle Trev’s stupid bitchass fights you can see it.
(The thought of them filming the bad endings makes me v. sad though. Let’s pretend those don’t exist.)