AN: Hi reader! This is my first ever Phan one shot. It might not be great, I wrote it when bored. I’m hoping to write some more, so feel free to give me prompts and requests :) this ones not quite finished yet, I might post a part 2.
Warning: this is really sad, and may cause an extreme case of feels/want to rip heart out.
The heart monitor beeped steadily, the rhythm Phil had soon grown used to, sick of even. He knew the repeating high pitched noise was a good thing, he just wished he didn’t need to hear it. The sound of the ventilator also on the list of noises he wishes he didn’t need to hear. All he wanted to hear was some random anime wittering in Japanese and the odd siren every so often, he wanted to be in his apartment, with Dan. He wanted to go home. Sadly, he knew he never would again. He knew what was coming, and he was scared. Phil was never one to deny the obvious, there was nothing that could be done to stop it so Phil just learned to accept it. Dan, on the other hand, was struggling. He couldn’t get his head around something so tragic, it was more due to the fact that he was going to loose the one person he ever loved. Phil hated how upset Dan was about the whole ordeal, he never though what started out as a chest infection could cause so much pain. It was often hard for either Dan or Phil to even say the words. Cancer, lung cancer to be exact. When they found out, Phil had to comfort Dan more than the other way around. Dan has always been more vocal and expressive with his emotions than Phil, he cried for hours and hours the day they heard the news. Phil barely even said a word for days, just hugged Dan to his chest and kept on muttering “It’ll be okay” even though he knew it was a lie. The first time Phil broke down was two weeks later, he was in the shower…
Dan was walked into the house, he’d just been out to buy some milk for Phil’s cereal. He walked up the first flight of stairs and heard an odd sound. Mixed in with the sound of the shower water battering the bottom of the bath, Dan heard the sound of his partners’s wails. He ran straight into the room, to be met with a sight that broke his fragile heart. Phil was sat on the floor of the bath, water hitting the pale skin of his naked back, he had his knees up to his chest, his head lay atop his knees while he cried. Dan instantly dropped the milk and ran over to Phil’s shaking body, he pushed himself into the wet shower and sat behind his boyfriend, so that Phil was sat between his long, jean clad, legs. Dan pulled Phil to his chest, much like Phil had been doing for himself in the previous weeks, and kissed his sodding wet forehead. Phil couldn’t stop crying or shaking, he clung tightly to Dan’s black T-shirt, his tears soaking it along with the shower water.
“Shh baby, shh” Dan whispered to Phil, Dan’s heart was breaking. Phil seemed to be coping so well and now he had crashed and he didn’t know what to do.
“I’m going to die Dan” Phil whispered in a shaky wail, one which took a long breath to complete. Dan’s heart broke, into a million tiny pieces. It killed him inside to hear his love say such a thing. He couldn’t bring himself to believe it, and the worst thing was, Phil knew. Phil knew what was going to happen and Dan was powerless to stop it. It was infuriating. All Dan wanted was to help his love and he couldn’t. A tear rolled down from Dan’s eye mixing in with the still pouring shower water. He was about to just hold Phil and cry with him when he realised something. Phil had been put on a portable ventilator that supplied him with oxygen, because he couldn’t respire fully in his own. And Dan didn’t know how long he’s been away from his oxygen supply, if it was too long, it could be catastrophic.
“Phil, how long have you been off your ventilator?” He asked cautiously, still holding his partner tightly. Phil was audibly wheezing now, he couldn’t even answer, Dan was terrified. His crying would not have helped his breathing in the slightest, he probably couldn’t breath! So without another word Dan stood and carefully picked up a still naked Phil, who was wheezing much worse now. He quickly carried him up the stairs and laid him on their shared bed in what was Phil’s room. He lay Phil on his back and covered him with a blanket, before quickly rushing back off to grab his ventilator. He was back within seconds and put Phil’s nose tube around his head and turned on his oxygen supply. Now Dan could calm slightly, he sat at the other side of Phil’s bed and stroked his wet hair out of his face while he regained what little breathing he could.
“Thank… You…” Phil got out between big wheezy breaths, Dan kissed his head.
“Don’t scare me like that Phil” Dan pleaded, sounding helpless. He wiped away Phil’s tears, and then his own.
“I’m… Sorry…” Phil was now on his side, taking in large breaths. Dan shuffled downwards so that he was directly behind Phil, in a spooning position, he held him close and kissed his neck and whispered in his ear.
“You don’t need to be sorry Phil, you’re allowed to be scared, you’re allowed to cry, you’re allowed to be upset. I don’t mind because I’m going to be there for you every single step of the way, because I love you. And I want you to be happy. I love you so much, Phil” Dan kissed Phil’s cheek again to find that his beautiful lover was fast asleep in his arms…
3 months have passed since that night, and now here Phil is, laying in a hospital bed. Knowing there wasn’t long left. Dan was asleep in a chair to his right, Phil smiled. He may have been sleep deprived and a little dirty from being in the hospital for days, but Phil thought that Dan was beautiful, fast asleep with his hobbit hair flopping over one eye and his lips jutted out in a slight adorable pout. Phil felt so lucky to have had him in his life, he wouldn’t change Dan for the world, he had never loved a person more. Phil’s smile was broke with a cough, it was quite violent, it instantly woke Dan up in alarm.
“Phil?” He asked in panic, eyes wide as he watched Phil cough quite violently. The coughs died down, and Phil fell backwards into his pillows, he was gasping for breath.
“I’m alright… Just a… Cough” he managed to get out between wheezy breaths.
“You gave me fright” Dan said with a sigh, placing his hand to his chest with a smile. “Nearly shat myself” he laughed a little, trying to make light of the situation. That’s how he had been dealing for the last few months, humour. Dan found that Phil has been having more trouble than he had let on, so he constantly tried to make him happy. He tried to make him laugh and smile as that seemed to help Phil a lot. So much so he smiled after his coughing fit, purely at Dan’s stupidness, if nothing else. He loved that tool.
“Please don’t shit yourself in the hospital… You’ll get taken away to a different unit” Phil giggled a little at his own joke, making Dan smile. Phil’s laughed died down slightly, he turned to Dan in utter seriousness. Phil took Dan’s hand into his, instantly Dan took Phil’s one hand into the both of his. “Dan I-I want you to do something for me…”
“Anything Phil” Dan smiled.
“D-Dan, I want you to make a video, on my channel, about everything” Phil’s sleep deprived, weathered face showed every ounce of seriousness. Dan was slightly confused, but willing, so Phil continued with a nod from Dan “I want all the fans to know, about you and I, about the cancer, and I want them to know that I love them and to say thank you for everything they’ve done for me. As without YouTube I wouldn’t have you, I wouldn’t have had this amazing life.” Phil took a big breath in before carrying on “I want it to be my goodbye from YouTube, and a thank you for everything that it gave me. But I mostly want them to know about us, about everything we’ve been through. Will you please Dan? I don’t want to leave this world without them knowing about the light of my life” by this point tears were freely flowing from both young men’s eyes. Dan nodded, kissed his and Phil’s connected hands.
“Of course I will Phil” he offered Phil a light smile. And Phil copied, before his eyes closed and he drifted into a deep sleep. Dan kissed his forehead, grabbed his backpack, quickly wrote Phil a little note letting him know that he was going off to film the video, and left the hospital for the first time in 2 and a ½ weeks, since Phil was admitted. He reached home relatively quickly, where he showered, dressed himself quickly and made himself look as decent as a man who’d had barely 5 full nights of sleep in almost 3 weeks could. He put on his best smile and sat before the rolling camera, on Phil’s bed.
“Hey guys” It felt odd to be saying that “so I’m guessing you’re all really confused as to why I’m on Phil’s channel, well we’ve got something important to tell you. And sadly, Phil couldn’t make the video…” Dan had to stop for a second to take a breath in, he could already feel his throat clogging slightly and his eyes clouding “you see, the thing is” another pause “Phil, P-Phil is s-sick” Dan was now stuttering over his words, he was struggling, anyone could see “and he’s not going to get better” that was when the first tears fell, he wiped them away and sniffed. Trying to compose himself so he could continue. “He, he asked me to make this video to tell you a few things. Things you probably should have been told a long time ago” another breath “Phil and I, you were all right, we are together. Have been since a week after we met… And he wanted you guys to know that before… Before” more tears fell and Dan struggled to keep himself composed. “You know” Dan looked up, a tearful smile.
“He wanted you to know, how infatuated we are with each other. We love each more than it is able to love another human being. I can’t honesty say that even though these last few months have been the hardest of my life, they’ve also been some of the most beautiful as I’ve fallen more in love with my beautiful husband every single day. And yes, you did hear that right, husband. We married earlier this year in Japan. It was beautiful and I will put a clip of the wedding at the end of this video” Dan smiled at the memories “we were so happy” Dan’s smile fades slightly, he looked to the floor, sadness taking over him. But he couldn’t let it take him, he’d promised Phil. “Phil also wanted me to say a massive, thank you… To you, each and every one of you. All of you who watch his videos and all of you who have supported him. He told me that thanks to you, you gave him such an amazing life. You guys, and YouTube brought us together and for that I say thank you. We both love you both so much. I wish I could personally thank every single one of you for each and every like and comment and view. You made my Phil smile and for that I love you just as much, if not more than, he does. So thank you…” Tears now freely flowed down Dan’s cheeks, but he was smiling. He meant every word he had said.
“I would explain to you the details of what’s wrong with Phil. But to me nothing is wrong with him, he’s perfect. I’ll link you to the type of… ” Dan gulped “l-lung cancer, h-he’s got… Because I don’t think that I could get through it…” Dan wiped his tears away again and smiled slightly at the camera. “I’m not going to lie to you guys. He’s not going to make another video, Phil, is really sick. And h-he…” Dan, had to again take another deep breath, fully crying now “he’s not going to last much longer” Dan was literally weeping now, he wouldn’t even compose himself to speak any more.
“So from Phil, bye bye YouTube. He loves you” Dan sniffed and waved, before turning the camera off. He took 2 deep breaths before any composure he had left, was gone.
12:00noon my clock
read, which mean’s time for lunch. I went down my stairs and entered the kitchen. I decided on making a
grilled cheese. I got the pan out from the cabinet and placed it on the stove. I
put the stove on high and waited. I prepared my bread and cheese while I waited
on the stove.
“BOOM” I heard out of nowhere. Considering that I was home
alone this scared me shitless.
“Um hello” I said grabbing the sharpness knife from the
drawer and started walking around my house. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket
and dialed Nate’s number.
“Hello” I heard from the other line
“NATE! BABE! THERE’S SOMEONE IN OUR HOUSE AND I’M FREAKING
OUT” I yelled
“Y/n calm down. What do you mean there’s someone in our
“I heard someone come in and now I’m walking around the
house trying to find this person”
“Are you sure that there’s someone in our house?”
“I’m so su-AHHHH!” I said turning the corner and seeing
someone jump from behind the wall
“WHAT!” Nate said but I dropped my phone
I pointed the knife in the direction as this person stood in
front of me wearing all black and a mask.
“Yo, Chill y/n it’s a joke!” This person said in a very
“Who are you?” I asked the knife still pointed to his direction
He removes his mask.
“What the hell?!” I said
“Heyyyy” he said and then Johnson came from behind the wall
with his phone pointed in my face
“What are you guys doing here? I might have just shat myself!”
I said laughing
“Well we thought since it’s almost Halloween why not pull a
few pranks on people” Johnson said
“Okay, but why me?” I asked putting the knife down
“Well one we knew you were going to over react and two why
“Good point. But next time if you think that I will not use
this knife you guys are mistaken” I said smiling and walking back to the
“Okay, we promise! But next time maybe you should lock the
door or something…”
“Agreed” Johnson said
“OHH grill cheese!” They both said
“Swazz we couldn’t have come at a better time!” Jack said
“NUH UH” I said putting the knife in the drawer
“PLEAAASSSEE” Swazz said
“You guys scared me don’t think I won’t get you back!” I said
with a wink and continued making my grill cheese
“BABE ARE YOU HERE?! Y/N!” I heard Nate say
“In the kitchen!” I said
“Hey what was going on?” he said not seeing Jack and Swazz
“Oh you know these two pulling some Halloween scares …but I’ll
get them back” I said
“Ohh..but we should fix our security” Nate said
“Yes we should” I said removing my grill cheese off the pan
and taking a byte
These boys and there Pranks…
Hope you enjoyed! I’m really tired so im going to bed but
have a great day/night!