He was a familiar face. Often times, he would drag his son into the store, trying to find a flick for himself and his son. He seemed like a helicopter parent sometimes, but she couldn’t help to think it was endearing. At last the boy had a father that LOVED & CHERISHED him. Shit, she really wishes she had a dad like that, but unfortunately for her, he flew the coop before she learned her ABC’s. “Hey,” she called out to him. “You should get Sharktale. I think your kid would like it.”
Okay, so there I was, sitting in the dark at 5-something in the AM watching me some Kung Fu Panda 2 on my laptop. I was having a grand ol’ time watching a bunch of anthros beat the shit out of each other when SUDDENLY this BIG UGLY ASS FUCK OFF SPIDER descends from the ceiling above and perches itself upon the glorious sweeping landscapes of fictional anthro China.
I PAUSED the movie and TURNED ON A LAMP because of this little shit, scorching my retinas in the light and moaning “why, why, whyyyy” repeatedly.
I get up and find a piece of paper to strand it with, and what does this lil fucker do?
FUCKIN CRAWLS UNDER MY LAPTOP
I pick up the laptop
THE LIL FUCKER’S GONE
*cue X Files music*
WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME
DO SPIDERS HAVE SUPER SONIC VISION THEY USE SPECIFICALLY TO LOCATE NIGHT OWLS WHO SIT ALONE IN THE DARK WITH A COMPUTER???