i appeared as “Goddess KRING" in the Seattle Fremont Summer Solstice Parade Yesterday. some thoughts
i am a rebel. when around other hippies i feel like being more conservative and when around mainstream people i feel like being more wild and free.
i really like my solitude and yet i also like sharing my thoughts, art, ideas in a public way.
i realize now i learned a lot from yesterdays awkward painful moments as well as the fun parts. it’s all about learning and healing for me it seems. all the things i do in this life seem to be about growing, learning, healing, expressing.
yesterday i felt like being by myself running around taking photos after i was in the parade and yet i hung out with two different people instead. time for me to start being more true to myself and knowing it’s okay for me to fly solo when i feel like it.
the whole nude body paint bike ride in the parade thing i guess just feels so normal to me that it’s just not that fun for me anymore! how odd? i wanna do something NEW. i have done body pride ride, world naked bike ride and summer solstice parade rides for many years now. perhaps i can keep doing those for fun but then EXPAND my body painting and focus more on using my talent and slowing down and doing my best and having quality photos taken etc. i feel conflicted because i am a model, photographer and painter! i think my forte is doing solo things in general. gosh so many feelings and ideas.
yesterday in the parade i played my harmonica as i rode by the audience. they seemed to think it was very eccentric and odd- made me wanna do more of a musical kind of thing next year….i like standing out more than fitting in.
i have been in the seattle fremont summer solstice parade off an on since 1999. i have mixed feelings about being in it. i don’t really like the "party” atmosphere and the loudness and all the booze and drunk people. i like painting myself and going through the ritual of being in the parade with all the others…and yet i don’t really enjoy the rush rush of it…being with 1000 other body painted cyclists is kinda cool and yet part of me likes it better when i am painted for a photo shoot with one good photographer…it is like a drug being in front of audience and having people cheer you on like that….thousand of people snapping snap shots of you and some good photographers taking more serious good photos…the whole thing is kind of exhausting and yet i feel like i have to do it every year.
yesterday was fun at the parade but i had some subtext going on that i am needing to process now! i don’t want to share the details…lets just say i need to learn to trust myself more and figure out how to say yes and no more firmly….sometimes when i am not comfortable i get really passive and shut down on some mental level instead of being honest with myself and others and taking charge of a situation….needing to let go of the parts of yesterday that upset me and focus on the good stuff. so many emotions. frustrated with myself for certain reasons. don’t want to say specifics. i guess when i make mistakes it’s good to know what i do not like as contrasted with what i do like.