Guns and Roses - Carl Gallagher Imagine

Originally posted by ianmickgallagher

Word Count: 2663

Warnings: Mentions of an abusive relationship and swearing



Your hands shook as you stood in front of the door of the Gallagher house.  You had been here before a plethora of times in the past, but ever since Carl had gone to prison, your friendship just wasn’t the same.  The two of you had drifted ever since he had come back.  You stayed occupied with your same old activities and Carl had fallen into a life of criminal activity.  And that was exactly why you were here.  For the first time since he had been let out of juvie, his current lifestyle could potentially help you.  Pushing your nerves aside, you finally knocked on the door.

Moments later, the door flew open to expose an all-too-familiar face.  “Y/N, hey! Long time no see.  Come on in,” Fiona said warmly, pulling you into an embrace before stepping aside.  “It’s nice to finally see a familiar face coming here for Carl.  I think he’s upstairs in his room.”

“Thanks, Fiona.  It’s nice to see you too,” you commented, forcing a smile for her. Sucking in a deep breath, you slowly began to ascend the staircase.  You were nervous, but you needed to do this.  You needed to do this before it was too late.  Once you reached Carl’s bedroom, you forced yourself to knock, only opening the door once you heard a mumbled ‘come in’ from the other side.

Carl was laying down on his bed, but immediately shot up into a seated position when his eyes set on you. “Y/N, hey, it’s been a while,” he said brightly, a large smile forming across his lips.  It didn’t last long though.  Moments later, he cleared his throat and forced the excitement out of his eyes, maintaining his recent swagger.  “I mean, hey.  What’s up?”

Stepping inside, you quietly closed the door behind you.  “I know we’re not really as close as we were before, but I need to ask for a favor from you.”  You bit down hard on your lower lip, looking down at your feet.

“Yeah, yeah.  Sure.”  Carl swung his legs over the edge of his bed.  “What is it?”

Taking in a deep breath, you finally allowed your eyes to meet his again.  “Word around school is that you were selling guns for a while.  Do you still sell them?”

“Guns?  Yeah, I still sell them,” Carl replied, furrowing his brow in confusion.  It took a few moments, but what you were implying eventually registered in his mind.  His eyes went wide.  “Wait, what? You want me to sell you a gun?”

You nodded your head quickly.  You just wanted this to be over with.  “Yeah, I do.”

That was when Carl broke out into a fit of laughter.  “You?  A gun? What could you possibly need a gun for?”

You could quickly feel the anger bubbling up inside of you.  With all that you had been through, you really didn’t need this right now.  “Do you fucking ask that to any of your other customers?”

Still, Carl would not stop laughing.  “Y/N, I’m not selling you a gun.  There’s no reason you could possibly need a—“

That was when you lost it.  Cutting him off, you balled your hands into tight fists.  “Stop acting like you fucking know me and what I need.  You might’ve known me before, but you don’t anymore.  Just like I don’t know you anymore either,” you snapped, taking a few steps closer to him.  “Just because you wear your hair like that and walk around all different now doesn’t make you tough.  You’re not. Some people actually have real problems. Remember how right before you went to prison I was dating that guy David and I said things were starting to go downhill? Yeah, I broke up with him after the first time he hit me, but that didn’t stop him.  He still manages to corner me and do all of these awful things and all I really wanted was a gun to scare him off—not even to kill him—but I fucking guess not.  You know what?  Fuck you, Carl.”

The laughing stopped.  Carl’s expression fell, all emotion draining from his face.  “W-Wait, what?”

You were too worked up.  Too upset.  Too exhausted.  “Just… Just fucking forget about it.  Knew I wouldn’t be able to count on you.”  You knew you were about to cry.  As your eyes started to well up, you spun around on your heel and stormed out of the room, ignoring Carl as he called out your name and got up from his bed. Wiping your eyes and covering your face as you crossed through the kitchen so Fiona wouldn’t see, you ran out of the house and all the way back home.  

You felt worse than ever.  Now you weren’t only scared, but embarrassed.  Ashamed.  Your day had started off hopeful, but now you felt defeated.  Nothing would change now.

The next few days came as a total shock to you.  Your ex-boyfriend didn’t corner you in the hallways at school.  He didn’t even follow you on your walks back home from school or to work.  He was completely absent.  Still, you were nervous.  This peace couldn’t last forever.

A knock on your front door caused you to jump while you were in the middle of doing your homework.  Your heart began to pound.  This was it.  He was back again.

Standing up on quivering legs, you reached under the couch and grabbed the baseball bat you had hidden there before.  Since Carl had let you down, it was the weapon you’d have to resort to.  Inhaling deeply, you approached the door and forced yourself to pull it open.

“Y/N, hey…”  Not the person you expected.  A confused Carl stood on your doorstep, holding an enormous bouquet of roses.  He looked different.  In fact, he looked like the Carl you had known before.  His hair was flowing freely and he was dressed in his regular attire.

A sigh of relief escaped your lips because it wasn’t your ex-boyfriend, but you still remembered what had occurred with Carl the last time you saw him.  He had made you feel weak and embarrassed.  “Didn’t I tell you to fuck off?  I don’t want your gifts,” you spat, attempting to slam the door closed.

Carl put his foot in the doorway and used his strength to squeeze through the opening until he was inside.  “Y/N, I need to talk to you,” he began, leaning his back against the closed door and looking at you with sad eyes.  “I’m sorry for laughing at you.  I probably made you feel really shitty and that’s not okay.  I realize that now.  I had no idea what you were going through and I shouldn’t have been so quick to judge.  I’m really sorry and I hope I’ve been able to make it up to you.”  He held the flowers out to you.

Taking a few steps back, you placed the baseball bat down on the table where you had been doing your homework.  “You really think some flowers are going to make that up to me? Because, trust me, it’s not.  I needed a gun, not fucking roses.”

Carl walked past you into your kitchen, going through the cabinets until he was able to find a vase.  After filling it with water, he put the flowers inside, following you into the living room and placing the vase in the middle of the table.  Completely ignoring your comments, he asked, “Has he come around the past few days?”

Crossing your arms over your chest, you plopped back down on the couch.  “No, he hasn’t.  But no worries, he’ll be back soon enough.”

Overlooking your hostility, Carl took a seat beside you on the couch.  “No, he won’t.”

You were getting more and more annoyed each second that passed. Who was he to guess the next time your ex-boyfriend would decide to pay you a visit?  “Yeah, he will.  He always does.  Carl, you don’t even fucking know him.”

Carl reached out his hand and rested it on top of yours, which you hadn’t even realized was still shaking from the time you heard the knock on the door.  “Relax,” he murmured softly, beginning to massage your hand with his thumb.  “He’s not coming back.  I promise.  I took care of it.  Of him.” When your eyes widened, he shook his head.  “No, I didn’t kill him, Y/N.  Just made sure he’d be too scared to even look in your direction again.  It’s gonna be okay.  You’re safe now.”

You couldn’t believe what he was saying.  Why would he do this?  Pulling your hand away from his, you inched back a bit.  “Carl, he could’ve hurt you,” you said, pulling your knees up to your chest.  “You could’ve just let me take care of it.”

“No, Y/N.  I couldn’t have.”  He grabbed your hand yet again and began to play with your fingers.  “After you ran out on me, I really thought about what you said.  Even if you had just told me why you needed a gun right away, I still wouldn’t have given it to you.  If he hurt you when you were unarmed, I don’t even want to think about what he would’ve done to you if he had found out you had a gun on you.  He could’ve killed you.”  His concerned eyes found yours again.  “I could never put you in that danger.  Even though I haven’t shown it recently, I care about you far too much.”

He really meant it.  You were really safe.  For the first time in months, a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders. Without a single word, you leaned forward and wrapped your arms around his body tightly, burying your face into his chest.  You couldn’t control your emotions.  Tears began to stream from your eyes.  “I’m sorry,” you mumbled into his chest.

“Hey, hey.  You don’t have to apologize for anything.  I deserved to be yelled at.  Don’t say sorry, just say thank you,” he said with a chuckle, pulling back to look at you.  The smile immediately fell from his face.  “Please… Don’t cry.”  His hand comfortingly squeezed your arm.

Unfortunately, his hand gripped where one of your bruises happened to be, causing you to flinch.  You grabbed his hand off of your arm and laced your fingers with his instead. “Sorry… There’s… Yeah.”

He knew exactly what you meant.  The frown wouldn’t leave his lips.  “I just… I just don’t understand.  I don’t understand how somebody can do that to another person. To you.”  He shook his head, his eyes scanning your clothing-covered body. “Should’ve killed him when I had the chance.”

“You did enough.  Wouldn’t want you to end up back in prison.” You forced a half smile.

Still, Carl’s eyes continued to scan you up and down.  “I want to see.”

“Huh?”

Playing with your fingers, Carl’s eyes met yours again. “I want to see what he did to you. I just… I just need to know what he did.”

A lump formed in your throat.  “It’s ugly… I don’t let anyone see,” you whispered, looking down at your lap.  “But… I guess you deserve to after all of this.”  Inhaling deeply, you hesitantly gripped the fabric of your hoodie, slowly pulling it over your head.  Following this, you stood up and pulled down your sweats, stepping out of them.  You and Carl had been friends for a long time, so he had seen you in just a bra and underwear on numerous occasions, but you had never felt so exposed.

Carl sat on the edge of the couch, his eyes slowly scanning you up and down, taking it all in.  In the dim light, it almost appeared as though his eyes began to tear up a bit. “Wow…” he breathed, shaking his head. “I just… How…”  He was at a loss for words.

Shaking your head, you wrapped your arms around your stomach, trying to hide at least part of your body.  “I know,” you muttered, taking a step back.  “It’s… ugly.  It makes me feel ugly.”

“Don’t ever say that.”  Carl got up from the couch, kneeling down in front of you.  His fingers ghosted over one of the bruises on your thighs.  “The things he did to you were ugly.  But you could never be ugly.”  He pressed his lips to the mark on your thigh, causing you to shiver.  “You’re beautiful.  So beautiful.  Always have been, always will be.”

Closing your eyes, you allowed him to press his lips against each of the marks on your body.  He slowly made his way up to your stomach, and then your chest and collarbones. With each kiss, you were able to calm down a bit more.  Each time, his lips barely touched your skin, as though he was afraid he’d hurt you. Finally, he made his way to the top and stood up completely, staring down at your face.  You had never seen Carl act so passionately in his life, and it was making your heart pound.

You allowed your eyes to open, looking up to meet his gaze. His eyes wouldn’t leave yours. His blue orbs were glowing with nothing but adoration, causing you to blush and look down at your feet.  Your stomach was in knots.  How could he have possibly seen you in this state and be looking at you so admiringly?

“No, look at me,” he urged quietly, lifting your chin with his index finger.  Once your eyes were on his, he rested his forehead against yours and inhaled sharply. “This might kind of ruin the moment but I feel like you deserve to be asked for permission for once.  Can I kiss you?”  Blushing slightly, he bit on his lip.  “I mean, like, yeah I was just kissing your bruises before but I mean actually—“

Cutting off his rambling, you leaned up and pressed your lips against his.  His lips at first responded slowly and gently, but once you deepened the kiss, he added a bit more force as well.  Not breaking the kiss, he took a few steps back and sat down on the couch, pulling you into his lap.  His lips only pulled back when he gently placed you onto the couch, moving on top of you without putting any of his weight on you.

“Tell me when to stop,” Carl whispered breathlessly, kissing down your jaw until he reached your neck.  A gasp escaped your lips as he started to suck on the skin, your eyes closing as he continued to work on it.  “You know, not all of the marks on your body have to be made out of hate.” He pulled back, admiring what could only be a hickey.

For once, a small smile tugged at the corners of your lips. You didn’t feel ugly.  You felt wanted.  Reaching down, you started to pull his shirt up.

His hand stopped yours, giving it a squeeze.  “Don’t feel like you have to.  Don’t feel like you owe me anything.”

You shook your head at him, moving his hand away and pulling his shirt over his head.  “I don’t feel like I have to.  I want to.” Giving him a reassuring smile, you reached down to unbutton his jeans.

From his body language, it was clear that he wanted to as well.  “Okay, just promise me you’ll let me know at any time if you want to stop or if I’m hurting you.  Please.” Gently, he helped you remove the rest of the clothes off of the both of you.

“I promise.”

And that was that.  In that night, you crossed over many boundaries.  You crossed the boundary from worthless to worthy.  From abandoned to wanted.  From hurt to healing.  From degraded to loved.  And with Carl, you crossed the boundary from friends to something much more.  And that something was all you had needed.


———-


Thank you to those of you who have liked/reblogged/commented on my other imagines so far.  Means a lot.  It’s 2am and I’m about to pass out but I should be posting again in the next few days.  Hope you enjoy. xx