#WednesdayWisdom

How To Heal Your Shame

 You didn’t begin life with this burden of shame - it came from an external judgement of your actions. When we are children we are only concerned with being - until we are conditioned by society through schooling & parenting to make sure we fit into the system.

This is done by authority figures imposing their judgements on our actions such as when our parents tell us “you shouldn’t do that”. Recognise that this is a vital part of understanding where your shame is coming from - which is an important step in the healing process.

Healing your shame is all about loving yourself - when you love yourself for who you are the shame you feel subsides. When what you say, think and do are in harmony - then you will know peace. This can only be achieved when you are 100% authentic and honest with yourself and who you are.

Being honest about who you are doesn’t mean you have to justify yourself to anyone else - it’s all about living a way of life that serves and fulfils you. Make sure you are the number 1 priority in your life, nothing and no one else can be above you when you are on the healing journey.

See that the world is full of unique individuals - many of these individuals have chosen to abandon that which makes them different so that they can “fit in” with society and feel accepted. Part of this process means that they will herd together and project their insecurities and judgements at those who still choose to express who they truly are.

You are not “weird”, “evil” or “subhuman” because of your lifestyle choices - you are a unique human being that has chosen not to blend in with the rest of society in favour of being accepted. This takes much courage - recognise that you are a powerful being because you are not choosing society’s acceptance over your own individuality.

Shame cannot thrive where there is self-love.

Peace & positive vibes.

some people are saying that american skam may not be that bad because Julie is helping them with it but I don’t know… no matter how good or bad it is i don’t think i will be able to watch it, for the reason that skam has meant so much to me and to see them try and remake it with other people as the characters it just won’t be the same. nothing will ever top the original and i know that north american people that haven’t seen the norwegian version are gonna hype up the american version and then pay the original dust just because it’s in a different language (kinda like what happened with Eyewitness).

Understanding a Shame Based Identity

Shame is the deeply held belief that, at core, there is something wrong with me. So, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I’ll never measure up and be good enough. Thus, I expect other people to reject me in the end, and deep down inside I reject myself.

If I have a shame based identity, I am likely to battle with the following feelings:

- Feeling like a fraud

- Feeling like I have to cover up all the time

- Fear of being exposed for who and what I truly am

- Feeling powerless

- Feeling as if I don’t have, or deserve, a voice

- Wishing I could just disappear

- Feeling vulnerable

- Feeling very needy – and perhaps too needy, compared to other people

- Feeling like I always disappoint myself and others.

The “shame bound” person is constantly struggling against these persistent and negative feelings. They are triggered easily, and by innocuous triggers, such as being overlooked or contradicted by a friend. This can then result in a powerful “shame attack” that is so intense that we’re completely paralysed, and overwhelmed, by a sense of worthlessness. These feelings can persist for days, for weeks or even months.

10 Reasons I should play Isak in the US Skam Remake

1. Isak and I are virtually indistinguishable from one another. Never before have I so closely, intensely related to a fictional character. 

2. I can rock a snapback

3. I wrote, co-directed, and starred in a short film that won the Atlantic Youth Film Festival and went on to be featured at the Toronto International Film Festival High School Festival

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjC3oncA6g8

4. REALLY want a blonde Isak? I’m game

5. I totally felt a Natural Connection™️ with Tarjei AND Henrik when I got to meet them 

6. Trying to be straight™️? ME

7. I can cry. I mean, CRY cry. Ugly cry (but still look good) 

8. Do you see that picture of me and my boy squad in front of a castle? Yeah. #boysquad 

9. I’ve acted in almost a dozen plays, both through school and independently, as well as three short films, so I know what I’m doing, but am definitely an unknown. 

10. Sitting on a bench? Sign me up

BONUS: I would do anything to play Isak Valtersen. Julie and Tarjei were able to expertly craft this phenomenal character that helped me grow as a person more than I ever thought a fictional character could. When I watch Skam, I see so much of myself in Isak. I took the exact same Gay Test as him. I laid awake for hours wondering if boys I liked, liked me back. I awkwardly came out to my friends when they heard it from other people first. I dated girls to prove to myself and people around me that I was straight. My first gay kiss was ripped right from a movie, only I was laying down like Sleeping Beauty and he got down on one knee and kissed me. I understand Isak because I am Isak. I’m the scared, lonely, angry closeted kid who makes other people guess who I like because it’s easier than telling them myself. I know US Skam won’t be able to replicate Julie and Tarjei’s Isak, because it never could. Nothing and nobody ever could. I don’t know if US Skam will be good; some remakes (The Office, Shameless) are amazing, others (Skins) are terrible. I hope US Skam is good, because I hope other people get to have characters they connect with the way I connect with Isak. I want to play Isak (or Isaac?) because I want to do for somewhat else what Tarjei did for me. I will always be grateful to him. I will never be able to thank him and Julie enough for Isak Valtersen. 


If anybody important ever sees this and wants to give me a chance, I’ll be eternally grateful to you as well. :) 

It’s important, I think, to be able to stand up and say, “All that has happened to me, all that I have done, everything that has brought me to this moment, here, today; it’s part of my story and it’s shaped the person that I have become. But it isn’t the whole of me. My past doesn’t define me. My story doesn’t end here. I am more than this.”