The Fire Logic of Jaya Ballard

Today is the first day of Chandra Week, and what’s a better way to begin than with a look at someone who isn’t Chandra? Oh, you say that this is probably not a great way to celebrate the spunky pyromancer? Well shame on you, citizen, because today’s article is all about Jaya Ballard, the original spunky pryomancer. Jaya is famous for her flavor text, which knocked the laughs out of people’s stomachs during Ice Age and Alliances (and a few other sets). Today we’ll be exposing ourselves to Jaya’s full-frontal commentary, arguably the most enjoyable flavor-text adventure in the Multiverse.

Fire: A User Guide

Jaya Ballard, Task Mage

The Chandra/Jaya connection goes far beyond personality. Not coincidently, these characters are bound together in the lore through the Keral Keep on the plane of Regatha. This monastery is filled with pyromancers who once encountered Jaya Ballard and basically built a religious school of thought around her snarky jabs. You younger players may recognize Keral Keep as the place where Chandra studied pyromancy too. It’s no surprise the characters are so similar.

But before she was a plane-trotting smartass, Jaya was a task mage. These were basically wizards-for-hire that you could pay to do odd jobs. In Jaya’s case this meant performing tasks like setting things on fire or setting things really on fire. During her career, it’s not surprising that Jaya figured out a few guiding principles of pyromancy. Observe:


“I strive for elegance and speed in my work.”

Lava Burst

“Overkill? This isn’t a game of Kick-the-Ouphe!”

Meteor Shower

“Eenie, meenie, minie, moe … oh, why not all of them?”


“Of course you should fight fire with fire. You should fight everything with fire.”


“Some have said there is no subtlety to destruction. You know what? They’re dead.”

I think it’s pretty clear what Jaya’s strategy is. If it can be set on fire, set it on fire. If it can’t be set on fire, set it on fire anyway.

Monkey Business

Gorilla Shaman

For some reason, Jaya ran into Dominaria’s Simian people often. Big apes, snarky pyromancer, it’s a comedy recipe for delicious humor! And we’re not the only ones who are slightly confused about running into these shaggy shamans all the time. Check out the progression of Jaya’s dismissive annoyance:

Gorilla War Cry

“The only ‘art’ these beasts possess is the art of noise!”

Gorilla Shaman

“Frankly, destruction is best left to professionals.”

Gorilla Chieftain

“Oh, no—not you again?!”

Pre-planeswalker Jaya was ripped through space-time by the time rifts, as evidenced by her card in Time Spiral, and we are given a clue about when she came from. She has one piece of flavor text in the block, and this quote is the final piece of this apery.

Simian Spirit Guide

“All my spells smell like burnt hair lately.”


Jaya Being Jaya


Being an aggressive Red character, it’s also no wonder that Jaya hates walls. Whether she’s being surprised by them or tearing them down, there’s never a dull moment with Jaya around.

Wall of Lava

“Now there’s something you don’t see every day.”

Word of Blasting

“Walls? What walls?”

And you don’t get to be the most memorable task mage without being confident in your abilities. Or confident in your delusions of grandeur.

Mystic Compass

“And I say north is where I want it to be!”


“Who needs the sun when you’ve got me around?”

Red mages tend to be a little eccentric, and Jaya pretty much tops the charts in this regard. Forget rules, forget patterns, forget structure. Burn that ish to the ground. Jaya doesn’t need a reason to be snarky or arrogant or wrap her words in hyperbole. Jaya’s gonna Jay.


“Just the thing for those pesky water mages.”


“If you’d been there, you would’ve run from that deer, too!”


“Leaves more room for the big ones to fight in, you know.”


“Once great literature—now great litter.”





Ain’t no party like a Jaya Ballard party cuz a Jaya Ballard party don’t stop!

Except for snacks. Snacks are a good thing to stop for. Jaya has a few food-related quotes to her credit, even though one of them comes from the Un-Multiverse. So let’s end the day with some munchies!


“Yes, I think ‘toast’ is an appropriate description.”


“Anybody want some … toast?”

Chicken Egg

“That’s a lotta nuggets.”

OK, now I want chicken nuggets. Like a lot of chicken nuggets. No conclusion or anything for this article. You get the picture; Jaya is awesome and you should like her. I’m hungry. See ya, folks!

anonymous asked:

So you're a "body positive" advocate now that you're all thin and feel good looking? It's way easier to fight to end fat shaming when you're not fat anymore.

I feel good looking now that I am a body positivity advocate.

I was overweight from the ages of like 10-19, so I know what fat shaming is like. Most of my life has included fat shaming.

My stance on body image isn’t invalidated just because I don’t feel ugly anymore. I never should’ve had to feel ugly in the first place.

If I knew this from the beginning, if I knew that all bodies were beautiful and that fat doesn’t equal bad, I never would’ve felt disgusting. I never would’ve felt like I’d never have anyone. I never would’ve been as depressed as I was or shut people out the way I did.

I’m better now. I know I’m beautiful now. And because I’m beautiful, and because there are people looking at what I do, I want everyone else to know they’re beautiful too.

I’ve seen the pit. I’ve been in the pit. I’ve gone back to the pit so many times I should have a fucking timeshare there. 

Now that I’m better I’m never going back, and I want to make sure nobody ever has to be in that bad place just because of how they think they’re supposed to look.

“if your cat isn’t affectionate and comes up to you and demands pets you are a BAD CAT OWNER”

idk man it seems like you’re a bad cat owner for assuming that cats don’t have their own personalities bc your cat is super clingy

anonymous asked:

Really? Pb2 and low calorie yogurt?..... Cmon!!!! How are you ever going to recover eating shit like that.

Your words are toxic. If you’re genuinely worried about me recovering, then why would you send a message like this? It’s way more harmful than it is helpful. Shame on you.

anonymous asked:

DUDE I'm so happy you've read and loved the Johannes Cabal books and are reccing them to people! Like no one has heard of this series which is a damn shame cause they are SO MUCH FUN in a creepy, morally questionable way.

DUDE yes they are so excellent and I indiscriminately recommend them to everyone and already got immathrowabrickatyou hooked. Oh Johannes, my clever little anti-hero, how I love you.


Lord knows I’m worth it.
Sometimes I question it based on my mistakes and how people think they can treat me.
Lord knows I’m worth waiting for,
worth all the sleepless nights and deep rooted conversations,
the laughter and tears of roller coaster days,
worth the songs to be written and played,
the moments of silence in each other’s presence.
I’m meant to be loved in such a way it puts shame to fairytales and romance classics.
I’m not meant to be told I should wear more revealing blouses,
or to send you even more revealing photos.
I’m not meant to stared at in such a way that is frightening.
I’m meant to be looked at with endearment, as I am to be cherished.
I’m not meant to have a boyfriend who sees me as a trophy.
Unlike popular opinion, I don’t have commitment issues,
I have issues with boys who think they are men.
Who think they know what a real woman is and try to change a girl into that.
I have issues with guys picking apart my body as if they have some claim over it.
I have issues with guys who think that just because I shaved my head that I’ve gone wild and will sleep with them.
I have issues with guys who see me in an objectifying way and think that the way to my heart is by complimenting me.
I don’t have commitment issues.
I have a hard time finding anyone who treats me respectfully enough that I would consider dating them.
“But you have plenty of guys after you I’m sure a few of them are nice guys!”, they say.
Well, outward appearances are quite deceiving,
get them behind closed doors and their true colors show through.
Lord knows I’ll hold out,
for the one that will treat me right,
that will treat others right.
that will love me for me.
my quirkiness, my times of being ‘hangry’, my obsession with music and singing and depth in lyrics, my need for the outdoors and spontaneity, my random outburst of far fetched ideas that I have to say out loud because I need someone else to understand my crazy.
I’ll hold out for the one that loves me for me, not the idea of me.

anonymous asked:

Whenever I look at your posts and see aspects of your life, we are so ridiculously similar! I guess the only difference between you and me is that I'm gay and your not. That aside, I have a lot in common with you, and I mean a lot.

Neat. Yeah, it’s a shame I can’t feel the same way about men butt that I feel about girl butt, but it is what it is.

I’m having a hard time trying to figure out how anyone could be negative towards Seventeen already. I haven’t heard any awful things from them and they seem very supportive of one another. To berate them because of race, height, lack of skill, sensitivity, appearance and language barriers is so petty. It’s literally like you’re digging for something negative to say about a group of young boys who pretty much gave up their teenage years to a practice room. They have room to improve and grow and mature into such a great group and I wish that these bitter comments made about them would stop because they obviously are hurt by them.

anonymous asked:

I've been naturally skinny all of my life and I've been told that I'm way too skinny and that i look sickly, etc etc. I understand what you mean by saying fat shaming is horrible but I wouldn't say its worse then shaming someone for being naturally skinny. They're both horrible in an equally way.

you get called names for being skinny which is bad, yes and im truly sorry!! I’ve been there too and let me tell you firsthand i understand how annoying it is!


as a skinny girl, there aren’t million-dollar companies made solely to make you feel unwanted because of your size. you don’t turn on a comedy show or watch a #1 comedy movie and see people reducing you to nothing more than a punchline every single sentence. you don’t feel alone as a result of not seeing anyone as large as you in popular media . you aren’t told that your only job in life is to please men, only to experience extreme dissonance because you don’t fit the archetype. you don’t constantly get denied jobs and due respect simply for being fat.

being called names for being skinny is unpleasant, 100% agree. but being told that you’re a failure in life for being fat is much worse and it’s selfish to say the two of them are anywhere near the same.



diana-egalla-montrier asked:

i know this might be dumb, but how did studio deen not do their research for the anime. i haven't read the manga, so i don't really know why/how

No problem! I´ll explain:

The manga, on the other side, did portray almost everything accurately:

See? Good research (some inaccuracies occur, but it´s nothing important), accurate clothing, and extremly important extra information (Semi-confirmation of the HRE theory?!!) I was really excited about this strip, and was quite angry when I saw how Deen ruined it. This could´ve been such a great episode! Hima knows a lot about Germany, it´s a shame it turned out this way.

HetaArchive Source: X

Fat Shaming: Who Does It Benefit?

By Kristina Combs

Makeup: a way to self-express yourself and feel comfortable enhancing the skin that you are in—not for cosmetics company, Benefit.  

The company’s UK branch tweeted fat-shaming tweets on July 6th, claiming that they were just having some fun.  Sorry, but when did discrimination of someone’s body type become “fun"? I’m pretty sure that’s also known as bullying.

It took the company approximately two hours to release an apology tweet after many angry customers expressed how wrong it was of the company to do so.

Many customers threatened to boycott the brand (rightfully so!) and asked if Benefit would make some other jokes on current events, such as what is happening in Greece or if racism was trending would they jump on that and create offensive hashtags, the company had no comment.

Many customers, as well as UK beauty bloggers, have come up with the hashtag: #boycottbenefit.

The company’s “big mistake” has now cost them some of their sponsored bloggers,  resulting in a decrease in new product promotion, as well as global customer.

Body shaming is disgusting, as everyone is beautiful regardless of what a scale says. It’s sad that a cosmetic company felt the need to publically humiliate their fan base in order to fit in with “the trends”. Try embracing your customers, at every shape and size. That never goes out of style.

About this blogger: Kristina Combs is a native New Yorker who has a passion for helping others.  She received my B.A from Hunter College in May 2015 and will be attending Adelphi University School of Social Work in the fall. She started volunteering with NEDA’s Helpline in hopes to help support and empower individuals and their families who are affected by eating disorders and to let them know that they don’t have to go through this alone.  When she’s not volunteering or focusing on my studies, she enjoys spending time with my friends and family and blogging.

For more on fat shaming, check out:
Tinder Body Shamers, Just Don’t
Crop Tops Are For Every Body
Strength In Numbers: A Personal Story in Overcoming Cyberbullying