shallow dreams

120.

voicemail: Dad, how can I get to LA?


I know the answer
It’s easy.
just abandon your city
to chase a shallow California dream
and a shallow California romance

It’ll be easier 
than the tombstone skyscrapers of Manhattan
and the endless caverns
of a once teenage romance

some kiddie pool man
who has no history with me
will whisk me away in a car
that his parents paid for

When I look at him
I will feel nothing.

When I look at him
I won’t see you.

You can’t drown me
I’ll be too far
and the hours too separated.
my cuts will heal in the cold salt
and scars will sew themselves up.

It puzzles me when people cite LOTR as the standard of “simple” or “predictable” or “black and white” fantasy. Because in my copy, the hero fails. Frodo chooses the Ring, and it’s only Gollum’s own desperation for it that inadvertently saves the day. The fate of the world, this whole blood-soaked war, all the millennia-old machinations of elves and gods, comes down to two addicts squabbling over their Precious, and that is precisely and powerfully Tolkien’s point. 

And then the hero goes home, and finds home a smoking desolation, his neighbors turned on one another, that secondary villain no one finished off having destroyed Frodo’s last oasis not even out of evil so much as spite, and then that villain dies pointlessly, and then his killer dies pointlessly. The hero is left not with a cathartic homecoming, the story come full circle in another party; he is left to pick up the pieces of what was and what shall never be again. 

And it’s not enough. The hero cannot heal, and so departs for the fabled western shores in what remains a blunt and bracing metaphor for death (especially given his aged companions). When Sam tells his family, “Well, I’m back” at the very end, it is an earned triumph, but the very fact that someone making it back qualifies as a triumph tells you what kind of story this is: one that is too honest to allow its characters to claim a clean victory over entropy, let alone evil. 

“I can’t recall the taste of food, nor the sound of water, nor the touch of grass. I’m naked in the dark. There’s nothing–no veil between me and the wheel of fire. I can see him with my waking eyes.”

So where’s this silly shallow fever-dream I’ve heard so much about? It sounds like a much lesser story than the one that actually exists.

You know what I love about Lance?

He’s just like his spirit element water. The physical embodiment of the ocean. 

His personality on the surface is wild, playful, erratic at times. It’s like the surface of the water, unpredictable and seemingly moody, but at occasional times is calm and smoothing.

But go deeper under the surface. You’ll find a roaring, vicious undertow of water thats the playful surface covers any sign of it from above. Unless you got to know Lance deeper or had some sort of way into his head, like we had from the few snippets of season 2, you’d think that he is shallow and easily readable, when in reality he has a rushing wave of constant emotions and feelings he’s trying to suppress. 

And while the ocean and Lance are both complex, complicated, and can be at times dangerous in their disruptive nature, they both are the heart of what keeps their system running. Without the ocean we would all cease to exist, and without Lance, the team would fall to pieces. Lance is wild and passionate in his existence, but he loves unconditionally and provides life and hope in the darkest of moments to us and the team, and if that ain’t some deep ass metaphorical shit about water’s life force I don’t know what is. 

i’m staring out there
for something
i’m looking out there
for you
but all i find
are dreaming skies
and a need to aspire
a desire for the deep
rejection of the shallow
and to never let go


Suzy Hazelwood (Flickr)

The Brothers Fears And How They Handle It

ALRIGHT so I read a chapter from the official anthology of Osomatsu-San and it was so good and in character that I want to talk about it.

(Shoutout to @shitpostomatsu for posting about it!!!!)

Spoilers for the chapter, read it here if you want to see it beforehand!

The summary of the story is basically that the morning after new years all of the brothers besides Karamatsu woke up feeling fuckin awful after their dreams that night, having been nightmares. 

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Cartomancy Readings Open

I picked up some rainbow playing cards for divination, and I couldn’t be happier. They were a dollar at 5 below, and are vibrant and beautiful! I use this* system to divine (I used to be scrying-with-skeletons), and am now including the colour correspondences I use that I wrote about here. Feel free to request a reading!

Cartomancy System 

The Joker - The Wild Cards

The Joker to me is a wildcard. They’re very loud and boisterous in appearance, masking the actions and thoughts below the costume. So, in cartomancy readings, the Joker can signify a surprise; big or small, positive, negative, or neutral. There is something hidden, and it will most likely only be revealed as time passes. The joker is a card of mystery.

Aces - The Theatre Cards

♥ Love, a passion or single joy. The epitome of happiness, almost fake. Also: foolish distraction from the present problems at hand, leading yourself with your heart and not your mind. Blind faith. Dramatic or overdone.

♠ Perfection, desirable outcome and stealthiness. The crowning jewel of a project or event. Also: fantasy, forgetfulness, a lack of foresight. Being absorbed in something so far that you forget what you need to focus on in reality.

♦ Imagination, wealth, and financial security. Happiness in marriage and all relationships, good fortune in deals and contracts. Also: Lack of self-control, overzealous attitude and a flair for the dramatics. Greed and loneliness.

♣ Luck, comfort, foundation. A joyous home filled with charms and magical delights. Happiness, joy, and pleasure. Warmth. Also: suffocating family or friends. Eating away at the inside out.

Twos - The Relationship Cards

♠ The two of spades represents a direct, straightforward relationship. Perhaps seemingly perfect, unparalleled and strong. However, this relationship could suffer due to the starkness and lack of affection. Like a plant, this relationship can grow with the proper care and nutrients. There is nothing wrong with an honest and open pairing, it just needs other aspects to thrive.

♥ The two of hearts is loving, caring partnership. There is joy, mirth, and most of all, happiness. True emotion is felt between all parties. In this relationship, there can reside a simplistic desire to always be together, resulting in missed opportunities/jobs and a loss of material things.

♣ A steady, strong, and healthy relationship is here shown. There aren’t any cracks or waves to rock the boat on this one. A harmonious pairing, and happy times ahead. These relationships can show the toughest pasts, though.

♦ A lustful, often Hollywood-like pairing. Little to no affection, truth, or loyalty. Money becomes the center of the relationship, often shows the partnerships where anything but the two’s+ happiness is important. These relationships are comfortable despite the unhappy conditions.

Threes - the Timeline Cards

The threes represent a timeline, a crossroads, and a time of change. Depending on the suit, each card has a different meaning.

♠ The three of spades represents an easy decision. Like a compass pointing north, it will be hard to stray from this course of action. Timewise, any events due to happen will be swift and obvious, not hesitating to leave a hard, impressionable mark.

♥ A decision that will tug at your heartstrings will leave you guessing. Your decision can go either way, and the more time that passes the harder your decision will be. Think over all the possible solutions, but don’t hesitate once you’ve worked everything out!

♣ Luck, choice, and good fortune will litter this time. You’ll find joy in the journey and be happy with your overall decisions. However, this time will pass soon, leaving you with a dreamy ending that won’t last long.

♦ Money will play a big role in the next few events of your life. Material things, lust, and shallow dreams will pull you on, but don’t get caught up in their glory! They’ll soon leave you behind, wading through the remainders.

Fours - the Foundational Cards

♥ The four of hearts represents a love letter. Perfection in romance, a steady heart. The four hearts form a foundation for a relationship to be built upon, or anything else to be formed with. Passion is a key word here, however, so is being blindsided. While you form the base for a new project or career, you may be crushed from behind.

♠ The four of spades is safety. Protection, cleansing, and warding are important at this time. Watch out for people attacking you or filling your home with negativity. Wear a charged crystal on your person for protection. Be wary though of paranoia, and don’t allow yourself to lose sight of what you love by ignoring it.

♣ Harmony. Smooth sailing. Beautiful homes lined with picket fences, and forgotten troubles. Living in a fantasy world, and making it a reality. Watch out for jealousy and those who wish to watch you crumble.

♦ Financial security. Attraction, peace in material struggles. A lack of fear and forgetfulness. Prepare, however, for though times in the future to avoid them completely.

Fives - The Support Cards

♥ You are loved and supported by many people. Your friends and/or family is accepting and cherishes you, and will back you up if you need them too. Take heart in this energy being sent towards you, it will strengthen you and bring you hope.

♠ Now is a time of communication, directness, and forethought. Use your support system to think and train, and be aware of your surroundings. They’re here to help you, so use their aid wisely. Watch out for “spies” and be sure your inner group is there only to be your guides, and not to harm you in any way.

♣ You will find support in your family, in your home, and in who you spend the most time with. Home is not just four walls and a roof, and this card calls to remind you of that. Be happy in the arms of those you trust as you rest and recuperate for future endeavours.

♦ You will soon find financial support. Whether this be from a new or bonus-bringing job, family, friends, or even birthdays, a bit of money is on its way to you. The universe has begun putting out what you have put into it.

Sixes - The Game Changing Cards

♥ Soon a decision must be made, one in the matters of friendship, love, and loyalty. It may be difficult and wearisome, but the outcome will lead to justice and the fruits of your labour will increase dramatically. Avoid dallying, now is the time to act.

♠ Act quickly and make a decision fast. Now is not the time for frolicking and dilly dallying. Shoot an arrow to the side you are joining, and leave to their camps before you get struck by your enemies. If you are stuck between two choices, pick the one your gut leads you to. Do not seek advice from too many people; a King has one right hand aid.

♣ A slow, easy decision is on its way. You will be able to put this decision at rest with peace in your heart and in your mind. Be comforted by the fact that all will be well in a few weeks or months.

♦ Finances are a big part of this decision. So are job opportunities. Make a decision carefully, and use your resources to the best of your ability.

Sevens - The Masked Cards

♥ Someone in your life is hiding their true selves. This could be representative of yourself, or inner thoughts as well. The reason they hide is due to shame and pain, and most likely fear. They are hurting on the inside and are afraid to reach out and speak, to get the help and love they need. THey may lack sympathy and empathy due to their internal struggles and seem very aloof and vague.  

♠ Poison slinks back to you in the form of a lethal sword. Do not touch it lest you be sliced and burned by its foul liquid! Be cautious and do not accept gifts from those you do not trust. If they seek you out for help, or offer their own services be wary of their intentions.

♣ A piece of your past, particularly your home life, is coming into view. This may be a positive or negative memory, or even a person or place. It may be a shock at first, but soon you’ll become comfortable with the unmasked piece of your past.  

♦ A rival at your workplace will soon become known to you. Perhaps this will be an up and coming salesperson, or a new boss. Whoever it is, try to befriend them instead of disliking them.

Eights - The Wish Cards

♥ Love is in the air! Someone is looking for their heart’s contentment, whether ion romance, friendship, or family ties. Now is a good time to look for helping others, and taking care of those who need your acceptance, joy, and help the most. Keep these people close to your heart for a while, and shower everyone with your gift of love!

♠ A striking, powerful occurrence will soon take place! Something spectacular that will leave you shocked and ecstatic! Look forward to a happy surprise!

♣ A star dazzles above your head! Soon a wish you made long ago will come true. It circles back around just in time to save the day, like a meteor stuck in an orbit around the Earth. Be sure to add your own power to it to be sure it comes true!

♦ Make a wish for something! It’s surely to come if you put some energy into it. If you make it truly sincere, and hope with all of your might, it may just come true after all!

Nines -  The Travel Cards

♥ Adventure, free spirit, and wanderlust are heading your way. Your heart will lead you to where it should be, however, you must be wary of danger! Don’t let your heart guide you so often that you forget to use your brain!

♠ Danger awaits! You’ll swim into rocks if you aren’t careful. Yo may find yourself saved by the skin of your elbows, so be very cautious for the next few weeks. Find solace in knowing that once you end your travels, the destination will be safe.  

♣ Travel back to a place where you have lived before, maybe an old home your family owns, or to a familiar state. It’s time to get back to where you were once before! Alternatively, you can have a staycation and have fun where already live!

♦ Spend some time alone this year, and think on what the next few months will have in store for you. Be open to the new things life has to offer, and also the old ones.

Tens - The Battle Cards

♥ You’re about to enter a battle with your emotions, perhaps with your desires and what you feel is right. Know that your intuition is correct, and that you need to listen to more than just your wants at this time. Wise counsel from friends and family will come into play, and know that they are doing what is best for you even if you cannot do it yourself.

♠ Canons rain down and make the blue sky turn black. Bitter winter will roll in, bring plague, and trap you in your battlements. This will be a rough season, something hard to tough out. Thinking ahead is key at a time like this.

♣ Your homelife may be rock at the moment, or it will be. But just lock down the hatches and know that you will get out of this soon. Stay sturdy like a rock, and don’t give up no matter what!

♦ Your financial life will go through an uneasy struggle soon. So save up now before it gets bad! Like someone preparing for a drought, stock up as much as you can.

Knaves -  The Forgotten Cards

♥ An ex-lover, forgotten friend, or a lonely person around you is looking to connect with you. Take heed and listen to their words. Forgive any mistakes but do not forget them, for the forgotten can make the worst messes.

♠ An assassin from long ago has finally found you. Watch out for old enemies, especially internal ones. They are hidden in the guise of gentle flaws. Think quick when they are revealed, and expect something unexpected to arise.

♣ You will soon find a lost object, friend, etc. Soon a nostalgic memory will appear, and flood you with the past. Don’t be wooed, however, for the past is never as it seems.

♦  A surprise is in store for you, totally invisible at the moment. Don’t be shocked when something utterly amazing happens!

Queens - The Regal Cards

♥ A flowering person is coming into your life! Look out for someone with roses in their hair, a smile along their lips, and joy in their hearts. They may be the dose of beauty that you need in your life, a gift from the Universe.

♠ A solemn, vampiric person will soon enter your life. You may find the sombre character appealing, but beware of their deadly fangs, and the energy they leech off of you while you are unaware.

♣ A maternal, kind person is on their way to you. Someone is looking forward to helping you and bringing you joy. Look for this archetype in your life very soon!

♦ A boss, entrepreneur, or even a rich friend is open to seeing you. Take this into account as you look forward to new times ahead!

Kings - The Royal Cards

♥ Throw off your cape and dance for a while! The battles are over or you’re in between them, and you could use a laugh! Try to dust off that solemn smile and play with some children. Having a good, hearty time will bring life into your weary bones.

♠ You are feeling down, perhaps on high alert. Know that you are in for a little longer of this mess and soon you will be free from it. A time of lightheartedness is in your future, so hold on tight until that day dawns.

♣ Return to your roots. Dig deep through your past if you can bear it, and

♦ It’s time to make a budget, check your inventory, and prepare for times ahead! It may be best to stop spending so much, and worry more about the spiritual side of things for a bit. Is your soul doing okay? Make sure to check up on that as well as your budget!

This is of two worlds–the one diurnal men know and that other world where lunar mottled eels stir like dreams in shallow forest water.
—  Christopher Dewdney, opening lines to “This is of two worlds …,” The New Oxford Book of Canadian Verse in English, chosen by Margaret Atwood (Oxford University Press, 1982)
Hands

 Patrick Turner sat down in his living room, and lit a cigarette, having put his son Timothy to bed. Even though it was only 8.30 pm he felt exhausted and considered going to bed, but eventually could not decide to move. He knew if he went to bed now, he would probably lie awake for hours, even though his body felt tired to the bone. He had had a long day at his surgery, skipped his lunch break because of a beginning flu epidemic, and had hardly gotten any sleep the previous night because he had been attending a difficult birth until the wee hours.

Even though he constantly felt exhausted, sleep did not come easily to him these days. Since a couple of weeks he had a recurring dream about hands. A woman’s small and tender but also strong hands, gently touching his hands, his cheeks, the nape of his neck. He intensely felt these hands running through his hair and touching his bare forearms in a firm but affectionate grip. More recently, the image of these hands also appeared more and more frequently in front of his eyes during the day, causing him to drift off into daydreams while sitting over paperwork or waiting for the autoclave to finish.

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It Feels Like Rape [Guzma Drabble]

Not quite choking, not quite drowning. Not quite apathy, not quite anger. The numbness is what gets to you after a while. Do you listen to the lies they told you or the lies you told yourself? Which ones were worse?

Her silk sheets felt like sandpaper on prickling wounds, deep gashes running down his back. She would throw a fit when she saw the stains. That would be like her too, cut your throat and then complain when you bleed on her shoes. It was so tense around her now, like any move could be a wrong one. It was playing with matches until she got what she wanted and she always did…she always did.

The hardest part was reliving all your regrets morning after morning, rolling out of her bed and staring at the wall because you can’t bear to look at her for some reason. Why did she scare you so much? Why does the thought of her hands on your skin make your guts crawl? It didn’t used to, but you can’t say you were jumping for joy either.

19 was a good age. Still technically a teenager but just enough an adult to get what you want. World at yer finger tips… unless you were on your own and broke as shit. She had wafted into your life like an angel on the breeze. You couldn’t believe her when she said she was over 30. She showered you in gifts and compliments when everyone else saw a punk and thug hanging with all your small time thug buddies and your newest babe. Though could you really call her that? Much as you like her she doesn’t seem too hot on you. What a shame too, so comfortable with her. So warm and familiar. You’ve known Plum for years and yet somehow you just can’t make it work. Not the way you want.

It made it so much easier when she drifted in.

“Lusamine.”

“You can call me Luz.”

When she said that it was like watching the plates shatter. Her porcelain face because very human in that moment and for a second you thought maybe she was just as vulnerable as you. At first it was all rainbows and sunshine wasn’t it? She gave you everything. Money for you and your friends, to help more kids just like you. Call it a charitable endeavor.

Maybe she got jealous, she seemed like the type to get jealous easy…but you were always so busy with your new pals, gaining momentum and a name for yourself. You were getting stronger every day! At least it felt like it, turning from a boy into a man.

She wasn’t getting what she wanted from you anymore. Sure you started doing her favors around town. She always had a pretty good reason for it, so what was little bit of back scratching between buddies? The queen deserved everything she wanted for what she was giving them. For what she was giving YOU. All those things you had so desperately wanted to feel you felt in her. Like the mom you never had.

She wanted more.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t done this kind of thing before but this was the last place you expected it to happen.  Somehow it didn’t settle right in your gut. The sterile room, the music, hell she had even poured wine. You gotta give her points for class but what she was asking just sank into your skin like ice in water. Something about it felt like venom in your veins.

“L-Lusamine you don’t wanna waste your time, trust me. Ain’t you marri-”

“Call me Luz.”

It had shut you up hadn’t it? She was human again and it was just the break she needed. She poured you full of syrup and misery. Spoon fed you sob stories about being alone and lonely.

You love her don’t you?

You care about her don’t you?

What about what I did for you?

Isn’t that proof?

Why can’t you stand to see her so disappointed in you? Why do you look up to her so much? Suddenly something you had once done as naturally as breathing felt like drowning. Her skin felt like plastic in your hands and everything tasted of sand. It was like everything in your body had shut down. Your mind left your body leaving nothing but a hollow shell to give her what she wanted.

She couldn’t even let you have that. She had to take you back in again and again.

Biting, clawing, scratching. Her hands felt like a ghost on your body, even when you tried to keep her from touching you. Somehow they felt so wrong during the act and kissing her made you feel sick. It was all so unnatural. The first time was always the hardest. She swore you to it was just a lapse in judgment… she wasn’t ready to leave her husband.

All that for nothing. All that to just play a character in her melodrama. There was a certain level of emptiness to you when you slept hat night. All dreams felt shallow and except for her approval everything else felt empty.

When she called to apologize you felt ecstatic.

Until she asked youto come over again. It became a ritual. Lather rinse repeat. Shed touch you until she felt she had gotten what she wanted. It would feel like a phantom in your body while you floated somewhere around mars. Why is looking in the mirror so hard.

Why is seeing yourself so hard? Because you don’t know who you’re looking at. You wouldn’t let someone do that to you. Make you do nothin’ you didn’t want. You’re Big bad Guzma! You’re the boss! You run this show!

Until she calls again.

You really thought you were fucked when she said she was pregnant didn’t you? You assumed the worst and some how it was even more disgusting when you found out they weren’t yours. Somehow thought of sharing her body with her ignorant husband made you want to vomit…and you did. It had just made you so sick.

How did you end up back here again?

Bleeding on her sheets again. You always said yes, you never said no. You heard your voice say yes. You’re only doing this to yourself right? Ain’t nobody getting hurt? Then why does it feel like you’re already dead?

When shes got you all used up inside and whats worse is nobody would believe you. you’re not only her little secret, everything you have is hinged on her bein’ happy with you.

You got a family dependin’ on you.

She was a beautiful wealthy woman and you were some street punk, you should have been grateful for this experience, this chance. Always seeking the love of a parent in the wrong places, nothing can be innocent anymore. That was gone a long time ago.

You’re so afraid to admit

It feels like rape.

That’s just how the city works: Jikook.

That’s just how the city works.

The city is like a dream – a shattered dream – a shallow vision could never determine the broken beauty of the glitter sprawled across like glass, blurs of lights across the highways and the intoxicating aroma of fantasies and love spread in the air mingling with solitude.

Similar apartments spread across the downtown area of city, the “hipster area” as they called. But who were “they” to judge? Since when were they allowed to become the expertise and since when could they decide it was right to take action without giving another thought.

Jungkook’s mind was the home to unanswered question, he had not much to do – another college dropout, another starving artist, another revolutionary expert – but no, he was just a human. It’s the perspective that he looks at like, that’s what’s different.

The same routine – consisting of the tall glasses of black coffee and the gazing from his balcony to the one opposite. Surely, he appreciated the city life – the blaring honks, upbeat music and street style – amidst all that, being an artist he felt that at 5 am, gazing at the sky – a canvas of pastel colors - made him feel at peace. The red bricks mounting up the building had cracks, imperfections in it – each representing a different story, but what Jungkook was here for was the guy living across.

The thing about Jungkook was he fell in love, easily. He fell in love with the ordinary. He fell in love with the pouring rain, drizzling down every inanimate object. He fell in love with the scent of tingling vanilla in the coffee shop – down at the 6th lamppost. But most importantly, he fell in love with brown eyes and fluffy bronze hair – he fell in love with the way the breeze hit his face when he came out, he fell in love with the deep stares that felt like fire burning his skin in the most pleasurable ways one could imagine.

He fell in love with the boy across the street.

The first time Jungkook ever saw him was on Friday. He was wearing sweatpants and knocking off with hair as a tousled mess atop his head, he was about to grab something from the drugstore. Real quick. Jungkook wore jeans and a white tee shirt. Their ways crossed and Jungkook looked at him and he looked at Jungkook, wondering why he kept on staring. Jimin walked past but when he turned back around Jungkook was there. Still looking.

Jungkook kept her smiling until Jimin was back home.

That night, from the balcony, Jimin saw Jungkook.

There was art in Jungkook’s touch. And there was always beauty in art.

That morning, Jimin came out, his eyes heavy, lips chaste and hair a mess but still he smiled so perfectly like the stars and moon had aligned.


Conversations were passed around about the weather when they first met.

Everyone knows it’s always windy and cold in the city – but the tension in the air wouldn’t cut, and Park Jimin would not have it.

“The weather’s chilly, today,”

That day, Jungkook had first heard his voice. It was the perfect juxtaposition of tranquil and young. It stuttered and cracked, but it was still perfect to him. Unfortunately for Jungkook, it faded away quicker than he could grasp it. Tiny visible breaths could be seen coming out of his mouth, and Jungkook realized he had to talk back.

“It indeed is,”

It may have been awkward but it the best they could talk at a bus stop. The wooden bench creaked under their weight and the wind was a bit too cold for Jimin – not to mention Jungkook didn’t like the way Jimin shivered, it made him want to bundle him up in sweaters and comforters – but it was okay.

They were okay.

Despite living across each other, and having a connection – at least a staring contest – they never officially met. Until now.

To say Jungkook was surprised when a certain brunette came up to his apartment door was an understatement. His heart betrayed him, voice shook and jaw slack. This wasn’t quite the best impression Jungkook wanted to impose on him, but nonetheless, he had an influencing mother and he was always told to be polite, “please do come in,” he said.

Jungkook’s apartment was a visual representation of him. Unfinished, brilliant ideas on scraps of indefinite paper positioned on the brown leather sofa, the smell of coffee lingering the air and the addition of plants all over the apartment – whether they were fake or real. A red flush spread over Jungkook’s neck and ears as he realized he hadn’t exactly gotten along to cleaning up his apartment because he never had guests, but now Jimin just turned upon him, and this was just plain embarrassing.

“It’s okay, I sort of like it,” Giggles erupted, and lord help his because it was something he could always put on repeat – he just didn’t know how he got to be so damn lucky.

Conversations led to a movie – neither really focusing on the plot but each other – and they held hands on the way home but just because “it’s too chilly”.

Jimin could feel the callouses on Jungkook’s hand, the way his third finger was slightly crooked. Jungkook could engulf Jimin’s hand forever, the softness representing the innocence his right hand held. They almost loved. The snow falling in sparkles, everyone knew that it would be a blanket by tomorrow, but they couldn’t care less.

When Jungkook saw Jimin, he wasn’t looking for love. He wasn’t looking for fluffy smiles or holding hands. He wasn’t planning to fall in love – he just guess it just happens like that. Life just happens this way, unexpectedly he wanted to spend more and more time with Jimin. That’s how people fall in love, he thinks.

Looking down at Jimin, he wonders how it ever happened, how the boy across the street who drinks coffee with way too much sugar and the boy across the street who has fluffy hair and phenomenal smiles was sitting on a wet bench in front of the same coffee shop on 6th lamppost.



kairos
(ancient Greek)

(n) the perfect, delicate, crucial moment; the fleeting rightness of time and place that creates the opportune atmosphere for action, words, or movement; the time of possibility.

also, a word for weather.

That’s what was happening. It was the perfect moment to inhale each other. It had been around 3 months since they met.

“You’re too gentle,” Jimin whispered, ”and that’s how you let yourself destroy,”
“Oh yeah?” Jungkook answered, “Well, I officially give you permission to utterly deteriorate me.”

They were young, and they were dumb – but it was all a part of growing up. They lived in the moment and enjoyed it, they didn’t care about the norms or the forbiddens instead they just went for it.

Nights were spent outside of the blaring, loud city where they could hear each other. Sprawled under the humongous tree in the fields, they looked at the stars, just breathing together. Talking wasn’t important, nothing was – unless they could feel each other. In the span of three months, they knew each other inside out, quirks and all.

The new generation might have lost the value of romance, the value of the deep conversations with the right person – but they possessed it.

“They say every atom with our bodies was once part of a star. Do you think if I ever die, I won’t be leaving but going back home?” Jungkook looked at Jimin as he spoke, eyes frowning, fingers cautiously tracing his jawline.

“I don’t know about that, but I’ll be anxiously upset if you ever leave. Please don’t leave me,”

They were close enough to be breathing the same air and Jungkook pressed his lips to Jimin’s plump ones, tasting the cherry lip balm. The first time they kissed, it was as if a whole new world of galaxies had opened up, the universe conspired, the stars approved and the moon stopped hiding to peer them them below and everything felt just right. Sometimes Jungkook kissed tightly, sometimes too gently, but every time he could feel his bones unraveling and his skin burning away – and he just can’t control himself anymore.

But it was a dream and people wake up.

It all lasted for a couple of minutes, then it vanished like ash, afraid of being caught but pleased they actually met. Words vanished from their mouths, as their sole purpose became each other. It all lasted for a couple of minutes before they slipped from each other’s fingers.


The next day, Jungkook wasn’t there. Nor the next week, or the next one, and so on. Weeks became months, which turned to years. Nights were spent alone, just Jimin, Jimin and Jimin alone, sitting on the brown leather sofa in Jungkook’s apartment. He treasured all his art and works, he watered his plants daily in the hope of him coming back one day. Jimin made his way to the coffee shop on the 6th lamppost, to his job.

Time passes painfully slowly, as Jimin puts in extra effort for this next coffee because it’s far too perfect to be messed up.

“A large black coffee,” he knew no one but Jungkook who drank it.

Jimin takes a second, eyes lingering on the vacant space Jungkook used to occupy, while drinking his black coffee and sketching - before going back to his job.

Jungkook never came back, he never did.


Basically the night when they kiss, Jungkook being a gentleman and stuff just dropped off jimin however while he was crossing the road unfortunately he gets in a car accident. If you remember the “I Need U” MV, Jungkook almost gets hit by a car - however this time he actually does.
Jimin is aware of this but the trauma is too much that he still wait for him. (((my smol baby)))

I’m sorry y’all I’m an angsty piece of shit.

IF YOU EVER NEED AN OVERDOSE OF JIKOOK COME AND ASK FOR MORE AHAHAH  (((I write taekook, yoonmin, namjin and basically all the ships)))

Blood

Request: Summary: reader wakes to find Peter covered in blood and tries to get him all cleaned up

Author’s Note: I imagined this as after Peter killed the Mute because he was all bloody and such. I hope you like this! Enjoy c:

Warnings: Blood

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To say I had a…special kind of relationship with the Hales would probably be an understatement. We were very close. It was very difficult to put into words what we had. Sometimes I felt like a mother figure; sometimes we were best friends; sometimes I felt like a girlfriend to one of them. To put any one specific label on it was way too complicated. 

But it still scared me half to death when my eyes cracked open in the darkness of my room, an odd feeling sending shivers up my spine. I rolled over to find Peter standing by the edge of my bed covered in blood. It took all I had in me not to scream.

“Peter!” I scolded, sitting up and flicking on my small bedside light. “What the hell are you doing?” My eyes traveled over his body and widened immediately. I jumped out of bed, inspecting him for injuries, my heart racing a million miles an hour. “Oh my god,” I muttered, brows furrowed in concentration. Peter just looked at me, not saying a word. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” 

I led him to the bathroom by the hand, trying my best not to get blood all over me. I turned on the light and sat Peter down on the edge of the tub, carefully pulling off his stained shirt. I wet a washcloth and knelt in front of his body, dabbing at the spots of blood that covered his skin. I started with his face, holding his chin in my fingers and swiping the washcloth over him gently, leaning over the edge of the tub to rinse it out every now and then. Peter’s eyes followed all of my movements silently. This was definitely a mom moment.

“Aren’t you going to ask me what happened?” Peter asked quietly, startling me a bit. “None of this is mine.” I paused as he watched me, waiting for a response. My mouth opened to say something, but I decided against it and just continued to dab at the dried blood on his chest and arms. I wouldn’t meet his eyes for fear of what I would see there. After awhile, he was finally cleaned off and I stood up, heading to the sink. My hands were stained red now. I scrubbed them clean under the warm water, not looking up when Peter walked up behind me. “It had to do with the benefactor,” he said. I sighed, turning off the tap and looking into his eyes in the mirror.

“I don’t need the details,” I said softly. Peter wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. I closed my eyes, letting us have this peaceful moment. A small grin crossed my lips when he nuzzled into my neck, light scruff tickling my skin.

“Do you mind if I sleep with you tonight?” he mumbled.

“That’s fine,” I told him, patting his arm before pulling away and walking back into my room. We crawled into bed silently and I turned off the light, bathing us in darkness. After awhile I could hear Peter’s steady breathing and faint snore. My eyes were fixed on the ceiling. My mind was racing a million miles an hour. There was no way I was getting back to sleep tonight. I tried shifting positions and rustling around, but nothing worked. 

With a heavy sigh, I got up and walked downstairs. My feet padded quietly against the floor. I needed comfort in closeness, something to slow my thoughts down. Biting my lip, I headed toward Derek’s bed, eyes on his sleeping form. I leaned down and poked his large arm a few times until he started to wake up.

“Y/N?” he asked, sitting up a bit, his voice riddled with sleep. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t sleep,” I told him meekly, fiddling my hands. 

“What’s the matter?” He was sitting up fully now, eyes filled with concern. I shook my head. Tears were pricking my eyes and I didn’t even know why I was so upset.

“Peter came up, and-” I stopped when a lump began to form in throat. I shifted my weight to my other foot and huffed.

“It’s alright,” Derek told me. “Do you wanna…?” He gestured to the covers, pulling them up a bit. I nodded and crawled in next to him, getting comfortable. Derek’s arm fell over my waist, the warmth of his body pressing against my back lightly. His hand played with a stray piece of my hair and I let out a long breath, closing my eyes.

That was the great thing about Derek and I. We didn’t need to say much to each other to know what the other needed. After awhile, I was finally able to drift into a shallow sleep, dreaming that my hands were covered in blood. 

“Chloé, you are not nice!”

She knows that. She can’t be nice, she didn’t say back. She’s not allowed to be nice. She’s been targeted enough times because of her Papa.

Her poor Papa. He loves her, she knows, will do anything for her— and it makes him weak. She’s lost track of how much money she has cost him, through ransoms and through gifts he insists on showering her with. Still, he has wealth and power, and though he may dote on her, he is at least as cunning as herself. Who could expect less of the man who raised her?

Still, she cannot do that to anyone else. No matter that nowadays she’s such a brat that she has a reputation for not being worth the money— she wants to worry as few people as possible whenever Problems happen. If she can limit them to her father and Sabrina and, questionably, Adrien, she’s fine with that.

She loves Sabrina, her oldest friend, and so sly. Sabrina knows everything, of course. Sabrina understands what she’s doing, understands that Chloé is best kept shallow and cruel and hated, understands how Sabrina herself can assist with that image.

Chloé wonders how anyone can believe how mean she is, how shallow Sabrina is. Chloé was tutored just like Adrien, and everyone else grew up with Sabrina. How can it be so easy for their classmates to believe in caricatures? This one’s not crying enough, she remembers hearing herself say, and she wants to laugh, or maybe to cry.

She “loves” Adrien because he’s convenient to love: wealthy, handsome, and utterly disinterested. He knows what she’s doing, she’s sure— how he gets away with being as kind as he is, she has no idea. Something to do with being a boy, probably.

She’s so jealous of Marinette, lucky Marinette, who gets both of her parents and a bakery and kindness, how easy and thoughtless it is for her to be kind. Marinette doesn’t have to worry about going missing.

So she’s not nice, poor Chloé Bourgeois: she can afford everything else, but she can’t afford kindness.

8

Chad Michael Murray as Lucas Scott on One Tree Hill, Season 2; 2.20 “Lifetime Piling Up” Part ½

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater,you realize that you’ve been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent.
—  Dave Barry