shaking bacon

xxscarypeoplearescaryxx  asked:

*walks in- Awkward finger guns* Ayeeeee~ Whats shaking bacon?

Dark turned his head in order to hesitantly glance over his shoulder, the movement rippling the length of his body as his muscles had to get to work. Craning his neck, his eyes darting beyond the Void behind him, a sound of indecisive annoyance came from his maw. Finally, he twisted himself back, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“Nothing is shaking, and I see no indication that there is an bacon in the area. What are you on about? Why are you simulating weapons of violence against me? Are you attempting to upset me? Because the longer that you stand there with your… finger guns pointed at my chest, you may find out how easy it is to reach that goal.”

@omgittybits this is superrr late but: prompt: baker bitty and bittyparse!! HOW DID THIS GET SO LONG?? IDK???

Kent Parson cut down on carbs after playoffs. He’s on the ice less but he’s conditioning more, and he’s in constant contact with his nutritionist slash trainer about his diet and training. Every morning he’s up at 7 am, drinks a glass of orange juice and eats a banana before going on a short jog around his neighborhood. Kent was 5′10 and a natural 165 pounds in a league filled with 6′4 and 200 pound giants, so he’s constantly shoveling steak, protein powder, eggs, fish, and yogurt inside his mouth. He has to put on enough muscle mass during the offseason, because when he starts skating, all that weight would start sloughing off of him because of the grueling schedule. 

That’s why, when Kent was lured into Bit o’ Home by the bright “Grand Opening!” sign on his customary jog, he expected to buy himself something healthy and nutritious. Instead, he found himself laden with two pies, a chocolate smoothie (with zero nutritional value on account of the sugar), and a receipt for a preorder of a custom cake.

And Kent still hadn’t stopped talking.

“So I really want to wow my friends, you know, they’re always chir-teasing me about everything and you know, I’m a kill with kindness kinda guy,” he tried for a smirk. Kent didn’t know what he actually looked like to the cute guy manning the counter and he’s afraid to know. 

“Oh really, you’re a kill with kindness guy?”

“Chyeah, my reputation is on the line here. So do you think that cake is enough?”

Cute Guy giggled. “Well, sir, I ain’t sure if this three tiered strawberry chiffon cake with candy kitten decorations will be done by tonight’s potluck-”

“That’s okay, that’s for next week, there’s another-um-potluck. In the mean time I’ll wow them with these pies tonight.” 

“You haven’t even tried a pie yet, how do you know if they’ll wow your friends?” Cute Guy asked. “You know what, I’m going to give you a slice of each pie, on the house, since you just gave me the biggest order in this shop’s history.”

“You’ve barely been open for a day, you trying to butter me up?” Kent grinned. 

“Depends on whether or not you come back tomorrow for more,” Cute Guy said. 

When Kent left the shop, he looked down at his hands, holding three pie boxes for a potluck that he made up, and a receipt for a cake for another potluck that he made up.

“This is like that time you ordered pizza everyday for two weeks straight because you liked the delivery boy,” Swoops laughed into his phone.

“First of all, it wasn’t the delivery boy, I was just really into pizza, okay?”

“Right. Anyway you’re so tiny, at least this way you have a bunch of food at your house.”

Keep reading

Open Water: Pt. 3

A Bucky x Reader / AU

Master List

A/N: Sorry this took so long! I hope you guys like it. Let me know what you think!

Word Count: 1,392

- language.

Tags: (at the bottom)

*gif is not mine.

The sound of the crashing waves in the distance woke you up the following morning. It had to be early, the sun just barely peaking out over the horizon. Bucky’s body was still wrapped in yours and, surprisingly, you were quite warm despite the whipping winds. You laid back against the log that protected you from the wind overnight, watching the sky turn different shades of pinks, reds, and oranges. It was absolutely breathtaking.

Then it hit you like a ton of bricks, like an anvil falling on your pretty dreams in a typical Looney Tunes cartoon. You were stuck on a deserted island, in the middle of the ocean, with Bucky Barnes. You had no food, no fresh water, and no way off this wretched rock. The miserableness washed over you in waves, thoughts crossing through your mind of being stuck here forever. With him.

Keep reading