Craig’s Gang as Alcoholic Drinks
(Although I see him more as part of Stan’s gang, I’m gonna include Butters here because I didn’t add him in the main 4 post)
Craig Tucker: Pisco Sour
- 1 cup Pisco or White Rum
- 1 cup Guava Nectar
- 2 Tsp Superfine Sugar
- ¼ cup Lime Juice
- Angostura Bitters
- Lime Wedges
- Mint Leaves
In a glass pitcher combine the Pisco or rum, guava nectar, sugar, and lime juice. Add a few shakes of Angostura bitters; stir well to dissolve sugar. Divide mixture among 4 glasses. add ice; top with a lime wedge and fresh mint. (This drink is traditionally made with egg whites instead of Guava Nectar, but I chose not to do that. If you want to make it the traditional way, just substitute the Guava Nectar for the egg whites! It’ll create a cool little foam on the top if you do!)
It’s been a long-standing debate in the fandom whether Craig is a bitter asshole or a guinea pig loving dork. But let’s be honest, the answer is probably a little bit of both! Like Craig, this drink is a little sweet and a little sour. Light and limey, but still strong! Not to mention it’s also the national drink of Peru, so if you’re a fan of the “adopted Craig” headcanon, then this one holds double significance!
Tweek Tweak: Spiked Thai Iced Coffee
- Strong Black Regular Ground Coffee (Enough to brew 4 cups)
- 4 Tbsp Sugar
- 4 Tbsp Heavy Cream
- 2 Tsp Ground Cardamom
- 3 ounces Amaretto
- Crushed Ice
Add the cardamom to the ground coffee. Brew the coffee according to makers instructions. Pour the coffee into a pitcher or large glass. Add the sugar and Amaretto, and stir to combine. Fill four 12 ounce glasses with crushed ice. Pour the coffee into each glass and top each with 1 tablespoon of cream.
It wouldn’t be Tweek without coffee! This drink is sweet and spicy, just the right thing to calm you when the anxiety is hitting hard. But luckily it’s still light enough that it won’t give you a case of the GAH jitters.
Clyde Donovan: The Crybaby
- 1.5 oz. Breuckelen Glorious Gin
- 1 oz. Sour Beer
- ½ oz. Rosemary Syrup
- ½ oz. Lemon Juice
- ¼ oz. Yogurt Whey
- Angostura bitters
- Rosemary Sprig
In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, combine Breuckelen Glorious Gin, Sour Beer, Rosemary Syrup, Lemon Juice, and Yogurt Whey and shake. Mist with angostura bitters and garnish with a rosemary sprig. Serve neat.
A seriously sour sip to drown the pain of rejection, family deaths, and realizing that there’s no glory in being a pirate (Poor Clyde!). This drink is a little heavier than most others, but if you feel like bursting into tears it could be just what you need!
Token Black: Chocolate Coquito
- 1 can (13.5 oz) Coconut Milk
- 1 and ½ Bars (3.5 oz) Bittersweet Dark Chocolate
- 1 can (15 oz) Coconut Cream
- 1 can (14 oz) Condensed Milk
- ½ cup Evaporated Milk
- 2 Tsp Vanilla Extract
- ½ Tsp Ground Cinnamon
- ½ Tsp Ground Nutmeg
- 2 cups Light Rum
Break chocolate into medium pieces and place in a bowl. In a small sauce pan, warm up coconut milk. Once hot, pour over the chocolate and mix well until chocolate has melted and combined with the coconut milk. In a blender, combine chocolate mixture, coconut cream, condensed milk and evaporated milk. Add the vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg. Finally, add the rum. Blend until all is well combined. Pour into glass bottles, seal well and refrigerate. Serve cold in small drink glasses and garnish with a sprinkle of shaved chocolate. Shake well before serving. (Note: This drink will become very thick once it gets cold. Let it sit out about 15 minutes before serving to thin it a bit.)
Dark and rich, sweet but not too sweet, with a calming effect and plenty of personality, now that’s a Token drink! Dark chocolate has also been shown to have brain boosting benefits, which even the naturally gifted Token wouldn’t mind, I’m sure! Should balance out the brain stupidifying properties of alcohol! …right?
Jimmy Valmer: Anabolic Steroid (Shot)
- Blue Curaçao
Hold a spoon against the side of the shot glass and allow the alcohol to gently pour onto the back of the spoon into the glass.The Blue Curaçao goes in first so you don’t need to do the ‘back of the spoon’ trick. Fill it about one third of the way up the glass. Next get your Midori, if it helps, rather than pour from the bottle you can pour some Midori into the Midori lid and then pour that onto the back of the spoon really really really slowly. It might look like it’s mixing but if you look from the side you can see there is a difference between the blue & green. So again, another third of the glass is filled and then finally you want to do the same with the Cointreau. Slowly filling the shot glass until you get to the top.
No, this isn’t real steroids like the ones Jimmy used to try to win the Special Olympics, but it’ll make you feel like a w-w-winner regardless! Its vibrancy and fun look is sure to be a crowd pleaser!
Butters Stotch: Topical Painkiller
- 2 ounces Dark Rum
- 1 ½ ounces Coconut Milk
- 3 ounces Orange Juice
- 3 ounces Pineapple Juice
- Pineapple Wedge and Cherry to garnish
Fill cocktail shaker about half full with ice cubes. Add Dark Rum, Coconut Milk, Orange Juice, and Pineapple Juice, seal and shake. Pour into a small cocktail glass filled with ice and serve.
Sweet, fruity, and seemingly innocent, but with quiet a bit of feistiness! And after being the butt of so many jokes and suffering parental abuse for as long as he has, well, Butters could probably use some (tropical) painkillers.
Well, that’s it for this one! I guess if people like these, the next post will be drinks for the ladies of South Park!