sh*t-__-says

Harass my daughter on Minecraft? You can't hide from me.

So, my daughter, who was about 8 at the time, was REALLY into Minecraft (as most kids are these days). Also desperately wanting to join the Youtube/Let’s Play culture, I had installed some screen recording software that would let her make videos of the games she was playing so she could later upload them to Youtube.

Anyways, one day I’m minding my own business when I hear her quietly sniffling over on the computer. I asked her what was wrong, but she didn’t want to tell me so I let it go, but decided to keep on eye on her. A few minutes later I discovered what was happening; someone was harassing not only her, but also all the other kids playing on whatever server she was on. This kid (we’ll call him Little Sh*thead, or LS) was saying sh*t about how he was going to rape my 8 year old daughter (she told him how old she was hoping he would stop), how he was going to hack into her IP and steal all her info, swearing profusely (remember, this is a game for kids), etc etc. By this time I had gotten my fiance involved, and she was also obviously quite upset at what a little sh*t this kid was being. We realized that our daughter had been recording the entire incident, and a plan began to form.

I started by googling LS’s username. There were several hits immediately, the most interesting of which involved a page where he was publicly applying to be a mod for a server on Minecraft. I was able to learn a lot about this little POS: he claimed to be 15, likes hockey, used to live in Toronto but now lives in Florida. But the bombshell was easily his skype contact info; it was literally firstname.lastname. I know your name now, you little sh*t.

So I head over to Facebook and search for the name. Nothing. Hmmmm. On a hunch I searched for just the last name, while narrowing my results to only the state of Florida. Several dozen hits. Hmmm. So I have to start combing through each one, until I find what I was looking for: a middle aged man with the same last name, whose profile indicates he was born in Toronto and now lives in Florida. I FOUND YOUR DAD, YOU LITTLE SH*T.

So I sent him a message on Facebook, asking if he had a son named firstname who goes by his username on Minecraft. Dad confirmed I had the right guy. So my wife begins telling the dad everything that LS was saying to my daughter, and we sent him the recorded video as proof. Radio silence for a few days.

Then we got the message back: LS had his computer taken away from him for the entire summer, and had also been lying about his age (he was only 11, I think). His parents were f*cking livid with him, and he surely hated the next few months of his life.

No one f*cks with my daughter.

Les Misérables (2012) but every time someone dies it cuts to a one hour documentary about the battle of Waterloo and every time Javert and Valjean meet it cuts to a one hour documentary about sewage systems and every time those candlesticks appear on screen it cuts to a one hour documentary about priesthood in the late 18th-early 19th century

It's not wise to be rude to your ride to the airport.

This was around Thanksgiving 2015.

My family gets together at a rural-ish cabin. I had agreed to give my younger sister a ride to the airport on Sunday, since she was on a short break from college. and had important classes and tests to get back to after Thanksgiving. I’d also agreed to lock up the cabin for my parents, since they had to leave on Saturday to get back to pressing work matters.

During the post-dinner bullshitting on Thanksgiving, my sister decided to give me sh*t about the bad couple months I’d had. A long-term girlfriend of mine and I had broken up and the company I worked for folded. This went beyond normal sibling sh*t-flinging, including her saying something to the effect of “Who’d date or hire a worthless failure loser like you anyway, b*tch? Your girlfriend was probably f*cking your boss and dumped you both when she learned you were both failures.”

She was called out on her crude remarks by several family members, but refused to apologize. I seemingly let it slide. I had plenty of emergency funds, had a few job prospects lined up (was hired shortly after and got a nice salary bump, actually) and was okay with being single. Her vehemence was out of left field though, and uncalled for.

Sunday morning, I waited for her in the kitchen with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

“Hey, Heather.” I said when she entered the kitchen. “Wanna apologize for your sh*tty comments the other night?”

she laughed. “About your being a d*ckless failure? Nope. Now let’s get going I have a flight to catch.”

“Fair enough!” I responded, and poured myself a double, then knocked it back.

“What the f*ck are you doing?” she screamed. “*I have a plane to catch!”

“You sure do!” I responded, cheerfully. I paused, and repeated the pour-and-slam. “Well, f*ck, it looks like I’ve had too much to drink to drive! I guess we’ll have to wait until you’re f*cking civil, won’t we?”

She pulled put her phone and screwed with it for a few seconds before I said: “There aren’t any cab companies or ubers around here. I’m your only ride. So you can apologize for being a b*tch, or you can miss your flight.”

“F*ck you!”

I grinned and took another shot.

In short: I got absolutely sh*tfaced, she missed her flight, missed some tests, and her GPA plummeted. It was f*cking hilarious.

In a middle of fight with mutant rats

Scientist: I faint 
Party: what? 
Scientist: I faint 
DM: *slowly* okay, roll for it
Scientist: *rolls nat 20*
DM: well, you successfully faint
_______
Me: *having picked up fainted person and running away* I roll to wake her up
DM: go for it
Me: *rolls a 2*
DM: so you yell “wake up” at her and proceed to fling her into the air 
Scientist: *screaming*
Me: well sh*t

I drew a compilation of just a few of my favorite Ritsu moments!! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

youtube

Heya!
So I (very very nervously) made this video last week, and while I know it’ll be controversial I’ll probably get a bit of lashback from it, it was really cathartic to make it (especially after a month of hearing these things even more often than usual!).
It feels good to be able to poke fun of some of the more ridiculous things people say to people with disabilities.

So without further ado, here is Sh*t Abled People Say!

Hope you guys get a chuckle out of it, and thanks so much to this blog and the community around it for always being so supportive and positive. You guys are awesome.  :)

Concept:
Les Misérables (1862) but if Lemony Snicket was the author

Example:
to Enjolras–darling, dearest, dead.

Chapter One

If you’re seeking a story whose tragic beginning is followed by a less-tragic middle and an inevitably uplifting denouement, this book should be avoided at all costs. The approximately six hundred and fifty-five thousand words that are about to follow contain the tales of several bright and brave young people who each meet an unfortunate end and several less-bright, less-young people, including myself, who unfortunately survive to recount the events. “Unfortunate” is a word which here means “luckless” and “miserable”, the latter definition having been used for the title of this novel, designed to dissuade you, the misguided reader, from continuing past the cover page.

There are other techniques I have employed in this book that are designed to stop you from yourself becoming miserable by reading this story in its entirety. Firstly, the physical novel, which as you may notice shares the same dimensions and weight as a standard housing brick, for the utmost inconvenience. Secondly, I have included several hundred pages of information which are both uninteresting and have little bearing on the grander story in the meager hope that you will come to your senses and place this novel back on your shelf or better, in a lit fireplace, where I solemnly believe it belongs. 

For example, the use of candlesticks. The word “candlestick” is derived from the purpose of the item itself, that is an object, most often metal, commonly silver, in which one can stick a candle. Many dictionaries define “candlestick” as  “an often ornamental holder for securing a candle or candles”. “Candleholder” is another, less commonly used word for “candlestick”. Candlesticks come in a variety of forms and sizes, and can contain a variety of numbers of candles often demarcated by their names-a “trikirion” contains three candles and a “menorah” contains seven. If you have had the fortitude-a word which here means “strength of mind”-to make it this far through this dull paragraph, it may be of some note to say that the candlesticks with which we concern ourselves in this story are single candlesticks, that may each contain one candle. 

Thirdly, not only have I named the main character in a redundant manner-Jean Valjean-I have decided to tell you here that Jean Valjean perishes on the final page of this novel. That is my story’s conclusion.

With all this information in mind, and having the ending already known, I now give you my final warning and pleading suggestion to forget about this book. Put it down. Hide it away. Bury it in a cemetery late at night with the assistance of a man named Fauchelevant. Forget it ever existed. For now the story must begin.

It begins in a town called Digne, on a grey and dreary night under the roof of a very kind but elderly and poor man, the bishop of the town, whose name was Myriel.

My top ten most powerful animated teens.

Rules:

1. I am not including any DC, Marvel, or (Japanese) Anime teens. This is purely from  cartoon origins. If I included anime and comics, it would be riddled with them

2. They must have super powers, a super powered weapon, or in some way shape or form give them abilities beyond human powers.

3. One per franchise.

4. To be considered a teen, they must be between the ages of 12 to 19 when we are introduced to them.

5. This will be from only shows I have seen, so if a character of yours isn’t on the list I am sorry.



10. Steven Universe

Steven is the youngest member of the crystal gems (biologically 14 years old)

He is half human and half gem. While he is not much of a fighter, he is by no means weak.

He has one of the best defensive capabilities that I have seen.

His bubble shield is able to survive a spaceship crash from orbit.

His weapon of choice is a shield, that has unique properties that we have yet fully seen

He is able to heal injuries and broken gems with his spit.

He has enhanced strength and is tough enough to be thrown around by giant monsters and powerful creatures without much issue.

But the most amazing part about steven is, he is still learning. Once he unlocks his full potential it is obvious that I will have to put him higher on the list.

9. Ladybug from Miraculous:Tales of Ladybug and Chat noir.

Marinette is the heroine of Paris known as Ladybug.

With enhanced strength, speed, and durability. She is one tough customer. Her yo-yo can extend to any length, the line is unbreakable (Able to hold down a freaking T-rex) and has the ability to purify akuma.

But her greatest ability seems to be “Lucky charm”

This deus ex Machina ability allows the girl to solve a problem by giving her a random  item, which she will use to defeat her opponent in an unorthodox way.

And of course the other ability of Miraculous healing, which fixes all of the destruction that happened during the battle.

I chose her over chat noir mainly due to her having the purification ability

aside from that, they are practically equal.

8. Star butterfly from Star vs the forces of evil

Star is a 14 year old girl who happens to be princess of the kingdom of mewni

who happens to hail from another dimension.

She is constantly battling monsters that want her wand.

While I have her very low on the list, she does have potential to one day be near the top 5 of this list.

Why you ask.

Because of her magic wand!

The exact amount of power she possesses is unknown. It definitely not something one dismisses. It is strong enough to conjure up an assortment of pain, can alter ones anatomy,and even cause untold destruction in the wrong hands.

It only gets more powerful, I hope to see what it is really capable of.


7. Randy Cunningham: RC9GN

This teen ninja is responsible for protecting norrisvile from monsters, robots, evil wizards, and more.

With an arsenal of weapons that range from sharp to deadly stealthy to just plain ridiculous. The guy has almost as many weapons as batman!

But of course, he also has enhanced senses, limited elemental powers such as the ninja air fist, the tengu fire ball and more.

He also has super strength, enhanced speed, agility, reflexes, the whole typical hero stuff.

But This guy has a few more tricks up his sleeves, giving him a slight edge over the previous entrees.

6. Jake long, From American dragon: Jake long

Being the magical protector of New york city

Jake long has the power of dragons

With senses enhanced by his dragon transformation.

His senses are head and shoulders above the competition.

He can fly over 200-300 mph,

Strong enough to live 5 to 25 tons

breathes fire (Both as a rapper (Jk), and as a dragon)

claws that can rip through steal.

durability that makes being knocked through a brick wall an “inconvenience”

This dragon is tough and hard to beat.

5. Danny Phantom:

“Yo Danny phantom he was just 14

his parents built a strange machine,

designed to view a world unseen.”

But then s*** happened, and Danny fenton is now Danny phantom, protector of Amity park.

Having a ton of abilities Danny is one tough foe.

He can over shadow people,

shoot ecto blasts,

create energy shields

turn invisible, and intangible

Strong enough to pick up a bus with ease.

can fly over 150 miles per hour.

has cryokinisis (Ice powers)

can replicate himself making himself 4x as deadly!

And of course his most powerful ability

the Ghostly wail.

His last resort shout is strong enough to devastate a city.

While it was close between him and Jake,

Danny has the upper hand in terms of powers

4. Korra from Legend of Korra.

The latest avatar is certainly something. (Aside from being amazingly beautiful and powerful)

The protector of the world.

This girl has fought spirits, benders, Giant robots! the whole shabang

She can manipulate, fire, earth, water and Air with ease.

She even picked up metal and spirit bending!

But her most powerful form is her Avatar state.

In this state, she is powerful enough to stop city destroying lasers, level armies, fight embodiments of chaos!.

This girl is a beast and I am giving her this spot because honestly, Very few can top this chick.

3. XJ9 or Jenny from my life is a teenage robot.

The robotic teen protector of Tremorton.

Jenny is a powerful robot that protects the city and the world from city destroying monsters, robots, aliens, and robot Aliens!

She has the strength of 1million and 70 men. Which Is tough to calculate, but it is known she can easily lift well over 100 tons with ease.

Fly at high speeds,

has a weapon arsenal so insane it could dwarf the fire power of most militaries!

Her titanium alloy body makes her tough enough to survive most attacks without much damage.

she is as smart as a super computer.

Has more types of visions then the man of steel himself.

Has destroyed Planet destroying meteors with only slight difficulty.

This girl is tougher then she looks.

2. Ben ten from ben ten, alien force, omniverse and etc.

A teenager with the powers of every alien in the known universe.

The omnitrix is by far one of the best weapons in the existence of the world.

Ben tennyson is a 16 year old kid who got the coolest gift in existence 

a watch that can turn him into any alien for about 10 minutes at a time (Unless plot says other wise or some sh*t says he needs longer then that).

If I were to describe all of his powers and abilities, 

It would take forever!

The kid just has all the powers!

If you can think of it, one of his aliens probably has it.

He is one of the two most broken heroes in cartoons.

but the question is.

Who is number one?

1. Rex Salazar from Generator rex.

Now I know what you are thinking.

“How can this guy top  Mr. All aliens ever?”

Well it is actually really simple.

He actually became a god for a short time.

Now before then, he probably would have been on par with korra.

Being able to turn any part of himself into a kick butt machine

technomancing

curing evo controlled living creatures.

enhanced durability and healing.

But what made this guy go beyond all of that was godhood.

He attained five meta-nanites that gave him god like powers.

Which he used to cure all of the evos. And after that he turned it off for good.

What makes him different from ben is, while Ben has a god like alien as well, ben is limited by two other beings that make it near impossible to do anything with it.

Rex had full control. This made him superior to ben.

That is why Rex is number one.

(let me know your thoughts on this. Did I miss any other cartoons?)