sh** eating grin

kavucowdog  asked:

one day, a magician comes up to baby keith and has him pick a card. any card, in fact. he then has baby keith put the card back in the deck. anywhere, in fact. then, the magician disappears. thirty-seven years pass. the magician has never been seen again. keith's wife goes into labor. out comes lance mcclain. "is this your card?" says the midwife in a familiar voice. he looks back at the card, the same place in the deck. on it, is lance mcclain's sh*t-eating grin.

Lance: I have no idea what this means, but I like it.

Keith: I don’t, even, understand? Why a magician? Why do I have a wife?

Lance: Your wife better not be Allura.

Keith: I’m gay what the hell?

A sketch I did for my Riddler blog @asktheriddler I hope you enjoy it! (Not a great rendition, but I have fun drawing him anyway.)

I love it - cheeky little bugger peeking out from behind that cane, like it’s the only thing stopping us from punching that sh*t eating grin!


Steal my lunch? You're in for more than you expected.

This is a story from when I was in 8th grade. To provide a little background, I was a nerdy kid of less than 100 pounds with no muscle whatsoever. I was frequently bullied because of this, usually just verbal but sometimes more. This kid named A realized that he could take my lunch and I couldn’t do anything about it, so that went on for a few days. He had a particular taste for packaged meat products- this is important.

After the second time he stole my lunch (and I went hungry as a result), I was fed up. I went home, took a piece of beef jerky, and soaked it in Dave’s Insanity sauce for 36 hours. After sampling the meat (holy sh*t was it spicy, and I have a high tolerance for heat), I brought it in to school. I told my friends and classmates what was about to go down so that they could watch it happen.
Well, what do you know, A came around and snatched the beef jerky out of my hands at lunch. I hardly complained, just told him it was a special recipe of mine. He took a giant bite and started to talk about how spicy it was, me telling him that was how I like it (and with a big sh*t-eating grin on my face).

Fast forward to 10 minutes later and A was visibly sweating, face red, swearing loudly about the beef jerky he was still nibbling on so he didn’t look like a b*tch in front of his friends. He snatched my fruit snacks and applesauce, ate them in front of me, and then I knew I had to end this once and for all, so I tried to think of a plan. Meanwhile, A spent the rest of lunch blocking anyone else from using the water fountain in order to wash the heat from his mouth.

On the way back from lunch, A still swearing at me, I told him I knew a little trick to get the heat out. I told him to just massage the corners of his eyes, right near the tear ducts…

…A spent an entire period crying into the water fountain to wash the spice out of his eyes. He never stole my lunch again. And neither did anyone else.

Petty Revenge: Your daily dose of the best petty revenge stories. | source

picklesrgreat22  asked:

Imagine Keith as a galra being catlike in fact that he starts to, once everyone knows, really enjoy being pet and having his ears scratched. I bet lance would just reach over and start doing it during a fight and Keith just starts purring and blushing but doesn't want to pull away because it just feels so good. Lance would have this sh**-eating grin to.

Tip stuff onto my desk? I'll let the teacher know who did it.

So this was way back in primary/grade school, and I had been friends with this other kid. Even though I was about nine going on ten at the time, I knew I regretted this one. They wouldn’t leave me alone, getting jealous if I was hanging out with other kids and generally becoming really suffocating and clingy. Nine year old me was not amused, and I started making an effort to phase them out. (Kid level stuff, like running away from them in the playground, not picking them for groups, etc. Not exactly the most diplomatic of ways to go about it, or the nicest, but we were kids. And they were next level awful - something they never grew out of, FYI.) For readability, we’ll call them C.

Well, C wasn’t having it, and started making every effort to get on my nerves. If they couldn’t be my friend, I wouldn’t be allowed another moment’s peace. We came back into class after one lunch, and what do I find on my desk? Dictionaries, pencil sharpenings and general rubbish piled high. I don’t say anything as I sit down, because I know its them. I look across the room and sure enough, C’s making every effort not to look my way with a big sh*t-eating grin on their face. I still don’t know how they managed it - maybe they stayed behind as everyone left for lunch? Or came back early? But they’d made the extra effort to screw with me as some kind of punishment for not being their friend any more. And it would have been easy to just tidy it away while everyone else was getting settled. It would have been so easy. But I stuck up my hand, and by a stroke of luck immediately caught the teacher’s eye.

And in my best, most sickeningly sweet little voice, I announced, “Miss, C’s left all of this on my desk, and I think its really pathetic!“

There was one second of silence, and the whole class burst into laughter. I could even see the teacher struggling to hold it in, and I glanced at C. They’d gone white as a sheet, their face having fallen when they realised I’d not so much turned the tables as thrown them across the room. When the class had quietened down, the teacher asked C to tidy my desk. With a champion pout, they said no. Cue them being marched outside for a stern talking to, and when they came back, they stomped up to my desk and tidied it all. As they collected the dictionaries, I beamed and said, "Thank you, C!” in the same sickening tone I’d denounced them with. They wouldn’t even look at me.

That was my first taste of sweet, petty revenge, and I’ve never had it quite as good since then.