sexuality

💙🐰I love it when people ask me what I identify as.🐰💙

It makes me feel good, they are honestly wanting to know, and are genuinely interested. For those of you who don’t know I am bigender (although I don’t like referring to myself as such, I refer to myself as androgynous, because I feel comfortable with that term.) I identify as both a gay male, and a straight female. I am also what people would call “traditionally feminine”. Although I have been known to dabble in things that people would otherwise consider “traditionally masculine”, but that is very rare for me. In otherwords….

Originally posted by troyesboyfriend

anonymous asked:

You got it backwards actually. Being ace is about not feeling a desire to have sex, not about who you like. If a female is attracted to other females exclusively but not interested in having sex they're both ace and a lesbian. It's true that ace ppl can still masturbate but that's because that's not what sex is, sex is about being physical with someone else -an asexual lesbian.

Well why is it called a sexual orientation if u can be both gay and ace it kinda has to be an orientation or sexual desire considering the sex in sexuality is biological sex (ie homo - same, sex as in bio so “same sex” so asexuality would be “no/neither sex”). Sexual desire is not black or white, or definitive. U can be straight bi or gay and not want sex, level of sexual desire fluctuates and so naming lack of it asexuality implies everyone else wants sex all the time which isn’t true??? We don’t need a label for the amount of sex we want? Just respect “no” and discuss sex drive before making a commitment and should be all g

“Your sexuality is a part of you, and is not inherently evil.”



No Shame Movement is collecting personal stories specifically on defining purity culture, the ways it is internalized, and the process of leaving it behind. Share your own story here. 

[Trigger warning for mention of eating disorder, sexual assault]

How do you define the term “purity culture”?

Purity Culture is the reductionist belief (or set of beliefs) that one’s inherent worth as a female has only to do with the condition of their hymen before marriage.

What did purity culture teach you about your self-worth?

My self-worth was really screwed up, since I worried about being sexually attractive, and every time I would get attention from a guy (catcalling, harassment, etc.) I would feel my self-worth take a huge dip because I was failing in helping my “Brothers in Christ” not to sin, but I would also feel a fleeting sense of validation, since it was proof that I was attractive, and then I would feel even worse because I was being ‘prideful’ and the cycle would go on for days.

How did purity culture impact your relationship with your body?

Thanks to purity culture, I was taught that the ideal figure was androgynous, and the longer a girl could appear prepubescent the more virtuous/ beautiful she was. Thanks to being genetically predisposed to early-onset puberty, and having an hourglass figure (not to mention being a sexual assault survivor), I spent much of my teen years dressing in bulky, loose-fitting clothing. Purity culture also led me to have an eating disorder later in life, as I was still trying to obtain the ideal thin body shape and be seen as beautiful.

What did purity culture you about relationships and marriage?

Purity culture taught me that I had better really like the first guy I dated (I didn’t have a relationship until I was out of my parents’ house, a good thing, since I abhorred the idea of courting), since I was going to have to marry him in order to not defraud my future husband. But, if I succeeded in this, I would have the perfect relationship. I actually for a long time thought that even being called someone’s “ex” was a disgrace.

Keep reading

Perihelion

My first science fiction novel is now available for preorder!!

Kato Ozark, crown prince and soldier, has just been chosen to pilot his family’s queenship. He’s trained his entire life for this honor, but it comes with a catch. It seems that First Engineer Mas’ud Tavana has also been chosen as the queen’s pilot. Mas’ud has no formal training, and they both believe a mistake has been made. But when an attack on a distant Ozark queen forces them to work together, it’s clear their minds are better as one than apart.

They might even go on a proper date. Through mission briefings and politically required offspring, the mental link their queenship forges between them only grows stronger. Within this bond they find strength in each other. Then a rogue AI attacks their ship, ripping the queen open to the core. The two pilots feel it all; the assault destroys their connection and tears them adrift into open space.

Kato and Mas’ud wake up in the medical bay of a rival family with no memory of their queenship or each other. Hailed as a war hero, Kato retrains as a kingship pilot, preparing to defend Earth against the AI. Mas’ud, dismissed as permanently broken, struggles to rediscover his own truth.

Their queenship is out there, waiting for her pilots to come home. The future of their family depends on it.

—-

5 Stars – Elizabetta

In addition to sentient spaceships, we get experimental ships run amok. And their owners, the powerful families who play at power politics, jostling for an edge in the game. I loved the huge scope of this; the world building is amazing. The romance has it’s ups and downs with some big roadblocks for the two men from different backgrounds, but the total acceptance, in this world, of gender identification beyond heteronormative meant that this was not an issue for them. Or anyone else inhabiting this universe. Refreshing.

4 Stars – Alexis Woods

Hard core sci-fi [readers] rejoice. Compelling, dramatic, and way over my head, but I loved it. [Mx.] Veldura did some amazingly superb world building. The story moved incredibly quickly, but I kept going and remained on my heading to a fabulous conclusion.

—-

Perihelion is written in the tradition of epic hard science fiction. There are mechanical, political, and scientific systems at work larger than any one character. Give Perihelion a chance if you enjoyed The Saga of the Seven Suns, the Mars series by Ben Bova, are a fan of Peter F Hamilton, or have Hyperion on your top ten list.

Amazon: [universal link]

AllRomanceEbooks: [link]

Barnes & Noble: [link]

Apple iTunes: [link]

Kobo: [link]

Scribd: [link]

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anonymous asked:

about a month ago i did sexual stuff (not full on sex) with a guy and i've been really uncomfortable about it ever since. i'm 19 (he's the same age) and a virgin (he's not) and we did nothing that i didn't give clear consent for but it's made me feel very weird about sex in general. i'm sorry, i don't know why i'm saying this here, but i've had to keep it a total secret and i've felt really not /normal/ about it

Do you mean you’ve felt not normal in that you feel your reaction is abnormal? There’s nothing wrong with you for having these feelings - you may just not be ready, or you may find in time that sex (or sex with men) just doesn’t really interest you and choose to abstain. Everyone’s sexualities and sex drives are different, and there’s no set age you’re “supposed” to be ready to engage in sexual activity or activities you’re “supposed” to enjoy that make you strange or deficient for not. You have to prioritize yourself and your feelings, and listen to what your body and your mind is telling you, and be gentle with yourself if your feelings and thoughts fall outside what society is telling you they’re “supposed” to be. You are the only person inside your head and body, and you are the only person whose expectations should matter. 

Sexuality with Alcohol

Heterosexual: Only likes vodka

Homosexual: Only likes rum

Bisexual: Likes both rum and vodka, maybe one more than the other, and regardless if they’re currently only drinking one, they still like the other

Pansexual: Likes all the alcohol, maybe some more than others, and regardless if they’re currently only drinking one, they still like the others

Asexual: Doesn’t like alcohol and/or doesn’t find joy in drinking

Grey Asexual: Maybe they like alcohol, maybe they just like drinking

Demisexual: Will drink but only if it’s their absolute favorite alcohol

emilociraptor asked:

Sexuality is the same axis, though. I used lesbians as an example, but gay men also shouldn't be grouped with straight men when discussing the oppression of bisexual people due to sexual orientation. All else being equal, gay men don't have systematic power over bi men. Anti-bisexual bullshit from the gay community is real, homophobia is real, monosexism is not. I say this as a bi person.

Straight - Gay is one axis. Mono - Pan/Bi is another. Allo - Ace is yet another… so… no. Not the same axis at all. Sexuality is not a single dimensional spectrum.

And yes, Monosexual Queer people actually DO have power over Bi/Pansexuals, as they control the majority of access to Queer Spaces and resources, and have been known to use that influence to deny resources to Pan/Bisexual queer people, and push them out of the Queer Community.

What I like about depictions of Ame-no-Uzume is

she’s a REAL person. WEll, she’s a Kami, but that’s not what I mean. In most depictions she’s depicted as being older and more wrinkly, with saggy boobs and bags under her eyes. She’s not some idealized love Goddess that is supposed to be objectified by the male gaze. She’s seasoned, expirienced, and has been around more times than we can tell… and with that comes POWER. Ame-no-Uzume embodies female sexuality and the beauty and potency that comes with it while also embodying the role of a nurturing figure. To me, she’s not exactly the tender and affectionate Mom that Amaterasu is, but she’s like your favorite aunt, who cares about you, gives you straightforward advice, knows clever solutions to every problem, and knows how to have fun! She’s so exuberant and jovial and wonderful and lively it makes me so happy!

I love you, Uzume!!!! <3

A reminder that
  • bisexual boys who have a girlfriend are still part of the LGBT+ community
  • bisexual boys who’ve never kissed a boy before are still part of the LGBT+ community
  • bisexual boys who are more attracted to girls than to boys are still part of the LGBT+ community
  • bisexual boys who’ve never had a boyfriend/girlfriend before are still part of the LGBT+ community
  • bisexuals are part of the LGBT+ community

Differential Gender Expression and the Life of Colonial Resistance Leader, Nzinga of Ndongo and Matamba (1581-1663)

[Nzinga of Ndongo and Matamba, Image via Stream Africa]

In the spirit of Black History Month, I find it crucial to not only acknowledge the history of African resistance against white domination, but to also challenge heterosexist narratives of our resistance fighters. When we think of our resistance leaders, it is almost always through a Western lens that assumes Western notions of a gender binary and sexuality. We forget the rich history of our African societies, which were host to countless precolonial understandings of sexualities and gender- and this is a part of our history that has been deliberately erased through long centuries of colonization. Looking at some of the stories of our leaders throughout history can allow us to break out of this colonial mold and reclaim the rich history of gender and sexuality on the African continent.

The Story of Nzinga of Ndongo and Matamba

The Mbundu, like many other precolonial African societies, were matrilineal, so Nzinga’s position as ngola (king) was not unusual. After becoming ngola, she organized a guerrilla army which successfully fought the Portuguese for almost 4 decades. 

[Nzinga of Ndongo and Matamba negotiating with the Portuguese governor, Correa de Sousa. 1687 engraving by Fortunato da Alemandini after a water color by Giovanni Cavazzi. Image via Qualia Folk]

One example which may surprise some is the story of Nzinga of Ndongo and Matamba. Nzinga is a renowned figure in the history of African resistance against European colonization. Nzinga was born in the 16th century in the Ndongo kingdom of the Mbundu in modern-day Angola. The kingdom was facing an existential threat at the time, as Portuguese incursion into their lands increased and they demanded that the Ndongo capitulate and accept vassal status. In a famous story about her life, when meeting with the Portuguese governor, Nzinga was refused a chair and given a  floor mat to sit on during negotiations. Refusing to be degraded in that way, she ordered one of her servants to get on the floor and she sat on the servant’s back during negotiations- see above (x). 

After the suicide of her brother, the ngola (king), she became ngola herself and rumored to have ordered the murder of his son to prevent him from claiming his father’s title. 

It’s also important to note that her people, the Mbundu, like many other precolonial African societies, were matrilineal, so Nzinga’s position as ngola was not unusual. After becoming ngola, she organized a guerrilla army which successfully fought the Portuguese for almost 4 decades. She fought the Portuguese well into her 60s, and is still remembered and commemorated in modern-day Angola to this day.

Nzinga was a “King” and not a “Queen”

As ngola, Nzinga was not “queen” but “king” of her people. She ruled dressed as a man, surrounded by a harem of young men who dressed as women and were her “wives.” (Boy Wives and Female Husbands, 1)

[A portrait drawing of Nzinga of Ndongo and Matamba. This portrait emphasizes a gentle femininty for Nzinga, which other historical accounts of her gender expression dispute. Image via Wiki]

Despite the modern day conception of Nzinga as a “Queen” of her people, she was not “queen” but ngola. Her title as ngola is likely more accurately described as “king” and not “queen,” as shown in accounts below.

As described by Stephen O. Murray and Will Roscoe in Boy Wives and Female Husbands:

In the late 1640s, a Dutch military attache observed firsthand what must have struck him as the strange organization of her court. As ngola, Nzinga was not “queen” but “king” of her people. She ruled dressed as a man, surrounded by a harem of young men who dressed as women and were her “wives.” ( Boy Wives and Female Husbands, 1)

And Nzinga’s behavior “was not some personal idiosyncrasy but was based on beliefs that recognized gender as situational and symbolic as much as a personal, innate characteristic of the individual” ( Boy Wives and Female Husbands, 2). Effectively, as ngola, or “king,” Nzinga’s gender expression reflected that position in her society, and this was not unusual since gender was also seen as situational and symbolic. 

Alternative Gender Roles, Sexualities and Expression in the Region were not Unusual

In 1625, a Jesuit priest in the Luanda region (within Nzinga’s kingdom) described the presence of “Men attyred like Women, and behave themselves womanly, ashamed to be called men; are also married to men, and esteeme that unnatural damnation an honor”

[A modern portrait of Nzinga of Ndongo and Matamba. Image via Queen Nzinga]

In addition to Nzinga’s gender expression which befuddled contemporary western observers, at the time among groups in the Kongo and Ndonga kingdoms (within which her kindgom lay) there is documented evidence of at least one alternative gender role. Andrew Battle, an English prisoner of the Portuguese in the 1580s, spoke about the presence of “men in women’s apparel, whom they keep among their wives” among indigenous people of the Dombe area (qtd. in Boy Wives and Female Husbands, 2). Battle was utterly disgusted by this alternative gender role and described the people of the Dombe area as “beastly in their living” for having it. 

In 1625 Portuguese Jesuit João dos Santos would echo the reports of Battle about an alternative gender role expressed in the region. Reporting from the area of Luanda, within Nzinga’s kingdom, he described the presence of “Men attyred like Women, and behave themselves womanly, ashamed to be called men; are also married to men, and esteeme that unnatural damnation an honor” (qtd. in Boy Wives and Females Husbands, 147). 

A 1680 account from another priest, Cardonega, would state that “sodomy is rampant among the people of Angola,” and that  “they pursue their impudent and filthy practices dressed as women.” Moreover some of these people were regarded as “powerful wizards, who are most esteemed by most Angolans.” (qtd. in Boy Wives and Females Husbands, 147). Numerous other accounts from the time echo these reports as well. 

[A statue commemorating Nzinga of Ndongo and Matamba today in Angola. Image via Miss Zeee]

These accounts show just how common, widespread and varied these alternative gender roles, forms of gender expression and ideas of sexuality were in Nzinga’s region at the time. When you take a step back and take stock of this incredible diversity, suddenly Nzinga’s position as ngola wearing “men’s clothing” and with a harem composed of young men dressed as women, does not seem so unusual after all. Moreover beyond Nzinga’s life and kingdom, there are well over a dozen documented African societies which did not adhere to Western heterosexist notions of gender and sexuality (Boy Wives and Female Husbands, xix). 

Nzinga’s story is therefore not only remarkable for her incredible courage and valor in her fight for her people against European domination, but also for how it illustrates just how different precolonial African conceptions of gender and sexuality were in so many cultures. And on the first day of Black History Month, we must not only give homage to our storied history of resistance as a people, but also to the incredible wealth of our cultures’ understandings of gender and sexuality.  For these individuals not only challenged white colonial domination, but continue to challenge our current Western perspectives on gender and sexuality as well. 

Reblog if...

●"I’m ___sexual" isn’t the only way to come out

●You can be 14 AND already sure about your sexuality

●You think a person doesn’t need to out themselves every few years because they “might have changed”

●there exist way more possibilities than just gay or straight

(This is a social experiment. Please reblog if you agree with ALL of these above)

I’m all for lgbt equality and rights, but… I don’t think that it should be forced onto a character, you know? Like Sirius Black for example is never stated as straight, bi, or gay, and there are no clues whatsoever that he and Lupin are or ever were romantically involved (in fact, Lupin is canonically with a woman) but people still insist that they are gay for each other, which I think seems forced.