sexting with their men

sext: people died for you.
I bet you liked it.

sext: they say Helen’s was the face
that launched a thousand ships
but she’s got nothing on you.

sext: good men took up arms and you
torched a city to the ground.

sext: But, oh, the roar of victory.
You must have been so proud.

—  HOW TO MAKE LOVE TO THE GOD OF WAR, by Ashe Vernon
Everything I’ve Written About Michael Clifford

// TEXTS: //

You’re studying for finals and he won’t bring you a Red Bull

Ex-boyfriend Michael saw you at a party (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5)

You let him dye your hair

He calls you clingy

He sees a pap pic of you and someone else

He finds old texts to your ex

He tries to sext you

He sends you flowers while he’s on vacation

You were in a minor car accident (Part 2)

He’s sick

He’s your jealous roommate

You’re worried he’ll cheat on you because he cheated on his ex

He’s overprotective

You find out about a bet

He plans a date

You’re engaged

He gets jealous of you wearing another guy’s shirt

He finds out why you won’t date him

You’re at an art museum

You scare each other

You find a condom in your son’s room

You ask what he wants for his birthday

You want a song written about you

You “swear off men”

You accidentally sext your brother

// ONE SHOTS: //

St. Augustine

If a Writer Falls in Love With You, You Can Never Die

// BLURBS: //

Tattoo Artist

Insecurity

Fuck You, Clifford

// PROMPTS: //

“I’m staying and we’re going to talk about this.”

“Maybe you need to fuck someone else, then.”

// DEAR NO ONES: //

April 6, 2016


Calum | Luke | Ashton | 4/4 

Sherlock S4E2: EVERYTHING IS A PLOT TWIST AND IM TIRED, Moffat attempts to prove he’s not a misogynist with witty lines and more plot twists, meanwhile he introduces another female character who’s entire existence seems to revolve around the male protagonists, Sherlock hugs John because we still need the shippers but don’t be fooled they’re both very heterosexual and need to sext women sometimes and that’s ok (even if married and ooc), men need to beat each other up before they can talk about their feelings™ and much more

On the bright side, Mrs Hudson drives a red Aston Martin

Got tagged by @gaybreadboys to do the OTP ask meme with the lovable dOughTP bread bois

  • Which one sexts like a straight white boy?
  • Both, they’re both awkward horny men who love to experiment and try new things. Though Kareem’s sexts tend to be the more embarrassing ones. “sit on my face you disgusting whore” suddenly pops up in Sammy’s phone during work day
  • Which one cried during a fucking disney movie?
  • Kareem. He’ll never admit it.
  • Who put a goddamned fork in the microwave?
  • Sammy and he’s a nervous wreck about it for the rest of the day
  • Who does the silly hands-over-the-eyes “Guess who” thing?
  • Usually Kareem on Sammy, he just loves the reaction of his adorable chubby bf. When Sammy does that, Kareem being a jumpy fuck freaks out and screams like a lil girl and might even punch someone near so Sammy’s not too fond of doing it
  • Who puts their cold hands/feet on their partner?
  • Usually Sammy to tease Kareem, but they both might start a “cold hands/feet on your skin” battle
  • Who had that embarrassing Reality TV marathon?
  • Kareem when he’s determined to know which dumb woman in Big Brother is the one to drop out next
  • Who laughs more during sex?
  • Both, they just love sex with each other that much and it’s hard for either to keep serious
  • WHO IS THE LITTLE SPOON?
  • SAMMY
  • who hogs the duvet
  • Kareem, and oh boy does it tick Sammy off
  • who texts/rings to check how their day is going
  • Both do it pretty equally.
  • who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts
  • Both can be creative when they try, usually Sammy puts more thought into gifts though.
  • who gets up first in the morning
  • Sammy. Never interrupt Kareem’s 11 AM beauty sleep or he’ll wake up as a grumpy monster
  • who suggests new things in bed
  • Both. Kinky fucks
  • who cries at movies
  • KAREEM
  • who gives unprompted massages
  • Both. Sammy when he thinks Kareem should ease it down, and Kareem when Sammy is being a nervous and stressed bab
  • who fusses over the other when they’re sick
  • Kareem. Oh boy, does he. “calm down already Kareem, it’s just a cold I have, not cancer”
  • who gets jealous easiest
  • KAREEM
  • who has the most embarrassing taste in music
  • Both. Sammy loves classical music and Kareem listens to Saudi-Arabic ballads
  • who collects something unusual
  • Sammy. Be it coins or stamps etc. he likes to keep stuff in order
  • who takes the longest to get ready
  • Kareeeeeeeeem, spending 2 hours combing his goatee in the bathroom
  • who is the most tidy and organised
  • Both are pretty organized. Out of the two Sammy more though, Kareem is a spoiled brat who expects everything to get done for him itself
  • who gets most excited about the holidays
  • Both
  • who is the big spoon/little spoon
  • Big spoon Kareem, lil spoon Sammy, definitely. Who wouldn’t want to cuddle that jiggly big belly
  • who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports
  • Neither are very sporty persons but if you push them to play pingis against each other, both would get determined as hell to win the other, to the level that “let’s say it’s a draw, you two have been playing for 4 hours straight, the place is closing” isn’t an option anymore
  • who starts the most arguments
  • FUCKING KAREEM
  • who suggests that they buy a pet
  • Sammy notices Kareem is looking at the cute doggies in the pet store with an adoring lil face, and with a smug smile he decides immediately what to give his muslim bf for birthday.
  • what couple traditions they have
  • They cuddle a lot to watch and laugh at bad horror movies together.
  • what tv shows they watch together
  • Bad horror movies, reality TV, dumb sitcoms, occassionally good movies
  • what other couple they hang out with
  • Frank and Brenda + Teresa are the most common ones, being their best friends. Sometimes with Hummus and his multiple gfs. In family meetings obviously Baba and Gefilte
  • how they spend time together as a couple
  • They take walks together, argue and discuss hot topic stuff, sometimes go to road trips. Usual stuff what 30-year-old men in love would do in their free time.
  • who made the first move
  • “I’m very conflicted about how I’m supposed to feel watching this.” “Then don’t just watch.” “W-wait a second, what are you doing?”
  • who brings flowers home
  • Sammyyyyyy, he’s always more open about his feelings while Kareem is an awkward tsundere
  • who is the best cook
  • Sammy in my human AU owns a kosher bakery and Kareem always expected to have a wife (77 extra virgins) cooking for him, so obviously Sammy is the one to cook. He cooks well and even knows to buy all meat halal for Kareem