severus snape and lily evans

the wardrobe

James: Look at him being all “I’m a cool teacher”. Wanker.

Lily: Shut up you are just jealous.

James: Jealous? Jealous?! He became everything we hated Lils.

Lily: You are as dramatic as Sirius today Jamie.

James: Ooh, the Longbottom kid is first, I bet he is afraid of Augusta, Merlin knows Frankie was.

Lily: Did he just say-

James: Oh yes he did. That bastard bullied that kid so much, he became his biggest fear.

Lily: I- I’m-

James: I’m so excited! He is gonna make Snivellus look like Augusta, I remember that red handbag!

*Wands at the ready, Remus opens the wardrobe Snape walks out*

Lily: *watching warily* He looks so different, like he is taller.

James: It’s because the poor kid is scared of him shitless, Riddikulus Neville come on.

*Riddikulus and Snape is now wearing Augusta’s clothes*

James: *doubles over laughing* Moony– You– legend.

Lily: *tries not to laugh, fails* If Severus hears this–

James: *still laughing* Moony doesn’t give a fuck.

Lily: *grinning* I can see that.

James: Merlin– that hat. It suits him well. *tries to regulate his breath*

Lily: *smiling* That smirk on Harry’s face is all too familiar. 

James: Like father, like son.

*Boggart morphs into a mummy in front of Parvati*

James: That Parvati girl did well! 

Lily: Oh my– Seriously Seamus, a banshee?

James: I mean, kid has a point, that thing is scary.

*Dean walks up to the wardrobe*

Lily: A severed hand, like the one from the Addams Family?

James: From the what?

Lily: Don’t worry about it, Muggle thing. 

James: I know most Muggle things.

Lily: *disappointed* I never had the time to show you this one.

James: *changes the subject* Oh, Ronniekins of course has spiders for Boggarts.

*Harry walks up to the wardrobe, wand at the ready, looking excited*

Lily: It’s Harry’s turn, what if–

James: It wouldn’t assume his form Lils

Lily: But

*Remus throws himself in front of the Boggart*

Lily: Of course, it’s the full moon. 

James: The one thing he is scared of. 

Lily: He probably thought what we thought, still protective of the fawn.

James: Well, of course he is, don’t you remember how scared he was when he first held him?

Lily: *with a smile* Of course, I do

James: Well at least there’s someone who’s looking out for him now.

Lily: Soon, he will have Sirius back, too.

James: If the idiot doesn’t get himself locked up for committing the murder he was locked up for.

Lily: Well, that’s a possibility but Remus is sensible, I trust him.

*cue to the scene where Remus says “together” and Lily just stares at the camera like she’s in the office*

Lily: Have you ever seen a Boggart?

James: Yeah, once when I was 18 and I couldn’t do shit until my mum came and found me.

Lily: What did you see?

James: All of you guys were de-

Lily: *looking away* Oh, I- I see.

James: Those are foul creatures Lils, I’m actually glad Moony stopped Harry from facing his Boggart. 

Lily: Me, too. 

Rereading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Chapter Three - Will and Won’t

i can only say SORRY 4 THA WAIT so many times before it gets old but FURREALZ not a lot of downtime for reading our old pal HP here  in tokyo. BUT IM STILL TRYNA GRIND SO HERE WE GO

Harry Potter was snoring loudly. He had been sitting in a chair beside his bedroom window for the best part of four hours, staring out at the darkening street, and had finally fallen asleep with one side of his face pressed against the cold windowpane, his glasses askew and his mouth wide open.

and here he is folks, our fearless leader. 

- how the FUCK did i not know ‘higgledy-piggledy’ was a word

- were basically just reading things lying around in harrys room to recap what went down last book. AS IF I COULD FORGET

- OH HEY HEDWIG missed you girl. shes rolling her eyes at harry sleeping just like us

- ok ew its already mentioning the inferi and it just reminds me how UNready i am for the end of this book

“Judging by your look of stunned disbelief, Harry did not warn you that I was coming,” said Dumbledore pleasantly. “However, let us assume that you have invited me warmly into your house.”

how is dumbledore this kewl? GOD i missed him

These words seemed to rouse Uncle Vernon. It was clear that as far as he was concerned, any many who could look at Harry and say “excellent” was a man with whom he could never see eye to eye.

this passage is amazing. i mean, its horrible bc this is harrys guardian saying it about him, but still. hilariously amazing.

“Albus Dumbledore,” said Dumbledore, when Uncle Vernon failed to effect an introduction. “We have corresponded, of course.” 
Harry thought this an odd way of reminding Aunt Petunia that he had once sent her an exploding letter, but Aunt Petunia did not challenge the term. 

LOL harry if only you knew theyve corresponded more than that one time. this is the little girl who begged dumbledore to let her go to hogwarts!!!!!!

- spotted: dumbledores old gross shriveled up blackened hand I WONDER WHAT THAT COULD BE FROM

“But first of all I must tell you that Sirius’s will was discovered a week ago and that he left you everything he owned.”

ouch. was not expecting this type of hurt in this chapter.

“His godfather’s dead?” said Uncle Vernon loudly from the sofa. Dumbledore and Harry both turned to look at him. The glass of mead was now knocking quite insistently on the side of Vernon’s head; he attempted to beat it away. “He’s dead? His godfather?”

BOY IF YOU DONT STOP for fucks sake its like my hearts being stabbed every time he says ‘dead’

- KREACHERRRRRRRR IS IN THE BUILDING YALL!!!!!! his story is probably one of my favorite plot lines like, ever.

“Er - Kreacher - I want you to go to Hogwarts and work in the kitchens there with the other house-elves.”
Kreacher, who was now lying flat on his back with his arms and legs in the air, gave Harry one upside-down look of deepest loathing and, with another loud crack, vanished. 

kreacher is me whenever im told to do anything

- im still upset that buckbeaks name is now witherwings. what kind of a downgrade is that. but whatever IF HAGRIDS HAPPY, IM HAPPY

Dumbledore paused, and although his voice remained light and calm, and he gave no obvious sign of anger, Harry felt a kind of chill emanating from him and noticed that the Dursleys drew very slightly closer together. 

and THATS why dumbledore is such a boss ass bitch. ya hes old, whatever, but this is why the dude is the most powerful wizard 

“You did not do as I asked. You have never treated Harry as a son. He has known nothing but neglect and often cruelty at your hands. The best that can be said is that he has at least escaped the appalling damage you have inflicted upon the unfortunate boy sitting between you.”

hot DAMN. dumbledore just spit some truth AND threw a grade-A burn. hes my idol

- dumbledore asking the dursleys to let harry return to their home one last time next year got me FUCKED UP. guys, were almost done.

Aunt Petunia, however, was oddly flushed.

how does jkr make me hate petunia but also feel really really sad for her at the same time? home girls a literary goddess.

And now, Harry, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.”

if that isnt the DOPEST ending to a chapter idk what is.

WELP if you liked this, follow me for more chapters!

  • <p> <b>Ron:</b> Why are you naked?<p/><b>Harry:</b> I don't have clothes.<p/><b>Ron:</b> *opens closet* You have shirts, pants, jackets, hi Draco, socks...<p/></p>
Kissing Styles...

James Potter: Very… very eager, but trying really… really hard to restrain himself. Knows how to do fun things with his tongue… has had a lot of practice. All in all… he’s what people like to describe as “fun”… 8/10 

Sirius Black: Knows how to adapt. Can pretty much match anyone’s kissing style, but likes deep, intense kissing the most… Also likes biting and hickeys. As talented as he is pretty. Down for basically anything… An enjoyable experience all the way around. 11/10

Remus Lupin: Nervous. Starts off slow… then kisses like it’s the last time he’ll ever kiss someone because he always feels like it’s the last time anyone will ever want to kiss him… 6/10 when he’s nervous… 9/10 when he relaxes and let’s go. 

Peter Pettigrew: Sweats a lot… too much tongue… 4/10  

Lily Evans: Expert kisser, knows her shit… at least as far as technicalities go… but lacks spontaneity. Get’s flustered when she doesn’t see something coming like James’ tongue tricks… also gets distracted easily (”SHIT! That’s due tomorrow!”)… Overall, needs some work. 6.5/10

Frank Longbottom: Handles you like you’re made of glass… very gentle… very sweet… enjoys kissing the spot just beneath your ear. Hates biting because he’s worried he’ll hurt you. Often stops to stare or chat. Worships the ground you walk on… 8/10 for kissing… 20/10 for making you feel like a goddess. 

Alice Longbottom: Kinky as fuck. 9/10

Dorcas Meadowes: Kinkier than fuck. Kisses like she owns your ass. Also hella gay. 10/10

Marlene McKinnon: Also also hella gay… less kinky. Uses a lot of tongue… but does it right. 9/10 

Mary Macdonald: Mary sue to the max… every kiss is like a reenactment of “The Notebook”. Disney-esque. 7/10

Regulus Black: Untrusting. Tends to panic if things go too quick… or too slow… or not exactly how he planned it. Perfectionist… and a bit of a control freak… doesn’t really know how to adapt to other kissing styles. 4.5/10

Narcissa Malfoy: Reserved… until between the sheets, then she will eat you alive. Mother fucking queen. Savage. Always tops. 10/10

Lucius Malfoy: Fun to look at… Terrible kisser. -5 stars. Two thumbs way down… would not recommend…. 0/10……………. alright… 2/10 for being pretty… Also… submissive af.  

Bellatrix Lestrange: Will rip your goddam lip off. 0/10…. unless you’re into that.

Fenrir Greyback: Will rip your goddam head off. -54/10

Severus Snape: Ew. 

the map

Snape demands Harry to turn out his pockets and takes the Marauders Map to examine it

James: Oh Snivellus, I’d love to see you try

Lily: What does it do?

James: You’ll see in about a second.

Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people’s business.

Lily: Oh for Merlin’s sake, the map insults people, too?

James: *grinning* It insults people but drags Snivellus.

Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.

Lily: JAMES!

James: *innocently* What? It’s the map.

Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor.

James: *stifles his laughter*

Lily: Will you ever grow up?

James: Nope.

Mr. Wormtail bids, Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.

James: Ugh, I forgot that prat was there, too.

Lily: I can’t believe you did advanced magic just to insult people.

James: You have to admit it’s a masterpiece though.

Lily: All the brains you had and you created a map that says slimeball.

James: *sad* You don’t know what the map is capable of Lils.

Lily: You are so lucky he is asking about it to Remus.

James: Another proof that Snivellus is a complete idiot but yeah, Remus would know what to do with the map and maybe see that the bloody rat is on it.

Lily: Look at him bullshit his way out of this. Incredible.

James: *smiling* All of you thought he was the innocent one, I mean, that man can bullshit his way out of anything.

Remus takes the map from Snape and takes Harry and Ron with him to talk, he is very angry with Harry.

Lily: Harry is in big trouble.

James: *frustrated* For Godric’s sake, Sirius is not after Harry. I want to throw a rock at Moony’s head. *imitating Remus* These mapmakers would have wanted to lure you out of school. Fuck you Moony.

“Do you know them?” said Harry, impressed.

“We’ve met,” he said shortly.

James: WE’VE MET??? WE’VE MET??? YOU– I MEAN– I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE–

Lily: *soothingly* James, deep breaths

James: I became a fucking stag for that man, don’t tell me to take deep breaths.

Lily: *sarcastically* You’ve got a point, keep on yelling.

“I can’t make you take Sirius Black seriously.”

James: *apruptly stops* Tell me he didn’t just say “take Sirius Black seriously”?

Lily: *laughing* Yes he did.

James: *disappointed* The Remus I know wouldn’t have told that without an eye roll.

Lily: *slowly rubbing James’ back* A lot changes in twelve years, love.

James: *ruffling his hair* They shouldn’t have.

Lily: *reassuringly* It will be alright soon. Look, Remus has the map now, he will see that Peter is in the castle, Remus will know it wasn’t Sirius.

James: Sure but still, I can’t shake the feeling that it will never be the same.

Lily: If I know Remus and Sirius even just a little, it will be better.

James: The stars to his moon, yeah?

Lily: *smiling* Exactly.

9

Sorry it’s kind blurry, but all the grey texts are @credence-needs-a-hug go follow her and she’s writing what happens after they stop texting *this is the start of a series*

1026. When Snape died, the first person there to greet him was Lily. She walked up to him and punched him in the face, demanding answers as to 'WHY THE HELL DID YOU VERBALLY ABUSE MY SON FOR SEVEN YEARS???'

YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED? A MARAUDERS TV SHOW. STARTING MARAUDERS’ FIRST YEAR AND FINALE WOULD BE HALLOWEEN 1981. THE SHOW WOULD TAKE FOCUS ON JILY, WOLFSTAR, LILY’S FRIENDSHIP WITH SNAPE, PREJUDICE ABOUT MUGGLEBORNS, THE FIRST WIZARDING WAR, ORDER OF THE PHOENIX, AND SO ON. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME AND THAT’S WHAT WE NEED.