seven times lucky

Like I'm Gonna Lose You

I’m in no way a competent writer of any kind. I’ve just been feeling…terrible lately (woe is me) and I thought maybe you’d like this? FYI, I have no idea what’s happening in Grayson or the n52. It’s really long!

Clark has a guest bedroom for a reason. And no, not for those normal reasons that regular people have, because his life is hardly ever normal. Not since he became superman and certainly not since Bruce walked into it.

Some of these reasons include little birds who have flown the coop and like to make nests in his apartment.

As he unlocks the door to his apartment, and balances his groceries in one hand while trying to flick the light on with the other, he notices right away that he is not alone. Placing his groceries down, he pulls out his phone and sends off a text.

“He’s here :)))”

“I’ll pick him up later than.”

A few seconds later, his phone vibrates. “Why are there so many parentheses?”

Bruce doesn’t appreciate the fine art of emoting. Clark just chuckles and slides his phone back into his pocket.

Bruce and Clark have come to an unspoken agreement ever since Dick started showing up to see Clark. Give them a few hours with him; they’ll talk, he’ll listen. And he keeps Bruce updated throughout. Bruce admitted that he wasn’t always the best person when it came to these things. Although, Clark knows he’s certainly gotten much better at it, the boys still somehow find their way here.

Even when they’ve flown the nest permanently.

He doesn’t mind.

“Hey Damian,” Clark says, as he sits down next to where Damian is curled up in a blanket, a forgotten sketch book laying open on the coffee table.

Damian shuffles but doesn’t respond. Clark knows he’s not sleeping. So he sits for a while, turns on the TV, watches the news, puts his groceries away and starts prepping a dinner for two.

Damian manages to sneak up on him while he’s deciding between broccoli and cauliflower.

“He’s alive,” Damian states simply, as he sits on one of the bars stools on the other side of the island.

Clark does not jump.

He takes a moment to consider what Damian means and yes, Dick did recently rejoin the land of the living didn’t he? He looks back at Damian, whose become more interested in fiddling with the fruits Clark’s got out on the counter.

It becomes silent again when Clark decides, why not both veggies? He let’s Damian find his own voice and makes a noise of acknowledgement. Each of the boys have their own quirks about talking.

Tim paces, he mumbles and tries to sort through his thoughts. Clark prompts and rewords what Tim says to him and usually it helps Tim figure out what’s really bothering him. Tim’s sort of an organized mess. Clark only helps to put things back where they need to be. They have cookies (he always a batch from Ma somewhere) and milk before Tim leaves. Now that he has Kon though, his visits are less frequent.

Jason. Well Jason hardly visited when he was young and that hasn’t changed when he became an adult. But when he does, Jason just wants the company. He talks about his bikes, the things he’s working on, new books he’s reading. He never broaches the reason why he’s there, but Clark doesn’t push. He tried once. It didn’t end very well. Jason simply talks to talk. He probably thinks Clark, doesn’t or wouldn’t understand, but where Jason think he’s just talking about random things, Clark sees progress, strength and growth. They usually drink some beers and Jason looks lighter when he leaves.

Dick is eerily quiet when things are bothering him. Even more alarming when he rejects touch. Clark knows he can throw a little question here, a thought there and it usually coaxes Dick into word vomiting his feelings all over the place. But it also normally ends up with Dick being too emotionally exhausted to function and he stays the night. It’s when Clark moves in for a hug, and Dick returns it that he knows Dick will be fine.

Damian is a rather sensitive child. Yes, people have a tendency to forget he’s only ten. Clark falls for it too. Behind the tough little exterior, and the brave face, there is a ten year old boy who still has a lot of growing up to do.

Finally, Damian approaches Clark from where he is standing and chopping the veggies (he’s gonna go with a stir fry. Lois showed him how to make it once).

“I’m so angry with him.”

Clark looks down at Damian, standing there looking a little lost, a little sad. Not unlike Dick looked a few days ago when he came seeking some comfort.

Clark smiles gently. “It’s okay to be mad, Damian.”

Damian bites his lip. “But I missed him too. And I don’t know what I am supposed to do.”

Clark nods. He sets down the knife and leans against the counter. “I can’t say I know what Dick was thinking or why he did what he did. And I’m not defending his actions either. All I can say is that he made those decisions because he felt he had to.”

God knows they’ve all made some less than desirable decisions.

But Clark wasn’t even angry with Dick. Which took Dick by surprise. He looked so shocked, Clark had to laugh. Although it did end up with some tears.

“But what do I do?” Damian whispers.

Damian has unconsciously moved closer to where Clark is standing. HIs shoulder is almost touching Clark’s arm.

“People say forgiveness and saying sorry are the hardest things to do. It’s not, actually. The hardest part is what comes after.”

“Do I just…forgive him?”

Clark sighs. How do you forgive someone who pretended they were dead? He doesn’t have an answer for that.

“You have to ask yourself if you can forgive him and see what happens from there. I can’t make that decision for you, kiddo. But perhaps talking to him when you’re ready is something you can consider.”

Damian nods slightly, his arms crossed and his brow furrowed like he’s deep in thought. Sometimes people just need someone else to validate their thoughts in order to come to a decision.

“And it’s okay to miss him even when you’re angry. These things need time.”

Clark pulls Damian close against his side, squeezes his shoulder to comfort him. Damian leans into him, head resting against Clark’s side. They stay like that for a while before Clark lets go and claps his hands together.

“Alright! Want some dinner? I make a mean stir fry. We can watch a movie after too. Maybe I can find my stash of Ma’s cookies somewhere to share. I’m sure Tim won’t mind.”

Damian looks up at him, he seems a little less lost, a little lest sad, and a ghost of a smile appears on his face before he looks away.

“-tt- as if Drake has any claim over some cookies.”

Clark takes that as a good start.

*clutches chest* I think my heart this stopped this is the best thing in the whole freaking world. 

I’m sorry you’ve been feeling terrible lately too, love. I send you all the good vibes and well wishes I can <3333 but thank you so much for this, I am so grateful I can’t speak. :’)