Its the year anniversary of the Gravity Falls Finale. I’m carrying a boombox, a bouquet of roses, and a bottle of straight vodka mixed with 8 Capri suns into the woods. I locate the spot where bill cipher’s shitty stone corpse is sitting. I set down the boombox and press play. A bass-boosted version of No One Mourns the Wicked blares out into the twilight. I place the flowers on his hand, take out a lighter, and set them on fire, then chug as much capri-sun-vodka as I can. I pour the rest out over his eye and whisper “to the sips you’ll never take, babe”
or, why you should read the yugioh manga if you haven’t or, Yami has No Fucking Chill
i was looking thru the yugioh manga and decided to make a list of all the crazy shit Yami does in the first seven volumes.
this one is pretty tame, but he makes a
guy play a game where they stab a knife thru money while it lays on
their hand. if they stab to hard they’ll stab their hand. he then
proceeds to make the man hallucinate.
when he wins a game against a tv
director (by cheating, just saying) Yami makes it so he’ll see in
he makes it so a fellow student’s
heartbeat is so loud it’s unbearable
you know how everyone jokes that Yami
sets a man on fire? that’s not a joke. he sets a guy on fire, via
vodka and cigarette.
he plays a game with a fellow student
where they play air hockey on a grill top with a chunk of ice that
has an explosive substance in the middle. needless to say, Yami blows
up his fellow student.
he poisons a man with his own pet
scorpion… over a pair of sneakers.
remember in Duel Monsters when Pegasus
trapped Kaiba’s soul in a card? Yami did that first. only he made it
so Kaiba was being mercilessly maimed by the monsters in the cards.
it was only temporary, and an illusion, but still.
he electrocutes like five guys all at
OKAY SO THIS ISN’T A FUCKED UP THING
YAMI DID but when Yami plays Capsule Monsters with Mokuba for the
first time, Mokuba says that if Yami loses he’s going to cut off one
of Yami’s fingers. something else you miss out on from not reading
the manga is Mokuba Kaiba being an evil gremlin and just as much of
an asshole as his brother. also Mokuba apparently just casually
carries a switchblade around, nbd.
when Mokuba loses, Yami traps him in a
Capsule Monster capsule (that’s an illusion but still)
he also poisons Mokuba. like, Mokuba
was being an asshole and totally deserved it, and it wasn’t entirely
Yami’s fault, but there’s no way Yami didn’t slightly influence the
turnout of this situation.
after their initial duel, he causes
Kaiba to go into a vegetative state. it’s for Kaiba’s own good, but
still, he doesn’t actually come out of comatose for several chapters.
When a kid challenges him to a game
called Dragon Cards, where there is the possibility of having your
soul imprisoned in a jar, Yami wins and the kid loses his soul we can
only assume permanently (they made it so in the anime it was just the
“evil” of his soul being imprisoned. in the manga… rip that
kid, I guess.).
again this isn’t something Yami did,
but you’ve probably heard about the infamous Yo-Yo Gang chapter.
well, it’s real, and in that chapter, the gang almost hang Yuugi by
the Millennium Puzzle. Yami then proceeds to send them all to the
hospital by causing a roof to cave in beneath them. you aim yo-yos at
the ground, you assholes.
after that, Yami finally finds most of
his chill and stops mentally torturing people, at least for the most
part. but seriously, you’re missing out on all this if you don’t read
the manga, it’s a wild ride.