set the vodka on fire

fucked up shit Yami Yuugi does in the manga

or, why you should read the yugioh manga if you haven’t
or, Yami has No Fucking Chill

i was looking thru the yugioh manga and decided to make a list of all the crazy shit Yami does in the first seven volumes.

  • this one is pretty tame, but he makes a guy play a game where they stab a knife thru money while it lays on their hand. if they stab to hard they’ll stab their hand. he then proceeds to make the man hallucinate.
  • when he wins a game against a tv director (by cheating, just saying) Yami makes it so he’ll see in censor mosaic
  • he makes it so a fellow student’s heartbeat is so loud it’s unbearable
  • you know how everyone jokes that Yami sets a man on fire? that’s not a joke. he sets a guy on fire, via vodka and cigarette.
  • he plays a game with a fellow student where they play air hockey on a grill top with a chunk of ice that has an explosive substance in the middle. needless to say, Yami blows up his fellow student.
  • he poisons a man with his own pet scorpion… over a pair of sneakers.
  • remember in Duel Monsters when Pegasus trapped Kaiba’s soul in a card? Yami did that first. only he made it so Kaiba was being mercilessly maimed by the monsters in the cards. it was only temporary, and an illusion, but still.
  • he electrocutes like five guys all at once.
  • OKAY SO THIS ISN’T A FUCKED UP THING YAMI DID but when Yami plays Capsule Monsters with Mokuba for the first time, Mokuba says that if Yami loses he’s going to cut off one of Yami’s fingers. something else you miss out on from not reading the manga is Mokuba Kaiba being an evil gremlin and just as much of an asshole as his brother. also Mokuba apparently just casually carries a switchblade around, nbd.
  • when Mokuba loses, Yami traps him in a Capsule Monster capsule (that’s an illusion but still)
  • he also poisons Mokuba. like, Mokuba was being an asshole and totally deserved it, and it wasn’t entirely Yami’s fault, but there’s no way Yami didn’t slightly influence the turnout of this situation.
  • after their initial duel, he causes Kaiba to go into a vegetative state. it’s for Kaiba’s own good, but still, he doesn’t actually come out of comatose for several chapters.
  • When a kid challenges him to a game called Dragon Cards, where there is the possibility of having your soul imprisoned in a jar, Yami wins and the kid loses his soul we can only assume permanently (they made it so in the anime it was just the “evil” of his soul being imprisoned. in the manga… rip that kid, I guess.).
  • again this isn’t something Yami did, but you’ve probably heard about the infamous Yo-Yo Gang chapter. well, it’s real, and in that chapter, the gang almost hang Yuugi by the Millennium Puzzle. Yami then proceeds to send them all to the hospital by causing a roof to cave in beneath them. you aim yo-yos at the ground, you assholes.

after that, Yami finally finds most of his chill and stops mentally torturing people, at least for the most part. but seriously, you’re missing out on all this if you don’t read the manga, it’s a wild ride.

Its the year anniversary of the Gravity Falls Finale. I’m carrying a boombox, a bouquet of roses, and a bottle of straight vodka mixed with 8 Capri suns into the woods. I locate the spot where bill cipher’s shitty stone corpse is sitting. I set down the boombox and press play. A bass-boosted version of No One Mourns the Wicked blares out into the twilight. I place the flowers on his hand, take out a lighter, and set them on fire, then chug as much capri-sun-vodka as I can. I pour the rest out over his eye and whisper “to the sips you’ll never take, babe”

Sentence Starters: Archer Edition
  • [Feel free to add!]
  • "Bitch, I got ants all over me!"
  • "Sorry, ignore me. My whole thing is I just crave attention."
  • "Let's go, bitches! Tiger tranqs!"
  • "If I don't get something to eat, I'm literally going to die."
  • "Why do you always never shut up?"
  • "Private Me, reporting for sploosh!"
  • "Phrasing, boom!"
  • "Stop. Stop. My penis can only get SO erect."
  • "Maybe you can shut your dick holster!"
  • "I am literally wet with jealousy."
  • "Goddamn it, shut up, John Williams!"
  • "Girl, please. Nobody's THAT gay."
  • "Eat a dick, jungle."
  • "Who are you supposed to be? Topper Bottoms, stern yet sensual skipper of the U.S.S. Rough Service?"
  • “Something, something, danger zone! I know. I’m not even trying anymore.”
  • "Oh, you don't look like a whore. An idiot maybe? Or both! Yes. A whorediot."
  • "What the shit, _______?!"
  • "Your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass."
  • "That... got a little dark."
  • "She is riddled with herpes."
  • "Just the tip!"
  • "No words. My words have failed me."
  • "I gotta go make an old man eat a big bowl of spiderwebs."
  • "Now who do I have to screw to get a drink around here?"
  • "Sorry, that's just a sympathy boner."
  • "I'm scared that if I stop drinking all at once, the cumulative hangover will literally kill me."
  • "It's pretty hard to stay anonymous when you're the world's greatest secret agent."
  • "Hey, we're out there risking our lives every—many of the days!"
  • "Come on! Run like you're younger!"
  • "Seriously, ______, call Kenny Loggins, because you're in the DANGER ZONE."
  • "There's not enough liquor and therapy in the world to undo that."
  • "We touched penises."
  • "Oh... I thought we were laughing at the dead people we set on fire."
  • "Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now, at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen."
  • "Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants."
  • “Does Internet porn know you’re cheating on it?”
  • “Are you kidding? Dude. Bros before apparent threats to national security.”
  • “I can’t hear you over the sound of my giant, throbbing erection!”
  • "Wait... I had something for this."
  • "Can't or won't?"
  • "Every single noun and verb in that sentence sexually arouses me."
  • "Just like the gypsy woman said!"
  • "Grill me a cheese."
  • "Holy shitsnacks!"
  • "Do you think this is a game?!"
  • "Who are you, Comrade Question?"
  • "Just let me clear off the ol' browser history..."
  • "For shit's sake."
Silly OT3 Questions

After watching the 1st Harry Potter movie, who ships Harry/Hermione, who ships Hermione/Draco, and who is the little shit that knows the ending and says nothing while watching them argue?

Which two obnoxiously belt out “Bohemian Rhapsody” on a road trip while the third sulks the entire time?

Who pushes the grocery cart, who is sitting in the cart, and who is picking out all the unhealthy food in the supermarket?

Who meticulously measures everything while cooking, who keeps adding vodka to the mix, and who sets the kitchen on fire?

During the night who hogs the bed, who can’t stop snuggling to the first person, and who winds up sleeping half on the bed and half on the floor?

Who sings the man’s part in a duet, who sings the woman’s part, and who insists on singing the background vocals?

Who prefers Friends, who prefers How I Met Your Mother, and who thinks television is the Devil’s way of brainwashing humans into serving him in Hell?

When called on by the teacher, who responds with the most pretentious answer, who gives a bullshit answer because they weren’t paying attention, and who answers with “deez nuts”? [OT4 Bonus - Who responds to the last person with “2016 called, they want their meme back”?]

anonymous asked:

Do you have any Inception fic recs? (: You have always been one of my favourite Inception authors, so I have full faith in your judgement ;)

Ohhhhh, anon. You just sent me back three years and three zillion opened tabs (because I never kept a cohesive rec list or pinboard when I was in Inception, I just bookmarked things in chrome and stuck them all in a folder labeled INCEPTION STUFF), but here are the results!

This isn’t by any means a definitive list and I know there are plenty of fics I’m forgetting, but I had to stop wandering down memory lane before it ate up my entire afternoon. In no particular order (Arthur/Eames unless otherwise specified):

All you need is a place to stand by Trojie - 6K, NC-17 - Eames in a skirt, tie bondage, top Arthur

Baby, You’re a Firework by cmonkatiekatie - 6.5K, NC-17 - Arthur has a hair trigger

Incipit by  thehoyden - 8.5K, NC17 - AU where Eames is an author and Arthur is his editor 

Autumn Road by Tabi - 70K, M - Follows Arthur and Eames through the years after they decide to share a safe house, will bring emotions of all kinds 

below the belt by versy - 3K, NC-17 - Straight-up beard porn, jailbait Arthur

Schmoop Bomb series by toomuchplor and xenakis - 39K, G through NC-17 - The one where Arthur and Eames settle down in Mombasa and adopt

What’s a Little Contract Hit Between Friends? by laceymcbain 6K, PG - Arthur (accidentally) puts out a hit on Eames 

Bless You, Autocorrect by anon, result of a particularly awesome prompt from the kink meme’s heyday: “They get together through a series of embarrassing Autocorrect fails.” 

untitled by anon - Saito teaches Robert Japanese. Robert is terrible at it, but Saito loves to hear him speak it anyway because the effort he puts into it is just too adorable. 

something here from somewhere else by skyvehicle - 8K, PG-13 - The one where Eames snores and it makes Arthur’s life hell 

Technically a Virtue by Mirabella - 8K, NC17 - The one where Eames has to forge wings and Arthur has a thing for it 

Map of the Sounds of Tokyo by fermine - R, Robert/Saito - AU where Robert is Saito’s new employee 

I set a fire (just to see what it kills) by pprfaith - 23K - Arthur has tattoos and a past Eames keeps digging into in spite of himself  

Heading North by Allothi - 4.5K - Arthur hitchhikes and Eames coincidentally picks him up

this just might hurt a little by gunsandbutter - 24K, NC-17 - Arthur’s a sub in a shitty d/s relationship. Eames notices 

Dumah by paxlux - 13K, M - Arthur’s subconscious wants to kill him 

All Our Wires Got Crossed by five_ht - 4.5K, NC-17 - D/s porn with feelings, hot as hell 

You Set Me On Fire (Moustache Ride) by vodka - 5.5K, NC-17 - Arthur gets rimmed and it’s great

How to Love a Mocking Bird by sparkledark and red_rahl - 2.7K, G - Arthur owns an African Grey parrot, to Eames’s despair

Sorry it had to be like this by weatherfront - Arthur/Cobb where Arthur gets drunk, Cobb comes to collect him, and everything is ridiculous

Hallefuckinglujah also by weatherfront - the one with priestkink and fucking in a church 

Trouble With Dreams by sparkledark - 40K, NC-17 - College AU in which Arthur is a cranky senior and Eames is a professor of Dream Psychology

The Material Life of the Californian Suburb by eleveninches - NC-17, 36K - Eames tries to become a good guy for Arthur’s sake (and was also raised on a hippie commune)

Antimony by jibrailis - NC-17, 54K - Dreamshare goes legal, Arthur goes corporate, Eames goes and (against his better judgement) falls in love.

It took 0.02 seconds before the impact hit them both. She went hysterical and he went insane. Neither of them were quite the same ever again. Laughter to cover up the mental scar that they left on each other. Lipstick stained vodka bottles, burnt out cigarette butts almost set the couch on fire.

But nobody saw this coming, everybody thought that she was the stars and he was the moon. What nobody understood was that, she was the stars, distant and out of his reach, and he was the moon but she didn’t give the light he needed. She wasn’t his sun.

I guess what I am trying to say is that, you weren’t the water I needed when I was dying of thirst, you were just a mirage

—  me (thelostsoul27)
Heart break doesn’t feel like they said it would.
It feels like a bottle of vodka and setting my skin on fire
Like drinking lava and keeping a straight face
Like you were the only thing keeping me alive
—  From Songs I’ll Eventually Finish