seriously its awkward

Three years ago I was dealing with a bout of depression. It was not unusual, I’ve had depression and anxiety for almost as long as I can remember. But this bout followed my thirtieth birthday. I was not upset about turning thirty. I did not think my life was over or that my youth was behind me. Rather, I was in the middle of an amazing year full of the freedom that came with stepping away from religious oppression, finding my own faith and defining what that meant to me, and coming off of a year of painful fertility drugs and the decision not to continue treatment. I’d honestly never felt better.

And yet … depression.

I got that apathetic kind of depression where nothing seems fun or exciting or even remotely attention grabbing enough to pull me out of bed. I was just … stuck. I was missing something. 

As I do when I’m in a depression, I binged watched things. On a random Saturday, I stumbled upon Deathly Hallows Part One playing on ABC Family, likely during one of their marathons. 

“God I forgot how much I fucking love these movies.”

I’d seen almost every one in theatre. He-Man had read the books religiously (and even worked at a book store during the release of the first few). I knew the general plot because he is utterly incapable of NOT sharing things with me when he’s reading. So when the movies came out, of course we went. He fumed and fumed in his seat over missing characters and twisted plotlines, and I laughed and laughed until some random kid behind me loudly whispered to his friend “That’s the one that dies at the end” when Cedric Diggory first appeared on screen. (Seriously. WTF, you little brat?)

Rather than read the books, I’d spent time playing on Pottermore and the wiki pages learning ingredients to potions and the etymology behind the spells. I loved the world that JKR created, but I suck when it comes to reading fiction. My attention span (especially in my twenties) was garbage. 

So in the last week of June 2014, I borrowed my mother-in-law’s DVDs of the movies and binged them all. I laughed, I cried, I FELT something for the first time in weeks. Emotions. Feeling. Life. Magic. 

“I want to read the books now. I need to read the books.”

So I read them. I read several chapters every night out loud while my husband played video games. I laughed when he cried. He laughed when I cried. I did voices, and we argued over exactly how pompous Lockhart should sound. I gasped during parts that were not in the movies. “Why is Molly being such a bitch to Sirius?” “Wait, who are all these other elves?” “Dumbledore’s a shit. I’m glad he’s dead!” “OMG Tonks. OMG Fred. OMG Remus. OMG I hate this so much.”

And I loved it.

I loved it so much. 

I felt like an addict waiting for my husband to get home each night so I could keep reading. I begged him, “Just two more chapters. I’m almost done with this book!” even as I LITERALLY lost my voice in the middle of Deathly Hallows. 

Then, like magic, I remembered that the story didn’t have to end. I’d been RPing written stories with friends for two decades, and I’d stumbled into fanfiction from time to time. So I knew what sites to go to.

I read epilogue continuations first. I wanted to know what happened after. Then I thought, “I wonder what if …?” And I fell head first into the deep end of Dramione, Marauders, and a crap ton of Marriage Law and Time-Turner fics.

“I have an idea. I want to be apart of this. I think I have a story in me.”

And three years later, I have a life. A hobby. A PASSION. I’ve made amazing friends, rebuilt a really fucked up self esteem and sense of pride, learned a lot about grammar and story structure, and helped to add building blocks to a fandom that saved me. 

I can’t believe it’s been three years.

Thank you all, for some of the best three years of my life.

♥♥♥ Shaya ♥♥♥

juliette getting mad at warner right before they’re about to go to bed and so she moves to the edge of the mattress and lies with her back to him and snaps “don’t touch me” but twenty minutes later she crawls back to him and lays on her side and shoves her back against him and wraps his arm around her and he just grins against the back of her neck knowing it would happen eventually


i am a lonely captain of this lonely ship but i won’t give up!!!

anonymous asked:

Loved seeing you on BBC America made me squeal sooo proud!! Xx

Oh my god oh my god thank you!!! And thank you to everyone else who’s been sending me wonderful messages!

UH BACKSTORY a few weeks ago I was filmed for the Doctor Who: Earth Conquest documentary which follows the Doctor Who World Tour and focuses on a few hardcore Whovians around the world (yes I’m one of them.) I did an interview and some drawing demos in my home office; the studio that produced it also arranged my meeting with Peter and Jenna (that whole thing was filmed too):

^ Like this, except VIDEO

So APPARENTLY the full documentary which I haven’t even seen yet just aired and I really hope I wasn’t terrible but EITHER WAY THIS IS QUITE EXCITING. Here’s the trailer (I’m not in it but you can hear my dork voice right at the beginning!!)

Shoutout to all the muslims who gotta do that awkward smile when people tell them “happy holidays” during this time of year. 

And you always gotta awkwardly say “yeah you too!” 

So i was just loading up sims to play before bed and as it finishes loading my computer dies….like it’s still running bu it’s not connecting to the screen. 

My queue ran out today but I should have something knocking around if not, it’ll be a mini hiatus while I get it sorted

I truly hoped this day would never come. I got the computer from my ex-boyfriend so guess who has to go back to him for help D:

far*go is my favorite show, it’s the best show ever, i love it, i can’t believe i’ve been blessed with such a heavenly series, season 3 is finished, my life is over, how can i go on??? by f u ckin g making a far*go rp blOG AND BULLYING THIS RP FANDOM INTO EXISTENCE

i’m just going to put this out there, so no one feels like i’m ignoring them and because i feel like i should be upfront about it.

i’ve gotten a lot of absolutely wonderful prompts today that i will definitely be trying to get to. but i’ve also gotten a couple that i more than likely won’t, so.

basically, if you have a really specific idea for a fic, like, you know exactly what you want to happen in it but you don’t want to, or don’t think you can, write it yourself - i’m not your girl. sorry. my brain rebels against the idea of being told what to write.

on the other hand, if you have a vague idea or a line or an image in your head and you want to see what i could do with it - my ask box is always open and i will love you forever.

also, please be aware. i’ve written a lot of sex this week, it’s only a matter of time before i hurt you all again, don’t get too comfortable!

wee-chlo  asked:

Okay, but what if things were happy again; what if we did that instead. How about that? HOW ABOUT THAT? No but seriously, if it's clearly, painfully awkward between Sans and Lil' Pup, how it's going with Papyrus? I can't imagine he'd hold anything against Lil' Pup but I can't imagine the fact that Sans kind of is is lost on him either.

HOW ABOUT THAT, YEAH?? Yeah I really want this awkwardness to be over too, friend. D:

Papyrus hasn’t changed one bit. He still treats Little Pup the same way he’s always treated them even after that…certain episode.

Pap probably realizes the awkwardness between Sans and Frisk. He wants to mend it, but isn’t sure how. (You know how Sans can easily avoid the topic when confronted. XD)

Though Sans has been accompanying them on their walks lately…

That awkward moment when an intersection of missions ends up with Loki dancing in an awkward white boy way while Tony stands behind him in a business suit and random chunks of armor, making it rain with bills of various denominations.

For two hours.


Regular Show: Rigby’s Body

Why do I find Mordecai eating a salad so funny?

😊 9 😊
  • : : ALSO MY 10,000TH POST 🍾
  • ~~
  • *the lab*
  • Sherlock: *working at the microscope*
  • Sherlock: *casually* Molly and I are friends with benefits.
  • John: ...
  • John: *frowns* I- sorry?
  • Sherlock: *looks up* Friends. With benefits. Ever since she moved in. For her own protection, obviously.
  • John: *nods; a bit thrown* Yeah...obviously *shakes his head; stern* you better not have taken advantage-
  • Sherlock: *rolls his eyes* Of course not. She offered.
  • John: *clears his throat* Right, well...err, good for you.
  • Sherlock: Mmm, take away and a fresh liver tonight. Separately.
  • John: ...
  • John: What?
  • Sherlock: *smiles* The benefits of having a pathologist for a flatmate, John.
  • John: ...
  • John: *walking away* I hate you.
  • Sherlock: *confused*
  • Molly: *enters the lab; shaking her head* People have been giving me really weird looks all day.
  • Sherlock: *glances at her*
  • Molly: *worried* Do you think I've upset anyone?
  • Sherlock: No idea. Ready?
  • Molly: *sighs* Yes. Here's your sodding liver *hands him a sealed bag*
  • Sherlock: Thank you. Chinese?
  • Molly: *gathers her bag* Yeah *rolls her shoulders* honestly, I'm just looking forward to getting to bed.
  • Lab Tech: *walking past; side-eyes her*
  • Molly: *gestures; hissing* You see? What is that?
  • Sherlock: *on his phone; dismissive* It's probably nothing, Molly. Taxi's waiting *walks off*
  • Molly: *rolls her eyes; hlaf-jogs to keep up*

i’m so happy hayley atwell exists