serious batman

Dating Bruce Wayne Would Include (Pt. II)

Because apparently more people love Bat Daddy than they’re willing to admit

  • Dates – or rather, the process of planning them – are a little weird for the two of you
    • Despite him being wealthy and having had a reputation as a philanderer, Bruce is still a very devoted businessman with an entire enterprise to run. This may or may not clash with your own schedule, depending on what you do, but it is more likely Bruce’s schedule that needs the most consideration when plotting out a date
    • Then, of course, there’s your lover’s obvious nighttime job. It’s not even necessarily that he can’t take the night off; it’s just that those nights are few and far in between. Though now that he’s getting older and has a significant other to appreciate in his life, he does attempt to make more of an effort to take at several nights or so per month off.
    • This may not seem like much, but considering what he does…
    • Most dates are what you’d expect: trips to the opera, dinners at fancy, high-end restaurants, museums, walks in the nicer parts of town such as the botanical garden
    • Others, not so much: You may be craving some fast food so you two wind up at a Big Belly Burger or just a coffee date at Jitter’s. You’ve even convinced him to take a couple’s art class with you a couple of times
      • He’s quite proud of the vase you made and the portrait of you he made. Both are placed tastefully in the living room on the mantel
      • He’s always sure to keep some percentage of himself on edge, however, as he doesn’t want to let his guard down only for you to get hurt or worse
      • You understand this, even though you wish he had the luxury of being completely, 100% chill
  • Despite clearly being one of the world’s most patient s/os (you’d have to be if you’re dating a vigilante), fights are still going to happen. There’s just no way around it.
    • It’s a common, natural part of relationships so long as they’re done within reason. Even in a relationship where one of you dresses like a demonic bat and beats up baddies until the candy comes out
    • The subjects, however, can obviously vary
    • Sometimes it’s over normal, everyday couple stuff like canceled dates, forgotten events, showing up late to important things, the occasional lack of communication, and so on
    • Other days, it’s over stuff that only couples composed of a normal person and their superhero s/o could experience like way-too-close calls, arriving home looking like Death escorted them back out of pity, becoming too ambitious and losing sight or even themselves, debates over conflicting morals …
    • One time, you really hurt Bruce on accident
    • You’d made it so clear that you didn’t approve of his new use of Bat Brands
    • “It’s just going a little too far, Bruce – it’s inhumane!”
    • Of course, he didn’t listen and it resulted in an argument when you accused him of being more animal than man and that wasn’t going to help anyone because he was just making things worse
    • Considering that one of his deepest fears is that this is all for nothing and he was losing himself as a result, he didn’t take it well. He went out patrolling without a word and didn’t arrive until 10 AM – way later than when he usually returns
    • You tried apologizing to him but he just kept quiet and broody
      • You suspect Alfred scolded at him for not giving his beloved a chance to redeem themselves because hours later he stopped leaving the room every time you entered it, allowing for you to apologize
    • You two had a discussion about it and decided to discuss the future of Bat Brands
    • Bruce, however, can accidentally be more biting and ruthless
    • He doesn’t mean to be, he’s just so used to coming off as imposing that it accidentally slips through. That doesn’t excuse his actions, though, it only explains them.
    • He especially got like this when he tried to get that you need to be more careful or stop being so trusting of figures like Superman
    • One such example was when you tried playing devil’s advocate for the last Kryptonian, a move you should’ve known was risky as hell considering how much destruction he’d caused, including to Bruce’s associates. But your sense of compassion couldn’t allow you to immediately determine that he was necessarily evil
    • This prompted Bruce, in growing anger, to tell you to wise up before you got yourself killed. Your “lovey dovey” nature didn’t apply to the real world and if there was a chance that Superman would kill anyone, he’d take it and you needed to pick which side you were on
    • You weren’t sure which suggestion you were most hurt about (that you weren’t dedicated to him, that you were being stupid), but cringed at the way he said “lovey dovey.” You couldn’t help but tear up because it felt like you were being kicked for something Bruce had previously praised about you
    • You gave the silent treatment for a week after that and spent the next few nights at your old apartment. If your “lovey dovey” nature was inapplicable, why waste your time?
    • Bruce obviously felt awful about it, but also felt a little too prideful to apologize. But then Alfred threatened to break his neck and forced the two of you to sit down and talk it out
    • Bruce had to apologize to you for a month both in words, items, and actions
    • He then owes you money after you both meet Supes and learn that he’s not a bad guy
    • You guys also get into arguments over how overprotective he can be and how it sometimes clouds his judgement, but those are usually settled a lot easier
  • You honestly didn’t move in to his place too quickly. A lot of people found it odd, considering how common it was for couples to move in together nowadays. Besides, it wasn’t as if you’d ever want for anything by moving in with the richest man in the city
    • But you had your reasons
    • Mainly that you enjoyed where your own apartment was: Near enough to civilization, which had coffee shops and bookstores and markets
      • Seriously, Bruce lives so out of city limits that spending the night at his place can require careful planning (and a constant refusal to watch scary movies)
    • It probably doesn’t even occur to you that you’ve 96% moved into his place until you’ve just taken a shower and casually gone through the dresser to find your favorite blouse. When you find it, it hits you that you’ve pretty much made a home away from home with him
    • But you keep your place because sometimes, Bruce just wants to get away from his place and just envelope himself in yours
  • Alfred makes you a few defense devices, both per Bruce’s request and per your own. The difference is that Bruce’s tend to be more like juiced up brass knuckles and advanced versions of stun guns, things meant to hold attackers at bay so you can escape them and get to safety. Your requests, however, have every intent on keeping them immobilized and begin to resemble Bruce’s own devices with a “(Y/N) charm” to them
    • Bruce tells Alfred to stop taking your requests because he doesn’t want you getting more involved than you already are so long as he can help it
    • Alfred doesn’t listen anyway
  • Speaking of Alfred, he adores you and sees you as the daughter he’d never had. Or, in this case, the daughter-in-law he’s snarked at Bruce to give him for literal decades
    • You two enjoy making snarky remarks both about and at Bruce, based on his actions and thoughts
    • Alfred also makes the two of you snacks while you’re waiting up for Bruce to return. He may not stay up as late as you do, being so used to Bruce’s nighttime antics. But if you fall asleep on the couch, Alfred will put a blanket over you
  • You get to touch the Bat Boobs™
    • Bruce is less than amused when he comes back up from working out and you begin to grope his pecs.
    • He stares blankly ahead, unsure of what to feel, when you jokingly complain about his boobs being bigger than yours
  • If you can’t sleep, there are multiple methods at your disposal
    • If the ASMR videos or white noise machines don’t work, and you don’t want to wake anyone up by sneaking into the kitchen, you may wind up pacing –
    • Which, if he was asleep already, may wake Bruce up because he no longer feels you next to/on top of him
    • Since you couldn’t fall asleep by just being held in the first place, Bruce decides on another method: Working out
    • After you threaten to destroy him for even joking about that nightmare routine, he settles on another method: Taking a drive
    • He sticks to driving around areas he knows are notably safer but still quiet
  • Having a family is a rather…touchy subject.
    • He’s still obviously very effected by the death of his parents, and this has led to an extremely ambitious level of protectiveness. He likes to joke that you’re enough of a handful
    • And considering what happened to his Robin …
    • This isn’t going to stop Alfred from lightly pushing the subject, however, which eventually causes you to occasionally bring it up
    • This is a subject for another time, Bruce insists
      • Though he’d be lying if he claimed that he never once thought about what a combination of you and himself would look like
        • He imagines they’d have his eyes, your hair, his athleticism and hunger for knowledge and your determination, interpersonal skills, and overall glowing personality – basically, the perfect Wayne who would never want for anything because they’ll get far in life with just their personality alone
        • Bruce prays you never ask him what he thinks your child would be like because he’d be too tempted to let this spill
  • For all the curly-haired sisters out there: You know Bruce has your back with all those costly hair products.
    • He’s less than impressed with the prices, not because he has to spend it all, but because it shouldn’t cost $16 for a tiny container of Kinky Curly or $300 for a keratin treatment that’ll help straighten your hair, should you desire so
  • Bruce also don’t play that Pink Tax shit
    • “They’re just razors. They don’t even cut like mine do – and I have facial hair–… I’m just buying you my brand, the only difference is that mine actually works.”
    • “… Why do sanitary products cost this much?” “Because patriarchy.” “It’s not a luxury, though. So what the hell?”
    • Still needs your instructions when he’s on his own getting pads for you – even if he’s shopping for an economy order online. But my god, does he try
  • Speaking of which, during that time of the month, Bruce is highkey lowkey panicky
    • Not because you’re bleeding from an intimate area, but because blood is unpredictable and can be hard to get out of silk sheets
    • Lightly tries to convince you to relocate to the couch, where he’s set up a comfort corner for you: blankets, heating pads, tea, chocolate, salty snacks, tissues, ibuprofen, and movies you enjoy as well as ones that make you tired so you can rest with background noise
    • Of course, you have to lay on a towel. Better safe than sorry
  • Nicking one of Bruce’s older capes and trying to mimic his dark and brooding actions and demeanor
    • He thinks it’s cute that you try to perch on the arms of the sofa or the edge of the bed
    • He thinks it’s less cute when you scare the crap out of him when he walks into the bathroom to find your perched on the bathroom counter just waiting for him
    • He’s torn between finding it cute and un-cute when you try to make your voice gravely and talk like him
      • “I am the night, the terror that stalks you down the alleyways your morality dwells in.” “Babe, I don’t talk like that.” “Yes, I do.” “When did I become a (insert-your-height) cape-swiper who still trips on it when they run down the halls with it?” “… Harsh.”
      • He thinks it’s just plain adorable when you attempt to dive-bomb him with the cape on so he can catch you. He’d never admit it, though, because he plays it off as an annoyance
        • He doesn’t have to admit it, though; you can tell by the look in his eyes
  • Obligatory “easy nights”
    • These aren’t necessarily dates unless you count spending the nights where he isn’t patrolling cuddled up and just enjoying each other’s company dates
    • You don’t even really play music of watch a movie or anything most of the time – it’s literally just you two holding each other and listening to one another’s heartbeats
      • Because the sad thing is, you don’t always know when it’s going to be the last time either of you hears the other’s
    • Of course, nobody wants to spend such an intimate and meaningful moment being broody so when you’re not basking in silence, you’re talking
    • There’s often times no rhyme or reason to your conversations, they could literally be about anything: How your days were, Wayne stocks, that one bitchy coworker of yours whom Bruce offers to spook (if you say no, he says he could just show up at your workplace in his civilian clothes and make them nervous by his mere, handsome presence).
    • Sometimes they’re jokes, other times they’re memories. And other times, they’re just philosophical views on the concept of life and free will, or what love is
      • And, as the night wears on and you get more and more tired, just plain delirious subjects like how Japan has mascots for nearly everything and how you think that, as Gotham’s prince, Bruce should apply the same to the city
        • “Wayne Tower can be a goat mountain-climber – because you’re always climbing to new heights!” “I’m surprised you didn’t say a bat. And soaring to new heights.” “ … Awww, blubber nuggets.” “ ‘Blubber nuggets’?” “Don’t patronize me, Brucifer.”
    • It’s usually at this point that Bruce insists it’s time to officially turn in for the night. You, however, object to this because you want to spend more time talking and cuddling – you already don’t get as much of this as you’d like
      • Ten minutes later (or even mid-sentence), you’re out like a light. Being in Bruce’s arms makes you feel so safe and warm and loved that you can’t help but melt into them and fall into the most assuring sign of trust there is: sleep
      • Chances are, Bruce won’t get up immediately because he doesn’t want to disturb you just yet. And because he likes to take these opportunities to just look at you
        • He shouldn’t have someone like you, he knows that. He’s done too many things that should’ve forbade him from ever landing any kind of long-term romance, especially with someone like you
        • But here you are, physically there and not just as a figment of his imagination, so far in that you’d even fall asleep in his embrace
        • Bruce has never been a truly religious man. But it’s moments like this that he can’t help but thank whichever deity is out there for giving him this one last chance at happiness 
    • The next morning, like clockwork, Alfred comes down to make breakfast and finds Master Bruce asleep on the couch, cradling, as if you were a precious Faberge egg. He decides against making a ruckus and retreats back to his room for a cup of coffee
      • Bruce doesn’t get many opportunities to feel this safe and vulnerable; he needs this more than he’ll ever admit to anyone
I’m afraid that The Joker might be right about me. Sometimes I…question the rationality of my actions. And I’m afraid that when I walk through those asylum gates…when I walk into Arkham and the doors close behind me…it’ll be just like coming home.
—  Batman, Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth

What about you Batman? What do you see?
….Nothing. I don’t see anything.
Not even a cute little long-legged boy in swimming trunks?

Comic: “Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth” - writer Grant Morrison, art by Dave McKean, letterer Gaspar Saladino

| Comic-book Joker posts | List of Joker comics |


Batman’s Infamous Rogues Gallery.

“Sometimes… sometimes I think the Asylum is a head. We’re inside a huge head that dreams us all into being. Perhaps it’s your head, Batman. Arkham is a looking glass… and we are you.”   - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth

moonlight & sunshine - a superbat fanmix [yes that’s the actual title]

@yuniper i would like to give special shout out to you, since i constantly annoy you with this otp of mine…! (i havent ever mentioned here lol) anyway

01. eivør - undo your mind II 02. florence + the machine - hardest of hearts II 03. relient k + sahara II 04bryn christropher - the quest  II 05. marina and the diamonds - fear and loathing II 06. travis - love will come through II 07. susie suh - in the moonlight II 08. the perishers - come out the shade II 09. sizarr - purple fried II 10. metric - help i’m alive II 11. black coast - trndsttr (feat. m maggie) [lucian remix] II 12. matisyahu - sunshine (tune in crew remix) II 13. beyoncé - countdown


“Now, take this guy. Armed robbery, double homicide, has a taste for the theatrical, like you. Leaves a calling card.”

Lost Stars

“Enjoyable night, Master Bruce?”

The billionaire broke his gaze, brokering contact with the butler in the rear view mirror. “Productive, old friend,” he responded. “Productive.”

His throat felt sluggish over the response. He did not know why. 

“I see,” Alfred said after a moment. They returned to silence. 

Bruce’s gaze slid to the occupant at the far side of the vehicle. Damian’s head was leaning against the window, legs spread across the seat, small leather shoe slipping off a socked foot. The ten year old’s snub nose was pressed against his arm, which wrapped around his neck like a hug. 

Bruce wondered, briefly, how his mother had held him when Damian was a child.

(He wondered, briefly, how he would have held Damian as a child).

Of course, Damian still was a child. It was…disappointing how often Bruce could forget that. 

Green eyes glittered in the ballroom light.

“You should go home soon.”

“Why is that?”

Smooth fingers trailed up a dressed arm.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you have a ten year old with you and it’s past midnight?”

A halted movement.

“…He stays up later than this.”

“He’s tired.”

A quick glance.

“How can you tell?”

“I can always tell.”

A sip out of a martini glass.

“So you know everything now, do you?”

“Of course not. I know half of everything. Alfred knows the other half.“ 

Ruby lips brushed his.


Bruce sighed, rearranging his black leather gloves in his lap. True to Selina’s prediction, Damian had passed out like a light before they had even left the driveway. He rubbed his fingers against the leather. They reminded him of lessons, of duty, of grief spent under night skies. Bruce sighed again. He needed to pay more attention. 

The yellow streetlights weaved in and out of the windows, shedding their glow on the boy. The craning city seemed to curve in, intent on protecting a young soul. Dark locks displayed against Damian’s forehead, tangled against the young brow. 

Bruce crossed his legs, observing his son. The child almost looked…peaceful. Damian’s cheek, no longer taut and drawn in the everlasting battle of his circumstances (his father’s war, his mother’s war, should have protected him, should have been there–), was pillowed and smushed. The man let a small smile tinge his lips. 

Still a child.

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