In the events of the last few days, Kitty had done nothing but stay locked away in her room. She’d spoken briefly to Laura the night of Steve’s disappearance and she made sure to regularly check how Tony was doing via the CCTV but asides that, she’d had no real human contact. She was giving people their space to deal with it but really, she was the one who had needed the space. She’d watched Doom grab the Captain. She could have phased through the explosion, run back up on the air to go help Steve but she’d been too absorbed in shock and grief to move. She’d frozen. It had been many, many years since she’d last frozen like that on a mission but the Secret Avengers was much grittier, more brutal than the X-Men had ever been. Part of her missed being an X-Man but at the same time, she was now responsible for the Secret Avengers. It had been Steve’s last order, his last personal request to her.
If anything happens, you’re Captain. The words had played over in her mind every second of every day. She’d never led a team, she’d always followed. Followed Scott, followed Logan, followed Charles. Charles. She knew he was around the Academy but she hadn’t seen much of him, if any of him in fact. She’d always been a bit of a brat as a child towards him but now that she’d matured and now she’d endured a situation she couldn’t handle or comprehend, she realised just how much he had always done for her and for the rest of the X-Men. When they’d needed someone to help them, he’d been there. When they’d needed a reason to stick together, he’d given them a cause. On occasion, he’d even given them all a mutual person to hate in the form of himself. He put himself on the line time and time again without Kitty even realising but now she did and now she realised how much the Professor meant.
She’d always respected him – despite her bad attitude towards him – and she knew he was an icon, a saviour to the mutant population. At least to some of it, perhaps not all of it but he was to her. He was someone to look up to, a leader worth following and she knew it was selfish but now, she needed his guidance more than ever. She hated wasting people’s time over advise but she was at a loss which was hard considering she was a genius and she often reminded Bobby of that. Phasing out of her room, still in her pyjamas, she made her way downstairs and slowly along the corridor to his office with what felt like the weight of the world on her shoulders and blood shot eyes from a mixture of lack of sleep and crying.
With a deep breath, she lifted her hand and knocked on the door three times like she always did. Although, now she’d knocked, she had no idea what she was going to say.