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IWAOI AS PARENTS

If you haven’t realised, I’m obsessed over Iwaoi and in particular, Iwaizumi Hajime. It’s no wonder I procrastinate about them in my math class and in the process came up with way too many headcanons. So this post in particular is about Iwaoi as parents and a married couple on a whole. Be prepared for just the two of them being the best and possibly most embarrassing dads, this may be long but I really had to share it with you other Iwaoi hoes.


OKAY BUT JUST IMAGINE.

  • Iwa will probably be the type of dad that will be so fucking afraid of hurting his baby and will say most likely stuff like “But i don’t want to hurt him/her.” Because you know MOTHERFUCKING MUSCLES. But of course, in reality he is too horribly gentle for someone who has a rather aggressive way of expressing his concern.
  • He will just be in constant awe, always marveling at the baby because he made that little fucker and in his heart he is just screaming “I made this beautiful thing, he’s/she’s a little version of me. I’ll protect him/her with my life.” He’ll wake up every five minutes to check on the kid at night, and when the kid even when the kid gets older and starts having nightmares he’ll let them sleep together with him no matter what the age. [Either that he goes into their room to “protect” them from the monsters and chase it away.]
  • He definitely is the one who takes time away from work to take care of the children if they are ever sick because he is just the BEST FUCKING DAD. He’ll make them some weird stew he learned online and probably pamper them with their favourite movies, shows.
  • Also when he tries to be firm or the least bit strict, he can never scold the kid because he’s probably afraid the kid will cry. In some cases where he does make his kid/kids cry, he’ll definitely apologise.
  • Iwa is the one who cooks for the kids, no one can convince me otherwise. He’ll make pancakes, scrambled eggs, weirdly coloured but extremely good cupcakes and even milkshakes of sorts. Though he used to be athlete himself, he is a huge softie and will treat his children to ice-cream if they do well in a test etc. He says stuff like “That’s my baby girl.” Or “That’s my boy.”. Never forgetting to give them presents as well. [I swear Iwaizumi is the type to give in to the child when they want something because FUCK ME UP THIS MAN IS A ANGEL AND A BLESSING and will 11/10 be the greatest dad.]
  • Do not tell me Iwa doesn’t tie his daughter’s hair or tells his son that it’s okay to cry. He’s never believed in gender roles so teaches the kids it’s okay for a them to like stuff that others deem only acceptable in one specific gender. His daughter ends up liking volleyball and aliens like Oikawa, and their son probably likes bug-catching and makeup.
  • ALSO, he showers them with raspberries to their tummies, does all sort of weird crafts with them to surprise Papa Oikawa when he comes home. MOST IMPORTANTLY, mini headcanon that their kids makes him flower crowns and he wears them and plays dress up with them and just roleplays with them and just fucking becomes the best dad. And when he puts the kid to bed even though he might be tired as fuck from work or just taking care of them, he will still read them bed time stories and give them goodnight kisses and help them check the closet for monsters.
  • If he and Oikawa ever get in a fight, he somehow always apologises to them. And when they ask if he is okay, he tells them yes but the children are mature enough to know he’s not. He would sleep out on the couch or in one of their rooms. Thankfully, their fights don’t last very long and they would know their parents have made up if they find weird pink stuff on Papa Iwa’s neck or if they start kissing again. [They find out later from their good ol’ uncles Makki and Mattsun that those were called hickies.]
  • They have makeup sex. [Don’t fight me on this, I will fight you instead. I know this was supposed to be fluff and family friendly. But two things, this is Iwaoi we’re talking about here, and really? What more do you expect from a girl who procrastinates  about her OTP dying or fucking 24/7.]
  • Oikawa on the other hand is a little more strict. I don’t why, but maybe it’s to contrast with his husband’s big softie side.
  •  He buys their clothes. Don’t even question this. From snazzy bejewelled jumpers with sequins to the most ludicrous of fashion choices, you name it. Oddly, his kids like it, but maybe not so much when they get older. Iwaizumi on the other hand is just like, “Do you want our kid to get bullied.” Or, “If they grow up with your horrible fashion choices I’m divorcing you.” [ He doesn’t mean it of course.
  • Oikawa is the subject of the kids, and his husband’s pranks. Once, [Maybe not.] they definitely replaced his shampoo with dish-soap, poured flour into his hairdryer, drew dicks on his face when he was asleep, and maybe added salt instead of sugar to his coffee. Iwa is sure to record all this somehow and send them to Makki and Mattsun who also has kids of their own. He gets back at Iwa for all of that in bed ;)
  • Iwa dries the kids off after Dada Oikawa gives them a bubble bath, after that, he helps them pick out their sleeping clothes.
  • Oikawa organises all the family vacations, holidays, outings. He makes sure to bring them to places he knows they would have most fun at.
  • He is the embarrassing dad, what do you expect. Don’t tell me this tall little shit didn’t crash his kid’s birthday party with a photo album of all their awkward or embarrassing moments. Also, he says no liquor but when one of them asked, “What’s the best way to look good?” And though they expected some sort of weird beauty regimen, he deadpanned and said, “Chug down alcohol like you life depends on it so you get so drunk you forgot you look bad.” Iwaizumi headbutted him after that and told them clearly not to listen to his advice at all.
  • Both Iwa and Oikawa call their kids cute and sweet stuff like, “Baby girl”, “Little princess”, “Honey”, “Buddy”, “Bud” or really weird and funny ones like “Nugget”, “Badger”, “Toddler-who-ate-my-milkbread”, “Proof of Aliens’ existence”. And maybe once, Oikawa may have accidentally called their kid little motherfucker when Iwa wasn’t at home [In an endearing way.] and the kid just kept repeating it until Papa Iwa does come home and dropkicks the brunette’s ass.
  • Oikawa has a rule of no coming into his and Iwa’s room after 8 unless it’s urgent because he has a lot of pent up energy and needs to burn it somehow. [*cough*]
  • So even though Iwa can be mentally drained after work, he will wait for Oikawa to come home. [Or the other way around] And when they do, the respective other will thank them in their own way. Iwa is a cuddle person while Oikawa tries to get some GOOD-ASS fucking. Iwa always makes a measly attempt to stop him and says it will disturb their kids but they always end up fucking anyway so this is why they have to be extremely quiet and nothing, I mean nothing, turns Oikawa more on than Iwaizumi struggling to keep in his moans, and because he can’t fucking keep in his moans he very seductively bites onto his shirt while Oikawa fucks him good. Too fucking good.
  • One night they were a little loud and one of their kids heard and were like, “Papa, were you and Dada playing wrestling last night?” And while Oikawa is trying his best to convince them it’s the aliens whom have decided to visited but instead got into a fight, Iwaizumi is just like “fuck” and turns too fucking red their kids think he’s sick.
  • Also they did bareback once and as expected, Iwa had to go to the washroom too many times. This left their kids very confused and they started concluding that he was pregnant with another sibling. [They did not understand the difference between mothers and fathers yet.]
  • The kids sleep in their room on Fridays and they lay there on their really big bed and watch movies, have tickle fights, eat popcorn, tell them stories, roleplay [Not in a kinky way I swear.] Or even normal and fluffy family cuddling. The two kids sleep in the middle and the two dads each on one end, they usually take out extra blankets because Oikawa always hogs the blanket.
  • Iwa always wakes up the first to make breakfast for them, with not only exceptionally good execution, but lots of love as well :D
Dear fashion designers, if you put a design or animal on a woman's top, please stop putting them directly over the boobs. Nobody needs a sequined flamingo on each breast to draw attention to that area. If you really want a sequined flamingo on a jumper one is enough, and preferably not placed directly over the TIDDY!!

This has been a PSA, thank you for listening

hate to see your heart break

A/N: back again like an unshakable disease

i.                  Like most best friends, you and Dan have all the cliché embarrassing stories.

Dan throwing his entire plate of food over your head when you were toddlers.

You accidentally knocking Dan off his feet when you were learning to ride a bike as a six year old.

Dan sticking up for you against the neighbourhood bully at twelve.

Drinking cheap alcohol in the park together for the first time as teenagers.

You getting your first boyfriend at sixteen and Dan not knowing how to deal with it.

Dan realising as an adult that he’s actually head over heels for you but too scared to do anything about it.

Yeah.

Story of his damn life.

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