sensing your breath on my skin

I never do anything halfway. No matter the activity, I feel the need to put my entire heart and soul into it.

Of course it makes sense that this would apply to how I love you. Because there’s honestly no feasible way to half do that. How could I only be partially infatuated with your breath-taking grin, or your gorgeous hazel eyes? It’s not possible for me to incompletely adore your sense of humor and the freckles that decorate your skin like constellations. I can’t just partially acknowledge that you look at me like I’m different in a good way, or how damn kissable your lips appear. To not love you in full is a foreign concept to me, and I can assure you it’s not one I’ll ever try out. You deserve the world sweetheart, and I intend to give you every bit of love I can.

There eventually came a time where I’d look at a picture of you and everything around me seemed to stop. I’d close it quickly because I was afraid of what I felt. I was afraid of the increase in heart rate. The overwhelming butterflies pounding at every wall of my insides. The goofy smile that grew on my face. You see, the same thing happens when I look at you sitting next to me. But I can’t close you, I can’t escape you, and I don’t want to. I want you. In every sense of the phrase. I want you at 2 in the morning when I can’t sleep. Or at 11 in the morning standing in the kitchen in my underwear. Or 3 in the afternoon walking down the street and holding your hand. I want you and every inch of your skin, laboured breathing, sweaty palms, “candy lips and bubble gum tongue”. I want you, and I don’t ever want to not have you. That scares me. Forming a dependence and vulnerability for someone absolutely terrifies me. And it’s such a struggle for me to admit that I actually feel this way about you. But I do, it’s true, and I no longer have the energy to deny it.
—  fna
I never knew love had a taste till I kissed your lips.
I never knew love had a sound till you said my name.
I never knew love could touch till your hands met my skin.
I never knew love had sight till I looked in your eyes.
I never knew love had a scent till I breathed your air.
—  L.S. 5 senses of love
I miss you, it’s been awhile since I’ve heard your voice now. I’m craving your touch, not in the sexual way just the stroke of your hand on my back and the soft touch of your lips on my shoulder when I first wake up, the little things I took for granted, that’s what I really miss. When I thought of our future I never thought there would be an ending, I really did think we were forever. I miss the smell of your skin that I would breathe in with my face buried deep in your chest, I miss the whispered words and our endless conversations. I miss the sense of security I felt when I was with you, I always knew I was safe in your arms. The look in your eyes that I got lost in years ago when they first met mine. I was naive wasn’t I? I really thought you meant that you would stay, although I do believe you loved me, maybe you still do. I’ve never laughed the way I did when I was with you and I feel every smile and laugh I’ve shared since you’ve been gone was all fake, you were always the reason for my happiness and maybe I will find it again but I don’t know if I want to. I need you to hold me again, I want to sit on your lap and hold you tight and hear the words you used to say, I want to feel your kiss again, I want to breathe in your cologne scent again. When your with another girl and she interlocks her fingers with yours I hope you miss my touch. I hope I’m haunting you just as much as you are me. You are always going to be my favourite ending, the chapter of my life I will always turn back to even though I know the ending, maybe our story will turn out like a fairytale and have a happily ever after. Maybe.. Just maybe at least for now I’m going to hold on to that last bit of hope.
—  B.L letters I never sent

Fuck the butterflies and the fluttering of the heart
Love is meant to be a comfort
It is meant to envelop you, to fall is to force it
It’s meant to be a blanket against the shaking hands
Intertwining levels of trust and companionship
Like golden threads binding you together
Grounding you against each other as you float through your cocoon

Being enveloped by you is like a gentle rain against the windows of my house
It’s a worn comforter I can burrow into to protect against the chill
Talking to you raises butterflies but not in my stomach
Not in my mouth
But in the air all around me
Tickling my skin and fluttering against my eyelashes
My breath comes in whispers because I am in awe of you
Your presence itself overwhelms me

Darling
My darling
I could be in another solar system and feel your hand over mine
Universes could separate us and I would still sense the warmth of your embrace
Dearest one it doesn’t matter where you are because I still love you the same
Whether we are dimensions near or mere centimeters apart

You are more than enough, my love
You are my blanket and my bed and the comforting presence that surrounds me and my dreams
You are the butterflies and the wind in my stomach stoking the fire in my chest
You are the thread to my needle and I couldn’t wish to be sewn to anyone else

—  You are more than enough

and here it is, a poem for all the times
poetry wasn’t enough.
here it is, a poem for all the days
before you came into my life.
here it is, a poem for every breath
i took before i met you
(every breath i took until you,
until the trajectory of my life
finally made sense).

do you remember that night we
sat by the beach and held hands,
the darkness a blanket, your legs
a world of warmth? the shooting star
a promise from the universe –
 yes, here, after all the falling
and failing and fighting here she is,
here’s the one –

i should have kissed you then.
it’s okay, though. we kissed a few days
later and i can still taste you in my mouth,
still feel the warmth of your fingers 
pressing into the bare skin at my waist.
goddamn, baby. and here i thought you
didn’t exist. here i thought that love was
a myth and you were a legend. you say
babe and i’m falling apart under your hands,
and for once this doesn’t hurt.

i say kiss me and your lips are against
my lips and my hands and my arms and 
my cheeks and my forehead and for the
first time i understand the love poems. 
for the first time, the universe makes sense.
for the first time, even forever doesn’t 
seem like long enough.

baby // darshana suresh

7:02 pm

And suddenly, every single poem written about that spark that ignites all common sense on fire upon a kiss, makes sense.
It took my breath away to finally be the writer with you as their muse, with a moment knocking all air out of my lungs.
They have written chapters about how much someone’s touch can make you melt and your skin crawl with their delicious warmth, but you see my love, no amount of books or poems can ever begin to hold the storm of feelings that raged within me upon our embrace.
And am stuck here, trying to find the right words to paint the colours you so effortlessly dipped me in. For this is no writer’s block, this is me ditching my weapons of letters, surrendering towards your powerful tidal pull, floating in your oceans of passion.
I have always loved the moon, and today, I kissed it and loved you.

“I remember you,
When you were still light
A breath forged from deep within the Universe;
When your shining grace still rested among the stars
And you were etched upon the heavens.

Silently you waited
In the pause between breaths,
Long before this human life began
Before you joined this Earthly realm;
Did you feel me there in the ether,
Where your essence flowed alongside mine in eternity?

Still I feel you tinting my blood somehow
Scattered like stardust in my being
Written on my skin and flooding my every sense.
The ever present mark upon my heart;
The true north that guides my compass home.

You are the sunlight
That illuminates my vision,
And when you set you dance in the twilight
With the moon of my soul.

You are the rising thunder
I can hear in the distance,
Feeling the drumbeat within
Long before I can see you.

Oh, this timeless waltz of ours;
Eons interwoven between our clasped fingers.
Seasons moving like the seas
Endless and eternal like the skies.

How could something so ancient
Be so new in each waking breath?

How could something so familiar
Be so unknown?

How can it be that when lips meet souls become one,
Yet we have been one long before that moment ever arrives?

This spirit deep allowing
Is an opening into the depths of space itself
Trusting in the unfolding
Of the hands of the ages;
A wild merging of the uncertain
With what has always been.

Oh, how these two ships of ours
Flow surely on the same sea;
Feeling on the waters of time
The uncharted way to one another’s shore.

There is a whisper that calls in the wind
Echoing in the ever shifting sands;
A familiar voice sings through my veins
One that I have known since time immemorial:

No matter the distance to travel,
No matter the trials that have been,
No matter the path of this voyage,
No matter the space in between,
I remember you still.”

~Ara

'I love you'

it’s funny how the feeling surpass every neuron, every distant thrum of your heart against mine reverberating
through my skin and bones

a small rush of light
goosebumps raised
and suddenly!
the sensation is carried into my senses

I hear the soft words fall from your lips
I hear the breath
and the pause
the sigh
and the hum

I see the blush surfacing beneath your cheeks
how your lip quirks
where the corners of your mouth crinkle
the teeth worrying the skin

and I’m there
in that moment of dulled clarity
where I’m spun in a daze of you
weaved under the spell of your bones and your skin and your hands
and I can finally hear your gentle hymn

baby
baby

baby by darshana suresh

and here it is, a poem for all the times
poetry wasn’t enough.
here it is, a poem for all the days
before you came into my life.
here it is, a poem for every breath
i took before i met you
(every breath i took until you,
until the trajectory of my life
finally made sense).

do you remember that night we
sat by the beach and held hands,
the darkness a blanket, your legs
a world of warmth? the shooting star
a promise from the universe –
yes, here, after all the falling
and failing and fighting here she is,
here’s the one –

i should have kissed you then.
it’s okay, though. we kissed a few days
later and i can still taste you in my mouth,
still feel the warmth of your fingers
pressing into the bare skin at my waist.
goddamn, baby. and here i thought you
didn’t exist. here i thought that love was
a myth and you were a legend. you say
babe and i’m falling apart under your hands,
and for once this doesn’t hurt.

i say kiss me and your lips are against
my lips and my hands and my arms and
my cheeks and my forehead and for the
first time i understand the love poems.
for the first time, the universe makes sense.
for the first time, even forever doesn’t
seem like long enough.

poem #80 (March 21, 2017)

They say our sense of smell has the innate power to trigger strong memories and emotions. I’ve experienced this a plethora of times as we all must have.

As I was removing my shirt and getting ready for bed, your scent appeared out of the ether and I was taken aback.

Stunned.

Intoxicated.

I remembered you vividly.

The texture of your skin. 

The temperature of your breath.

The timbre of your voice.

It all came rushing back until I furiously threw down the shirt that mysteriously held your scent and attempted to shake myself out of your stranglehold. 

What a strange power the past has over us. 

What a strange power you still have over me. 

You still linger in my subconscious,

And my senses still call you back to the present. 

how deep how deep how deep do you goi will put my hands down your neck and feel aroundhow much is there for long fingernails to explore?i roll the skin inside your stomach between my thumb and index fingersmall ridges, small scars. i close my eyes to get a better sense of texture and minute differences
between each square inch. All this information is overwhelming,
but i keep touching, touchingfeeling around for something special to study.deeper, deeper.
how deep do you go? There are infinities
between every point
But i need breathing roomi feel the floor of you, run the palms of my hands on it,
leave the faintest imprint of my lifelines.
the sweet vapors of your lungs
fill mine as i continue
I find your heart with my teeth and gently probe it with my tongue. god, you taste good. i end up
swallowing it whole
and meanwhile,
i feel
you poking around,
in the dark.
my heart is sweet and filling  
and filled with
viscous juices.
swallow it nowbefore you
lose yourself in my
perfidious chasms.




Simon

In clusters of snowbanks and icy caves you reside.
Eyes worn, skin thin with age, forlorn with the sad sense of loss
Of losing something you can’t remember.
A living, breathing abominable beast
a heart too frozen to be thawed out
feet too tired to carry on.
Through wreckage and through the end you trekked.
A tiny hand laid in yours, you dare not bite her with frost.
You dare not hurt her again.

A ruin amongst priceless treasures
placed upon your head
a crown fit for a mad man, made you king of no one and nothing.
In a castle of ice, the prisoner governs.
Sparkling sheets of powder, coat the mountains that loom over your muddled mind.
You claim yourself a king. You claim yourself a wretch. She claims you savior.
Yet you look upon her youthful face, now matured and hardened with her own tribulations
her veil of silken black hair whips wildly in the tempest
she thanks you graciously
but within your mind screams a thousand demons
and the secrets of the ice and snow are whispered endlessly
and you cannot remember.

Nothing

When you’re not on your back, or bent over, with a thick cock rammed deep inside you, then I struggle to see the point of you.

When you’re not being fucked, hurt, torn, broken or bruised, then you’re just taking up space, space that can be filled by fully-functioning, independent women, who have interesting things to add, to contribute.

You can only ever contribute by offering up your ass, cunt or throat.

When cocks are stuffed inside you, you have a purpose. When your body is being hurt, your breasts twisted, and your breathing compromised by a cock in your throat, then your existence is meaningful.

Every time I choose to hurt your body, I am making your life have some sense of worth, stopping you from being an invisible, pointless, useless piece of nothingness.

So thank me when my hands are hurting you, when I’m trying to ram my fist into your pussy, when my fingers are bruising your skin. These are your very best moments.

You might not realise it at the time, when you’re desperately trying to push me away, and the tears are flowing. But I’m using you, in any way that pleases me, with no limits.

For my complete enjoyment.

This really should make you feel overwhelming gratitude towards me. There are plenty of other women out there who would want to be where you are now. You’re so fucking lucky, I tell you, as my fist ploughs its way into your cunt, deeper and deeper and deeper, making you squirm and fight.

Dear toxic lover

So what, you’ve been calling me for months without response. You’ve left countless voice messages and miss the sound of my voice. Am I supposed to be ashamed for keeping my distance ? Am I supposed to come to the very same senses you tried stripping away from me and call you back?

So what, you want me to tattoo your name on my skin some more? Aren’t the ones that have come to blacken enough ? Time has taught me to love myself with them although they’re reminders of you. I kiss each one before I go to sleep with a breath of ‘never ever again’

So what, you still want me to lose a few kilograms ? You always had a disgusting distaste for how my body was made of folds. You used to knock on my door every five minutes to make sure I was still tucked away in bed and unfed. You choked  me whenever anything moved down my throat and this time, I’ve chosen to spit you out.

So what, you heard ive been having joyous conversations with my friends and your ego is bruised ? You loved to whisper into my ear as I slept that they would never love me the way you did. They would never stay as long as you would. They would stop loving me as soon as they found out  i was with you. Your words always replayed in my mind in their presence and i found it hard to smile. Now i sleep with my ears clogged and explain to them why we came to be.

So guess what, I’m working on leaving you completely in my past. You’ve been unhealthy for my heart and I’ve come to appreciate the way it beats. I’m unlearning all the songs you taught me about death and unworthiness. I bite into my pizza topless while staring at myself in the mirror saying 'calories, my body. My body,calories’ . I laugh uncontrollably with my head thrown back and a tear in the corner of my eye. Ive found love outside of you and what a love worth waiting for.

—  royal indi
Mental illness is worth acknowledging.

Long distance relationship is fucking hard.
Not in a sense of you’re scared if they’re going to cheat on you, because you know they wont and sometimes you just wanna be in front of them, kiss them so they would feel appreciated.
Not in a sense of you think you can’t make them happy without close proximity, because you know you can but sometimes you just want to see the dimples on their left cheek when they smile and laugh at your stupid joke.
Not in a sense of you think you can’t comfort them when they need you because you know you can, but it just hurts because voice and sweet words are all you can offer, the minute that you hear their sniffs get louder you just want to hold on tight and not let go forever.

Internet is my best friend. it allows me to hear and see you through screen. i just wish i can feel the smoothness of your skin, hear the tone of your heartbeat, taste the breath that escapes your lips, smell your scent from your neck, and see everything that you don’t like about your body.
Because to me, everything about you is fucking beautiful. you are beautiful.
i’m stuck here on the other line listening to you sleep and every time you move i’d kiss the mic so you know i’m still here with you.

even though i’m not.

netflix and chill, a love song

We love what we can’t touch.
We need what we can’t have.

You curl up on my couch
with your head against my chest,
nose nuzzled into my collarbone
in a way that is both comfortable,
and not.

You have braids now.
I brush them back from your forehead
and kiss it.
The movie ended ten minutes ago
but neither of us make the first move;
after I touch you,
you’ll fall asleep,
and I don’t want the night to end.

We are
just
friends

in the thinnest, most scraping sense of friendship.
We bypassed hellos
and tumbled straight into bed,
certain that neither would be here in the morning.

Four months later,
I’m still waiting for the ‘friendship’ part
to set in.

We don’t do relationships
because monogamy is so passé
butI’mnottextinganybodyelse
and we’re too young for commitment
butwecouldwakeuptogether
and what’s the point, if I’m graduating
maybeIcouldstay
maybe I could—

You stir,
slipping an arm around my waist
as you breathe gently into my skin.
There’s no point, you say.
There’s just no point.
And I agree.

So I cup your cheek in my hand
and lean in.

You slipped in
Through my nostrils, I inhale you
Heavy, intoxicating, yet musty
It was accidental, I was just
Passing by and I could not avoid you
You came with me everywhere
Stained on my clothes
And on my skin
Imprinted my mind and sense of smell
You clouded my thoughts and turn them
Into crashing waves full of
Ecstatic explosions
Flowing down throughout my veins
More potent than dopamine
I knew it made me feel every movement
Every natural action in my body
Every fiber of my being
Down to the core
Craves for your sweet, alluring aroma
Knowing that in a few doses
I will stop breathing altogether
—  “Deadly Addiction” by A.G

The day I met you at the river’s bend,
You took my hand and I gave you my soul.
We walked together until the day’s end.
We kissed and I lost all sense of control.

The night we lingered beneath the stars,
You took my kisses and I called you boyfriend.
I would have gone with you, even to Mars.
Anything to keep that night from its end.

The morning I woke with your breath on my skin,
You took my love and I gave you forever.
Although I still struggle, have battles within.
You must know you save me, each time we’re together.